Demonchild
by Gomorrha
Summary: Draco Malfoy thinks his life to be over when he is forced to conceive Lord Voldemort´s child. Will he find somebody whom he can trust with his secret and maybe even his heart? 6th year. HarryDraco rape,slash,mpreg.
1. Siring

_Of course I don´t own HP! I am just borrowing the characters to play with them in the dark! But you already knew that._

**This chapter was remodeled due to the threatening removal of the story as the admins were not happy with my stories, thinking them too explicit and adult for M-rating. I tried my best to re-write the offending parts, still hopefully meeting the readers´ taste and need, but matching the guidelines for M-rating also!**

**Demonchild**

_Draco Malfoy thinks his life to be over when he is forced to conceive Lord Voldemort´s child. Will he find somebody whom he can trust with his secret and maybe even his heart? 6th year. Harry/Draco (Warnings: rape, slash, m-preg)_

**Chapter 1**

**S i r i n g**

Draco was busy packing his trunk for Hogwarts when he heard a commotion outside his room. Surely Bitsy had crashed something again. The train would be leaving in about two hours time from Kings Cross Station and he was really not having time for such now. He was already late as it was.

Since his father had been put in Azkaban his mother was left with almost no money to run the house. The only house-elf she could affort at this time would be busy preparing breakfast, his mother giving her strict order that Bitsy was forbidden to help him packing his trunk. That was what his father´s imprisonment meant for him; he had to do house-elf work. Draco froze when he heard his mother´s voice in front of his door.

"Please, my Lord, I beg you! Not my son! Anything you want, but not this, please!" It was not like his mother to be bubbling hysterically, not the noble Lady Malfoy, always aware of the Malfoy standards to uphold, always in control, beautiful and cold like a statue.

Draco felt a knot forming in his stomach, a feeling of foreboding settling in his soul, chilling him from the inside. Whom would his mother be begging like this and why for Merlin´s sake? His question was answered when the door to his room flew open and several figures dressed in dark flowing robes entered his room; Death Eaters. Narcissa Malfoy tore herself out of the grip of one man holding her arm to prevent her from intervening and ran to a very tall figure throwing herself to the ground in front of him. She was holding onto the robes of this man as if her life depended on it.

"Please, my Lord, I´ll take his place, just spare my son. It would be my honour, but he´s just a child, he´s only sixteen." A sob interrupted his mother´s begging. She was now frantically kissing the hem of the Dark Lord´s robes who was staring at the beautiful woman at his feet as if she was a small insect, her only purpose in life to be crushed by his foot.

"You know why I have to do this, Narcissa. Lucius disappointed me, disappointed me deeply. I expected more from the Malfoy line. Draco is a very beautiful child, his punishment will give me much pleasure." Lord Voldemort looked straight into Draco´s eyes, the smile the lipless mouth of the Dark Lord tried to form making him want to hurl. Merlin, their Lord was here to punish him for his father´s malperformed duties? Draco felt his blood freezing in his veins while his heart pumped madly. He was going to die by the hand of a monster.

Draco had never seen his father´s master before in his life. The creature was ugly and definitely not human. Lord Voldemort was very tall and powerfully built. His eyes were narrow slits between which a dismal glittering red could be seen. Draco was sure that the creatures eyes would be shining in the darkness like a demon´s eyes. He could not suppress a shudder running over his body. The skin was of a light grey hue, his hair a shining black. Something was terribly wrong with the skin. It looked as if the skin was translucent, underlaid with snake scales. The nose was rather flat and there were no visible lips, just a straight orifice where humans had their mouth.

The thought of defending himself with his wand did not even enter Draco´s mind. It would have been useless anyway. His wand was lying out of his reach on his desk underneath the big window overlooking the Malfoy gardens. Not to talk about the non existent chance of him defeating five Death Eaters and the Dark Lord himself to get out of this.

"Mom?" Draco could not take his eyes off Lord Voldemort as his voice came out in the tiny whisper of a frightened child facing the monster who finally decided to crawl out of the wardrobe where it had been lurking ever since. And this was a monster indeed! Fear had frozen his soul.

"Avery! Take her out and stay with her until I am finished with the boy!" Voldemort ordered in his hissing voice.

His mother gave a yelp as she was pulled to her feet and tried a last time to beg her Lord not to punish their family like this as Nott shoved her out of the room and shut the door behind them.

Narcissa Malfoy´s screaming and crying grew fainter and fainter as the deatheaters stood unmoving, staring at the youngest Malfoy with malicious and dirty smiles gracing their faces. Even though they wore their white masks Draco knew from the lower parts of their faces left uncovered who was there to witness his punishment. Crabbe´s, Goyles´ and Nott´s fathers were present as well as his own uncle, Rodolphus Lestrange. Each of these men had known him since he had been born, but it did not seem to make any difference to them when it came to killing him as it seemed.

"Put the boy on the bed!" Draco could not even proceed what was happening as strong hands gripped his arms and pushed him down onto his bed. Each Death Eater was holding onto one of Draco´s limbs as Lord Voldemort stepped closer to the head of the bed holding a small phial containing a violently green potion.

Draco´s breaths came in short gasps as the intimitating figure of the Dark Lord grabbed his jaw in one hand to dip the green liquid into his mouth. The liquid burned like ice in his mouth and he tried to spit it out, needed to get it out of him again, only to be stopped by a hand covering his mouth and nose. He tried to hold the liquid in his mouth instead of swallowing it but as his body started screaming for air his throat betrayed him and Draco felt the potion burning its way down into his stomach.

Draco stopped struggling as the deed was done. The poison was inside his body, no chance for salvation left. Lord Voldemort removed his cold hand from Draco´s face and stared down on him with a strange fire burning in his red eyes.

'This is it.' Draco thought as he felt heat rapidly building in his intestines. 'I´m going to die now. Dying. Merlin. I´m just sixteen. Why me. Please. I don´t want to die.' The frantic rumbling in his mind stopped immediately when the heat exploded into an unbearable burning which rivaled the Cruciatus Curse itself and he heard himself screaming before Draco knew he was going to scream.

He was writhing on the bed, held down by eight strong hands, tears leaked out of his eyes, fire seemed to liquidify his intestines, the pain was unbearable.

'Oh gods, please, please, make it stop, let me die now, can´t, can´t take this, please!' Draco screamed inside his mind whereas all the deatheaters could hear was a raw and primal screaming not much unlike coming from a dying animal. Suddenly the pain ebbed away to be replaced by a muted echo of the former heat.

"Is the process completed?" a male voice found its way through the haze in his mind, his senses dulled by the pain.

It took Draco to hear these words to realise that he was still breathing, gulping in air, gasping. His body was covered in a thick layer of sweat, shaking. Draco opened his eyes to see that he was still on his bed, still held down by the four deatheaters whereas the Dark Lord himself was prodding his belly as if he was in a medical examination, making him whimper in pain. Draco was confused.

"Did the poison not work?" he asked faintly. "Why am I still alive?"

The deatheaters looked at him, some confused, of course Crabbe and Goyle senior, some smirking.

"It was no poison, Draco, it was a potion to reform your internal organs to enable you to bear children." answered Lord Voldemort with a satisfied grin. Draco frowned; fear, confusion and shock battling in his mind.

"Why?" His whisper just a faint whisp of air as the situation weighed him down, constricting his breath. The next second he understood and his eyes opened wide in disbelief.

"I take it you understood your role in the punishment of the Malfoy family, Draco. I will not kill you. I will breed you." confirmed Voldemort.

"Undress him!" Draco wanted to struggle, wanted it so badly, but the potion seemed to have left him weak, too weak to stop them. He could only gasp in fear, unable to fight, as the deatheaters cruelly tore the clothes off his body and went back into position to hold him down. When Voldemort slipped off his robe to reveal a large, ugly piece of straining manhood Draco finally snapped.

"Please, you cannot do this. Don´t. Merlin. You can´t." Draco begged, his voice scratchy and broken from his agonizing screams, as he stared at Lord Voldemort´s groin. Panic was drowning him like a tidal wave, tearing at his mind like a rabid beast. "No, please, don´t do this, please."

Tears started to flow down his face as he struggled against the unforgiving hold on his limbs. Forgotten were all of his father´s lessons about 'Malfoys don´t cry!' or 'Malfoys don´t beg!' Draco´s only reward for his struggles was a quiet laughter coming from the demon´s unholy mouth.

"Please, let me go!" Draco´s pleas were like a whisper, the feeling of suffocating overwhelming. His heart was beating like a jackhammer in his chest while his lungs seemed to have forgotten how to function.

"Beautiful." said Lord Voldemort as he climbed on top of the bed, on top of Draco. "Are you still untouched, Draco?" asked Voldemort almost caring. Draco turned his face to the side so nobody could see him flushing. In vain. "Beautiful!" repeated the snake-like monster, a predatory look in his eyes.

"His legs." ordered the Dark Lord and Crabbe and Goyle brought his legs up and back leaving Draco open and vulnerable. He tensed and squeezed his eyes shut as he felt something warm and soft nudging at his entrance. It was embarassing like nothing Draco had ever experienced before. 'This is not happening, this is not happening', he repeated like a mantra in his mind.

Suddenly there was a burning pain and tearing sensation. Draco clenched his teeth. He wanted so much to scream for his mother, wanted her to help him, but he knew that she could not fight those men, and he did not want her to see him like this, in his absolute shame.

Why did this demon still move further into him, it hurt, it hurt so much, gods! Draco could not hold his screams back any longer when the violent breaching increased the agony to an unbearable level. Lestrange and Nott were holding his hands down above his head and he gripped their hands tightly, taking comfort from their warm hands, as the monster´s cold body pressed against his. Draco´s body was arching away from the bed in a futile attempt to escape the painful intrusion.

The Dark Lord seemed to enjoy himself while excruciating pain was searing through Draco, his repulsive face twisted in bliss and the wish to hurt. He proceeded to completely lie down on top of Draco, his corpse-like cold making him shiver, never stopping his violent movements, kissing him, pushing his tongue deep into the sweet boy´s mouth, swallowing his pained screams and sampling the taste of his tears.

Draco did not know how long it lasted, it might have been minutes or hours. He knew he was screaming, crying, praying for it to end. Voldemort had been right, Draco still had been a virgin. He had imagined sex in a different way, better than this, more enjoyable than this. Merlin, if this was it, he never wanted to be close to another human being again. This was unbearable, shame and agony tearing at the boundaries of his sanity. He felt as if he was torn apart, liquid flowing from between his legs in small rivulets down his sweaty skin, liquid he thought to be blood.

The squelching sounds, the moans of the dark wizard on top of him, his tongue in his mouth, the rotten taste of it, Merlin, the taste. He wanted to hurl so bad, wanted to die right now. Anything to make this stop. When the snake-faced Lord came to his completion, the pain increased with his brutality, and Draco screamed even louder in agony. His screams changed into a whimper when Lord Voldemort got up from the bed, violent sobs were shaking his hurting body. He was ashamed of himself.

"You did well, Draco. The punishment is completed. I hope this is a lesson for your father." Draco did not open his eyes, did not want to see any of them, did not want them to see him. He curled in on himself, still sobbing, when they let go of his limbs.

"Avery shall bring Narcissa to help the boy dress." ordered Voldemort.

"You will meet the Hogwarts Express and go to Hogwarts just as planned, Draco. It is your choice if you tell anybody that I´ve been breeding you as punishment for your father´s lack of skills. Severus Snape will be informed of your condition soonest to watch over the child´s development. When the time has come I will come for my heir."

Draco´s insides cringed at the idea. Want to tell anybody about this? Surely not, never in his life he would tell anybody about this shameful event. Avery and his mother entered his bedroom and Lord Voldemort gave some more orders to Draco´s mother and uncle before he left with the rest of the deatheaters. Draco felt his mother's hands on him, touching him so softly, trembling just as he himself was trembling.

"Draco, you have to get up. I´m sorry. You should not have had to go through this, my son." His mother pulled him off the bed and led him to the bathroom, where she washed Draco down as fast as possible and dressed him.

Draco felt like in a dream. He stood when his mother told him to stand, moved when she told him to move. Single sobs were still shaking his frame once in a while. His backside was still burning, blood still leaking out. His guts felt as if they were on fire and tiny cramps made him flinch all the time. He couldn´t go back to Hogwarts. What if they found out? Imagine Potter and his friends making fun of him, the deatheater wannabe, raped by Voldemort himself as punishment because his father fucked up. The Slytherins would tear him apart if they found out that he was lower than any of them now. Sobs started to wreck his body again.

"I can´t go back there. They´ll know." Draco looked at his mother pleadingly. She had to understand, please!

"Our Lord ordered it, Draco, there´s nothing we can do." She gave him a warm hug while his uncle, now devoid of his deatheater attire, took his trunk and prepared the portkey to Kings Cross.

"It´s time, Draco." he said. Draco went to his side and gripped the bracelet his uncle held up to him. Draco felt the familiar tug behind his navel as the portkey transported them within seconds to their destination. He stumbled and almost fell upon arrival on the platform because of a sudden dizzyspell .

Draco did not dare to look up, not for any of his his fellow students to see in his face what had happened. He was sure they would only need one good look at him to see what he had become. Lord Voldemort´s bitch!

"Enter the train, Draco!" He looked up at his uncle who levitated his trunk to the train and raised it inside for which Draco was grateful enough. He would not have had the strength to do it as dark points were dancing in front of his eyes and he had to use all his strength to keep moving his unwilling body.

"It had to be done!"

Draco did not know what to answer so he simply nodded, eyes on the ground again. It had to be done. His father´s master had decided that it had to be done, but it was meaningless to him. All Draco could think of was that his life was over, destroyed. The line was running through his mind again and again while he searched for an empty compartment. Draco could not deal with any of his friends right now, he wanted to be alone. It had to be done.

Draco entered an empty compartment and greatfully sat down immediately, wincing at the feeling of his sore backside touching the upholstered seat His uncle was storing his trunk and leaving with a short "Bye, Draco, stay well!"

Draco locked the door behind the darkhaired man with a charm as well as made the coach soundproof and sat down on the floor as he did not want anybody to even see his shape through the milk glass window in the compartment door. Grimacing he shifted to sit on his hip more than his back because of the pain. It had to be done. Draco´s heart stopped for a moment before it startet to race as the potion came to his mind again. Bear children. Merlin. Was he pregnant? He stared down on his flat and muscled belly while all reasonable thought left his brain.

No, that was not possible, even with a potion, not after only one time. Pictures of the rape started to flash in front of his eyes. Draco pressed his hands against his eyes as if it could stop the memories. Sobs found their way again out of his throat. Tears flooded his eyes. His life was destroyed. The train started to move as the blond boy was rocking back and forth in despair, sobs shaking his frame.

"Sorry, mate, we have to go to the front coach, you know, prefects and all." Ron said to Harry with regret in his voice.

"Sure, no problem. I will search for a coach and you can meet me there later, guys." said Harry in a hopefully understanding sounding tone.

Ron and Hermione had their duties as prefects. He knew, but it was still boring, boring, boring to sit anywhere alone until they finished their prefects meeting and patroling the train. Harry passed by many coaches before he came to one where he could see through the milk glass door of the coach that nobody was sitting inside.

"What the hell?" The door didn´t open 'Maybe that is why the coach is still empty.' thought Harry.

"Alohomora" A soft whisper was enough to open the door and Harry stepped backwards into the coach, pulling his trunk along and had the door already half shut before he froze. The coach was not empty. There was a sound like a stiffled sob behind him. A blond boy was sitting with his head on his knees crying miserably, his whole form shaking with sobs.

Harry shut the door with a soft click and locked it again before he made his way over to the figure sitting on the floor. He lay his hand softly on the shoulder of the shaking boy to get the shock of his life when the boy looked up startled.

It was Malfoy. Malfoy sitting here crying. Harry expected him to throw any rude insult at Harry but instead Malfoy just covered his face with his hands and curled in on himself more tightly than before even.

"What happened, Malfoy?" asked Harry with concern. Malfoy did not answer, just shaking his head repeatedly. Harry was really at a loss there. Something terrible must have happened to Malfoy for him to not even insult Harry, not even to be able to speak at all, just cry.

Harry sat beside the lost looking boy on a seat and looked at him for a minute before he reached out and placed his hand softly on the blond hair, caressing it. Malfoy tensed for a moment before he relaxed into the soft touch.

"Everything will be okay" whispered Harry. He did not know why he did what he did. Why did he feel the need to comfort Malfoy of all people?

"How can you say that" croaked Malfoy "you don´t know...I cannot live with it...I can´t..."

Harry had no idea what Malfoy was talking about. He continued playing with Malfoy´s soft hair, which seemed to calm him down.

"Do you need help?" Harry asked, feeling that he really would be willing to help Malfoy. The brat was a pain in the ass, but the way he was sitting here, crying, looking utterly lost and helpless made Harry want to hold him in his arms, never to let go, to protect the fragile blond from all harm.

Draco looked up at Potter´s face in surprise. Help? Did he need help? From Potter? How could Potter help? Would he want help from Harry Potter at all?

Hell, why not, Potter was the saviour of the wizarding world or not? Why could he not save him? Why had he not been there to save him when...

Draco started to cry again. Merlin, he really had turned into a crybaby. He grit his teeth and tried to stop the tears, deep breaths, deep calming breaths, that´s it.

"Potter, I don´t know if..." what should he say. He could not tell him what happened. Nobody could ever find out.

"Do you really want to help me?" he asked and Potter simply nodded.

"Why?" Draco could not understand why Potter would want to help him after all those years of exchanging insults.

"It seems you need help and I feel that I want to help you." Potter seemed a little bit uncomfortable now, even embarassed.

Draco chuckled miserably.

"I don´t know if there is any way to help me. It´s already too late." Potter looked concerned again.

"What happened?" Draco thought for a moment about his situation. Should he tell Potter anything at all? He liked the care that Potter showed him, he had even wanted to be friends with Potter some years ago, maybe now they could...

Hell, no, Potter would never want to be friends with Voldemorts breeding bitch. Draco sighed.

"You can tell me, I won´t judge you, I just want to help if I can" said Potter. Maybe...

"Voldemort punished me because my father failed and was imprisoned." Potter looked confused.

"Why did he punish _you _then?" he asked, looking like a small puppy with his big questioning eyes.

"He punished the whole family through what he did to me." Silence.

"What did he do to you?" Draco could not tell Potter, nobody could know. He just shook his head and hid his face behind his hands again.

"Please, I can´t tell you." Draco choked out. He would not cry again, would not cry.

Harry was really concerned now. Voldemort must have done something really terrible to Malfoy to make the usually big-mouthed Slytherin to behave like that. Suddenly Malfoy started to get up, swaying on the spot, falling against Harry.

"I don´t feel well. Need to..." He covered his mouth urgently and Harry understood. He unlocked the door and pulled Malfoy to the toilet close to their coach. As he supported the blond boy while he was retching Harry glimpsed a wet stain on the seat of the always neat and tidy boy´s trousers. Did Malfoy have a running stomach as well? He did not smell like that at least. Harry grinned. Imagine, Malfoy staining his own pants!

Harry shyly glimpsed down again and the smile vanished from his face. It looked like blood, but why should Malfoy bleed from his backside?

Malfoy crying, Malfoy´s family punished through what Voldemort did to Malfoy, blood on the seat of Malfoy´s trousers. Harry did not like the direction where this went to.

"I finished, you can let go of me, Potter" The Slytherin´s shaky and breathless voice tore Harry out of his thoughts.

"Sorry" Harry mumbled, shy now. They went back into the coach and Harry locked the door again.

"Why don´t you lie down across the seats?" suggested Potter. Draco looked at the blackhaired boy in surprise again, then he proceeded to lie down as he had said. His backside and intestines still ached fiercely and his pants felt wet as well.

"Malfoy..." Draco looked at Potter questioningly as the boy´s face was beetred by now. What got Potter so flustered?

"Malfoy, there is...uh...there is blood...on the seat of your trousers" Draco froze. He knew! Gods, Potter knew!

"Did Voldemort" swallow "did he ... rape you?" The last words just a whisper out of Potter´s mouth. Draco knew Potter was looking at him but he could not face him now as a cold wave of terror washed through his body, causing his whole body to tremble like a leaf. Draco stared down at the floor. His mind was blank, his emotions suppressed to save him from feeling, living this, making him empty and hollow.

"Draco, I´m sorry" Potter said softly as Draco felt himself starting to shake. Potter went to him, knelt by his side and hugged him. Draco felt so safe and cared for in his arms that he started crying again clinging to the Gryffindor´s robes just like his mother had done to Voldemort´s some hours ago. He knew, he knew and he did not judge him.

"Shshshshshsh" Potter made soothing noises and stroked Draco´s head again. Draco felt like a small child in his arms and he did not care, hell, he liked it. Draco cried until he felt himself slipping into soft darkness. The last thing he knew was that Potter covered him with his cloak.

Harry was still staring at Draco, not Malfoy any longer, Draco, when Ron tried to open the door. He unlocked it immediately and opened it.

"Blimey, Harry, since when are you locking yourself in?" Ron stopped and stared mouth gaping wide enough to catch a fish in it at Draco sleeping on the seats across from him.

"Ron, please, be quiet, Draco is not well, don´t wake him up." Harry whispered.

Now Ron and Hermione were staring at him as if he had sprouted horns on his forehead.

"Draco?" inquired Hermione.

"Yeah, well, we were talking some, and I call him Draco now. He is really not well, so try and let him sleep. Voldemort ... did something really terrible to him." Ron´s face sported a nice shade of red now.

"What are you talking, Harry. What could anything that You Know Who did to Malfoy make you all of a sudden like the git now?" Harry sighed. That would be going down well.

"When I entered Draco sat on the floor crying, he did not insult me as I expected, after some talking from my side he told me Voldemort did something to him to punish his father for failing and then he started feeling unwell and I helped him to the toilet where he vomited and I saw..." should he really tell them about the rape?

"What did you see, Harry?" asked Mione patiently.

"I am not sure if I should tell you this." Draco would not be happy at all if Harry revealed what had happened to him.

"What do you want to say, Harry, you keep secrets from your friends because of Malfoy? Is he now more important than we to you?" Ron´s face turned an unhealthy shade of red.

"Hush Ron! Harry, do tell us what Voldemort did to Malfoy. It seems this whole thing is very important to you and we should share it if we can help too." Harry looked at Ron who grudgingly nodded, so he sighed deeply.

"I...I saw a bloodstain on the seat of his trousers. When we were back in the coach I told him about it and he was looking terrified. When he started to shake I asked him if Voldemort raped him and he started crying again. Well, I tried to comfort him and after some more crying he fell asleep. I think he´s in shock and he´s also not feeling fine, it seems like he is having stomachpain and he is still bleeding, and he was dizzy and vomiting as I already told you. Should we take him to Poppy when we arrive?"

Both Ron and Hermione now stared at Draco who was frowning and flinching even in sleep.

"This is sick." ground Ron out. "Is this what they are doing to their own people? I thought Malfoy was a Death Eater also."

"Ron, don´t be ridiculous! He´s just sixteen, how could he be a Death Eater by now?" scolded Mione. "Anyway, Harry, from what you are saying Malfoy might have inner injuries which require medical treatment. He doesn´t look well at all. I think it would be the best to take him to Poppy straight away."

"That is what I was thinking also. Let us wait until everybody left the train, then we take the last carriage to Hogwarts and take him straight to the infirmary." Ron said quietly.

Harry felt very relieved that his friends wanted to help Draco also. He did not know why, but he felt like he needed so badly to help Draco.

"Thank you, guys." he smiled at them in relief, happy to have such supportive friends.

"It´s okay, Harry. We´re almost there, let´s change and wake Draco up." said Hermione. Harry put on his Hogwarts robe fast and went over to Draco.

"Draco, wake up, we have to dress you. The train is almost there."

Draco felt somebody shaking him and opened his eyes. Merlin, he felt like falling asleep and staying asleep for the next onehundred years. He got a real shocker when he saw the mudblood and the weasel beside Potter. Why had they not cursed him by now?

"It´s okay, Malfoy, Ron and I will help you also. You don´t need to be afraid of us."

Why the sudden sentiments? Oh well, he could think about it when he had finished sleeping. Draco closed his eyes again only to hear Granger´s voice nagging him on.

"Malfoy, you have to open your eyes. I guess you are not feeling very well, but we have to get you to a carriage and then we´ll take you straight to the infirmary. Try to sit up."

Draco groaned as Granger and Potter started pulling him up, the motion causing him to get dizzy again. He flinched when they forced him up to sit on his sore backside. Then a cramp hit him much stronger than the small ones he had felt before. Draco curled in on himself and started to whimper.

"What´s the matter, Draco?" Potter again, concerned. Draco gritted his teeth against the pain, so he could not answer, but when the cramp subsided he tried to sooth him.

"It´s no big deal, just a little cramp." he forced out, but even he could hear the strain in his voice.

While Granger brought out his robes Weasley was staring at Draco as if he couldn´t believe that he was not insulting his mudblood girlfriend or his sickleless family. Why would he, Voldemort´s breeding bitch, do such. Even a Weasley was now above him, he dare say even the mudblood had a good shot at being superior to him...and still suddenly these people seemed ready to help him, be friendly to him.

Gryffindorks, a Slytherin would never understand their way of thinking. Harry helped Draco to put on the robe while still sitting and then helped him to stand up. It was a good thing he was still holding onto Draco because the next moment Draco´s vision went black and he felt himself falling.

"Ron, help me!" Draco heard Potter calling from afar and he felt another pair of hands supporting him while he felt himself feeling steadier and his vision returned.

"Thank you!" Draco gasped out when he felt he could stand on his own again. Something must have been seriously wrong with him cause he never was one for fainting ever before, so Draco did not even argue their idea of taking him to that bitch Pomfrey. He followed Granger´s knowing stare to the seat he had been sleeping on and found a bloodstain there. Wonderful, did Potter tell them everything? He felt his face heat up and tried to avoid their stares. He knew it, they would all know. That had been the reason why Draco had not wanted to go back to Hogwarts.

"Malfoy, it´s okay, you have nothing to be ashamed of." Weasley of all people! Draco nodded, grateful but still too embarrassed to face any of them.

"I think they all left the train, we should go to the carriage now." Harry said calmly.

"Hold onto me if you feel weak, Draco!" He nodded again, still looking down. They made their way to the carriage, his legs were shaking but he did not want them to know. To climb into the carriage was almost too much for him and Harry had to help him inside. He was panting at the time he sat down, sweat shining on his forehead, positioning himself sideways as was easiest for his sore backside.

The three Gryffindors all looked concerned at Draco, a strange feeling for him, as he still did not know why they suddenly cared. Draco stared out the window, so he would not be forced to meet their pitiful glances.

They were in the last carriage so at the time they arrived in front of Hogwarts' entrance doors the others already had gone inside. Ron and Harry helped him down, out of the carriage. Nevermind that he did not need it of course. Then they started their way up the stairs to the infirmary while Hermione went to get Pomfrey from the Great Hall.

How all of a sudden had they gotten first names in his mind? Oh well, later he could think about that phenomenon. Ron and Harry went on Draco´s left and right while they climbed the stairs to the infirmary. Who had had that rotten idea to put the infirmary that far up?

Draco´s breath was coming in rasps, his body covered in sweat by now. Another cramp hit home and he felt more blood running down his legs. Draco froze immediately and could not stop the moan that escaped his lips while he bent forward and slung his right arm around his stomach while with the left he was holding on to Weasley of all people.

Yeah, back to second names. Seems he was not feeling so bad after all. Finally the cramp eased up and he could stand almost straight again.

"We can go on." Hell, was that his voice? He had to try to sound less suffering the next time he opened his mouth or he would destroy the little reputation he might have left, Draco decided.

"How long still?" He was gasping. Well, like a small child, but he didn´t care, he didn´t feel too fine again. Better they made it to the infirmary soon.

"We are almost there, Draco. Can you make it?" Harry, always concerned. Draco was nodding, he thought so at least because he felt so dizzy right now, he didn´t know where up and down was.

"Holy shit, Harry, I almost fell back down the stairs with him falling on me like that." Harry chuckled. What were they talking about? Why was his head hanging in front of the weasel´s chest? Merlin, he had almost fainted again! This was embarrassing.

"Sorry!" Draco whispered.

"It´s okay, Malfoy, I don´t hope it was your ingenius plan to throw me down the stairs like that." rumbled Weasley.

"Come on, Draco, we will help you, we are almost there." Harry wound Draco´s right arm around his shoulders and they went on again. Draco was swaying like a drunk while being held up by two Gryffindors. Embarrassing! Merlin, the stairs were over, finally, just some more steps and they were in front of the entrance to the infirmary.

Draco was whimpering by now. He felt so terrible. Harry and Weasley were talking but he could not concentrate on it, he had to concentrate on putting one foot in front of the other. They stopped. A bed, thank you, thank you! The Gryffindors tried to untangle their limbs from his as they helped him lay straight on the bed. Draco was whimpering again as his stomach hurt really bad.

"It´s okay, Draco, Madame Pomfrey will be here any minute now." Harry was trying to sooth him again.

"Shit, look at the blood on the floor, Harry!" Weasley sounded concerned. Why?

"Please, Poppy, come on, where are you!" whispered Harry. The boy was delusional, he was searching for a poppy. This was not the time for flowers, a pain relieving potion would be appropriate right now. Draco would have cared more about Harry Potter´s state of mind if his stomach would not have decided to cramp again.

"Owwww" Draco was writhing and moaning. The door opened and loud footsteps were approaching.

"What did you brats do again? Fighting on the train? Mr. Malfoy, suffering again? What is it this time?" That nurse was a bitch. Ever since the hippogriff incident two years ago she hated him.

"Please, Poppy, he really is in pain, he almost fainted several times since the trainride." Why was Harry calling her a poppy? Delusional, he knew it!

"Then tell me what you did this time." asked the nurse impatiently.

"We didn´t do anything, Madame Pomfrey!" Ron answered with a nervous tremor in his voice.

"I believe that Voldemort...raped him as punishment for Lucius failure." said Harry quietly. Pomfrey gasped, a hand on her bosom.

"You Know Who did this? Well, apart from the obvious abdominal pain Mr. Malfoy is experiencing did you see anything else? You mentioned dizzyspells to almost fainting. He is bleeding also as I can see."

"He was also vomiting on the train."

"That does not sound too good. Miss Granger, be so kind and hurry to the Great Hall. Once Professor Dumbledore finished his speech tell him and Professor Snape to come to the infirmary immediately. You will stay in the Great Hall and attend the welcoming feast, dear. Mr. Potter and Mr. Weasley will join you after they helped me to tend to Mr. Malfoy."

After Granger left the room Pomfrey was leaning over Draco, trying to make him look at her.

"Mr. Malfoy, can you hear me? Tell me how you are feeling." He shut his eyes again.

"It hurts.." Draco whimpered.

"I know that, Mr. Malfoy, tell me where it hurts and how." Draco gasped. This woman´s nerve.

"Stomach cramps, my guts burn like fire...my back hurts...dizzy, tired, m´bleeding."

"It will be okay, Mr. Malfoy, let us undress you now so I can have a better look at you."

"No!" he whimpered pathetically before he could stop himself.

"It´s okay, Draco, we will do it slowly, okay?" hushed him Harry. Draco nodded slowly. They then carefully pulled off his clothes, nothing like the Death Eaters had torn off his clothes.

"Ugh, I think I´ve gonna hurl." Weasley said when he saw Draco´s bloody pants.

"Mr. Weasley, I think it is for the best if you leave to the Great Hall to join the feast before you loose the contents of your stomach in here. Mr. Potter will you be able to stay?" Harry nodded and Weasley left the infirmary just when Snape and Dumbledore entered.

"What is going on here!" thundered Snape and looked as if he wanted to jump Potter.

"Voldemort... raped Draco as punishment for Lucius failure. Draco is hurt." Potter said in a very serious and calm voice.

Snape´s face turned whiter than Draco ever thought it possible and even Dumbledore´s eyes lost their merry twinkle.

Pomfrey prodded his stomach which made Draco almost scream in pain, it still came out as a whimper and he tried to hold her hands to stop her. Harry softly removed his grip from Pomfrey´s hands and held his hands instead while the old nurse continued her prodding.

Snape still stood there blinking and staring at the blood on Draco´s legs and the floor.

"This is not possible. This cannot be happening." whispered Snape as if in shock. Suddenly he stepped to Draco´s side and stared at him intently.

"Draco, did they give you any potion to drink?" Draco nodded miserably.

"Tell me how it looked like and what it did." Another cramp hit Draco and he curled in on himself while he gritted his teeth against the pain. Draco pressed the bones in Harry´s hands together in a deathgrip causing Harry to hiss in discomfort. Harry was trying to sooth Draco again but unfortunately it did not help this time. The pain was so intense that Draco was biting his lip to stop himself from screaming out loud, but after a minute of increasing agony, rolling in waves over his weakened body, it was too much and he could not suppress the scream any longer. Pomfrey put two spells on Draco which greatfully reduced the pain but also left him dizzy and faint.

"Draco, the potion, how did it look like and what did it do to you?" asked Snape again.

After some gasping he answered, slurring like a drunk "Green liquid, hurt so much, thought 't w's poison t' kill me, he said 't makes me able to bear his child, so that he... he" Draco started sobbing softly again. "can breed me as punishment for father´s missing skills."

The last thing Draco saw before he fell into darkness was Harry who looked down on him, the concern gone from his expression, replaced with shock and disgust.


	2. Longing

Thank you all for the tremendous interest in this story! I have decided to change the chapters from extra to average length to be able to give you faster updating. I hope you can manage the sometimes changing point of views without markers interrupting the flow of the story. If not please IM me and I will change the formatting.

The characters do belong to J.K.Rowling, not me, I swear!

**Chapter 2**

**Longing**

Draco awoke with a wail to the the agonizing sensation of his anus being penetrated.

He immediately panicked and started to fight against the dark shapes that were confining him, restraining him, hurting him. He started to cry and beg when the relentless hands on his shoulders, on his tighs, refused to release him.

"Calm down, Mr. Malfoy! You are safe! Stop hitting us and we will let go of you!"

The words tore through his nightmarish world like a strong breeze, blowing away the fog that was clowding his mind.

That had been Snape´s voice! What was Snape doing here? Snape had not come in with Voldemort. Draco tried to make out his surroundings, his mind still in a daze. This was not his room, everything was white. 'I am not at home, I am at Hogwarts!' Draco finally remembered.

He stopped struggling immediately, ashamed of his behaviour. Trying to suppress the sobs still shaking his body he looked around, the blurry figures surrounding him slowly took shape. He looked up into the concerned faces of Pomfrey and Snape.

Harry was gone. Of course! Harry would surely regret that he had helped Voldemort´s breeding bitch.

Draco wanted to feel annoyed on Harry for abandoning him after heroically, like a typical Gryffindork, offering his help and snooping around in things which were not his business. Why then did it hurt him so much to remember how Harry had looked at him with such loathing? No, not Harry, Potter!

"I am sorry for having caused you pain, Mr. Malfoy. I had to put some salve on the anal fissures which you suffered. We had to stop the bleeding fast." The nurse gave him a cheering smile. "Professor Snape might want to help you putting on these while I get a potion for you." The nurse waddled away, carrying a basin with bloodied water and a washcloth with her.

His Head of House looked uncomfortable and almost insulted at the suggestion to help one of his Slytherins to dress in the comfortable cotton pajamas. Nevertheless he carefully helped the wincing Draco to put on the required infirmary clothes. Draco was very embarrassed about his nakedness. He tried his best not to shy away from Snape´s hands whenever they came too close to his body, but he could not help it. They reminded him of the strong hands of others. Hands holding him in place while...

No, he would forget it! He would not talk about it or even think about it ever again!

"How did you know about the potion, Professor Snape?" Draco asked hesitantly, breaking his own vow some seconds later, but he had to know.

"I was the one inventing it on the request of the Dark Lord." sighed Snape, guilt written all over his face. "I am sorry, Mr. Malfoy, I did not know that he planned to use the potion on you. I was not even sure it would work."

"Did it work?" Draco swallowed heavily. His heart was racing. He needed to know, though terrified of the answer he needed to know if he was damned to carry a monster´s child. "Am I pregnant...with his child?" His stomach wanted to turn at this idea.

"I am not sure, we will have to ask Madam Pomfrey." Snape´s gaze was directed out of the windows overlooking the sweeping lawns of Hogwarts and the lake. The potions master seemed to be deeply engrossed in dark thoughts.

The old nurse came back, her sickly sweet smile still plastered to her face, a red bottle and a silver spoon in her hand.

"Madam Pomfrey, is it possible to check for a pregnancy at this stage?" queried Snape, his usual drawling gone.

"Oh my, the heavy bleedings might have been an indication that the pregnancy could not settle at all, but to test if the embryo is still there will not be possible for at least another week, I´m afraid." answered the nurse with a compassionate glance directed at the young boy, almost still a child, who had pulled the bedcover up to his chin, looking for everything like a lost child with wide fearful eyes.

"Be a good boy now and open your mouth, Mr. Malfoy! This medicine is bitter, but it should stop any remaining internal bleeding." Pomfrey stuffed the overly large spoon into his mouth, almost choking him. Draco started to cough when the terrible medicine entered his windpipe.

"There, there, Mr. Malfoy!" rattled the nurse on. "I guess you feel better by now. Any harsh pains in your belly? No? Good! In no time you will be able to go to your dorm."

'Hopefully!' thought Draco. Judging from her tone she was also very happy about this prospect. This nurse, Poppy, that was the name Potter had called her, was really insane. The name Poppy fit her, maybe she was on her own special drug, the way she was constantly running around prattling to herself. That or all drawers of the desk standing in her office were crammed with cookies which she would constantly be munching, causing her to be on an infinite sugar high. The proof for that theory would be her bodily shape. Draco sneered, very satisfied with his conclusions. Being finally back to his old haughty self was very calming to him. He relaxed against his pillow and soon fell into restless sleep.

Draco had to stay in the infirmary for another day before the old nurse, after one day of constant pestering from Draco´s side, allowed him to leave and go straight to the Great Hall to take his breakfast on the condition that he would come back for a check-up the very same evening.

The Great Hall was already buzzing with students when Draco entered. He made his way over to the Slytherin table, took his usual seat and started eating.

Draco glanced at the Gryffindor table. Potter was already there, listlessy chewing on a bite of fried eggs. The three Gryffindors were uncommonly quiet. Potter looked up, meeting Draco´s eyes. The Gryffindor immediately averted his eyes as if his eyeballs would burn had he been forced to look at Draco for just one more second.

Draco frowned. So it was true, Potter not coming to the infirmary again to see how he was doing was not an accident. Potter did not want to have anything to do with a tainted boy. Draco snorted. Pathetic, wallowing in self-pity because Potter did not want to be his friend. It was the second time Potter rejected him, so he should be used to it by now. It just seemed difficult for him to forget Potter´s soft touch on his hair. Something never ever somebody had done to him before and it had felt so nice. Draco suppressed the telltale sigh trying to force its way out of his throat and sipped his tea.

Harry was confused. Ever since he had seen Draco crying on the train he had this incomprehensible longing to be near the blond boy, to comfort him, to touch him. Harry sighed. It had been a shock to hear that Voldemort had raped Draco, but to hear that he had forced him to drink a potion to make him conceive his child, that was something Harry could not deal with. He had been relieved when Poppy had asked him to leave the infirmary for she had wanted to examing Draco in private.

Draco would give birth to Voldemort´s child. How unnatural was that? A boy giving birth, something unheard of in Muggle society, and on top of that inseminated by a horrible looking monster. How would the child look like? It would be the child of a demon! Draco was carrying the child of the wizard who had killed Harry´s parents. This monster was not allowed to have something as wonderful as a child! An heir who would very likely be tainted by his father´s evil.

How could he be friends with Draco now? Harry did not know how to behave to Draco with the knowledge of him being the breeder for something so abominable always in the back of his mind. He could not help to avert his eyes when Draco had looked his direction, seemingly searching for anything in Harry´s eyes. He liked Draco, maybe it was something more than likeness, nowadays it felt like an obsession to him. The boy was not really as much of a git as he had been before, once he stopped insulting Harry and his friends, and he was really beautiful. Harry had entirely different feelings for Voldemort´s child. Even if it was just a tiny speck in universe, Harry hated it already.

Draco was in the middle of eating a bread roll he had filled with honey when Crabbe and Goyle entered the Great Hall and sat down left and right of him as they had done the previous years.

Goyle turned to him and grumbled: "Where´ve ya been, Draco? Didn´t see ya on train!"

Draco´s breath hitched, his face taking on the whitish hue of somebody very sick. They were too close! Crabbe and Goyle, their fathers, nononono, not going there! Draco hardly managed to force an answer out.

"I was not feeling well, so I came later." He drawled.

Crabbe grunted and Goyle nodded, both already shoveling into their mouth whatever fit inside.

Draco stared down on his plate. He started feeling queasy. When Goyle took some bread rolls from the middle of the table and accidentally brushed Draco´s arm with his own Draco could not control himself any longer. He violently tore his arm away, knocking over his cup of tea, clapping his hand over his mouth the very next second. He could just make it to the toilet before everything he had eaten during breakfast forced its way past his fingers. He never saw Potter watching his abrupt departure with the concern Draco missed so much written all over his face.

History of Magic was as boring as ever. Binns floated through the blackboard into the classroom, his speech as lively as he himself soon having lulled almost all of the Hufflepuffs and Slytherins to sleep, allowing Draco time to think about his situation. Draco had collected his timetable and schoolbooks from his dorm, checking if his trunk was stored correctly as he had not been able to do it himself. He had to share his dorm with Crabbe, Goyle, Nott and Zabini. Three of which had fathers involved in 'the incident'. Draco had no idea how he would survive being with them in one room, having to sleep with them in the same room. Maybe their fathers had told them about 'the incident'. Maybe they would consider him fair game from now on, to be taken by anyone who wanted to. Draco shuddered.

His head was aching, he was still queasy and his stomach had started to ache again. By the time he had to go to potions as the last class of the day Draco was shivering and sweating. He had had to run to the bathroom twice more since breakfast, the dryheaving making his stomach ache more fiercely. Draco was in a very bad mood and when he saw Potter in the passage leading to the potions classroom his temper was rising.

"Whom do we have here? The saviour of the wizarding world!" sneered Draco. "Saved anybody lately?"

"Not anybody worth it!" The words were out of Harry´s mouth before he realised what he had said. Years of verbal fighting had provided him with a sharp wit which he cursed right now.

Harry regretfully watched how Draco´s eyes opened wide, giving him the look of a small child afraid of the darkness about to consume him. Then the vulnerable look was gone and Draco´s face contorted in rage.

Harry did not even think about taking out his wand and defending himself when Draco pointed his own at Harry and shouted "Reducto!" with fury in his eyes.

Harry was blasted back, hitting the unforgiving stone floor hard, feeling a sharp pain lancing through his left arm and slithering a long way on the floor of the dungeon passage before he came to a stop at the feet of the potions master.

"What have you done, Potter?" Snape barked.

Harry was confused. What _he _had done? Draco was the one blasting him almost through the whole castle, breaking his left arm in the process.

Fuming Harry looked for Draco just to see the unconscious blond lying on the ground in a rapidly growing pool of blood.


	3. Finding

**Chapter 3**

**Finding**

Harry felt as if his heart would implode when he saw Draco lying on the ground in a rapidly growing pool of blood. Snape clutched Harry´s robes by his shoulder and pulled him up in a decidedly ungentle manner.

"This will have consequences, Potter!" he snarled, not averting his look for one second from the sight of his favourite student lying unmoving on the cold stone floor.

Students were quickly gathering around the fallen Malfoy. Snape harshly pushed them out of his way, dragging the protesting Harry with him.

With "Harry did not do anything to the git!" and "Malfoy attacked him!" Ron and Hermione tried to rectify the situation. They had been only steps away from the two boys and were ready to be witnesses in Harry´s favour if Snape would try to blame Harry. Snape simply ignored their interjections much to the chagrin of Hermione.

"Everybody into the classroom! Read pages 12 to 30 of your textbook before I return! I will deduct 50 points from anybody causing a problem of whatever kind in my classroom while I am not there, 10 points from anybody not having finished his reading material before I return!" Snape bellowed, leaving his moaning and protesting students to rush the two boys up the stairs.

The potions master floated the still unconscious blond boy to the infirmary, not once loosing his grip on Harry´s robes. Blood was dropping down onto grey stone, crimson marking their way up the stairs. Filch would not be happy!

Harry craddled his broken arm, yelping and glaring when Snape pushed him to sit on a free bed to gently place Draco onto another one, impatiently calling for Madam Pomfrey at the same time.

"What do we have here! Mr. Potter and Mr. Malfoy! Fighting again I see!" the old nurse chided, bustling out of her office. She was clucking unhappily when she checked Draco for the source of his bleeding.

"Mr. Malfoy seems to have received a laceration on the back of his head which is bleeding profusely as all head-injuries tend to do." With a swish of her wand the wound closed and she started to check his eyes for signs of concussion, followed by incomprehensible muttering as she read the outcome of the diagnostic spell which was writing facts into thin air, unintelligible for anybody but the matron. She frowned in confusion before she proceeded to say "He is fortunately only mildly concussed and will awake with a rather bad headache. It is for the best if we allow him to rest." She cleaned the blood as well as possible from Draco´s hair and face before she carefully put a bandage on his head.

"And what would be the problem with you, Mr. Potter? A fractured ulna, I see!" Harry hissed when the matron checked the bone in his left forearm for possible displacement before mending the bone with a simple "Callus!".

"Your ulna is mended, Mr. Potter, but I still want you to stay in the infirmary and have a good night´s rest." Madam Pomfrey was wrapping his arm tightly with a muslin bandage when Professor Dumbledore entered the infirmary with the everlasting twinkle in his eyes.

"Headmaster! Potter attacked my student again! I demand this insolent boy to be punished accordingly!" raved the potions master at once.

Harry started to protest immediately. "We insulted each other and then Draco attacked me! I did not even pull my wand! I have no idea why he came to be unconscious or how he received the head injury! I swear I did not touch him!" Harry was outraged by the greasy man´s accusations.

Dumbledore held up his hand to stop the enraged jabber with a knowing smile. "There is no need for accusation and vindication at this point. I have the impression that Mr. Malfoy will have a say in this also."

As if on command there was a loud groan to be heard from the blond youth. "Ahh, Mr. Malfoy is waking up!" Madam Pomfrey immediately rushed to his side.

Upon opening his eyes and seeing the school nurse Draco groaned even louder. "Oh no, not again!" His head was aching terribly and he was generally feeling sick. When he looked around he saw that Snape and a seemingly injured Potter glared at each other, watched by an annoyingly merry headmaster.

"Mr. Malfoy, please, tell Professor Dumbledore how the infallible Mr. Potter" the name was spit out of Snape's mouth as if it was dirt "here has attacked you!"

Draco was confused to say the least. He could only recall hexing Potter, but Potter attacking him...

"I can´t recall what..." Draco started, eliciting an exasperated groan from Potter. Snape´s triumphant grin vanished when Draco said "As far as I can recall Potter did not attack me. I fell I think, but I don´t know why. I was simply feeling sick and dizzy, the rest I cannot remember."

"Have you been feeling sick and dizzy as you said only before you fainted or already earlier in the day?" asked him the old nurse again, waving her wand in a complicated pattern over him, creating bursts of small lights in different colours. Nobody seemed to be interested in that Draco very well had cursed Potter, but the strange lights above his body occupied his mind too much to waste time on thinking about mentioning that detail to any of the present people.

"I...I didn´t feel very well the whole day long." Draco was terrified and shocked by the idea that he seemed to have fainted, again!

"Did you have any other problems today, Mr. Malfoy?" Madam Pomfrey asked while vanishing the lights to use another spell to write strange signs in the air above his stomach.

"Uh...well...I couldn´t seem to keep anything down the whole day long...and my stomach started to ache after some time and my head as well..." Draco answered very quietly, the knowing and anxious look on Pomfrey´s face making him increasingly nervous. "..though not as much as right now." he added while he gently rubbed his forehead.

"That would be the slight concussion you suffered when you fell and hit your head. I will give you something against the pain in a minute." Draco was really embarrassed now. Falling and hitting your head, definitely something only the most ungraceful berk could manage.

"What is wrong with me?" he angrily asked himself aloud, but it was the old nurse who answered the question.

"You are pregnant, Mr. Malfoy!"

Not a sound was to be heard in the infirmary as all present stared at Madam Pomfrey in shock until Draco started to gasp for air, eyes wide in terror.

"But you said that you could not determine a possible pregnancy until after a week!" objected Snape angrily.

"Well, it seems that this pregnancy is not proceeding as any other would. The signs are much stronger and he is showing symptoms at a time already where there should be none." Madam Pomfrey defended herself, her face turning pink.

"You are lying! You said I was bleeding too much for it to settle. You made a mistake, check again!" Draco whispered. He could not make his voice to work above a whispering and wheezing level. His heart was beating like mad and his thoughts seemed to tumble around his mind so fast that Draco could not catch a single one of it.

"I am afraid I cannot tell you what you want to hear, Mr. Malfoy! It seems that the internal bleedings were partly due to the settlement of the embryo which can sometimes cause minor bleedings, but usually they do not happen before one or two weeks after the insemination. In this case there was extensive bleeding from the anus also. It generally seems that all possible symptoms in this pregnancy seem to be aggravated. This pregnancy is not going to be easy on you, Mr. Malfoy, but I will do my best to support you!" Madam Pomfrey sent him an imploring glance before she bustled away to get something to treat his headache.

Harry watched the developments with growing pity and unease. Draco looked definitely unwell. He was white as a ghost, staring at his stomach and shaking in terror. When the nurse returned with a small phial with light blue contents in her hand the blond boy looked up at her beseechingly, whispering: "Make it gone, please, take it out. I don´t want it, take it out!"

Madam Pomfrey halted, compassion in her eyes. "I cannot perform an abortion on you without a court order. I´m sorry!" Draco´s face fell just to show hope again as he directed his beseeching look at the old headmaster.

"Please, Professor Dumbledore, you are the chief warlock of the Wizengamot. Can´t you just give the permit?"

Harry could not understand. What had the Wizengamot to do with it?

"I would like to help you, my dear boy, but you are not of age. Your mother will have to apply for the permit as she is your legal guardian." The merry twinkle had a sad light to it, but the old man still gave him an encouraging smile. "I will of course inform her immediately of these dire circumstances." the headmaster promised.

"Narcissa will not apply for a permit." Snape said quietly with a vacant stare.

Nobody had to say it out loud as they all knew it. Narcissa Malfoy was too loyal and afraid to go against her Lord´s wishes.

"Why can´t you simply abort it, Poppy? Draco was raped, definitely it should be allowed for him to choose if he wants this child or not!" Harry interjected angrily.

"In the wizarding society abortion is forbidden by law as the population is so low that every newborn child is welcome. Only in certain cases, which would apply to Draco´s also, they have the right to apply at the Wizengamot for the permit to abort. In Draco´s case his mother would have to do it as he is still underage." Dumbledore explained with a tired smile.

"This is not right, Professor, the muggles perform abortions. Maybe we can take him to a muggle hospital!" Harry wanted so much to help the blond who seemed to be not able to even understand any longer what was going on around him.

"Brilliant idea, Mr. Potter, we will take Mr. Malfoy to a muggle hospital and leave it to you to explain to the muggles how it is possible that a sixteen years old boy is pregnant and therefore wants an abortion!" snorted Snape.

"Oh!" Harry blushed. Well, that had not been a useful idea.

"Professors, I must ask you to leave the infirmary now, my patients need to rest. You can continue your discussion tomorrow!" Madam Pomfrey vehemently ushered the two men out of her infirmary.

"Kindly drink the pain relieving medicine now and try to sleep then." The nurse handed Draco the tiny phial, which he downed without further ado, just to gag and bring it up the next moment all over his front and the bedcover in one forceful gust. Madam Pomfrey looked rather alarmed while she changed the bedcover and helped Draco to wash his mouth and change into fresh pajamas, all the time muttering to herself.

"I will be back shortly. I have to check something and prepare a different type of medicine. Be good and take a nap, you both need to rest. I believe it will ease your headache also, Mr. Malfoy." she finally told Draco and Harry and left the infirmary.

Harry quietly watched as Draco snuggled into his blanket, pulling it over his head, moaning softly. After some minutes the blanket started to shake and there were small hiccups to be heard. Draco was crying! The sounds made Harry flinch, making him want to go and do something to make the other boy feeling better again, happy. He wanted to give Draco comfort and protect him. He wanted so badly to hold him in his arms, feel Draco snuggling against him again, wanted to touch his silky hair again.

Harry got up, contemplating if he should go and comfort the blond, risking to be cursed by him on sight. Harry decided it was worth the risk and stepped closer.

"Draco!" he whispered softly. "Are you crying?" 'Stupid question', Harry thought annoyed on himself. He carefully pulled the bedcover away from Draco´s face just to have Draco flying at him like a shrieking banshee.

"Can´t you leave me alone? You want to play some more with me? Saint Potter out to save me again just to let me fall when he hears the nasty details? You fucking son of a bitch!" Harry tried desperately to hold Draco´s wrists to keep him from hitting his face again and again.

"I´m sorry, Draco, I didn´t mean to, please, I´m sorry!" Harry begged the hysterical boy with tears in his eyes. Draco was not impressed by Harry´s pleas at all, so Harry did the only thing he wanted to do at least once in his life. If Draco hated him now and this was his only and last chance he would do it right now while he had Draco in a secure grip.

So Harry bent forward and captured the screaming boy´s mouth in a desperate kiss. Draco stilled immediately. Harry feared that the blond would bite him hard, but it would have been worth it he decided.

His eyes opened wide in shock when Draco´s mouth relaxed and a soft tongue slipped into his mouth.


	4. Beginning

In case you didn´t know, I am not J.K. Rowling anonymously writing smut on this page, but she´d better write some slash into her next book! Oh well, okay, then not! Very unfortunate! I am sorry, J.K., then we will have to help ourselves!

**Chapter 4**

**Beginning**

Draco had never before felt so complete in his life. One second he had tried to hit the blackhaired boy before him, in complete and utter rage, wanting nothing more than to injure the other one, but when he felt those soft lips pressing against his own so hard and desperately his own despair had answered.

His heart was fluttering in his chest, energy flowing in tickling streams through his blood, his body reacting in a way he did not have under control. Draco moved his tongue into Harry´s mouth, caressing a shy tongue while his hands moved to a toned flat stomach, underneath a shirt, touching smooth soft skin. Hands were leaving his wrists, moving around his sides, reaching his back, moving down. When Draco´s breath hitched Harry let go of him immediately. Both boys looked at each other breathlessly, eyes wide in blushing faces.

"Sorry!" Harry mumbled, fear in his eyes.

"For what?" whispered Draco, staring into those incredibly green eyes.

"Kissing you." Harry blushed even deeper.

"Do it again!" Draco´s whisper demanding.

The joyful smile on Harry´s face lit up his eyes, making them shine like a green sun, burning deep into Draco´s soul, making this moment unforgettable for him. Their heads were slowly moving towards each other, eyes locked, breaths heaving, when suddenly the door to the staircase opened and in came Pansy Parkinson and Blaise Zabini.

"What the hell are you doing sitting on Draco´s bed, Potter?" screamed Pansy scandalized. Her glittering eyes watched mistrustfully how the two boys broke apart, faces red, seemingly shocked by something. "What were you doing?" she wanted to know.

Harry hurridly returned to his bed, trying to avoid the girl´s questioning eyes by all means.

"Nothing, Pansy, what are you thinking! Potter here just harassed me again! What are you doing here anyway? Potions already over?" Draco asked, trying to get his breathing under control inconspiciously. Blaise was looking from Draco to Harry back to Draco again with a frown marring his black face.

"We came to see how you are doing of course, Draco! Are you not happy to see me?" Pansy pouted.

"Of course, Pansy, I am happy to see you!" Draco forced a smile. "It is just that I have a very mean headache as I have a concussion and I don´t really feel like talking right now. I am really tired. Maybe you could come tomorrow and visit me when I feel a little bit better, Pansy?" Draco did his best to behave as if nothing life altering had happened to him in the last minutes.

"Sure, mate, we will come back tomorrow and let you rest for now. Come on, Pansy!" Blaise said with another piercing glance at Draco and pulled the resisting Pansy out of the infirmary.

"Oh hell, they suspect something!" whined Draco, covering his face with his hands in despair.

"I´m sorry, Draco, I didn´t want to cause any problems for you!" whispered Harry with a cautious side glance at Draco.

"Why do you always apologise, Potter?" Draco cried impatiently, looking at the other youth incredulously. "I wanted it also, so it would be my fault as well! I just hope that they don´t get the right idea about what we were going to do." He wondered what had come over him to even want to kiss Harry Potter of all people, and a boy to boot.

"Why do you always call me Potter? My name is Harry! At least you could call me by my name!" Harry chided.

"Potter is your name as well. Oh hell... Harry! There! Happy now?" Draco rolled his eyes and lay down to pull the bedcover over his head again until only a wisp of his blond hair was to be seen. "m going to sleep!" he mumbled indistinctly under his covers.

Harry rolled his eyes also and smiled softly. Within minutes he could make out soft snores coming from under Draco´s bedcover. Harry felt extremely contented as he lay there in the cold, white infirmary, watching the other boy as the bedcover was sliding down with every breath, revealing an angelic face. It was hard for him to believe that this boy who made him feel so light and warm just by his presence to be the same smug git who had insulted him and all around him for years.

They had always stood on different sides from the beginning and it had become worse each and every year. How would people react to them suddenly being...what? Were they boyfriends after the kiss they had shared? Harry had not even known that he was interested in boys before. He had fancied Cho for a while, althought that kiss with her had been like being slobbered over by a dog compared to kissing Draco.

Harry felt his insides tighten when he thought about how his friends would react to him being...together with Draco. What would Ron´s parents say who had been like substitute parents to him since he had started Hogwarts? The Malfoys and Weasleys hated each other with a vengeance! He would not even like to know how the rest of the wizarding population reacted to their 'saviour' Harry Potter having a relationship with Lucius Malfoy´s son. Harry could already imagine the Daily Prophet´s headline: "Harry Potter: The Gay Who Lived!"

Harry shuddered. If they found out about Draco´s pregnancy it would be even worse. This whole pregnancy was a terrible thing. Draco was suffering, he was clearly terrified and nobody wanted to help him! Harry was determined to help Draco out of this problem! He would ask Hermione for support also. She was a clever witch and would surely find a way out for Draco if there was any possibility at all.

When Hermione and Ron entered the infirmary half an hour later Harry immediately set Hermione on the problem like a hunter would set his hound on trailing the prey. Even though Draco was still not their favourite person Hermione and even Ron were willing to help in any way they would be able to to help Draco get rid of the monstrosity Voldemort had implanted into him. Hermione´s eyes were shining as her brain started to bring out all the facts stored inside her on pregnancy and abortion.

"You know, Harry, that Draco is forbidden to abort by law? You can get into severe trouble if you are caught! We cannot take him to one of our hospitals also for obvious reasons. There might be another solution though, but I need to have a look at some books first. I have an idea already." Hermione said with a busy look on her face.

Harry sent her a grateful smile. While Ron complained about potions class and the points Snape had taken off the Gryffindors, Harry contemplated the best way to tell his friends about the development involving Draco.

"Uh, Herm, Ron, I have to tell you something!" Harry blushed a red rivaling any tomato. "Well... it is... I mean... you know..." Harry took a deep breath and blurted out: "I kissed Draco and he kissed me back." He was breathing heavily as if he had just run a marathon race. His friends both looked at him with big eyes and open mouths.

"You and Malfoy kissed? Like in putting your lips together?" Ron asked incredulously. Harry nodded slowly. "Like in putting your tongue into his mouth?" Ron choked out.

"Uh, it was more like he putting his tongue into my mouth." Harry said, his voice shaking from nervousness.

"Harry, are you crazy?" Ron all but screamed in a squeaky voice. Draco moaned and rolled over, eyes still closed in sleep.

"Ron, be quiet!" Hermione scolded him. "If it makes Harry happy he can kiss Malfoy as often as he likes." she added with a shaky smile directed at Harry. Ron started to make exaggerated gagging sounds.

"Thanks, Mione!" said Harry relieved that at least one of his friends accepted his decision and along with it his sexual orientation.

"Mate, are you sure of what you are doing? I mean...it´s Malfoy! Come on, mate, look at how he looks like!"

Harry smiled entranced. "Yes, he looks like an angel when he is sleeping, don´t you think so?"

Ron sent Harry an unbelieving look. "He looks like a ferret, mate, not like an angel! Look at how white his face is and how pointy his nose and how slender he is and how ...!"

"Ron! Shut it now!" Hermione hissed and pinched Ron´s arm who immediately started to rub the sore spot, sending Hermione a glare.

"But he could have Cho or any of the other girls pining over him!" protested Ron again.

"If Harry wants Draco, then we will support him in his decision, Ron! Harry doesn´t want Cho or any other girl, obviously he likes boys!" lectured him Hermione.

"Oh!" Ron blushed as he looked at Harry, who was so embarrassed by now that he wanted nothing more than to make his decision to tell his friends about the kiss undone.

"Uh...if you like boys...I mean, if you like Malfoy, and it makes you happy, then I am okay with it also!" Ron stuttered.

"Really?" Harry questioned his friend cautiously.

"Sure, mate!" Ron sent him an assuring smile, which made all doubts Harry had had before disappear.

"Thanks, Ron! That means very much to me!" Harry smiled.

"Mr. Weasley, Miss Granger, it is already late and you have to have your dinner down in the Great Hall. Mr. Potter will be back in class by tomorrow morning." Madam Pomfrey had bustled out of her office with a small tray in her hands, shooing out the two Gryffindors. The nurse placed the tray on Draco´s bedside table and proceeded to wake him up.

"Mr. Malfoy, you have to wake up and try to have dinner." she said quietly as Draco rubbed his eyes with a groan.

"´m not hungry." Draco mumbled just to turn around and close his eyes again.

Two sets of plates magically appeared on Draco´s and Harry´s bedside tables, making Harry´s mouth water. Draco groaned again.

"Can´t eat, please!" he whined, the smell of the food turning his empty stomach.

"Let us try a potion to calm your stomach first, Mr. Malfoy!" Madam Pomfrey produced a phial with pink contents, holding a small basin ready before him in case Draco brought everything up again. Draco did exactly that. The retching caused his stomach to ache again and he moaned pitifully while Madam Pomfrey clucked unhappily.

"I found another way to give you the medicine you need in a way your body will accept better, Mr. Malfoy! It is necessary for you in the present situation that you can keep at least food and water down, so I prepared some suppositories containing different medicines. I will apply one right now which will take away the queasiness you are experiencing and will hopefully allow you to have your dinner without further complications. Turn onto your side, please, your back to me!" Madam Pomfrey said.

Draco was baffled. The nurse took one of those white greasy looking things from the small tray she had brought in. Draco eyed it suspiciously. It was about the size of his thumb and rounded on one end. What did she want to do with this thing? He slowly turned his back to her just to feel her cold hand pulling his pajama bottoms down halfway to his thighs and push his upper hip more to the front so that he came to lie half on his stomach.

"What the hell are you doing?" he cried, trying to pull his trousers back up again, a hand smacking his hand away.

"Why, of course I want to apply the suppository, Mr. Malfoy! Lie still and relax! It will be over before you know it."

Draco grabbed his pillow hard, his face flushing red in embarrassement, his teeth gritted, when a hand parted his buttocks and the new kind of medicine the nurse had prepared was pushed deep into his backside. His look came to rest on Harry´s face who stared at his middle, face flushed and eyes wide. Draco cursed the nurse for not having used a privacy screen to hide the dubious treatment.

Harry was not sure what was going on. Poppy had pulled Draco´s trousers down, revealing the gentle curve of his hip, a bush of blond hair and a part of Draco´s privates. She had her hands on the blond´s backside, a finger deep inside him, making Draco flinch and blush. Harry himself blushed also when he shamefully felt himself getting hard at the offered view. Of course he had known what a suppository was but obviously Draco had not. When he realised that Draco stared at him accusingly he averted his eyes guiltily and tried to concentrate on his dinner instead of Draco´s naked skin. What was wrong with him to get aroused by a scene like this?

Draco gratefully pulled his trousers back up as fast as possible when the nurse let go of him. The feeling of the foreign object inside him was disturbing to say the least and made him flinch and move his position on the bed uncomfortably. After some minutes the feeling was gone together with the queasiness he had felt since morning. He cautiously looked at the food before he tasted it slowly. It went down and stayed down. Draco smiled happily and started to eat ravenously.

"I see that the medicine worked wonders on you, Mr. Malfoy! Don´t forget to drink, you need the fluid!" the nurse remarked with a satisfied smile. It was a strange feeling for Draco to be the receiver of one of the rare smiles the strict matron gave out.

Draco finished everything offered and fell asleep contentedly. Unfortunately his stomach was queasy again by the time he woke up the next morning and the whole embarrassing procedure of drinking a potion just to throw it up immediately, again followed by the application of a suppository, had to be repeated much to the chagrin of Draco.

He had to spend another day staying in his bed in the infirmary before Madam Pomfrey was satisfied enough with his progress and the effect of the suppositories to allow him to return to his dorm, anointing his Head of House with the ungrateful and for both parties highly embarrassing assignment to further apply all needed suppositories at a regular intervall, which meant three times a day.

In the meantime Hermione was busily studying in the library, going through tome after tome on the search for a practicable way to abort Voldemort´s spawn. After spending almost two weeks worth of every minute she could spare in the library she let out a squeal, causing Madam Pince to frown in discontent.

She had finally found a way.


	5. Planning

Warning: Slash, but you knew that already...and I am not J.K. Rowling, which might be a warning to you also before you read the following...

**Chapter 5**

**Planning**

_My dear son,_

_I am very sorry about what you have to go through right now, but I trust that Madam Pomfrey will give you the best medical support available in this situation. _

_There is nothing I can do to help you. It makes my heart bleed, but I cannot go against his wish. You have to understand!_

_It makes me sad that you are angry with me, Draco, but I have to accept it because in a way I deserved it. I could not protect you and for that you have every right to blame me. I still hope that everything will turn out well and you will be able to forgive your father and me._

_Draco, there is nothing you can do at present, just try to take care of yourself and stay in good health. Don´t do anything foolish. After you give birth you will be able to continue your life the way you did before this unfortunate situation._

_Don´t forget to study hard, because good grades are the basis for your future life!_

_Your mother _

_Narcissa Malfoy_

Draco angrily crumpled the letter he had just received from his mother. It was one in a row of many letters exchanged between him and his mother since he had been told about his pregnancy. The letter was saying the same as all the former ones did. There would be no help from her side. She was only interested in good grades, pushing the pregnancy aside as if it was a minor inconvenience to him.

He snorted. Studying was the last thing on his mind at the moment. He could only think about the horrible thing inside him. The suppositories were able to take away the queasiness most of the time. Gradually worsening stomach cramps were troubling him on and off, and whatever medicine Madam Pomfrey tried could only help him to some extend. His grades had dropped significantly during the first weeks at school. It had not helped also that instead of doing his assignements he preferred to spend his time searching for books containing any information on abortion or to meet Harry in the room of requirement.

Harry entered said room, hidden under his invisibility cloak like always, just to find Draco sitting on a softly cushioned sofa, brooding like he had done so often during the last days. It pained his heart to see Draco suffering like this. He went over to the blond youth to caress his hair softly and press a tender kiss on his hair which brought a small smile to Draco´s lips.

"What do you have there?" asked Harry, glimpsing the mistreated piece of parchment in Draco´s hand.

"Just another reply from my mother." Draco sighed and stared unhappily at the letter. "She would not agree to go to court, no matter how much I am begging her!"

"Maybe you don´t need the permit any longer, Draco. Hermione found something. She will come to the room of requirement once she can escape Ron´s snogging attempts." Harry laughed and shook his head.

Ron and Hermione had become a couple when she had visited the burrow this summer. Ron hardly let the girl out of his sight while Hermione did her best to teach Ron to become a better person as she called it. More studying, less munching. The only time they spent separated were the hours she was sitting in the library bent over dusty old books as Ron called it, deaf to the world around her. The search for a means to solve Draco´s problem had taken its toll on their relationship and Ron recently tried to cling to her as much as possible.

"I really hope she was able to find something useful, I can´t stand this much longer!" moaned Draco, throwing the wadded paper onto the small side table.

Harry wrapped his arms around Draco, holding him like in a cocoon, trying to give him the safety and warmth he lacked in his life. Draco snuggled against Harry, sighing contentedly. Harry would have wanted to do so much more than to kiss and hold his boyfriend, but Draco was still not over the rape and tensed every time Harry touched a dangerous place as Draco called it. He had never had so many wanking sessions in his life as during the last two weeks. To have a boyfriend but not being allowed to touch him was hell. Harry wanted to go further, wanted it all, but he would wait for Draco.

Half an hour later Hermione entered with a sheepish looking Ron in tow, a single book in her hand and a triumphant grin on her face. She locked the door with a handy spell and the couple sat down on the sofa opposite the one on which Harry and Draco were snuggling.

"I found it!" she blurted out, waving a new looking green book in her hand. "I could not find anything in any of the books in Hogwarts´ library so I wrote to my parents that we are studying contraceptives and the likes in herbology and I would like to bring in the knowledge the muggle women were having in the olden days..." She made a pause to prolong the boy´s suspense. "...and here it is!" Her smile rivaled a flashing light.

"Eve's Herbs: A History of Contraception and Abortion in the West by John M. Riddle." Draco read aloud. "A muggle book on herbs?" he asked incredulously.

"Well, the muggle women ever since had their own methods for controlling fertility and aborting unwanted children by the use of herbs. When our present formal medicine developed, which is dominated by men, these preparations were forbidden, and women offering or using them were tried as witches by the Roman Catholic Church. The use of herbs is not common knowledge any longer, but some muggle women use them still." Hermione lectured, ardour making her eyes shine like small stars.

"So herbs it will be. Herbs we could find. Which ones do we need then?" Draco asked, a hopeful small smile enlightening his features.

"There are many mentioned, but Tansy and Pennyroyal seem to be the most effective herbs. I have a feeling that your pregnancy is settled more potently in your body than the average female pregnancy. We might need the strongest herbs. Usually a tea is brewed and it has to be drunken for several days every four hours regularly, the only problem is that the herb is mentioned in different forms. There are fresh or dried herbs and leaf infusion. We have to see first which type of herbs we can lay hands on before we try to determine how much you have to take exactly, Draco."

"How shall we do the abortion secretly if Draco has to drink the tea every four hours?" asked Harry concerned about the outcome if anybody would realise that they were trying an illegal abortion. "The ministry might arrest Draco if anybody finds out!" He hoped that the name of the muggle author, Riddle, was not a bad omen for their plan.

"You always worry too much, Harry! We will find a way to concentrate it and make the abortion faster." Draco tried to conciliate his boyfriend with a soft smile and a kiss, which made Ron to intentionally produce a gagging sound again for which he earned a chastising glare from Harry and Draco and a clout from his girlfriend.

"Harry might have a point there, Draco!" Hermione warned. "I am not sure how far we can concentrate the herb for you to be still safe during the abortion. It will anyway be hard on you as you will be cramping and bleeding heavily. You could even be poisoned if we use too high concentrations. The use of the herbs can be taxing on your kidneys or liver, so we have to be very careful in the preparation of the tea." Hermione looked a little bit worried now.

"You could do it over the weekend, Draco, and once the abortion is well on its way you can go to the infirmary and say you don´t know how it was caused." Ron suggested helpfully. Draco had the almost uncontrollable feeling to make a face at the use of his first name by a Weasley, but he persuaded himself that it was the best for his relationship with Harry if he was nice to Ron, the weasel.

"Yes, I could do that. Then we should try to get the Tansy and Pennyroyal as fast as possible. I will have a look at Snape´s office. He stores his private potion ingredients in a cupboard in there." Draco proposed.

"We could ask Neville if he knows how to get them." Harry offered, quietly turning the pages of the green book. The described possible side-effects made him shudder inwardly. He had no good feelings about the idea of Draco taking these potentially toxic herbs to induce the abortion. The prospect of his Draco writhing in pain during the abortive process made his stomach churn in sympathy, but it was better than him giving birth to Voldemort´s spawn, which was for sure painful as well.

"Neville. Neville Longbottom?" Draco snorted.

"Neville is very good at herbology, he knows about anything you need to know. Maybe we should bring him in." Hermione remarked.

"No! I don´t want Longbottom or anybody else to know about it!" Draco´s eyes were wide with panic. He could not stand the idea that one more person would know about the rape or the pregnancy. Harry immediately tightened his hold on him.

"It´s okay, Draco, we will not tell him what we need the information for." Harry tried to soothe the shivering boy in his arms.

"Okay then, you ask Neville and I will try to steal what we need from Snape´s office." Draco relaxed into Harry´s arms again. He was greatful for Harry´s support. Hell, he even appreciated the mudblood and the weasel nowadays. Must be the hormones!

Ron and Hermione chatted some more with them but soon left to have some fun as Ron called it with a mischievous grin. Draco felt disgusted at the idea of a weasel and a mudblood having a go at it, but the idea of him and Harry doing something...

"Harry, would you like to do something?" Draco asked, blushing softly.

"Something? What do you mean?" Harry innocently looked at him to jump in surprise when a hand suddenly grabbed his crotch and started to open his trousers.

"Draco, what are you doing? I thought you don´t want to do anything. I mean, what are you doing, Draacooo!" Harry was ready before Draco had even touched him.

Draco froze for a second when his hand closed around the foreign flesh, silky soft skin. He felt confused and unsure of himself suddenly.

"Draco? You don´t need to do this. I can wait until you are ready." Harry whispered softly.

"But I want to do it now. You are helping and supporting me and I am not even giving you anything back. I want to thank you for being there for me." Draco quietly said.

"And this is your way of saying thank you to me?" joked Harry, a twinkle in his eyes.

Draco laughed and proceeded to pull down Harry´s trousers. Suddenly all the confusion and insecurity was gone from his mind and he knew that he wanted to do this. He touched and stroked Harry and finally closed his lips around him, his tongue licking up and down the length of Harry´s member, his hands caressing any place he could reach on the trembling body. It took only a minute for Harry to suddenly push deep into Draco´s mouth with a shuddering yelp and bitter seed flooded Draco´s taste buds. The taste was not something Draco liked, but it was Harry´s, so he liked it nevertheless.

"Sorry!" Harry whispered, sweat making his body shine beautifully, eyes wide in wonder and embarrassment.

"You are doing it again, Harry! When will you stop this ridiculous apologising?" cried Draco with a satisfied grin on his face, just to seal Harry´s open mouth with his own lips the very next second. When Harry opened his trousers Draco tensed, but he willed himself to relax, telling himself all the time that it was just Harry, nobody else, just Harry. His mental lifeline was forgotten when a mouth closed around him and Harry repaid him in kind causing Draco to tremble in pure unadulterated bliss.

"Are you okay, Draco?" Harry asked later, holding Draco in his arms again. He was worried that the blond boy would regret everything by now.

"Yes, very okay!" smiled Draco. He could see it in Harry´s face that he worried about him. "I loved it, Harry! I was afraid in the beginning, but I could do it, because it was with you. I am okay...and happy!" Draco added. "I think I could do even more than that with you."

Harry´s eyes widened and he started to smile like crazy. It had been worth waiting he decided.

In the evening Draco had to go to the office of his Head of House so that Snape could apply a suppository as usual before Draco would go to the Great Hall for dinner. The procedure of opening his trousers, bending over Snape´s desk and feeling the greasy potion master pushing the accursed medicine into him was made easier this time for Draco because he concentrated on the man´s cupboard containing his private potion ingredients instead of his hands. He was rather sure he could make out a glass reading something like '_essence of pennyroyal' _before he had to leave the office to go and take his dinner.

He gave Harry a sign to meet him after dinner. During the whole meal Draco was giddy with feelings. The experience with Harry had made him long for more. It was like a drug running through his system, screaming for constant supply. Every touch of Harry´s seemed to have erased one of Voldemort´s from his mind and he needed more of it, needed to forget. Once Harry had come out of the Great Hall Draco had simply pushed Harry into the broom closet opposite the Great Hall and proceeded to snog him senseless.

Harry could not help but wonder what had gotten into Draco but he was not about to complain. Things seemed to develop rapidly and Harry became nervous when he thought about the next step. He had never done anything like that with a boy, hell, he had not even had sex with a girl! Harry did not want to make a fool out of himself the first time with Draco, his loosing control during the blowjob had been embarrassing enough in his opinion. He would not make the same mistake twice and get himself prepared for the next step.

So Harry, after turning around in bed restlessly, wondering where he could get the appropriate information from, made his way to the library in the cover of his invisibility cloak and started to search with a whispered "Lumos!" through the rows of old books to finally hit gold. He chose a book with the ludicrous and saucy title _"How two wizards can have fun together using their wands" _by Amos Zestnut.

Harry blushed deeper and deeper as he turned the pages, moving wizarding pictures decorating the pages showed him everything he wanted to know and even more. He jumped when a hand lay down heavily on his shoulder.

"What are you doing here in the middle of the night?" a male voice hissed behind him.

When Harry looked up into the blinding light created by another wand the unrecognizable figure bent over to look at the open page showing a carnal feast of two wizards enjoying the pleasure of anilingus, the light of Harry´s wand finally revealing a blond head and grey glittering eyes.


	6. Performing

_**Warning: Adult content describing Harry´s and Draco´s first time!**_

_**This chapter was rewritten as to hopefully match the guidelines of M-rating. I am an explicit person, but hopefully I could turn it more poetic/romantic than smutty. **_

**Chapter 6**

**P e r f o r m i n g**

"Gods! You almost gave me a heart attack, Draco! What are you doing here?" Harry hissed in return trying to distract Draco from the fact that he was sitting in the middle of the night in the library, reading a most queer book.

"I could not sleep and wanted to search for some information on Pennyroyal dosage. I saw that Snape has Pennyroyal in his cupboard. I just have to find a way to get it out." Harry already relaxed after Draco´s explanation when the blond looked down again on the open page with narrowed eyes.

"What the hell are you reading here, Harry, that you could not even realise my entering the library? It could have been Filch instead of me! What is this anilingus?" Draco started to turn the pages, his eyes getting larger and larger as his face flushed. Harry blushed such a deep red, he could have rivalled even Ron´s look the time after he had snorted pumpkinjuice out through his nose all over a shocked Hermione.

"I...that is, you said...Draco, I don´t...I just wanted to...uh...get some information." Harry stuttered helplessly embarrassed.

"Information on...gay sex?" Draco asked incredulously. "Whatever would you need all this for?"

"I wanted to do it right for you, to make you feel good! I have never..." whispered Harry sheepishly, unable to finish the sentence, to tell Draco that he was still a virgin.

Draco stared at him, then started to snort amused by Harry´s bashful smile.

"So, have you learned enough already to, uh, do it right?" Draco asked in an unsteady voice, blushing deeply as he stared at the open page, showing a wizard on hands and knees like a dog, while another was rutting him from behind, just like animals would do.

"I think so, Draco. Would you... would you like to go to the Room of Requirement with me?" Harry whispered breathlessly.

Draco froze, staring at the moving picture, pictures of his rape overlapping it in his mind. Could he do it? Could he go with Harry and try...this? Harry would not hurt him, Draco was sure, but he was frozen in panic at the thought of someone penetrating him, hurting him, shaming him, taking him. He looked at Harry, the blackhaired youth´s face started to show regret and shame. That would not do, Harry had not done anything wrong! He had made him feel wonderful just this afternoon, maybe Draco could fight his fear and enjoy this also with Harry, make it different this time, make it better.

"Let´s go then!" Draco whispered, forcing an unsteady, nervous smile onto his face.

Harry gave him a short kiss, returned the saucy book to its place on the shelf and took Draco by the hand. Their hands were both sweaty and trembling. Under the cover of Harry´s invisibility cloak they went up the three stairs to the seventh floor where the Room of Requirement was situated opposite a tapestry showing Barnabas the Barmy trying to teach trolls to dance ballet. Harry walked by the section of blank wall hiding the secret room three times, thinking hard of what they needed until a heavy oak door appeared.

They shared a short look before they entered the room, locking the door behind them with every locking charm they could think of. The room looked like an elegant but cosy bedroom. There was a giant four poster bed, complete with fluffy pillows and a single beautiful soft blanket. Sidetables were holding different items. A merry fire spitting in a large ornate marble fireplace provided the only light in the room. Everything was beautifully decorated and a large bearskin lay in front of the fire on an artistically inlaid wooden floor. They both blushed when they saw the bed.

"Are you sure you want to do this, Draco?" asked Harry a last time before kissing Draco softly and sensually. Draco nodded, unable to speak as his breath sped up and his heart seemed to explode in his chest. Harry guided Draco to the bed, starting to pull off the blond´s shirt, nibbling at his ear carefully. Draco moaned when Harry´s hands glided over his groin and he started to pull Harry´s sweater over his head. Harry helped him, putting his glasses on the bedside table. They were both kicking off their shoes, pulling their trousers and socks off as fast as possible, throwing all items on the floor in one big mess.

Harry smiled when he saw how beautiful Draco looked in the flickering light of the fire. He looked like a creature out of a dream, slender and toned, graceful and vulnerable. Harry´s body reacted to the sight of the naked boy in front of him within a matter of seconds. He stepped towards Draco, embracing him tightly, burrowing his face into the curve of Draco´s neck, moaning when his straining flesh rubbed against Draco´s thigh.

He pushed Draco onto the bed to lie down on top of him. The blond boy tensed first but relaxed when Harry´s tongue started to play in his mouth while his fingertips moved over rosy nubs. Draco moaned into his mouth, his body arching into his. Harry looked up searchingly, finding what he needed on the bedside table, a jar with lubricant. He reached for it, rolling onto his side, off Draco, and coated the fingers of his right hand with the oily cream. Draco watched him anxiously, looking like a small child with his big eyes.

"I need to prepare you, so it won´t hurt." Draco nodded again, wheezing in fear, his body tensing when Harry parted his legs and an embarrassing intrusion caused a slightly burning discomfort. Harry watched Draco´s face carefully. The boy had pressed his eyes tightly shut, mouth opened in an umcomfortable gesture, panting heavily. Harry did his best not to hurt Draco, he moved his finger very slowly, searching for this bundle of nerves which had been described in the book. When his finger moved over a small bump and Draco started with a small yelp, Harry was sure that he had found it. The intrusive finger left only to be replaced by two, which caused Draco to whimper in pain, grabbing the comforter to stop himself from stilling Harry´s hand.

Harry searched for the bump again, moving over it again and again until he saw the most beautiful piece of manhood rising and filling out until it looked red and ready to burst. The blond boy was covered in sweat by now, his breath heaving. Harry slowly pulled his fingers out and coated his own hardness with the lubricant. He knelt between Draco´s legs, meeting the frightened eyes of his boyfriend and pushed his thighs even more apart before he raised Draco´s hips with his hands to hook those beautiful legs over his arms. He moved forward, pressing against Draco´s rear just to see the boy tensing, his breath speeding up even more, eyes wide open, staring into his. Harry felt for the small opening, pushing against it, increasing the pressure slowly. Draco whimpered, eyes starting to fill with tears rapidly, his hands flying up to Harry´s chest, trying to push him away.

"Stop, Harry, please, stop!" the blond boy sobbed with wide fearful eyes.

Harry immediately withdrew with a moan, although all his instincts told him to continue and take his pleasure. Draco was shuddering and sobbing under him. Harry proceeded to lie down beside Draco and ran his finger through the silky blond hair again.

"Sh, Draco, it´s okay, I stopped, you see, I will not hurt you, please, stop crying!" Harry embraced the slender body, placing small kisses all over the tear covered face. "Let me make it better, Draco, I will not hurt you! Maybe I could show you now what this anilingus is." he whispered with a small sly smile, his hands slowly stroking Draco. Draco started to moan again, his tears slowly drying. Harry looked searchingly into the blond´s face, relieved when his ministrations were rewarded with a small nod.

He moved to lie down between Draco´s legs, pushing them back and apart to pleasure his lover in a most private way. Draco shuddered and moaned. The lubricant on Harry´s tongue tasted of peaches thankfully, making Draco taste sweet. He slowly pushed the tip of his tongue inside, and started to move his tongue slowly in and out, circling the small wrinkled place, licking up and down the cleft to return to the small hole to dip his tongue inside again. Draco´s panting was loud and frantic in the dark room. Harry let go of one leg to continue stroking Draco who was moaning and writhing by now, holding onto the bedcover with a white-knuckled grip.

"Harry!" whimpered Draco when nimble fingers seeked entrance again, a soft mouth closing over hard flesh twitching in bliss when the wet tip of a rosy tongue caressed the most sensitive places. Draco was frantic; the skilled caresses were taking away his fears and distracting him from the almost painful feeling of now three fingers preparing him. He could do nothing than to whimper and pant and moan and writhe, wanting more, wanting this to continue forever. He was so very close to completion when Harry suddenly withdrew completely, kneeling down between his legs again and entered Draco with one forceful push.

Draco gave a surprised yelp, the burning sensation almost too much for him, almost destroying his state of hardness. He was about to push the insistent youth away from him when Harry´s hand closed around him again, stroking carefully, playing with his tip, while he slowly started to move inside Draco. Instead of pushing against Harry´s chest he started to move his hands over the soft skin, down the muscled arms, trained from long hours of playing quidditch and holding onto his broom.

He yelped when Harry´s movement after some trials to slightly change his position caused a blissful convulsion to run through his body, a small cry escaping his throat when Harry carefully repeated it. He held onto Harry´s upper arms staring into green eyes trained on his. Harry´s face held a strange expression of concentration and joy and something feral was in his eyes, eyes staring straight into his own.

Draco could feel himself losing control very fast, feeling himself tightening around Harry, his body tensing and his breath hitching as his body went into convulsions, making him frantically move into Harry´s hard grip, tearing a shaky scream from his lips as his completion spilled out of him. Harry groaned and lost his rhythm, his movements becoming hard and frantic, increasing the blissfull feeling in Draco´s middle, until Harry suddenly stilled, deeply encased, eyes shut, shuddering, to finally fall bonelessly onto the soft body beneath him.

Both boys were breathing heavily, their sweat mingling in their tight embrace, small smiles started on their faces, lips met, tongues entwined. Draco made a face when Harry slowly withdrew, causing a rather uncomfortable sensation and the embarrassing feeling of something wet running down his cleft, staining the bed under his buttocks.

"Are you in pain?" Harry asked worried.

"No, it´s just...I´m leaking!" Draco said with a disgusted and shameful face.

"Oh!" Harry grabbed his wand and scourgified the bed and Draco´s rear end, making the blond to feel a little bit more comfortable.

"It was worth it that you read this book, Harry!" whispered Draco, a satisfied smile playing on his lips. "How long did you sit in the library before I came?"

"About an hour." answered Harry lazily, his fingers playing with Draco´s hair.

"You are a fast learner, Harry..." praised Draco with a wink. "...or a natural talent!"

They both laughed and snuggled together, covering themselves with the soft blanket when the sweat started to dry on their skin and soon the two youths fell asleep in deep satisfaction and heavenly bliss.

Harry woke up some hours later to soft hair tickling his nose, sunlight making his disturbed sleep impossible to be pursued. He opened his eyes with a start, looking around in confusion when his eyes came to rest on the peacefully sleeping blond snuggling against his chest. Harry smiled softly, but his face suddenly turned into a panicked grimace when he looked out of the window the Room of Requirement had provided for them.

"Draco, wake up, we overslept! The sun is already very high up!" Harry screamed, shaking his boyfriend frantically.

Draco jumped out of bed after a short confused look at Harry and started swearing when he searched through the mountain of discarded clothes on the floor for his own. They both dressed as fast as humanly possible and separated ways once they left the Room of Requirement as they both had to run back to their dorm to dress for class and fetch their schoolbooks. What was worst was that their first class was potions class with Snape, and Gryffindors and Slytherins shared it.

Draco entered the classroom a minute after he had heard running and sound of a door shutting in front of him which must have been Harry entering the class in a hurry. When he entered Harry stood redfaced beside his friends´ table while Snape was deducting 50 points from him for being more than one hour too late. Every face turned towards Draco, Snape was forgetting to finish his ranting and the students were looking from Harry to Draco in wonder.

"Where are you coming from at this time, Mr. Malfoy?" asked Snape sharply when he had composed himself again.

"I..." Draco blushed, then all of a sudden he felt himself growing dizzy. He found himself half lying on the floor when he opened his eyes again, the concerned face of his Head of House next to him, his arm around his back holding him in a half sitting position.

"Can you get up, Mr. Malfoy?" Snape asked calmly. Draco tried and failed miserably, everything was spinning in front of his eyes and a stabbing pain in his stomach made him flinch and moan. He wrapped his arms around his middle and lay back down, taking deep breaths to try to stop the dizziness.

"I will take you to the infirmary, Mr. Malfoy, you seem to be unwell!" the potions master said before turning to the gaping students. "Class is finished for today!" Snape lifted him into his arms and carried him out of the classroom, curious stares following them. The last thing he saw before the door shut behind him was the worried face of Harry, who was held back by his friends to stop him from running after Draco.


	7. Denouncing

**Chapter 7**

**Denouncing**

Draco moaned when Snape placed him on a hard infirmary bed and helped him to pull off his Hogwarts robe. He was tortured by excruciating cramps in his stomach alternating with a piercing pain stabbing through his middle. It was surely another one of those disturbing pain attacks he sometimes suffered, though this one was worse than any of the preceding ones.

"What happened, Professor Snape? An accident in potions, maybe a reaction to the potion you were preparing today?" Madam Pomfrey interrogated the potions master while throwing one diagnostic hex after the other onto the writhing Draco. Tears started to trail down his cheeks as the cramping reached another peek and Madam Pomfrey chose exactly that time to start prodding and pressing his stomach again.

"Owww, please, stop it, hurts so much..." Draco whimpered pitifully.

"Nothing like this. Mr. Malfoy entered my class more than one hour late and fainted without apparent reason before he could tell me where he had come from. He has suffered from seemingly increasing pain since then. Potter has been too late as well, I am sure there is any connection." Snape sent the matron a nervous glance. "Is he miscarrying?"

"I cannot tell for sure right now if it is a miscarriage. Help me to pull off his trousers, please! I have to check for bleeding." She replied with a frown. While his Head of House proceeded to remove Draco´s shoes and trousers the nurse brought a small phial for him.

"Drink this, child, it will stop the cramps." Draco took the small glass phial with shaking hands and gulped the potion down. He could feel his stomach convulsing again and the potion was shooting out of his mouth, splashing onto the bedcovers, staining the once flawless white.

"He did not come to my office this morning for the suppository." Snape admitted contritely.

The nurse clucked unhappily over him and placed him on his left side, bending his upper leg to rest in front of him.

"Hold his leg in place, exactly like this, please, Professor Snape!" the matron asked the greasy haired potions professor before she carefully pushed a finger into Draco´s anus. He jerked hard against the hold on his leg and yelled from the pain the searching intrusion caused in his already cramping bowel. Draco cried in relief when the examination was over.

"Hold him in place still!" the nurse ordered and fetched a suppository to administer it as fast as possible to reduce the pain she would have to afflict with it.

"There is no bleeding, which is a good sign. The embryo is doing well, there is already heartbeat. We have to wait for how the situation develops, but I don´t believe this is a miscarriage but a mere...reaction." Madam Pomfrey covered Draco with a blanket before gazing down on him with a frown on her face.

"Did you have intercourse recently, Mr. Malfoy?" Draco looked at the matron with fear in his eyes. Was it forbidden to have sex here at school? Would they be expelled now? Before he could think of a benign answer Harry stormed breathlessly into the infirmary.

"How is Draco? What is wrong with him?" Harry wheezed.

"Mr. Potter! There is no need for you to charge into my infirmary like a troll!" Poppy rebuked him, frowning deeply now. Snape was looking at him, understanding slowly glimmering in his eyes to be replaced by fury, while Draco´s face was deadly white, his eyes filled with panic and apprehension, teartracks on his beautiful face making him looking even more vulnerable.

"What is wrong?" Harry asked, fighting the urge to take a step back as he was faced with two adults who struggled to keep their temper under control.

"Where have you been this morning, Mr. Potter?" Snape asked in a dangerously calm voice while his black eyes glittered in a deadly fire.

"I told you already, I slept in!" Harry answered, his voice almost breaking in his nervousness.

"Did you have intercourse with Mr. Malfoy?" Harry´s eyes opened wide in surprise at the nurse´s harsh question, meeting Draco´s glance, frightened by the look of utter destruction on his boyfriend´s face. Harry could not talk, hell, even breathing was a problem right now. He felt like dying the very second heat was starting to build up on his face and he knew he was blushing a deep red.

"I am not stupid, boys! I felt that your anus was recently stretched, Mr. Malfoy! So if you were not penetrated by somebody else, did you insert something into yourself?" the nurse´s flushed face was nothing compared to the rapid colouring of Draco´s face now. Still none of the boys answered. Draco whimpered silently as the cramping reached another peek, his teeth grit to suppress any noise which could shift the attention of the two irate adults to his person only, but he failed miserably.

"Have you been in pain during or after the penetration, Mr. Malfoy?" the nurse sighed in frustration. Draco slowly shook his head.

"Fine! Was there anything happening before you entered the potions classroom that could have hurt you or upset you in any way?" she continued. Draco just looked at her, the fear of the consequences muddling his thoughts.

"When we woke up it was already very late, so we had to run to our dorms to change and fetch our books. As long as Draco was with me he was fine." Harry whispered afraid of the pending wrath.

"Did you fall down on the stairs or in the shower, Mr. Malfoy?" Madam Pomfrey asked, fetching another phial with muscle relaxant potion. Draco shook his head again in negation and slowly gulped down the citric tasting potion, grateful for the warmth flowing through his body, slowly taking the tension out of his muscles and reducing the pain he was in.

"I take it that besides not meeting Professor Snape to receive the required suppository you also forgot to eat and drink?" Madam Pomfrey sent him a chastising glare, which made Draco´s nod even more hesitant. The nurse sighed deeply.

"I believe the fainting and severe cramping was caused by stress and exhaustion. You are forgetting, Mr. Malfoy, that as long as you are pregnant your body needs more care. You have to slow down, no sports, which includes running, no stress, sleeping enough, eating well and drinking enough, taking your medicine. That is all very important now. Your body is under constant strain, if you put more stress onto yourself there can be repercussions like this! The abdominal pains may return throughout the pregnancy caused by the growing of your uterus and the alignment of the surrounding organs! Well, to have intercourse is possible throughout the pregnancy, but you have to do it in a measured way. I trust that you will take better care of yourself from now on?" Draco nodded slowly, afraid that his voice would fail him would he put it to use.

"I take it that the two of you are boyfriends?" Madam Pomfrey asked now with a small amused smile. Snape choked out an appalled, protesting sound.

"Yes, we are!" Harry confirmed with a happy smile, which was countered with a glare worthy a basilisk coming from Snape´s eyes instead.

"500 points from Gryff..." Snape´s hostile hiss was cut off by Madam Pomfrey´s overly cheerful voice.

"Professor! Mr. Potter! I must insist that you leave now. Mr. Malfoy should not be distressed and you both have to go back to your classes."

Snape sent Harry another withering glare before turning around on his heels and stalking out of the room with billowing robes. Harry slowly made his way over to Draco´s side, smiling softly at him and taking the other boy´s cold and trembling hand.

"Are you okay now, Draco?" Harry whispered.

"Yes, I am better, just very tired." Draco answered with a small exhausted smile, happy to feel Harry´s support again if only by a held hand.

"Mr. Potter! Mr. Malfoy should sleep now! You can visit him again after classes or even in your lunch break if you wish to." the nurse mentioned with a sympathetic smile.

Harry pressed a small chastised kiss onto Draco´s lips, aware of the watching eyes of the matron and went to his next class grudgingly.

Draco was allowed to leave the infirmary the very next morning after promising to watch out for his health during the following months. In the afternoon after classes he met Harry for the first time alone again in the Room of Requirement.

They started kissing before they even shared a word and it took some minutes before they settled into the soft chair by the fireplace to talk about the day. Draco could not concentrate on Harry´s report on his best friends´ latest piece of public porn because his mind was centered on Harry´s sexy lips, the way they were moving when his Harry was speaking.

A small twinge in his belly reminded him of the stranger in there. Draco was eager to end this nasty pregnancy as soon as possible, which meant he needed the herbs, and needed them soon.

"Harry, did you already ask Longbottom where we could get the herbs for the abortion from?" Draco was sitting on Harry´s lap, straddling him to have better access to his mouth and other wonderful places to kiss. His present attention was solely concentrated on the small spot under Harry´s earlobes, where Harry was especially sensitive.

"Uh...Neville said they are not in the greenhouse...the time for harvesting them is almost over and we might have problem to find fresh ones." Harry moaned. "Draco, I don´t like the plan with the herbs...something is bound to go wrong, it is too insecure and the rest too incalculable...can´t we search for another way instead?" Draco looked at Harry appalled.

"Harry, I need to get rid of it, please, I thought you are going to help me! I even already searched for a way to get the Pennyroyal from Snape´s office!" Draco looked at Harry with disappointment and fear to be abandoned again written all over his face, even if he himself preferred to think that his face was a mask of indifference.

"Draco...of course I will help you. Can we make a deal? We will get the herbs, but you will wait until the time is over in which you could have a legal abortion. And if we find a better way you will forget about the herbs. Promise me this?" Harry looked at Draco beseechingly.

"I promise, Harry!" Draco said sincerely after a searching gaze into Harry´s eyes.

"Thank you, Draco! So tell me now, which ingenious plan did my little Slytherin develop to take the Pennyroyal from the big bad potion master´s room?" Harry quipped relieved, biting playfully into Draco´s earlobe for changes after dropping a small kiss on it.

"This evening when I will enter his office...you will follow me inside when I am going to get my suppository... I will distract him while you take the jar out of his cupboard... His cupboard is always open... as he is having an unbreakable surveillance spell on his room which is automatically off...when he is present within the boundaries of the spell which is if he is inside his rooms... That is our best chance... The Tansy I couldn´t see in his cupboard... will have to search for it somewhere else...will you help me to do it this evening?" Draco whispered inbetween placing small kisses and bites onto Harry´s neck. Harry grunted his agreement as he was too preoccupied with the feeling of his tightening trousers to pronounce a simple 'Yes'.

After a short mutual wanking session the two youths made their way down to the dungeons, passing by the Gryffindor tower for Harry to fetch his invisibility cloak. Harry nervously waited behind Draco when then blond knocked on Snapes door and entered after hearing an incomprehensible grunt from inside. Harry slipped in beside his boyfriend, carefully watching that his invisibility cloak would not get caught on anything, and moved as noiselessy as possible into his agreed position in front of the cupboard.

The jar was exactly in the place which Draco had described, so all he had to do now was to wait for Draco´s 'distraction'. He watched as Draco greeted his Head of House respectfully and made his way otherwise wordlessly over to the big staincovered writing desk while Snape took one of those dreaded suppositories out of a drawer. Draco had opened his trousers, letting them and his pants fall around his knees and bent forward to brace himself on the stained wood of Snape´s desk, his white elegant hands coming to rest beside a stack of papers from any of Snape´s unfortunate classes.

Snape looked at his student´s naked backside with a stony face and parted the round buttocks resolutely to push the medicine as fast as possible into Draco´s rectum. Harry started when Draco moaned and flushed as soon as Snape´s finger was deep inside him. Snape froze, confusion flickering over his face. Draco moaned again and shuddered when Snape slowly withdrew his finger.

"Are you in pain, Mr. Malfoy? Perhaps a residual side effect left from your...copulation with Potter? Perhaps you should see Madam Pomfrey before you go to bed." Snape asked with a slight sneer building on his face. Draco´s cheeks were highlighted with a blush when he struggled to pull up his trousers over a growing erection. In trying to turn his back to his Head of House to hide his condition he inadvertendly presented his excited front to Harry who immediately felt his own groin responding. Gods, was this Draco´s plan of distracting Snape? Harry did not hope so, as he felt the first pulses of jealousy flashing through his insides.

"Yes, just a slight pain, my stomach is starting to act up again, sorry, Professor!" Draco mumbled. Snape rose an eyebrow, watching how his student buckled his belt.

"That would be all then, Mr. Malfoy! I expect you will make your way to the Great Hall now!" Snape drawled, a perfect picture of a Slytherin prig.

Draco nodded and started to make his way towards the door to suddenly flinch and bend in half, holding his stomach, moaning in pain while Snape watched questioningly. The potions master finally hurried to Draco´s side when Draco fell to his knees, one arm wrapped around his middle, the other supporting him on the floor, starting to wheeze.

"This is habit-forming, Mr. Malfoy! I will take you up to see Madam Pomfrey." When Snape tried to pull Draco up and Draco resisted with a pained yell Harry realised that this was the distraction and the twisting inside him, the sympathetic pain he felt, caused by Draco´s pained exclamations, dissolved somewhat. He carefully opened the cupboard door and took out the jar which contained Pennyroyal, closing the door noiselessly and hiding the jar and his hands under his cloak again before Snape was able to pull Draco into a standing position.

Harry made his way over to Draco to tap onto his backside, giving him the sign that he was ready and made his way over to the door. Draco took some deep breaths, flinching, then relaxing his face slowly.

"I believe it is not necessary to go to the infirmary, it has stopped. Thank you, Professor!" Draco opened the door wide, looking back at Snape who nodded his good bye while Harry moved out and finally Draco also stepped into the passage, closing the door behind him. Draco exhaled slowly, the tension leaving his body, and made his way down the passage to be pushed inside the empty potions classroom, the door opening and closing seemingly alone.

"I got it!" Harry gasped as he tore the coat from his body and flung it aside. "What the hell was this moaning thing when Snape had his finger inside you! You get turned on by Snape?" Harry hissed annoyed. Draco blushed a deep read, hurt in his eyes as he fixed them on the floor like a small scolded child.

"It is not what you are thinking, Harry! Usually it does not happen, but you watched and...!" Draco stuttered highly embarrassed, not even able to meet his boyfriends searching gaze.

"So it turned you on that I was watching as Snape stuck his finger inside you?" asked Harry after a short pause, snorting softly when Draco nodded ashamed.

The next second Harry locked the room with a charm and pulled the anxious Draco towards Snape´s desk in front of the rows of working tables and pushed him against it, forced him to bend over.

"So this is what turns you on? To bend over for me, Draco?" Harry hissed heatedly, almost tearing Draco´s trousers when he opened it too fast, his hands shaking too much.

"Harry..." whimpered Draco, afraid that his boyfriend was going to hurt him, going to punish him and then drop him like the piece of waste Draco was. He yelped when Harry pushed his finger into him briskly.

"These suppositories are a handy thing, you are all greasy inside already!" Harry murmured while he prepared Draco, who tried to get up again and again, so Harry had to place one arm onto his back to keep him down.

"Harry, please, I am sorry, I don´t like him, it was not for him, please, let me go!" Draco begged with tears in his eyes, his heart beating rapidly, the fear starting to close his throat, trying to suffocate him while merciless fingers worked him over.

"Hold still, Draco! You got me all hard watching you and Snape. I want you so much and I know you love it here, right on Snape´s desk!" Harry hissed with a small predatory smile on his lips.

Draco moaned when Harry slowly pushed inside, the strong hand on his back letting up the pressure, moving to his hip, to his groin. Draco pressed his forehead against the old wood, the slow thrusts rocking him against the desk were his Head of House was sitting every day, watching his students with a glare and a sneer. Harry had been right, Draco loved it.

They made love in a slow and measured way just as the nurse had prescribed. When they had finished Harry cleaned Draco, helped him to dress and finally embraced him. all the time smiling his 'Happy Harry Smile'. When Harry finally started to kiss Draco tenderly, Draco snuggled against him happily.

"Are you still angry on me, Harry?" Draco asked cautiously.

"Why should I be angry on you, because you got hard for me?" Harry laughed softly. "I am sorry that I frightened you, Draco, but you got me so excited, I could not control myself!" Draco rested his head on Harry´s shoulder contentedly. He would have forgiven Harry anything, as long as he stayed with him.

"You were right, I loved it!" Draco finally whispered with a small sly smile. Harry looked down on the blond head in confusion and finally started to laugh when he understood.

"Well, we can do it more often down here, defiling Snape´s desk!" And defile they did, many a night during the next weeks.

One week before Draco would have reached the three months limit for a legal abortion the friends were sitting in the library, poring over books as usual. Even Ron had joined the reading circle, although his reading material was not always connected to the topic abortion, but none of the others complained. He had found the equivalent to Harry´s reading material that had taught him so well how to please Draco. Ron happily devoured _"The gratified witch - carnal pleasures in the middle ages"_.

Neither Harry nor Draco wanted to know why Hermione did not insist on more serious reading material for Ron, like his schoolbooks. Draco shuddered when his sorely shocked eyes caught a glimpse of the moving picture Ron watched with glittering eyes and a very silly smile as Draco thought. Draco seriously thought about filing an application with Dumbledore to move all those horrible sexual education books as Hermione called them to the restricted section.

"Gah, I can´t stand the sight of a book anymore!" Draco cried in annoyance, throwing the book in front of him shut. "And I am getting fat! My mother will not go to court and it will anyway be too late for it now. Why don´t I simply use the herb and the whole thing is over!" Draco complained.

His mood was terrible, he had developed a bladder which didn´t allow him to stay away from a toilet for more than an hour at most and the cramps where still troubling him. At least the queasiness had let up a bit and he could now eat during the day without the help of the awful application of rectal medicines. Only in the morning his stomach was not settled, but Madam Pomfrey had decided that it didn´t require any medication at this point if he ate enough during the day.

Harry sent him a troubled look. The use of herbs to terminate the pregnancy had become a sensitive topic between the two of them. The closer the pregnancy had gotten to the time limit for legal abortion the more Harry was against the use of the herb. He was too afraid of that anything bad would happen to Draco, too afraid to loose another loved person like he had lost his parents and his godfather. Draco was still in the possession of the essence of Pennyroyal, and would not tell Harry where he had hidden the jar, but they had not managed to lay their hands on any of the other stronger abortifacients.

"Please, Draco, you promised! Just one more week, okay?" Harry would have fallen on his knees if only Draco would drop his plan to use the Pennyroyal to induce the abortion. Hermione usually was a very clever witch but Harry did not agree with her on this.

"I will keep to my promise, Harry, but next weekend I will use the Pennyroyal!" Draco said tiredly. He was not in the mood to search for any alternative ways for abortion any longer and said his good byes. Back in the dorm he shared with Nott, Zabini, Crabbe and Goyle Draco lay down on his bed, staring at the ceiling. An eagle owl was pecking at the window and Draco got up to open it for his mother´s bird. He only threw one glance at the letter and crumpled it with a disgusted sigh, the letter he let fall carelessly to the ground as he went back to his bed. The same answer as always. The time was almost over and no legal solution in sight.

Draco thought about the Pennyroyal, as he had done so often before. He had read the book Hermione had brought from beginning to end, three times. Harry was right, it was risky, but Draco was ready to take the risk. It bothered him that they had not gotten any other herb and Draco even suspected, that Harry had eliminated the possibilty to get a second herb from Longbottom. Draco was not about to ask Longbottom himself, and the thought that Harry might be lying to him was not a nice one.

He would simply take a little bit more of the Pennyroyal to compensate the missing other herbs. It would not kill him, only the essential oil could kill you with only a drop, but Snape´s Pennyroyal was an alcoholic solution. He was still brooding, when his room mates entered the dorm, laughing loudly and sending him dirty glances. Draco was used to it. Nobody outside their small circle of friends plus Snape and Pomfrey knew about Harry and him, but he had not been able to hide his friendship with the three Gryffindors. The result was that he had become an outsider in Slytherin house.

His dorm mates whispered in the other corner, looking at Draco repeatedly with sly grins on their faces. Draco guessed that they were talking again about his defection as they called it. At first he was pissed off but when they walked over to him, standing around his bed Draco became a little nervous .

"Draco, I heard you take it up the ass, is that true?" Theodore Nott grinned with a dangerous glint in his eyes. Draco´s face lost colour rapidly as his heart began to race.

"Fuck off, Nott!" Draco said in a low and hopefully dangerous sounding voice.

"Sure, mate, that´s true! I saw it with my own eyes how he came out of the potions classroom in the middle of the night! With Potter!" Blaise said with a foul laugh, his hand gliding in an offensive path along Draco´s thigh.

"Take your hands off me, Zabini, or you will regret it!" hissed Draco with growing panic, grabbing for his wand on the bedside table. When his hand closed around his wand Goyle smashed his fist against his arm exactly where it was lying above the edge of the side table. Draco yelled when the pain shot through his arm like fire. Goyle picked Draco´s wand up from the side table where it had fallen to when Draco had not been able to hold onto it.

Draco was awash in panic, he could not move his right arm and had lost his wand! He had to get out of here! Draco kicked Nott into his family jewels and rolled out of the bed once the haggard boy had fallen to the floor with a highpitched scream. Crabbe was trying to stop him, but the fat boy was slow and Draco managed to get past him just to be stopped by a "Reducto!" from Zabini which sent him flying backwards into Goyle´s four poster which almost broke his back when he hit the edge in an unfortunate angle. The impact stole his breath and Draco fell to the hard stone floor with a grunt, unable to move for a moment.

That moment was enough for Goyle and Zabini to pull him up and throw him back onto his bed, while Nott put a silencing spell on the room, cursing and holding his groin. Then he slowly stepped to the still dazed Draco and punched him brutally in the middle. Draco curled in on himself and caughed pitifully. Gods, he could not think clearly, the pain racing through his body and the lack of oxygen taking his toll on his ability to act.

"Vince, go and keep watch outside the door!" ordered Zabini. "Don´t let anybody in!" Crabbe hesitated first but then obediently made his way out.

"You are going to get it now, poof!" Nott hissed gloating. His dorm mates, who had been his best friends just months ago tore off his clothes, punching him whenever he resisted.

"Shit, look at that, it´s true!" Goyle hissed, while Zabini moved his hard hand over Draco´s small bulge, showing the first growth of the baby in him. Draco looked wide-eyed at the black boy whose face twisted into an ugly sneer.

"So it is true, our high and mighty Draco Malfoy is now You Know Who´s breeding bitch! How the mighty have fallen! Does Potter know about it?" Zabini´s eyes held no compassion, just a promise for terrible things to come. Zabini slowly undid the buckle of his belt and opened his trousers to reveal an erection much larger than Harry´s. Draco started to pant in fear, trying to throw off Goyle´s and Nott´s hands.

"Don´t you fear, Draco, I will enjoy tearing you apart, no matter how many filthy Gryffs you had inside before!" Zabini´s black eyes sparkled in glee as he coated his shaft with a hiss in an oily potion he poured out of a small red bottle. "You are going to enjoy this, I bought this extra for you already half a year ago, but then you did not want any boyfriend. Oh well, it is still useful now!"

"Please, Blaise, Dumbledore will throw you out of school, don´t do this, please!" Draco´s heart raced and if Nott had not put a silencing spell on the room Draco would have pushed his pride aside and screamed for help. He could not stand this a second time!

"Who will tell Dumbledore? You, Draco? You filthy little traitor would run to Dumbledore? I don´t think so! Once we are finished with you, you will run to nobody!" Blaise hissed disparaging into Draco´s face, small drops of spittle hitting Draco´s lips and cheeks. "Turn him onto his stomach, I don´t want to see his face when I give it to him!"

Goyle and Nott immediately executed Zabini´s order and Draco asked himself when the hell Zabini had gotten the Slytherin leader and how he could have missed that development. Draco tried to struggle again, kicking out, hitting hard flesh, hearing a grunt, but it was no good, they didn´t let go of him for one second. Hands pressed against his back, held his hands at his wrists together, pressed his head into the big soft pillow, smothering him. Then a warm body glided onto his, something hard and slick poking between his buttocks. Draco contracted his muscles, tried to seal his entrance, but he could not stop the brutal thrust tearing into him.

His scream was muffled by the soft pillow enclosing his face. There was a burning fire inside him which he dimly thought would be caused by the strange lubricant Zabini was using. The thrusts were nothing but brutal, wanting to hurt, wanting to injure. This was it all over again, the agony, the shame, the screams, the laughter. The rough hand still pressed his face into the pillow and he could not breath, could not get the oxygen his lungs desperately tried to draw in, could not scream without air left in his lungs. Harry, please, he wanted Harry! Harry would take him out of this nightmare, if only he would come!

Shining white points were suddenly in his view, enlightening the darkness behind his closed eyes. His body was shuddering, fighting for air when he felt the body over and inside him stilling with a violent jerk, people were screaming, the weight on top of him rolled to the side, causing another wave of pain when the intrusive flesh was carelessly torn out of him, but the pain dulled as all pain in his body dulled when the white points turned into red and then black. He did not feel it anymore when hands rolled him onto his back and his unconscious body needed almost a minute before it decided to take a shuddering breath, drawing oxygen between blue lips into failing lungs.

Draco opened his eyes to see a blurry picture of a somebody with black hair bending over him. Draco was too tired to think, feeling too well to think, so he simply blinked and continued staring at the blob above him until his view cleared and he could make out Harry´s face over him, smiling at him, but the smile was anyhow not right, it looked as if Harry was afraid.

Draco wanted to tell Harry, that everything would be alright, whatever it was that bothered his boyfriend., but he could not make his tongue work, could not get out more than a very short and light sigh. He wanted to give Harry a smile to take away his fears, to tell him that he was there for him, but his muscles would not listen. So he closed his eyes again, his eyelids anyway to heavy to keep them open, and it was not important to keep them open, because the darkness was surrounding him like a warm and oh so comfortable cocoon.

When he opened his eyes again, only a second later as Draco had thought the room was dark, a single candle lighting his surroundings. There was a weight on his arm, so he tried to move his arm out from under the crushing weight, but it was only a slight jerk he could produce. Nevertheless the weight was gone and Harry´s face was there again.

"Draco?" Harry asked with hope in his voice. Yeah, well, last time he had checked he was called Draco! Who the hell did Harry think he could be if not Draco? He thought of telling Harry all this but decided to answer with what his body deemed managable at the moment, so he groaned. Harry smiled, suddenly his face was gone, feet were running away, coming back, two faces this time. Madam Pomfrey and Harry.

"Mr. Malfoy?" Madam Pomfrey asked with a cheery smile and lighted more candles with a swish of her wand. The world seemed to have gone nuts, Draco decided. What did they want with their silly questions? Draco decided the trouble was not worth it and closed his eyes again.

"No! Draco! Don´t you dare to close your eyes again!" shouted Harry... enraged, despaired?...and caused him to jerk in shock.

"Shut up and let me sleep!" Draco´s voice was hardly above a whisper, but he seemed to have said something wonderful because Harry started to smile like a lunatic. Madam Pomfrey seemed not far behind with her barmy smile.

"I am afraid of the two of you! Have you gone nuts?" Draco croaked eliciting a delighted laughter from Harry. Definitely mad!

"No, we are just happy that you woke up, it was touch and go there for a while!" Harry smiled, but suddenly the bright smile left his face. "You really scared the hell out of me, Draco, don´t you ever do that again!"

Draco frowned. He couldn´t remember what he had done wrong to scare Harry. Suddenly pictures started flashing through his head, feelings, sounds, and his eyes widened in panic and he started to draw breath in fast big gulps.

"Calm down, Draco, it´s over! They are gone, do you hear me? Take slow breaths, yes, that´s good!" Harry was holding him, Harry was here!

"Where are they?" Draco croaked again, looking around the room in fear.

"Professor Snape came to your rescue. Some decent Slytherins had heard a scream and ran to inform him. They were all expelled. Professor Dumbledore asked their parents to take them home immediately. They left some hours ago." the matron explained. "How are you feeling physically?" Draco thought for a moment, trying to check through all his bodyparts. No pain, no problems anywhere. Strange, but he was grateful for it.

"I am fine, just tired!" Draco answered finally.

"I am happy to hear that! Everything seems to be fine with you and the baby." Draco frowned shortly. "I was easily able to heal all the bodily damage those rascals did to you." She left it open who would heal his emotional damage, but Harry pressed his hand and that was all Draco needed right now.

Madam Pomfrey clucked happily over him, giving him something to drink, straightening his blanket and finally leaving him to sleep. Harry stayed seated beside him, still smiling and holding his hand as if Draco would slip out of his view and out of his life if he let go.

"What are you still doing here, Harry?" Draco asked him curiously.

"I am watching over you." Harry smiled, but there was a serious light in his eyes.

"Oh well, if you are staying here the whole night long..." Draco smiled, gratefully raising his blanket for Harry to enter and share his bed with him, which Harry happily did. This night Draco cried in Harry´s arms and soon Harry cried his own tears matching Draco´s, their tears mingled on their faces when they shared a gentle kiss, both swearing to themselves to never let the other one go.

Draco was physically fine and swore that his mental state was as well as always, ignoring the apprehensive glances he earned for saying this. Nevertheless Madam Pomfrey allowed him to go back to his dorm the next evening. He was happy about it because Harry had had to attend classes as it was a Friday which left Draco behind lonely and bored to death.

Because of the expulsions of all of his dorm mates Draco now had a whole dorm for himself. Dumbledore had removed all beds but his own and added a comfy sofa to the room to fill the space. It was a very luxurious bedroom for a Hogwarts student and Harry of course spent the first night with Draco in his newly done bedroom. None of the teachers dared to check the bedrooms at night and Harry of course had entered unter the protection of his invisibility cloak. Draco was not happy about sleeping in the bed where his dorm mates had nearly killed him, or in the Slytherin dungeon at all, but Harry was there to kiss away his memories and fears.

Draco begged Harry to make love to him, although Harry doubted that it would be a good thing so short time after another rape, but Draco needed it, wanted it and it was a glorious and desperate feeling for Draco. He tried to fight the darkness closing in on him with Harry´s light, needed him to fill him with his good to fight the evil others had forced into him, wanted the heroic Gryffindor to save him from the feeling that his whole world came crashing down around him. He had reached his limits, he was close to a breakdown and Harry was his lifeline and Harry happily gave him everything he had.

The next morning Draco awoke in Harry´s arm, just as he had always imagined a perfect life with Harry. Harry´s unruly hair smelled faintly like heavy soil after a warm summer rain and his eyelashes were longer than any Draco had ever seen. He just stared at these wonderful eyelashes when Harry opened his eyes.

"Are you trying to wake me up by staring me down?" Harry asked with a sleepy smile. Draco just grinned and kissed him, morning breath or not, he wanted a kiss right now. They went together to the Great Hall, but Draco entered alone as Harry still had to go up to Gryffindor tower to change his clothes to avoid any rumours. When Draco entered the hall all talking stopped and faces turned and stared at him. Draco froze. Obviously everybody at Hogwarts had heard about the rape. Draco took a deep breath and walked with measured steps to his table, his head held high. As soon as he started moving, the whispering and laughing started. A wave of noise was washing over the Great Hall.

With growing apprehension he watched a big black owl sweeping in among all the owls delivering mail to the students. The owl landed in front of him, a Daily Prophet and a small note attached to its leg. Draco hesitated before he freed the owl of his load and watched it flying away. The bird´s movements were full of grace and Draco wished he could be in its place. He was numb inside when he opened the small note and read it. It just said three words. _"You will pay"_

Draco felt his skin crawling when he opened the newspaper to see a bold headline screaming at him.

**"Lucius Malfoy's son impregnated by You Know Who!"**


	8. Falling

**Warning:**

The described herb(s) exist(s) and is (are) used by women in the U.S. to induce abortion until today! The book "Eve's Herbs: A History of Contraception and Abortion in the West" by John M. Riddle does exist! Therefore the author´s name Riddle is no pun intended from my side! My story shall not give any woman .the idea to try using herbs for said means!

I tried to create a worst case scenario of what can go wrong when you use Pennyroyal to induce abortion according to the medical background information I was able to collect on it!

**Chapter 8**

**F a l l i n g**

Draco stared at the headline, his brain not able, not willing to process the meaning of the words. When a Hufflepuff girl let out a particularly loud laughter Draco was torn out of his trance. He shuddered, taking in a shaky breath. His eyes wandered down, his hands turning the page, his eyes trying to follow the lines of words, struggling to take in their meaning.

"...from reliable sources...Draco Malfoy, the 16 year old son of the infamous Lucius Malfoy...presently incarcerated in Azkaban for...conceived through dark magic and rape which his own mother witnessed without...another proof for the degeneration of the so called deatheaters...seems to us that You Know Who rules his deatheaters with a cruel hand...we believe this child is an abomiation and must therefore...Dark Heir...Ministry of Magic required to intervene...a student at Hogwarts school for wizardry and...parents demand immediate expulsion...responsibility the headmasterProfessor Albus Dumbledore, has for our children...abnormal sexual relationship with our saviour Harry Potter...Potter was having several relationships with female students before...another proof for the danger the Malfoy heir appears to be for Harry Potter and the wizarding world...we must fear that this boy who carries the very evil inside himself is a detrimental influence...turning Harry Potter to the dark side...must be stopped..."

Draco was dead inside, a freezing cold was covering his very soul, freezing his every emotion, freezing his body. He was not even sure he was breathing, so shallow were the small breaths he drew. His hands were shaking and his mind was blank.

He was a danger to Harry. They wanted him gone, him and the child, to save Harry from his evil. They wrote he was evil because of the child inside him. Turned Harry gay and turned him to the dark side. Not only was he a breeding bitch to the Dark Lord, he was also the one destroying Harry and the whole wizarding world along with Harry.

He loved Harry! Yes, it was true, he, the sneering, sarcastic Malfoy heir loved Harry, Draco realised with certain clearness. He, the worthless breeding bitch, an abomination in himself, loved Harry. Harry deserved better. Draco had known it before, but now that he was reading it in the newspaper he could not deny it any longer. He had been selfish, wanted Harry, needed Harry, taking without giving anything in return. Maybe now he could proove to Harry that he could also give something, and if only to give Harry his freedom back, the respect people had had for him before he had shown interest in Draco.

He could...maybe if the evil inside him was gone he would not be a danger to Harry any longer, he would not be Voldemort´s breeding bitch any longer...maybe then he would be allowed to keep his Harry?

Draco slowly got up, the open Daily Prophet forgotten on the table. He did not realise that he had hit Finnegan´s shoulder with his own when he left the Great Hall and the other boy entered at the same time, didn´t hear Finnegan asking him something. In his dorm he started to take things out of his trunk, throwing them carelessly to the side, until he could get to the small secret compartment in which he had hidden the glass jar labeled _"essence of pennyroyal"_ which Harry and he had stolen from Snape´s office so long ago, in happier days.

Draco contemplated the glittering beauty of the herbal solution for some seconds before he made his way out of his dorm, out of the always too cold dungeon, following the stairs up to the Room of Requirement. He walked past the empty wall, thinking of their first time together, the cosy bedroom the room had provided for them. He wanted exactly this room, wanted to have at least a piece of Harry with him when...

The heavy oak door appeared and Draco stepped inside, admiring the perfectness of the room, locking the door behind him. How often had he and his Harry locked this door the same way? No, not his Harry any longer. Draco sat down on the bed and stared at the glass in his hand, opening it, sniffing the strong aroma of herbs and alcohol. How much should he take? He could not brew tea with it, he would just swallow it like that. Would half of it be enough...or should he take all? If half of it would not work after thirty minutes he would take the rest also, he decided.

He had to do it well, had to show Harry that he was willing to do it right for him. Oh, Harry would be annoyed, he didn´t want Draco to take the herbs, but what else could he do? Harry would even agree to it after he had read that horrible article in the Daily Prophet. He was breaking his promise, but he couldn´t wait for even another day, it had to be done. Draco smiled as these words flashed through his head, the same words his uncle had said to him after his Lord had punished him for the sins of his father. It had to be done!

Draco slowly brought the glass to his mouth, closing his eyes, gulping the too strong liquid down. It tasted bitter, the bitterness of all herbs, the alcohol did not help the taste. Good, half of it was inside him now, inside where his evil was. The alcohol warmed his stomach and seconds later his whole body. Draco liked to think that it was a sign for that it was burning the evil out of him. He would be good enough for Harry when it was over. He saw the glass of water on the bedside table and gulped it down, contemplating shortly if the water would drown out the fire which had to burn inside him.

He lay down on the bed, his heart was beating a little bit faster, but not too much, he was calm. He would wait, the herb would need some time to start working. He would proove to Harry that he could give something. Even if he had gotten the dosage wrong and would die, he would die for Harry. Draco smiled happily and closed his eyes.

Harry had a big smile on his face when he entered the Great Hall together with Ron and Hermione. He looked around in confusion when the conversations died down, faces turning towards him, faces showing disgust, pity, scorn, anger. What had he done again? Slowly they made their way to the Gryffindor table while the murmuring built up to a crescendo of talking, screaming and laughing. Harry looked at his dorm mates questioningly when he sat down.

"What happened? Do I have anything sticking out of my nose?" Harry asked with a small nervous grin. Neville pushed a newspaper towards him.

"You should read this, Harry!" he said quietly. Harry´s face immediately crumbled when he took the Daily Prophet and read the headline.

"Oh...Merlin...not this!" he whispered in shock. He read through the hostile article, his heartbeat speeding up with every line. Ron and Hermione shared a newspaper, Hermione gasping in shock while she read. Gods, if Draco saw this...! Harry´s eyes shot to the place where Draco was usually sitting at the Slytherin table. The blond was not there.

"Where is Draco? Did he see the newspaper?" Harry asked Neville, Seamus and Dean.

"He already left the Great Hall when we entered, alm´st bowled me over, seemed to be a little bit out of it." Seamus answered.

Harry started to shake in fear and jumped up, running over to Draco´s seat, taking in the newspaper which was opened to show the nasty Prophet article. He was not even aware of that his friends had followed him.

"Gods, please, he will do something stupid, I know it!" he whined, fear causing his voice to shake as much as his whole body was shaking. He ran as fast down to the dungeons as humanly possible, Ron and Hermione wheezing behind him. Harry paced impatiently in front of the stone wall marking the entrance to Slytherin house. Draco had used the password with Harry at his side, but it did not want to come to Harry, his mind was in turmoil. He punched the wall in frustration.

"Harry, it will not help him if you loose control now. Somebody will come and open the entrance soon." Hermione tried to pacify him. She had not even finished the sentence when the stone was gliding to the side, revealing a couple of startled first years. Harry lost no time and ran inside, tearing through the door to Draco´s dorm and fell down on his knees beside the trunk inmiddle of clothes, school books and other items belonging to Draco. Harry was digging for some seconds through the items left in the trunk.

"What did you do, Draco?" Harry looked up at his friends with tears in his eyes when they finally came in running, wheezing. "He is not here!"

"Maybe in the bathroom?" gasped Hermione. A hopeful smile lit up Harry´s face. The three friends divided to search through Slytherin, asking the surprised Slytherings if any of them had seen Draco, but Draco was not there.

"Why don´t you ask the marauder´s map, Harry?" suggested Ron and off they went to Gryffindor tower where Harry frantically dug the map out of the mess in his trunk. They all looked at the map, searching for a dot with Draco´s name, but it was nowhere to be found. Harry ran to the window, looking out to the lake, asking himself if Draco had had enough time to go down to the lake and drown himself before Harry could look out of the window searching for him. Draco was nowhere to be seen. Harry sat down on his bed devastated, rubbing the sweat from his forehead with the backside of his hand.

"I can´t find him!" Harry gasped, tears starting to roll down his cheeks. Hermione was still looking at the map carefully.

"The Room of Requirement is not on the map, Harry. Maybe we should look there." Hermione said quietly, just to squeal when Harry jumped up and tore the map out of her hands, already on his way to search for Draco. When they reached the big oak door Harry almost smashed his face against the wood when he wanted to open the locked door. He impatiently said unlocking spell after unlocking spell in the sequence Draco and he were always using to hear the door unlocking finally. Harry threw the door open so powerfully that it was hitting the wall besides the door, running to Draco who just brought the glass containing the Essence of Pennyroyal to his lips.

"Don´t do this!" he screamed, hitting the glass out of his boyfriend´s hand, smashing the glass against the wall in the process where it shattered into pieces, amber liquid slowly dripping from the wall to the floor. He grabbed Draco at his upper arms, shaking him in fury, screaming "What did you think you were doing, Draco! You promised me, you promised me!" Harry started to cry again, embracing the shaking and white Draco.

Draco was shocked and happy that Harry had come for him. He melted into the embrace, with shaking hands holding tight onto Harry. He had just wanted to drink the second half of the herbal essence when Harry had almost broken in the door. Surely Harry had not read the article in the Daily Prophet. Harry did not know until now that he was evil, not good for Harry at all, destroying him.

"I am sorry, Harry, I love you, I had to do it!" Draco whispered into Harry´s neck.

"It´s over, Draco, you didn´t take the Pennyroyal and I don´t care what the Daily Prophet is writing." Harry smiled. "I love you too, Draco!"

Harry thought he had not ingested the Pennyroyal at all. He would be annoyed on him again if he knew, so Draco only nodded. At least Harry was here with him, he had read the article and he was still here! Draco groaned. His head was aching, his throat was burning and his hands had started to feel like thousands of needles were pricking them. He felt cold and hot at the same time. He had to do it right, Harry had to understand!

"I will be good again, Harry, and we can be together if I am not evil anymore." Draco whispered. The bed dipped when Hermione sat down beside him on the bed, sending him a worried glance.

"What are you talking about, Draco? You are not evil and we are already together!" chided Harry, a worried look now on his face.

"The child makes me evil, even the newspaper says so, everybody thinks so for sure! When it´s gone I can be good again." Draco whispered, he was tired, so tired, and Harry´s shoulder was so warm and comfortable.

"You are talking nonsense, Draco! You didn´t take the Pennyroyal. You will have the child and I don´t care anymore who his father is, as long as you are well, Draco!"

"I am sorry, Harry! I know I promised! Please, don´t be angry on me!" whimpered Draco when his stomach cramped and he started to get dizzy. Hermione placed her hand on his sweatcovered forehead, its coolness soothing his headache.

"Harry, I think something is wrong with him, he´s got slight temperature and he doesn´t look too fine also!" Hermione cautioned. Harry slowly pushed him away, looking at his face searchingly, taking in the sweat, the pained frown, the whiteness of his skin.

"No, it can´t be, I smashed the jar, you see, the Pennyroyal is there on the wall and on the floor. He didn´t drink it!" Harry was shaking his head slowly, looking at his friend, his eyes begging for comfirmation.

"Sorry, so sorry! Don´t leave me, Harry!" Draco cried, curling around his fiercely aching stomach. He started to pant when Harry and Hermione carefully lay him back on the bed. His stomach turned and he rolled to the side of the bed, heaving painfully. The water was the only contents in his stomach and it came out in a torrent, the herb only a slight colouring accent.

"It is just a stomach upset, he has it every morning, Hermione!" Harry tried to persuade the girl and even more himself.

"Draco, did you drink from the phial before we entered?" Hermione asked him as soon as his stomach ceased its violent convulsions. Draco looked with fear in his eyes at Harry. He was surprised to see fear in Harry´s eyes as well, no anger, no hate, just fear.

"I drank half of the Pennyroyal immediately after I came here. Harry, I am sorry I broke my promise! Please, don´t hate me!" Draco whispered, waiting for the inevitable to happen, Harry rejecting him, Harry abandoning him. He was surprised when Harry instead of telling him to go to hell sat down beside him on the bed, scourgifying the floor, staring at the smears the herbal essence had created on the wall. Finally Harry took his hand, and when he closed his eyes two silvercoloured tears as beautiful as pearls rolled down his face.

"It´s okay, Draco, I´m here, we will do this together." Draco gave him a pained smile and pressed his boyfriend´s hand in gratitude. Harry would not leave him!

"Ron and I will also stay here in case you need any support." Hermione said, followed by Ron´s "Sure, mate, we are here for you!" Harry sent them a greateful smile, then he turned back to Draco.

"You don´t have to be afraid, Draco! We are all here for you, you are not alone. We will do it just like Ron suggested. Once the abortion is well on the way we will take you to Madam Pomfrey. Everything will be okay, Draco." Draco hoped it so much, because right now he felt like shit. Everything hurt, not only his stomach, and small tremors where running through his muscles. There were strange lights in front of his eyes, disturbing his sight and his peace.

"I´m so thirsty, Harry!" Draco whispered softly after some minutes of restless moving, whimpering when small cramps troubled him and saying "I´m sorry, Harry!" and "Please, don´t leave me alone!" about 100 times. When Ron gave Harry the glass of water he had filled from the pitcher on the bedside table, Draco tried to sit up to be able to drink properly, but his body decided otherwise. Harry slowly helped him up and offered him the glass, but Draco´s hand was shaking too much and he was too weak to hold something as heavy as a glass filled to the brim with water. Harry held the glass to his lips when he realised that Draco could not drink alone and Draco greatfully gulped it down as fast as his aching throat allowed him. He wanted to have a second glass of water, because he still felt like dying of thirst, but his boyfriend obviously thought differently.

"You can have some more water later, I don´t want you to throw everything up again if you overdo it!" Harry tried to sooth his protests.

Draco pouted and concentrated instead on the feeling of Harry´s fingers playing with his very wet from sweat hair now. He was developing a nasty fever and his head was killing him. He yelled when a wave of pain rolled over him, seemingly tearing his stomach to pieces. It lasted only for some seconds though before the pain let up. His heart was beating too fast and everything started to turn and shift in front of his eyes, so he closed his eyes before the vertigo would make him hurl again just as Harry had said. It was too late though. With great difficulty he moved his screaming muscles to turn his body to the side and started caughing and heaving.

The agony it caused in his middle made him cry and writhe between the caughs and finally he was able to bring the water up from his stomach. He screamed when a cramp tore at his insides, warm liquid suddenly gushing down between his legs, making his trousers sticking to his skin uncomfortably. His stomach heaved again and he gulped for air, spitting out a sickly sweat tasting liquid. Gods, everything hurt so much! Why had he taken the herb?

"Nonono, don´t do this to me, Draco!" Harry was frantically cleaning the blood from Draco´s mouth, which the blond had brought up. His hands were shaking when blood started to gush out of Draco´s nose. Hermione turned Draco onto his side to prevent the blood from blocking his airway. Blood also rapidly coloured the bedcovers a deep red under Draco´s middle, indicating that the abortive process must have started.

"Harry! Where is Harry?" Draco was whimpering pitifully now, although Harry was straight in his line of view.

"I´m here, Draco, it´s okay, I´m here, I won´t leave you!" Harry sobbed.

"He must have overdosed! Ron, run to Madam Pomfrey and tell her that we are coming!" Hermione shouted.

Ron stared in horror at Draco when the slender body started to go into seizures and more blood flowed out of Draco´s mouth in a small rivulet, following the curves of his cheek. Every muscle in his body cramped uncontrollably and his body convulsed, his limbs hitting against their hold on him, his face a mask of tension and agony, eyes rolled back showing only the white.

"RON! GO!" Hermione screamed at the frozen boy.

The seizure did not last for more than a minute, leaving Draco gasping and completely exhausted, his whole body aching tremendously. He knew something had gone wrong. He had blacked out right now. Harry and Hermione were both in panic although the girl tried to hide it, but Harry was crying in fear, his whole body shaking with sobs, and Ron was nowhere to be seen. There was blood in his mouth and he guessed by the wet feeling that he was lying in a pool of blood. Harry raised him carefully into his arms, but in spite of his gentleness in moving him Draco screamed when it caused his stomach to cramp again and more blood flowed out of him, leaving him weaker and weaker. He clawed his hand into Harry´s shirt, he would not let go, if he let go he would die, he was sure.

"Harry, don´t let me go!" Draco whimpered, seconds after caughing out the blood which had flown into his windpipe.

"I will never let you fall, Draco!" Harry gasped, the passage flying by as they made their way to the infirmary. He was so very greatful that the infirmary was on the same floor as the Room of Requirement. His arms were killing him. When Draco suddenly screamed again, his body convulsing in agony, Harry had to fall to his knees or he would have let his boyfriend fall. Blood was coating his right arm, which he had wound under Draco´s legs. Every time he looked into Draco´s face and saw the ghastly blood making its way out between those beautiful soft lips he had kissed so often his whole insides cramped together in fear.

Gryffindors made their way towards them, having heard the screams reverberating outside their common room. Harry painfully got up again when the convulsions and screams had stopped and Draco´s body was limp enough again to be carried. The blond was whimpering in his arms, his head and arm had fallen down as he obviously didn´t have the strength left to hold them up. Hermione pressed against his side, holding Draco´s head up with her hands. Ron was running towards them and together they continued their track.

"What happened to him?" "Merlin, look at all the blood!" "It is really true!" "Look at, Potter is crying!" "The Prophet said that Malfoy is pregnant! How can that be possible?" "What are they doing helping a filthy Slytherin?" "He looks like a knight saving his love!" "How can Harry be together with Malfoy?" "Gods, is he dead?" The exclamations were flying through the air, creating one big buzzing sound. Not that Harry would have cared to listen as in his world presently only Draco and he himself existed!

"Get out of our way!" Hermione screamed at her fellow Gryffindors when some too curious ones where standing in their way. Along a long corridor and around a further bend and the big double doors to the infirmary where in sight. Harry almost crashed through them, wheezing, sweating and crying. With his friends help he carefully placed Draco onto a bed and fell to his knees beside the bed in total exhaustion, holding onto Draco´s hand.

"Please, Poppy, do something! Help him!" Harry sobbed.

Madam Pomfrey had been waiting together with Professor Dumbledore. The merry twinkle was gone from Dumbledore´s eyes as Madam Pomfrey hurridly started to work on the screaming boy who was suffering from another violent contraction. She immediately cast a diagnostic spell, leaving it in place in the air above Draco and added a second one which created a small white light above his head, which was pulsing frantically, causing her to frown in worry.

"This is no miscarriage, as Mr. Weasley wanted me to believe, tell me immediately what he swallowed!" the nurse requested harshly while she checked Draco´s pupils for their state of dilution.

"Essence of Pennyroyal, about half of a small glass jar." Hermione answered, her shaking voice almost too low to be heard above Draco´s pained cries.

"Oh my! How long ago did he take it?" Madam Pomfrey asked, as Draco brought up a small amount of blood again, moaning and whimpering as she cleaned the blood from his face.

"About one hour ago!" Hermione answered again as neither Harry nor Ron were able to think clearly at the moment.

The door opened and curious faces were appearing.

"OUT! ALL OUT!" Madam Pomfrey screamed enraged and hit the door shut with a swish of her wand.

"Albus, this is too much for me alone to handle, firecall St. Mungo´s, please. Ask for Rufus Merryweather and Candice Hops, I trust them to keep quiet, they shall floo here immediately. We cannot take him to St. Mungo´s. He tried to abort." the matron said with a deep frown edged onto her face.

"You are right, Poppy, I shall get them here immediately!" with these words, a cheering smile in the direction of Hermione and Ron and a sympathetic look at the still crying Harry the old headmaster left the infirmary.

"Harry, I want Harry!" Draco moaned, looking around in fear and confusion, while Madam Pomfrey brought a small battery of potions bottles which she stood on the bedside table.

"Mr. Weasley, Ms. Granger, run down to Professor Snape´s rooms and tell him to bring an antidote for Pennyroyal poisoning or all detox potions he has!" The couple immediately left, having to force their way through the crowd in front of the double doors.

"Harry, please, don´t leave me!" Draco whimpered in panic, wheezing pathetically. Harry stood up beside the bed and brushed the tears from his face to replace them with a shaky smile. He would not show Draco his tears and frighten him more than he was already.

"I am here, Draco, I told you I will stay with you! You don´t need to be afraid, everything will be okay!" Harry tried to sooth his boyfriend, the forced smile aching on his face, his eyes burning from crying.

"I don´t want to die, don´t let me go!" Draco whispered, his words causing a violent sob to shake Harry´s whole body. Why did Draco have to say this? It was like a foreboding to Harry. Please, Gods, anybody, don´t let this happen! Don´t take him away from me!

"I will not let you go, Draco, I promise!" Harry was holding Draco´s hand to his chest, right on top of his too fast beating heart, and kissed his lips softly. "You are mine!" Draco smiled happily, his white face showing the strain clearly.

Madam Pomfrey raised Draco´s head, holding a small phial to his lips, which he emptied with two small gulps, grimacing in pain as his throat did not want to comply.

"Try to keep it down as long as possible to give it time to work, Draco, it is a blood replenishing potion." Any other time Draco would have grimaced at the use of his given name by the old hag, but right now he was terrified and it was soothing his confused mind.

"Mom? Please, Mommy, make it stop, hurts!" Madame Pomfrey grimaced and patted his arm affectionately. She cast a painrelieving spell on the shaking boy, but it did not seem to have much effect on him.

The nurse brought a dresslike hospital gown and changed the groaning Draco with Harry´s help into the less restricing cloth. Harry shuddered when he saw that Draco was bleeding from every orifice of his body, even from his penis. Draco was in the throws of another contraction, his agonized screams tearing Harry apart, his tight grip on Harry almost bruising, when Dumbledore entered with a man and a woman dressed in St. Mungo´s uniforms.

"Candice! Rufus! Thank you for coming so fast!" Madam Pomfrey smiled relieved.

"What do we have here?" asked the tall bearlike looking man while the blackhaired fragile woman was nodding in greeting.

"You surely read about Draco Malfoy in the Prophet today?" they both affirmed with a nod. "He drank Essence of Pennyroyal about one hour ago to induce an abortion. He is in his eleventh week now. It looks like a very severe poisoning."

"So it is really true? Unbelievable!" said Candice Hops, reading the vital signs the diagnostic spell displayed.

Merryweather sent a questioning glance towards Harry.

"His boyfriend!" Madam Pomfrey explained with a small smile at Harry.

"Mr. Potter, I take it?" Merryweather asked, one eyebrow raised.

"I want to stay with him! I promised to him that I would not leave him alone!" begged Harry, relieved when Merryweather accepted with a nod.

"He is in very bad condition, his liver, lung and kidneys are damaged by the poisoning and close to failing." Merryweather remarked with a frown while he looked at the changing symbols above the bed. "His heartbeat is too fast and irregular! Not good, not good at all! He is going into shock!"

"The fetus is still fine, unbelievable, after the amount of blood the boy obviously lost. The heartbeat is strong and regular, the baby doesn´t seem affected by the poisoning." The midwife remarked after casting a spell on Draco´s stomach. "But he is in labour. If we can stop it, there is a very high possibility that the child will survive without problems. The placenta may give us problems at a later period though." She cast a specified muscle relaxant spell on Draco to hopefully stop the contractions and Draco´s screams immediately changed into a whimper.

"Later, later, we have to see to that this young man survives the day! We can think about the baby later, dear Candice!" chided the giant Merryweather. "It will be difficult enough to keep him alive as there is no treatment for the poisoning, we can only try to fight the symptoms which puts us into a very weak position!"

Harry got more and more distressed while he listened to the tall man. Draco was moaning in his arms, the cramps had obviously eased up, but the bloodstain under his boyfriends middle had grown again. Draco´s body felt hot under Harry´s hands and was covered in sweat, his face had lost all colour and seemed almost translucent, he was trembling uncontrollably and had not even the strength left to raise his head. He was murmuring and moaning constantly, but his words were too low for Harry to understand what he was saying. The only word he could make out again and again was "Harry". He did not even look up when Snape charged into the room, anxiously staring at his suffering student, followed by Ron and Hermione. All three of them were holding phials in their hands. Madam Pomfrey thanked Ron and Hermione before sending them out of the infirmary where they joined the crowd still waiting for news.

"I brought everything I have, but there is no existing antidote against Pennyroyal poisoning." Snape´s usual sneering facade seemed to be broken.

"Rufus Merryweather, specialist in poisonings at St. Mungo´s hospital." he introduced himself to Snape. Merryweather immediately rummaged through the potion phials, discussing the ingredients and effects of each of the detox potions with the potions master before deciding on the best one to use.

"Come on, Draco, be a good boy and drink this. It will help you!" Merryweather tried to spur the almost delirious Draco on. He was holding the phial to the boy´s white lips, slowly dipping the violet liquid into his mouth, while Harry was holding Draco´s head steady. The fear, agony and confusion Harry could see in Draco´s halflidded eyes made his heart bleed. Draco seemed to have problems with swallowing the potion, his face screwed up in pain while part of the liquid ran out of his mouth again, which Merryweather patiently cleaned away.

"You are doing well, Draco! One more potion, then you can rest!" The tall man had a very gentle and soothing voice lightly mismatching his large frame, which reminded Harry of Hagrid. Another blood replenishing potion was administered, trying to combat the massive bloodloss Draco had suffered. Merryweather had just dropped the empty glass phial on a tray on the side table when Draco suddenly went into another seizure. Merryweather started to curse like a beggar in knockturn alley.

"No, don´t hold him, you might injure him, just take care that he is not falling off the bed!" Madam Pomfrey cautioned Harry.This time the seizure lasted for almost three minutes and with every passing second the faces surrounding Draco´s bed showed more despair. Finally it was over, but this time Draco simply went limp, having lost consciousness.

"He was having such before, but he was awake afterwards. What is wrong with him?" Harry asked anxiously.

"He already had a seizure before you brought him here? Why did you not tell me, Harry?" Madam Pomfrey frowned deeply now, making the guilt inside Harry rise to an almost unbearable level. There was no answer he could think of which would have helped him or Draco, nothing which could excuse his fault.

"He is unconscious. Let us try a cold bath to bring the fever down and pray it will help!" mumbled Merryweather after he studied the signs the diagnostic spell provided. Madam Pomfrey prepared a lukewarm bath in the adjoining bathroom while Harry and Merryweather undressed Draco and carried him into the bathroom. The water slowly turned a murky red once Draco was inside, a trail of vivid red playing around his thighs. With his overly white skin lying in a tub filled with bloodied water Draco looked like a suicide victim. Harry shuddered. Draco looked dead, if not for the small movement of his chest...

The small white light had moved along with Draco to the bathtub as did the diagnostic spell. Harry did not understand the signs of the diagnostic spell, but he saw with growing anticipation how the light which had pulsed about 150 times a minute before was slowing down and became irregular. Not only Harry seemed to be transfixed by the light, Poppy and the specialist from St. Mungo´s also stared at it with matching frowns.

"It is of no use, Poppy!" Merryweather simply raised the dropping wet Draco into his arms, all the time watching the small pulsing light. Once Draco was back in his bed Poppy dried him with a simple spell and covered him with the blanket. Harry took Draco´s hand into his again, holding onto him as he had promised. He would not let Draco go! Poppy and Merryweather tried to support Draco´s heart and bloodpressure with spells, but seemed not very satisfied with the outcome.

"His liver has failed and it seems he is going into lung failure." remarked the St. Mungo´s specialist in a low voice, his face stony, while Madam Pomfrey had a desperate expression on her face which Harry had never seen on the strict but always cheery woman before. Snape´s face was twitching and if Harry would not have known better he would have thought that the blackhaired man was about to cry, not even realising that the small midwife was comfortingly patting his back.

It happened very fast. Although for Harry it seemed like hours it did not even take a minute. They all watched in anticipation as the pulsing of the light became even more irregular and Draco´s breaths started to shudder and heave. Harry anxiously watched every breath his boyfriend took, counting the seconds between them, realising that Draco was breathing slower and slower until finally Harry waited in vain for the next intake. Harry stared in dread at Draco´s chest, urging it on with all his willpower to move, but it was completely still. Draco had stopped breathing.

Harry could not believe it, his heart seemed to have died the moment Draco had stopped breathing. It happened just as Harry had feared all along. Draco was dead, dead like all the others Harry had loved. And it was his fault again.

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_**Oh, yes, that was sad:))**_

_**For the ones who might think I am portraying Draco too weak and lovely - well, he i s in love, and love makes all people mushy in the brain if you asked me, and secondly it is my strong belief that Draco i s weak. In this chapter he is simply in shock, completely out of it, and to be honest, everybody should have seen his breakdown coming. And Harry is not far behind...**_

_**Some people were asking for a tared and feathered Zabini - why are you so impatient, guys? The story is not over by far! Nope, no Azkaban for teenagers, but that would be boring anyway!**_


	9. Plotting

I´m not J.K.Rowling, I´m just mental!

On with a fluffy chapter to sooth my loyal readers´ nerves...

**Chapter 9**

**P l o t t i n g **

"Harry, give us space to work!" Harry didn´t want to let Draco go, he had to hold on to him. He would not break his promise! He didn´t realise what was going on around him any longer, didn´t realise that tears were running down his face.

"Draco, please, come back, you can´t leave me alone, please, don´t do this to me!" Harry sobbed brokenly, his head pressed onto Draco´s still chest.

"He is hysterical, take him out!" the bearlike Merryweather shouted, his voice not so gentle any longer.

Harry struggled when Snape and the petite midwife dragged him away from the deathly pale Draco and towards the door. He looked back at the bed with every step which took him further away from his love, taking in how Poppy and Merryweather bent over his boyfriend, firing spell after spell at his chest, checking his vitals again and again before the door shut behind him and cut off his view.

As soon as he had lost the last contact to Draco Harry crumbled to the floor as all energy seemed to have left his body. A hush went through the gathered crowd as they watched the boy rocking back and forth, broken cries leaving his throat. Hermione and Ron forced through the crowd to reach him. The girl knelt down beside him, embracing him, her face pale and anxious.

"What happened, Harry?" she asked, her voice showing the emotional strain.

"I killed him, I killed him!" Harry wailed, holding onto Hermione like a lifeline. The midwife crouched beside Harry now, rubbing his arm, trying to comfort the distraught boy.

"What are you talking, Harry? That is not true!" she chided the shuddering Gryffindor.

"I didn´t...tell Poppy that he...he had another seizure before," Harry sobbed. "all people close to me...are dying."

"Harry, please, that he had another seizure before is not the reason for his present problems. The poisoning is harming him, not you! His lungs stopped working, but his heart was still beating when we had to take you out of the infirmary. If you promise me to stop blaming yourself and calm down I will go inside and see what is happening. Okay?" Harry nodded, hope flickering again in his soul, and his sobs grew fainter as he watched the midwife entering the infirmary again.

He watched how the hands of the always calm and cold potions master were trembling, how Pansy Parkinson was crying softly, how the sun was painting streaks of light onto the cold stone floor until finally the door opened again and Madam Pomfrey came out.

"Harry, do you hear me?" she asked and was rewarded with a small nod after empty green eyes filled with emotion again. "Draco is alive, maybe not in a very good condition, but he is alive. You can see him now if you want to." Madam Pomfrey said with a soft smile.

Harry looked at her for some moments before he got up and hastened into the infirmary to stop abruptly at the sight of Draco. A small translucent bag was in front of his mouth, spelled to pump air into his lungs at a slow pace, his eyelids looked dark-grey and even his white skin showed a tinge of yellow-grey. Harry looked questioningly at Merryweather before he stepped closer to the bed, almost shyly taking Draco´s cold hand into his.

"He´s in a coma, Harry. It will take some time before his body will be able to repair the damage and start to function properly again. Don´t give up hope, Draco is strong." Merryweather gave him a short nod and a cheering smile before he left.

Harry felt like crying again seeing Draco so hurt and helpless, but he tried to suppress the sobs. Thoughts were crowding his head, thoughts about why Draco had taken the herb, why there had been such a cruel article in the newspaper, why Voldemort had punished Draco like that, why those Slytherin boys had attacked Draco, why their relationship was overshadowed by pain and sorrow and finally anger grew inside Harry, driving away the blame he had sought in himself.

Madam Pomfrey did not allow him to stay after dinner, bidding him to rest after his previous nervous breakdown. Harry went back to the Gryffindor common room in search of his friends and found them already waiting for him in front of the warming fire. Everybody welcomed him with pity and understanding, but Harry had no space for pity in his mind. He wanted revenge!

"Where did the Prophet get that information from? It must have been someone very close to Draco or a deatheater. And why now and not earlier? Is there any way we could find out who their 'reliable source' has been?" Harry was seething. Draco had almost died and was in a coma now because of that hostile article in the Daily Prophet. The Slytherins´ attack had unsettled the pregnant boy, which was understandable, but after having read that article Draco seemed to have snapped.

"Harry, Pansy Parkinson gave me this paper when we were waiting outside the infirmary today." Harry took the small piece of parchment from Hermione´s hand in surprise and stared at it in growing fury.

"You will pay." Harry read aloud, his voice trembling with rage. "Where did she get this from?"

"She said it was lying on the floor underneath the Slytherin table this morning when she went to breakfast, right where Draco is usually sitting." Hermione answered with a frown.

"Zabini!" Harry was burning with hatred for the black boy. He knew that Zabini was the one behind all this, he simply felt it!

"We also think that it might have been written by one of the expelled Slytherins. The one who hates him most is the one who most likely gave the Daily Prophet the information." Hermione concluded. "I tried a revealing spell which tells you the writer of any lines you use it on, but whoever wrote this put a spell on the parchment to prevent the revealing spell from working." The swearword coming from Harry´s mouth shocked Hermione and Ron into gaping imitations of fish, which in turn elicited an apologetic smile from Harry.

"Harry Potter! I never knew that you could use such foul language!" Hermione scolded him with a spinsterish expression on her face. All the boys around her giggled and snorted at the comment.

"Parkinson seems ready to help. Maybe she could find any old papers of the expelled Slytherins to compare the handwriting." Ron said with a small frown after a minute of brooding silence. Hermione looked at her boyfriend in surprise before she broke out into a big grin, pressing a real smacker of a kiss onto Ron´s lips, wriggling into his lap.

"Get a room!" several Gryffindors forced to witness another blatant show of cuddling shouted like a rehearsed choir into the couple´s direction. Ron´s face turned a frightening shade of maroon, a goofy grin on his delighted face.

"It turns me on when you make such intelligent remarks, Ron!" Hermione ran her fingers through her boyfriend´s red hair, staring deeply into his eyes, a telling smile playing on her lips. Deep inside Harry felt a stabbing pain, their happiness reminding him of that he could not hold his own boyfriend like this, kissing him, playing with his hair, having him look into his eyes with such love. Harry had to clear his throat twice before Ron and Hermione remembered that they had been in the middle of a discussion.

"That is a great idea, Ronniekins, but first I will write a letter to the reporter who wrote that article. I will give her an interview." Harry said slowly, a small smile forming on his lips.

"Are you mad, mate? Whatever for?" Ron asked in surprise.

"How fast can we brew Veritas serum?" Harry asked them with glittering eyes. He would tear Zabini into pieces!

"I will have to check if we have all the ingredients but we should be able to get it ready before Thursday." Hermione stated, her face showing her pleasure at doing something important. She squealed when Ron pinched her buttock. Harry made a face, getting up in a hurry.

"Well, I still have to talk to Professor Dumbledore! See you later then!" When Harry was about to shut the portrait he heard another "Get a room!" from the crowded Gryffindor common room. He shook his head, steadily making his way to the staircase leading to the headmaster´s office. He threw name after name of both wizard and muggle sweets at the gargoyle before a "Peppermintpea Pops" caused the gargoyle to shift aside with a rumbling noise, the moving spiral staircase slowly carrying Harry up to the headmaster´s office.

Harry knocked at the door, a calm "Enter" inviting him in. Harry entered the circular office with a "Good evening, sir!" walking right over to Fawkes who stood on his perch right behind the door and fondled the bird´s shining feathers.

"Ah, Harry, sit down, please!" Dumbledore said, his twinkling eyes following every of Harry´s moves as he slowly made his way over to the visitor´s chair. "What happened to Mr. Malfoy is very unfortunate. I take it that the tragic events are the reason you are visiting me tonight, Harry."

"I wondered if you could tell me what will happen to Zabini and the others now, Professor. Surely they will be taken to court and sentenced to imprisonment in Azkaban for what they have done to Draco. Expulsion can´t be all they have to face!" Harry wanted to be there and witness the trials and if possible make sure that those boys would be sent to Azkaban for the rest of their lifes.

"Harry, I did what was lying in my own responsibility. Immediate expulsion was unfortunately the only action I could take against Mr. Malfoy´s dorm mates. To take those young men to court would be Mrs. Malfoy´s responsibility. When I firecalled her today she told me already that she has decided against it, presumably out of the same reasons why she decided against the application for a legal abortion. At the present time there shall be no court trials, I´m sorry." Dumbledore´s eyes glittered tiredly as Harry could only stare at him, the anger on Draco´s mother for leaving her son unsupported again was almost taking his breath away.

"This is not right, Professor, she has to do something! Draco is her son! He was hurt, he could still die and this woman wants to do nothing?" Harry almost shouted, jumping up from his seat, waking up the snoring portraits of former headmasters and headmistresses of Hogwarts who were scandalized by the blackhaired student´s attitude.

"I understand your anger, Harry, but I cannot help you. Mrs. Malfoy will arrive at Hogwarts tomorrow morning. Maybe you will have the chance to meet her and discuss your wish with her." Harry nodded at the headmaster´s words, finally looking up at the whitebearded wizard.

"You are right, Professor, I will talk to her tomorrow." Harry left the headmaster´s office in deep thoughts. He could not allow it, would not allow it, that Zabini and the other Slytherins, who had almost killed Draco and driven him finally over the edge, would go free. A paltry expulsion was simply not enough! Harry could hardly sleep this night, tossing and turning in his bed as his mind was racing in its quest to find a suitable punishment for Blaise Zabini.

He had not even realised that he had fallen asleep when he was awoken by the noise the other boys were making in their preparations to go down for breakfast. Harry tiredly took his shower, dressed slowly and went over to the infirmary. When he entered he found Narcissa Malfoy stonily staring at her only son. She turned around, looking at Harry for a moment in surprise before she fixed her eyes on her son once more.

"I heard that you are in a...relationship with my son." she finally said with her back still towards him, her voice clear and strong.

"I am." Harry said. It was as simple as that and required nothing else to be said.

"I would like that you give him the support I am not able to give. He has always been a sensitive boy, hiding his insecurity and hurt behind sneers and insults." she said softly.

"I can´t understand why you don´t want to support him! He sent you letter after letter and still you refused to support him. What will you do about the attack he suffered three days ago? Will you take those Slytherins to court?" Harry replied sharply, not impressed in the least by Narcissa´s exhibition of a 'soft heart'.

"No. There is nothing I can do. I will not take this to the public! It would not be good for the reputation of the name Malfoy." she said, turning around to look at him, her back straightening even more. "Draco will thank me for it." Harry could only stare at the elegantly dressed woman in disbelief.

"You care about reputation? Did you not read the Daily Prophet? That terrible article which they printed yesterday is the reason why Draco is lying here more dead than alive. Won´t you fight for your son once?" Harry sent the woman a scathing look, making sure that Narcissa Malfoy understood that it was partly her fault that Draco was in this condition now and she understood.

Draco´s mother looked at him, her face empty, and there was everything written in it Harry needed to know, Narcissa Malfoy was no fighter. She was a mother who would have loved to help her only child, but was not strong enough to do it. Being the wife of Lucius Malfoy had made her an empty shell, destroying her very soul bit by bit.

"Thank you, Harry, for taking care of Draco." she finally said and left without another word, tears in her eyes.

The following days Harry was spending every free minute at Draco´s side, holding his hand, talking to him softly while Hermione and Ron were brewing the Veritas serum in the Room of Requirement. Harry had relinquished his seeker position to Ginny Weasley for the time Draco would be in the hospital wing and sat for hours on end at the blond boy´s bed, brooding darkly. Nobody dared to come close to Harry any longer.

He violently hexed anybody silly enough to even whisper anything bad about Draco or Harry´s relationship with him within the reach of his ears and soon even the few critical voices in Hogwarts died down and left an accepting climate for Harry´s relationship with Draco. Even the teachers did not give him any detentions for all the parchments he had not written as they knew he would not appear at the given time but be in the hospital wing instead, his only care now for the blond boy lying there.

Harry was sitting in the infirmary, holding Draco´s hand in his hands, softly caressing it with his thumbs, watching how Madam Pomfrey did her usual check-up on Draco. She opened his eye-lids to check his pupils, the sight still giving Harry the creeps. The white of Draco´s eyes was of a nasty yellow now, as his whole skin had developed a yellow-brown tinge. It was a sign of his liver´s malfunction and all the detox potions they slowly fed to Draco through the narrow hose entering his nose did not take away the disturbing colouring.

"Any changes?" Harry asked hopefully although he could see the answer himself. The regretful shaking of Poppy´s head was just an affirmation of his own observation. Draco did not show any signs of improvement. There was fear slowly gnawing at his insides that Draco would never wake up and that one day he would enter the infirmary to meet an empty bed. He started when the large double door opened behind him and Hermione and Ron softly trudged in with big smiles on their faces.

"It´s ready!" Hermione said, her eyes sparkling in excitement. She withdrew a small potion phial from the folds of her Hogwarts robes, shaking it in front of Harry´s eyes with a satisfied grin.

Harry nodded, kissing Draco´s forehead tenderly before getting up.

"Let´s go and write a letter then." Harry radiated cunning and power, his eyes promising retribution for all the wrong Draco had suffered.

Harry received the reply letter the very next morning, saying that Gunhilda Chattering was indeed pleased to meet Harry Potter the following Saturday in the Three Broomsticks. The three Gryffindors were discussing again and again how to use the potion best. Saturday morning Harry was to be found at the side of the only occupied hospital bed again, slowly running his fingers through white-blond hair.

"I promise you that I will find out today who told that horrid reporter about you and the baby. I will punish that bastard for what he did to you, I swear!" he slowly pressed a kiss onto Draco´s forehead, following the outline of his cheek with his fingers. "I´ll be back soon, Draco!"

Harry went together with Ron and Hermione down to Hogsmeade. The wind was biting into their skin but there was still no snow. Hogsmeade made a sad impression, Zonko´s was closed and many wizards and witches preferred to stay at home because of the ever growing number of deatheater attacks. Harry was glad to enter the warm pub, greeted by a smiling Madam Rosmerta.

"My favourite Gryffindors coming to visit me again. Have a seat! What shall I bring for you?" Hermione took care of blocking Ron´s view at the beautiful woman as much as possible. They ordered butterbeers and took the table furthest back, in a corner where they would not be easily watched. Madam Rosmerta had just brought their drinks when the Daily Prophet reporter Gunhilda Chattering stepped into the Three Broomsticks, setting eyes on Harry immediately and plastering a big smile onto her face.

"What a pleasure, Harry Potter!" she greeted him overly jovial. Harry faked a smile as well and got up to greet the violently yellowhaired strangely dressed woman who seemingly wore a stuffed cat around her neck. Hermione could not take her affronted and disgusted stare off the furry scarf. Chattering ordered a firewhisky for herself, causing Ron´s eyebrows to meet his hairline at her choice of drink at such an early time of the day.

"Let us start the interview." She set her quill on writing down half-truths and fixed Harry with an intense look before shooting off her first question.

"Will the baby answer your name or You Know Who´s, Harry?" Harry stared at the strange woman in shock. What kind of question was this?

"Well, well, well, let´s start with something more in the present then. How is it for you to have sex with a pregnant boy? Is he as unnaturally built as his condition would predict?" Harry´s face turned scarlet and Ron hit the glass of firewhiskey with his elbow, throwing it off the table. Hermione immediately jumped up, scolding her clumsy boyfriend and offered to bring a new glass for the reporter. Harry was writhing on his chair in embarrassment at the kind of questions the woman asked him, while Hermione secretly dropped Veritas serum into the reporter´s glass.

The woman was eagerly listening to Harry´s explanation of how his vicinity reacted to the fact that he was having a relationship with a convicted deatheater´s son when Hermione stood the glass in front of her with lips forced into a tight smile, staring at the glittering eyes of the catscarf.

Harry watched nervously how the reporter raised the glass to her lips and gulped the firewhiskey down in three big gulps. The Gryffindor trio shared a small relieved smile while the reporter ranted on about how horrible it must be for Harry to have damaged goods as a boyfriend while he was able to choose from all the best girls in the wizarding world.

Harry was just describing in ghastly detail how You Know Who was planning to turn all wizards into birthing machines to increase the wizarding population when the woman´s eyes glazed over and her movements became sluggish. The Gryffindors shared a short look before Harry slowly gripped the quilt and, after the reporter did not react to it, vanished the tightly written on piece of parchment.

"Did somebody contact you with informations on Draco Malfoy?" he finally asked in a slightly forced tone.

"Yes." the reporter answered with big dreamy eyes.

"Who was the person giving you all the details to the article you wrote on Draco´s pregnancy and my relationship with him?"

"A young handsome black man, his name was Blaise Zabini." the woman answered softly. Harry closed his eyes, trying to control his temper.

"Can you tell me where I can find him?" Harry forced out through gritted teeth.

"He stays in a guesthouse at Knockturn Alley, works at Borgin and Burkes."

"I´ll kill him!" Harry hissed with ire in his eyes, hatred twisting his features into a cruel mask.

He got up from his chair and hurried out of the Three Broomsticks, leaving a dazed Gunhilda Chattering blinking in confusion at an anxious Hermione and a very nervous looking Ron.


	10. Avenging

_**Warning: Harry is doing some ghastly things, and when I say ghastly I mean it, or my name wouldn´t be Gomorrha!**_

**Chapter 10**

**A v e n g i n g **

Harry almost ran out of the Three Broomsticks, not aware of the curious glances, not aware of the cold biting into his uncovered skin. He made his way steadily to the border of Hogsmeade, his steps directed to a grouping of pines behind which he raised his wand, a determined look on his face, and loudly said "Accio!" It took more than a minute in which Harry stood in the cold winter air, not feeling the chill as the blazing fire of his hatred warmed him, until his broom came swishing through the air and smashed into his outstretched hand. He ignored the approaching voices of his friends, the fact that his name was called out as he prepared for his departure.

Harry hurriedly closed his jacket, covering his face with his scarf and putting on his gloves, before he sat on his broom and took off at great speed, the retreating shapes of his friends growing smaller and smaller behind him. The flight caused the chilled air to tear at his hairs, burn his skin, water his eyes, freeze him to the bone and Harry was relieved when he could make out the street where he knew the entrance to the wizarding area of London where housed. He landed in an empty side street, careful to stay away from prying eyes. His hands were frozen, making it difficult to remove his grip from the broomstick, and Harry cursed the fact that he had not learned to apparate until now when he shrunk his broom to place it into his pocket. He entered through Diagon Alley, carefully hiding his face in pulling the hood of his jacket down over it as far as possible and bowing his head.

Knockturn Alley looked nothing like Diagon Alley. The shops in Diagon Alley were mostly closed, ministry posters being tacked onto every accessible surface, the street almost empty, only few people trekking through it, anxiously looking left and right, seemingly waiting for another death eater attack. Knockturn Alley looked exactly like the first time Harry had seen it when he had accidentally arrived there, having used the Floo system for the very first time. The winding street reeked of bad intentions and hidden agendas, mixing with the stench of unwashed bodies and dark magic.

The houses looked dirty, old and narrow, dark clothed figures moving slowly or just standing along the way, waiting and watching. Harry made his way to Borgin and Burkes, almost bumping into an old which who offered whole human fingernails for sale on her filthy tray. A small bell was ringing when Harry opened the door, leaving his hood in place as he stepped to the counter, addressing the old black-haired proprietor, Mr. Borgin, who had his business devoted smile in place as his stabbing eyes bored into Harry.

"You have a new employee as I heard?" Harry said, forcing his voice to sound deeper and steadier than it really was. Harry looked around carefully, his eyes moving into every dark corner, over every unfathomable dark arts object, but Zabini was nowhere in sight. Mr. Borgin raised one eyebrow, looking at Harry mistrustfully.

"That I have, but he is out on an errand and will be off for the rest of the day. Can I help you instead?" the old wizard looked at him, trying to get a glimpse of Harry's eyes which were hidden in the shadows under the hood.

"It's a private matter. Do you happen to know where he's staying? I need to see him urgently because of a...close friend of ours." Harry's voice was calm and steady now, betraying his dangerousness which seemingly impressed Mr. Burgin to the point where he gave up the wanted information to the stranger in front of him who still hid his face.

"He took a room above the _Squealing Squalor_. I hope I could help you and wish you a good day!" the old man said with a forced smile, his hands shaking slightly.

Harry just smiled at him, leaving the gloomy shop without a greeting, his smile turning into a sneer as he realised how relieved the dark wizard was to see his retreating back. He slowly made his way down Knockturn Alley, finally spotting the deterrent inn. Harry stepped inside, throwing a galleon onto the counter, asking the dirty and almost toothless landlord for the black boy's room number. The gold met searching teeth in the back of a stinking mouth and a delighted grin appeared on the wizard's face.

"Thirteen, but he's not in." he croaked, having forgotten Harry before the black-haired youth had reached the top of the stairs.

Harry followed the narrow corridor, finally stopping in front of Zabini´s room. He put his ear against the dark wood, listening for any noises from inside before he unlocked the door with a simple spell, locking it again after he had stepped inside. His nose wrinkled in disgust when he took in the room. The inn carried it's name for a reason, this room spoke of squealing squalor for sure. There was a single bed, a small table, two desolate looking chairs and a dresser, everything made in a simple and cheap fashion. The fireplace was cold and there was no carpet lying on the stone floor. Harry could almost see his breath forming puffy clouds in the air.

"Incendio!" The wood in the fireplace immediately started to burn merrily, the flickering fire slightly lightening the dim room. Harry stirred the pieces of wood with the fire poker before his face turned into a feral grimace and he let the poker fall, the tip still lying inside the fire before he sat down on the chair, his wand ready to greet the owner of this room. He watched a spider making its way over the wall, spinning a net in the far corner of the room, before he heard steps outside the door and a deep voice saying "Alohomora!"

The door opened and a tall and handsome young man entered, the eyes in his dark face opening wide in surprise and alarm when he caught sight of Harry and a wand pointing straight at him, spitting out blurry objects. Ropes shot out of Harry's wand the moment the door opened, wrapping around Zabini, pressing his arms against his body and immobilizing him effectively. Harry kicked the door shut, locking it again, before he put a silencing spell on the room. His face was twisted into a dark grin when he turned around to stare Zabini straight into the face.

"Why hello! Nice room you have here, I must say, Zabini! Impressive show of your family's money. But then maybe your mother threw you out after hearing that you were expelled because of raping and trying to kill MY BOYFRIEND!" Harry's voice took up volume until he screamed the last words at the black boy, making the other one flinch.

"What do you want, Potter?" Zabini hissed. "Dumbledore already expelled me, and Draco's mother won't sue me. My friends will be here shortly, so you should better stop this nonsense right now, Potter!"

Harry started to grin again as he took in the fear in Zabini´s eyes which the other one wanted to mask with harsh words. He pushed the protesting Zabini over to a chair, pressed him down on it and again ropes shot out of his wand, this time winding around the lower part of his legs and the legs of the wooden chair. Harry watched for some moments how Zabini´s breathing was speeding up before he slowly moved over the boy's legs and sat down on Zabini´s lap, legs spread wide open.

"You made a grave mistake, Zabini, to ever touch Draco and I know that it was you who was behind that article in the _Daily Prophet_." Harry whispered as he slowly wriggled on the black boy's lap. "Did you ever think Draco would have moved with scum like you?"

Zabini groaned at the friction Harry was causing in his lap, finally hissing "Draco could have been with me, but instead he opened his legs for the worst scum existing. Where is the problem if I take such a whore when he is already tainted like that? He's not worth anything, you can have him! Just let me go now!" Harry narrowed his eyes at these words, his heart beating faster as hatred welled up inside him.

"I see that you like boys, Zabini." Harry whispered sharply again, a dirty smile on his face as he got up from Zabini´s lap and opened the boy's tented trousers under shouted protests. He took out the dark-skinned penis, weighing the big piece of erected flesh in his hand for a second before he also pulled out Zabini´s testicles.

"Very nice, Zabini. I bet you are very proud of your bits." Harry said with a dangerous gleam in his eyes.

"Damn sure I am! Mine will for sure be the largest cock ever entering your boyfriend! I made him scream and tore him open and it gave me the best feelings! And if I see him I'll do it again!" Zabini sneered with a triumphant and challenging expression on his face.

Harry could not stop the trembling which overcame his body as he tried to suppress the unrestrained fury overwhelming him. He did not react to the whined "What are you doing?" when he traced the length of the penis in his hand with his wand, the tip finally coming to rest at the base of the fleshy column gripped hard now in his other hand as he intonated "Sectumsempra!".

The short slashing movement he made across the width of Zabini´s flesh splashed blood everywhere, a horrified gasp being replaced by an ear-splitting screeching, which made Harry wonder if the silencing spell would be able to cover it.

"Merlin...what did you do...you sick...Merlin...please...help...somebody...he's killing me..." Zabini screamed; his dark face turning ashen as his eyes were opened wider in shock than Harry would have ever imagined a human could do. Harry smiled grimly as he placed the now dead piece of flesh on the table, smearing it with blood in the process before he grabbed Zabini´s testicles, causing the other to constantly shake his head in denial.

"I guess you won't need these any longer as you seem to have lost your pride also!" Harry's voice was promising dark things to come when he sliced the thin skin connecting the testicles to the boy's groin with another "Sectumsempra!" Zabini screeched and convulsed in agony. Harry took the red hot poker out of the fire and slowly stepped towards Zabini again, who was crying and pleading pitifully by now.

"What is wrong with you, Zabini? Did Draco not also scream and plead? Did you hear him? Do you think you deserve my mercy, Zabini?" Harry asked softly with a hard sneer on his face before he looked down at the black boy's groin. "Look at the mess you are making, Zabini! You want to bleed out?" The black boy convulsed, his agonized scream almost rattling the windows when Harry pressed the gleaming iron onto the gushing wounds, cauterizing them crudely. Harry flinched in sympathy when teary brown eyes rolled back and Zabini slumped on his seat, unconscious.

"Oh well! No stamina there!" Harry whispered unhappily to himself as he pierced the fire poker through skin and flesh, pulling the second chair over to the fire where he sat down and held the iron rod over the fire, a satisfied grin playing on his lips as he whistled a merry tune, thinking how it had been only Dudley always who had been allowed to attend the boy scouts, having fun roasting sausages over an open fire, while Harry had had to stay home and weed the garden. Soon the smell of burnt flesh and cooking meat filled the room and a groan alerted Harry.

"Wakie, wakie, Zabini! You are missing out on the good things in life!" Harry said cheerily, shaking the fire poker decorated with sizzling flesh in front of the black youth's face. "As you contributed the meat you have a bite!"

Zabini´s still hazy eyes looked at his smoking privates sticking on a fire poker in confusion until his face twisted into a mask of shock and realisation. His breaths turned into a horrified wheezing, his eyes darting from the cooked flesh to Potter's sneering face and hateful eyes back to his mistreated privates before he started to gag.

"Stop that, Zabini! You are behaving abominably! Would you want to die instead of having a taste of your roasted bits?" Harry hissed threateningly, making the black youth to shudder in fear and revulsion as Harry pushed a hot penis between his teeth, bulging out his cheek. Zabini gagged harder now, unable to do what Harry asked from him and Harry cursed as the door shook and small blue sparks appeared at the edges.

"Seems you've told the truth, Zabini! Tell your friends that they shall behave themselves or I will come after them also. Uh, about your bits, sorry there, you think the medi-witches in St Mungo's will be able to put you together again and make it work for another raping?" Harry's scornful laughter as he threw the poker with the pieces of flesh on it back into the fire caused the moaning black boy to shudder.

"If I ever see you coming close to Draco again, this will look like a children's party to you. If you lay hand on the one I love once more I'll kill you in the most terrible way I can think of!" Harry hissed threateningly before he opened the window and flew out of it on his broom just as the door caved in and opened with a loud crash.

Harry smiled in glee the whole way back to Hogwarts, the triumphant feeling of revenge warming him in spite of the freezing air biting into him. He landed at the side of the Hogwarts gate and slowly walked up to the castle. The smile left his face when he entered the Gryffindor common room, his friends jumping up from their seats immediately, rushing to his side with anxious and worried faces.

"Where have you been the whole day long, Harry? Madam Pomfrey was searching for you everywhere! Something happened with Draco." Hermione's eyes held an accusing light in them, and Harry's heart froze in fear.


	11. Improving

_**I borrowed Mrs. Rowling´s characters to shorten our waiting time for her last HP book and amuse ourselves with the lot of them. **_

_**I´d have loved to use the German saying "Totgesagte leben länger" (the condemned live longer ) in this chapter, but unfortunately you can never translate sayings the way they sound like in the original language.**_

_**Sorry for updating so late, but I could simply not bring myself to making the chappie shorter.**_

**Chapter 11**

**I m p r o v i n g**

Harry´s heart froze in fear before it started to race in his chest as he took in the impressions on his friends´ faces. He could see it in front of his inner eye how he would enter the hospital wing, the door swinging slowly open in front of him, allowing the view on Draco, the magical respiration gone, his chest still once more, but this time forever and his heart and lungs restricted as he felt a sob forming in his center, the sorrow balling together in his solar plexus like a dark thunder cloud.

"Where have you been?" Hermione scolded him, doing a wonderful imitation of an incensed Professor McGonagall at that moment. "We were worried sick, Harry! How could you simply fly off like that and leave us behind? And then we went back to the castle and Madam Pomfrey asked us where you were, and we couldn´t tell her, and I thought you went after you know, the one, and did something stupid, and we didn´t stop you, we even helped you in a way and..."

"Hermione! What´s wrong with Draco?" Harry interrupted her harshly, balling his badly shaking hands into fists.

"I don´t know, Madam Pomfrey didn´t tell us, but Draco is..." Harry didn´t even wait for the end of the sentence before he turned around and ran out of the common room heading straight for the infirmary. He stopped in front of the large double doors as if he had ran against a wall, staring in fear at the dark wood.

"Please, Gods..." Harry whispered as he slowly opened the door, his heart almost killing him, so fast it was beating. His eyes widened in shock as he took in the pale figure of his one love lying there on the bed, the respiration bag gone, just as he had imagined it only some heartbeats ago. The soft candle light set glittering accents on Draco´s silverspun hair, softened his features to perfect beauty, making him look like an angel.

"No.." The word was just a whisp of air, hardly reaching his own ears. He could not go closer, could not look at Draco as he lay there still and pale, having lost the struggle for life while he had gone out for a stupid revenge. He had not been here when...

"Mr. Potter, finally!" Madam Pomfrey exclaimed coming out of her office with a small tray in hands, holding a jar, a cloth and a small basin with water, her steps leading her to the bed on which Draco lay still and quiet. "I thought you wanted to get the news first, but unfortunately not even Ms. Granger and Mr. Weasley knew where to find you." Harry could only watch her setting the tray down on Draco´s bedside table, raising the bedcover from his chest and folding it down over the still boy´s legs. Then she looked up, her questioning gaze directed at the trembling and very pale Harry.

"Why are you not closing the door behind you? Do you feel unwell?" she asked him with a small frown.

"No...I wasn´t here...Draco.." Harry answered in a low and rough voice, a dry sob shaking his chest. Madam Pomfrey looked at him shortly in confusion before her features twisted into a mixture of pity, understanding and amusement.

"Did your friends not tell you? Nevermind, come closer, have a good look! He´s not dead!" the matron waved her hand invitingly, smiling cheerily. "I have wonderful news for you - Mr. Malfoy started breathing on his own again. He´s improving!"

"He´s better?" Harry asked, the sorrow in his chest was rapidly replaced by joy. He stepped closer, each stride getting longer and more secure than the former one until he stopped by the side of the nurse, looking down at his boyfriend. Draco looked better, how could Harry not have realised. The yellow tinge was almost gone from his skin, his lips a pale pink, slightly opened as the boy was slowly drawing steady breaths.

"He still didn´t wake up, but he is on the road to recovery. It´s only a matter of time until he´ll open his eyes." the matron explained while she pushed Draco´s shirt up, baring the slightly rounded belly. "I just wanted to check on the baby, maybe you want to see it also." Harry nodded shyly, watching as the nurse carefully rubbed a clear potion onto the white skin, right under the navel.

Madam Pomfrey circled the area with her wand, her voice forming lilting sounds which caused a slight sparkling on the gleaming skin. It was a beautiful picture as light red mist was rising from the slight bulge, coming to a stop a foot above the white skin. The softly coloured mist concentrated while it rotated, until it finally formed the picture of a tiny human shape, rolled up like a slumbering cat, one tiny hand in front of the face, obviously sucking its thumb. The red mist still surrounded the form, pulsing rapidly, faster than Harry´s own heartbeat. He was awe-struck. This looked like a real human, tiny and not in a fully defined shape yet, but it already looked like a baby.

"This is how the baby in him looks like now?" he asked Madam Pomfrey finally, not averting his eyes once from the beautifully pulsing red above his boyfriend´s middle.

"Yes, it is. Everything looks fine. The pulsing corresponds to the baby´s heartbeat. It´s strong and steady." she said smiling softly.

"Is the heart not beating much too fast?" Harry asked with a small concerned frown.

"No, it´s perfectly fine. The smaller a living being, the faster the beat of its heart. The baby is doing very well." Madam Pomfrey explained, her eyes meeting his, assuring him.

"Draco would have loved to see this!" Harry whispered, staring at the ethereal picture again. All thought about Voldemort being the father was forgotten as he felt a loving and protecting feeling for this tiny being develop in his core.

"Soon he´ll be able to. He´s reacting to the potions well. I can almost watch the changes in his body. Give him some more time, he´ll soon come around."

It was almost a week later, during the second week of December, that Harry felt a tiny twitch in Draco´s hand which he held in his while he watched through the large infirmary windows how fat snowflakes were softly gliding through the air, enjoying a lazy Friday evening. He immediately sat up from his slumped position and stared at his sleeping beauty. Draco´s eyes were moving slowly behind the closed lids but the hand lay still and cold in Harry´s again. Harry had just slumped back into the uncomfortable chair when he heard an almost imperceptible groan from the blond boy.

"Draco?" Harry asked softly. "Draco, can you hear me? Open your eyes for me." he said after Draco´s hand weakly moved in his again. A small frown appeared on Draco´s face, eyelids with long eyelashes fluttered before opening slowly, closing again, and another weak groan escaped his lips. Harry grinned happily as he watched his boyfriend slowly wake up; he squeezed the pale hand lieing in his carefully, his other hand caressing the blinking boy´s forehead. Harry had attracted Madam Pomfrey´s attention who had sorted potion phials into a small cupboard and the matron almost threw some glass jars down in her hurry to approach them.

"Welcome back, love!" Harry whispered with a soft smile as confused grey eyes met his.

"..´arry.." Draco croaked softly, wincing and swallowing after his pathetic attempt at talking. Harry´s eyes immediately searched for water to give to Draco just to see with regret that the water pitcher on Draco´s bedside table was empty. Madam Pomfrey remedied the situation with an _Aguamenti_ and immediately poured a glass of water for Draco. Harry slowly raised his boyfriend up and brought the offered glass to the dry lips.

"Try to drink slowly." Harry cautioned the blond boy, who gulped down the water as if he had just been saved from being lost in a desert. Draco soon finished the water and was carefully laid back on the hospital bed while Madam Pomfrey activated the diagnostic spell again, which she studied with a satisfied nod.

"How are you feeling, Mr. Malfoy?" she asked Draco who blinked at her tiredly.

"Sleepy, and weak." he finally answered, his voice still scratchy, and shook his head slowly when the matron asked for any signs of pain.

"You are almost back to normal. Lots of rest and you are out of here in no time. I recommend that you go back to sleep soonest, Mr. Malfoy." she nodded and smiled at both of them before she made her way back to her potion´s cupboard, the clinking sounds comforting in the quiet infirmary.

"I´m sorry, Harry!" Draco whispered, his eyes searching Harry´s face for any signs of bad mood but he only found relief, joy and love written all over it.

"It´s okay, just promise me you´ll never do anything foolish like that again, Draco! I´ve never been so afraid in my life." Draco blinked in confusion at Harry´s words.

"Afraid of what?" he finally asked.

"Afraid to loose you." Harry whispered, his smiling face screwed up as if he felt pain.

"Oh...!" Draco looked at Harry and felt the love he had for the blackhaired Gryffindor even grow, if that was possible at all. "I promise I´ll not do something like that again."

Harry gave him a pleased smile, bowing down to kiss him softly, almost as if he was afraid of breaking him. They both giggled when Draco suddenly yawned, and Harry withdrew from his boyfriend´s lips.

"You are tired. Maybe you should better sleep now like Poppy said." Harry said to his sheepish looking boyfriend.

"Will you stay?" Draco muttered, his eyes already closing and his hand tightening his weak hold on Harry´s.

"I will." Harry said, watching how Draco´s face relaxed until his eyes suddenly flew open, searching Harry´s.

"What about the pregnancy? Is it gone?" Draco asked urgently.

"No, the baby is still there." Harry said. Draco´s face screwed up in despair. "Don´t worry, Draco! I took care of everything, nobody will look at you even in a wrong way or they will get to know me." There was a hard glint in Harry´s eyes now.

"But the baby, how can I have that...that..." Draco sputtered.

"The baby is fine, it´s healthy, and it´s beautiful, Draco! I saw it! Poppy did this spell and we could see it. It´s so tiny, but I believe it was already sucking its thumb. When you are feeling better Poppy will do the spell again and you can see for yourself. Please, Draco, it´s just a little baby, it´s not Voldemort himself." Draco shivered at the mentioning of the Dark Lord´s name. Harry´s eyes were shining as he looked at his boyfriend beseechingly. "We can raise him together, we could give him a better childhood than we had. We could be a family, Draco!"

Draco looked at the blackhaired Gryffindor in surprise. A family with the three of them? He looked down at his stomach, letting his hand glide slowly over the small bulge. Harry seemed to be happy about the baby all of a sudden. Maybe it was not so bad, maybe they could really be...a family. He could play quidditch with the child, just for fun, not for results. They would live together anywhere; they would stay in a small cosy house, not in this large vault-like place where he grew up, surrounded by cold marble and hostile paintings. Draco nodded slowly and was rewarded with a big smile making Harry´s face shine, rivalling the sun itself.

"Thank you, love!" Harry said, pressing another soft kiss on Draco´s mouth. Draco smiled tiredly. He still didn´t like to have that monster´s spawn inside him, but he couldn´t spoil Harry´s obvious happiness about the baby. Something was bound to go wrong, he simply knew it. He yawned again, unable to keep his eyes open any longer.

"Sleep now, I will stay by your side." Harry assured the blond boy with a soft whisper, but Draco didn´t hear, having fallen asleep within seconds.

Draco gained strength fast and Madam Pomfrey used the baby projection spell on him the very next morning to show him the fetus growing inside him. He watched Harry´s smile, his shining eyes as he looked at the misty picture of the tiny being as if it was a miracle, while his own insides cringed at the idea of having this worm-like thing with arms and legs inside his newly formed womb. Draco imagined a red-eyed child with scales instead of soft skin worming its way out of him and his stomach turned. The matron and his boyfriend clucked over him as he was retching, blaming the morning sickness for his misery.

Harry was worried about Draco. The sudden bout of violent sickness, the paleness of his skin, the haunted look in his eyes did nothing to ease Harry´s suspicion that something was still seriously wrong with Draco´s health. His suspicion was prooved right when Draco left the bed for the first time in more than two weeks, supported by both Poppy and Harry, and almost fainted after taking only one step.

"It´s perfectly natural, Mr. Malfoy, your body was not used any longer to being in an upright position which caused a drop in your blood pressure. Don´t you worry, next time it will work out better." Madam Pomfrey reassured him, offering him a strengthening potion before she checked his vitals again. Harry felt pity tearing at his heart as he took in Draco´s deathly white and sweaty face, the panting breaths and strained facial expression.

"This evening Rufus Merryweather will come over for a final check-up and Miss Hops will do a very thorough examination. Rest now, Mr. Malfoy! In one hour´s time we will try again to get you out of bed." The nurse gave them a small smile again before she went over to another bed on which an unfortunate Ravenclaw first year sat who had poured a mismade potion over herself, sprouting spring green grass from all patches of skin which had gotten in touch with the potion.

The second time Draco was forced to leave his bed and get up to walk some steps he did not feel so wretched anymore. He had to grab Harry for support but he was able to go to the bathroom and use it in privacy - which made him sigh in relief, as he hated the extremely embarrassing action of using a chamber pot while lieing in a hospital bed - before they made their way back to the bed. Draco fell down on it completely exhausted. It took only minutes of Hermione and Ron bantering at his bedside for Draco to fall asleep.

It was an uncomfortable silence between Harry and his friends, sitting at the sleeping Draco´s side, which was interrupted when Hermione got up from her chair, grabbing Ron´s forearm and declaring that the two of them had to learn for History of Magic, urgently and inevitably. Since Harry´s interview with the _Daily Prophet _reporter and his following disappearance act his friends had asked him uncounted times where he had gone to and what he had done there for almost seven hours, coming back just minutes before curfew.

"I found Zabini, and I used some hexes on him and threatened him a bit. That´s all." Harry usually answered, averting his eyes, refusing to give them any further details. Hermione was very suspicious of him, while Ron believed him but got annoyed on his best mate´s sudden secrecy. Their friendship had cooled down since then, their meetings often being spent in uncomfortable silence, with meaningless talking or heated discussions about his little excursion. It hurt Harry to see his friends´ anger and lack of understanding directed at him, but he could and would never tell them what really had happened that day.

There had been no article in the _Daily Prophet _about Blaise Zabini being treated in St Mungo´s or even worse about his death, as well as there had never been any publication of the interview Gunhilda Chattering had done with him. He had expected Aurors coming for him any day, but never anybody came to arrest him or at least question him. Harry himself didn´t understand what had come over him to do those ghastly things to the black boy, although the extracted revenge still satisfied him deeply. It caused shivers to run down his back when he mulled over the possibility that it was Voldemort´s influence through the cursed scar which had made him act in such a cruel way, without pity and remorse.

Harry looked at Draco again, his fingers playing with Draco´s fingernails while he enjoyed the peaceful look on his boyfriend´s face. The door to the infirmary opened silently and steps equally silent made their way towards Harry, who looked up curiously.

"Professor Dumbledore." Harry greeted the whitebearded wizard whose eyes twinkled merrily at him.

"Good afternoon, Harry. I see that Draco is better. A rather gracious turn of the fates." His hands entwined behind his back he came to a stop beside Harry and finally he laid one wrinkled hand on Harry´s shoulder. "I fear that your trials are not over yet, Harry. The ministry will send some aurors to Hogwarts for an interrogation." Harry´s heart almost dropped into his pants. Aurors were coming for him. He nodded hesitantly, his mind running in circles, turning the possibilities of fight and flight over and over in his head.

"I´m trying my best to keep them away as long as possible, but now that Mr. Malfoy is awake they want to ask some questions. Of course we will not leave him alone with them. Not in his weak condition, improving but still very weak." Harry blinked in confusion. Why did they want to talk to Draco? Draco had not even been awake when...Gods, no! The realisation hit him like a train. "I believe you both knew that abortion is illegal. Severus is of course aware of where his student got the Essence of Pennyroyal from. The poor boy is reproaching himself for having, albeit unknowingly, provided the means for Mr. Malfoy´s attempt. It would be crucial that the aurors will not find out that such was attempted at all. The information they come to gather is on the pregnancy and its origin only."

"How did..." Harry looked at Professor Dumbledore wide-eyed, fear and relief fighting for dominance inside him.

"The possession of a certain Cloak might cause some people to do...slightly foolish things at times." Harry blushed under the headmaster´s scrutinizing gaze.

"I trust that you will be able to explain to Mr. Malfoy how crucial it is to keep the fact that he aimed for abortion from the aurors." The whitebearded wizard gave Harry a slight nod, before his serious expression turned into a mischievous smile. "The snow this year is especially fluffy. I feel the uncontrollable urge to go right now and enjoy the snow by building a snow-unicorn. Care to join me, Harry?" Light blue eyes twinkled merrily at Harry, who smiled at the strange invitation.

"No, thank you, Professor, but I have to stay with Draco. The specialists from St Mungo´s are coming over soon and I want to be here then." Harry answered, smiling at the old wizard´s antics. Professor Dumbledore´s smile was unwavering. He nodded and left the infirmary, happily humming a Christmas carol.

The sky was darkening when the tall, hulky poisoning specialist and the short, petite midwife entered the infirmary accompanied by Madam Pomfrey. Draco and Harry were making plans for spending their first Christmas together, laughing and kissing inbetween thinking up horrendous and ridiculous christmas gifts for anybody they could think of. They were just snickering over the advertisement of a new shampoo in _Witch Weekly_, which Pansy had brought for Draco, saying that "the wondrous formula is able to bring forth the most lovely and durable corkscrew curls after just one wash" and decided in unison to make this Draco´s present to Professor Snape, after of course replacing the _Corkscrew Lady _with an _EverOilyShine_ label, which was the favourite shampoo of the greasy haired potions master.

"I can see that our patient is feeling much better already." Merryweather intoned with an amused grin, striding over to Draco´s bed. Draco smiled nervously at them, carefully watching how the bearlike mediwizard used the diagnostic spell on him, discussing avidly with Madam Pomfrey about the use of _Andracis elixier_ to support the rebuilding of his detoxication systems. He squeezed Harry´s hand at the stinging sensation, when Merryweather took blood from his left hand to put it into a small phial, adding different ingredients until the colour turned a dark orange.

"Well, well, well, you are just recovering fine, Mr. Malfoy. The potions helped even better than I would have assumed. Your kidneys and lungs work perfectly again, although you might be a little short-winded for some months. Your liver has still not recovered fully, but the potion we will add to your medication might help remedy that soonest. I would recommend two or three more days stay in the hospital wing, Poppy, to give him some more time for his liver to grow more healthy tissue and for him to gain strength." The nurse nodded with a satisfied smile and the delicate mediwitch stepped forward.

"Did you have any stomach pains since you´ve woken up, Draco?" she asked while she softly pushed down on his stomach in different places before she used a diagnostic spell Draco had not seen before, which went through his abdomen like a tingling wave, writing strange signs and numbers onto his skin in glowing red and blue light.

"No, just a slight twinge sometimes." Draco said with a small frown, eliciting a satisfied hum from the blackhaired woman. She did the baby projection spell and the red mist appeared again, showing the abominable creature inside him. The midwife looked at Draco in concern, studying his stony features, before she stopped the spell.

"Do you have any questions, Draco?" she asked him and sat down on the edge of his bed, her wand resting lightly in her hands. Draco looked around nervously.

"Can we talk alone?" he asked her, "Please, Harry!" he also addressed his surprised boyfriend. Harry and the other two adults agreed of course and left the infirmary together.

"So, what´s bothering you, Draco?" the petitie woman asked him full of compassion. Draco sat up in bed again, looking at the midwife, searching in her eyes for a sign if he could really trust her.

"The...one who fathered this...this thing inside me...he´s not fully human. He looks different, he has red eyes and his face, his skin...he looks like a demon, and he is pure evil. He is the Dark Lord after all." his eyes met her patient ones. "Will...will the child look like him? I mean he´s no normal wizard, he is, I don´t know, he was resurrected by dark magic my father said. I can´t...I don´t want this thing inside me...and it won´t die..." Draco couldn´t hold back the sobs any longer, trying to hide his tears behind his hands. He found himself in a warm embrace, a light rocking motion soothing his frayed nerves.

"It´s okay to be afraid, Draco. The way you conceived this child was a traumatic experience for you after all. It´s natural that you reject it. I can only tell you what I see from the examinations. The fetus looks normal and healthy, just like any other baby. Of course I can´t tell you the eye-colour yet, but I don´t believe that it would inherit those red eyes. A child is always a mixture of both parents in the end. The test results tell me nothing of abnormal genetic material, the baby seems to be fully human. As for being evil, I don´t think being evil is a trait you can inherit. The child might inherit magical traits from the parents though." Draco heard her explanations but he could still not shake the feeling off that it was a demon growing inside him.

"Do you have any other questions I might be able to answer for you?" she asked, her mouth mere inches from his right ear, as he relaxed into her embrace.

"How will it come out?" he finally said, silent sobs still shaking his form now and then although his tears had diminished.

"I´m not sure until now. As you grew a womb there might be a birth canal like in females also. Possibly the birth will take place through the anus. We still always have the means of a cesarean section to take the child out." her voice was soft and calm, making the whole case of a male giving birth the first time in history looking like a case not even as severe as wizarding flu. "I´d like to do an anal examination now, Draco, to be able to determinate if the womb is still connected to your anus. Are you feeling up to it already?" Draco nodded shyly. The idea of an anal examination was not sitting well with him.

"Lie down please, pull your pants down to your knees and stem your feet against the mattress, spread them a bit further apart, yes, good like that." she said, giving him a small assuring smile. Draco was very greatful that the midwife left him mostly covered, just raising the blanket up onto his knees to gain access to his bottom. He flinched when he felt a finger entering him, moving inside him, causing him to exhale in shock when it brushed his prostate. Finally the finger came to rest deeper inside him, pushing, causing an uncomfortable twinge and he protested with a pained sound. The finger withdrew immediately.

"It seems it will be the birth through the anus then." the midwife said more to herself than to him.

"Will it hurt?" Draco had never seen a woman giving birth, but he had heared Pansy and her friends talking about how the women screamed like commoners during the process. He was not afraid of pain, he was a man, he would be able to handle the birthing process better than any woman any day.

"We´ll give you painreducing potions and will try to make it as easy as possible on you. Now I want you to drink this concoction, it contains nutricients and vitamins which will support your body´s increased needs during the pregnancy." Draco made a face when he tasted the vile brew. It tasted like rotten vegetables mixed with liver. After receiving a warning glare from the petite woman he gulped it down as fast as possible, just to grab the glass with water on his bedside table, the cool liquid easing the horrid taste in his mouth only slightly.

"You will get used to it, as you will drink this every morning now. The house-elfs have gotten the order to place it on the breakfast table for you when you are able to take your meals in the Great Hall again." She laughed at his shocked face and went to call Harry and the others in again. Harry was immediately by his side, a questioning and worried look in his eyes again.

"Is everything okay with you?" he asked Draco, carefully rubbing over the tear-tracks on his face.

"Yes, just fine, I´m a little bit stressed by all this. No need to worry." Draco murmured, his fingers picking at his bedcover.

"And the baby is fine also?" Harry asked eagerly, which had Draco struggling for control not to throw a harsh remark at his boyfriend´s head.

"Everything fine also." he answered impatiently.

"Do you already know what it´s going to be?" Draco wanted to snort and shout 'A full-fledged demon, just like the father!', but the midwife was beating him to the answer.

"If you really want to know I could tell you. I already saw it in the examinations." she smiled conspiratorial at them. Harry´s eyes got that joyful glint again, so Draco just nodded.

"You´re going to have a son, Draco!" Harry whooped while Draco could just stare at the smiling woman. A son! A Malfoy heir, a heir for the Dark Lord. Gods, You Know Who would surely do anything to get a hold of this child, even kill him and Harry and anybody else who would want to stop him. Draco shuddered.

"Are you okay, Draco? You look very pale." Harry asked, sending a concerned look towards the midwife and Poppy.

"I´m well, just tired, the examinations, you know, just tired, and my head aches somewhat terribly." Draco whispered while he lay down on the soft bed and rolled himself into a tiny ball. He smiled in greatful relief when Poppy cast a pain relieving spell on him and the hammering pains behind his eyes dissolved into a soft prickling.

"We could call him Jack, or Luke!" Draco just snorted in shocked amusement at Harry´s suggestions.

This was going to be one long pregnancy!


	12. Afflictions

_I am not the owner of the characters I´m using in my stories! Oh, the healers are mine; the rest I borrowed from J.K.Rowling! _

_Aaaah, it´s nice to post again after some nasty admins blocked my account for a whole week for posting fanfiction with contents above M-rating. What is wrong with explicit content? coughspoil-sportscough Oh, well, I´m greatful that they didn´t delete all my stories!_

_**oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo**_

**MA-rating Petition**

**FREEDOM OF SPEECH**

_**Why don´t we, the faithful and interested users of this site, attempt improvement and inform the owners of this site that we absolutely and irrevocably need to be able to choose MA-rating for posting? is by far the best site for fanfiction and I would love it even more if they would allow me to post my MA-rating stories here without worrying with every word I´m writing if I´m allowed to use it in an M-rating. **_

_**Maybe others just want to read MA-stories and love this site just as much as I do. **_

_**I think none of us is reading and writing only explicit stories, and the site offers such a wide range that it would not be its downfall to accept MA-rating. **_

_**The owners would not loose readers, they would gain readers and writers (many already left this site because of this restriction) and more readers are a good thing for selling advertisement space.**_

_**If any of you would like to join the cause, you can contact me or check my profile for the link to an online petition Maddevillechilde and I will set up soonest! **_

_**Thanks!**_

**UNLEASH YOUR IMAGINATION AND FREE YOUR SOUL !**

**oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo**

**Chapter 12**

**A F F L I C T I O N S**

The eagle owl tapped impatiently against the window pane, the winter storm winds ruffling its feathers and blowing clouds of snow flakes against Draco´s dormitory window. Draco grunted unwillingly, tightening his arms around Harry´s warm body when the Gryffindor moved away from the blond boy´s kisses.

"Hold on, Draco! I just want to open the window for the owl." Draco was not persuaded by Harry´s half-hearted attempt at explaining his need to break away from his love´s seeking touch and continued nuzzling the raven haired youth´s neck. "Oh...Draco...the bloody bird will...ah...not go away if it can´t deliver its letter."

"I don´t care! It will freeze and fall off the window sill any time!" Draco whined in annoyance as he watched his boyfriend getting up and opening the window. The strong winds tried to force the window even more open, and the eagle owl flew into the warm room, bringing freezing cold and a whirl of snowflakes with it. Draco shuddered as he felt the chill on his naked skill and hurridly pulled the blanket up to his chin. He screeched affronted when the large bird sat down on top of the comforter, its mere presence staining the cloth under its talons with melting snow and its beady black eyes piercing Draco.

"Havoc, you ugly blackbird! Give me the damn letter and get the hell out of here before you end up as roast owl on my plate!" The eagle owl indignantly offered his leg with the on it fixed scroll of parchment to the scowling boy before it took off through the window, its talons tearing through Harry´s unruly hair on its way out before the Gryffindor could throw the window shut behind the devil bird, his good byes to the owl a hissed range of well sampled curse words.

"Even mother´s eagle owl knows that your hair looks like a bird´s nest!" Draco snickered evilly. He broke the Malfoy seal on the impervious spelled parchment and frowned at the contents. "My mother wants me to come home for Christmas."

"Will you go?" Harry asked before he jumped in bed and snuggled his cold feet against Draco´s warm legs.

"Haarrrrry!" the blond protested immediately, trying to push the uncomfortably cold limbs far from his body. "You know I want to spend Christmas with you here in Hogwarts this year! She can´t force me to go home!" He threw the parchment carelessly onto the bedside table before he half rolled on top of the toned bronze body and continued his thorough ministrations. "Anyway, how could I spend so many days without little Harry here?"

Soon both boys were panting and gasping as their naked bodies moved together. The heat of their joining made the warm embrace of the bedcover unnecessary and it slid to the side to reveal pale legs winding around rhythmically tensing tanned buttocks. They made love in a tantalizingly slow way, taking a long time to kiss and caress and speak words of love and praise while Harry brought Draco to completion with tender and careful movements of his hips.

He shuddered at the intoxicating feeling of Draco´s muscles cramping around his member and fingernails cutting into the skin of his sensitive bottom. Their blissful moans reached a peak when their animalistic insticts took over and groins frantically seeked contact before sweat covered bodies relaxed in exhaustion against each other. They rested for some minutes, panting against each others skin before moaned words broke the post-orgasmic bliss.

"Aaah, Harry, I need..." Draco hungrily looked at Harry through lidded eyes, bringing a delighted grin to the Gryffindor´s face until "..some chocolate ice-cream right now, mixed with raw chicken liver, but it has to be cut into tiny square pieces, and for the topping I want fresh strawberries and curry." Draco smiled dreamily, smacking his rosy lips, not even aware of Harry´s face contorting into a grimace of disbelief and disgust.

"You are joking, right?" Harry asked hopefully, his eyebrows almost meeting his hairline.

"What do you mean with if I´m joking? Of course not! I can´t help these cravings, Harry! It´s not my fault that I´m pregnant!" Draco pouted, his lower lip started to quiver and his eyes rapidly filled with tears as they locked onto Harry´s, speaking of hurt and accusation.

"There are no fresh strawberries in the middle of December, Draco, and you ate double of what even Ron could eat for dinner!" Harry tried to object, not even daring to mention the horrid wish for raw liver, but was soon persuaded to follow the blond Slytherin´s every whim when he felt his boyfriend´s body shuddering against his with the first sob. "Fine, fine, I´m sorry, I´ll go and see what Dobby can do!" He pressed a placating kiss onto Draco´s lips before he pushed himself up from the cosy and warm bed and dressed hurriedly.

Harry entered Draco´s dorm half an hour later with a giant liver-chocolate dessert, decorated with fresh red strawberries sprinkled with yellow curry powder and a huge thriumphant grin on his face just to find Draco snoring. He quietly sat down on the bed beside the sleeping boy and looked at him lovingly. Draco was looking healthy, even radiant, and Harry felt the love for the other so much that it almost hurt. He smiled when Draco mewled sleepily and opened his beautiful silvery eyes.

"Where have you been so long?" Draco mumbled, his eyes lighting up when they set on the ice-cream in Harry´s hands. "You got it?" he cheered and sat up vigorously.

"Dobby apparated to Spain to get the strawberries." Harry smiled in wonder at how fast Draco devoured the vile concoction and still managed to look every bit the elegant Malfoy heir.

"I love you!" Draco moaned happily with shining eyes. Harry was not sure if Draco had addressed him or the ice-cream and shook his head with an amused chuckle, but the sensual kiss, tasting of too many things, and the love shining in the blond Slytherin´s eyes persuaded him that indeed he was the one Draco loved with all his heart.

Some hours later the exotic ice-cream reappeared as brown and red junks floating in brownish liquid in the toilet bowl as Draco was forced onto his knees to worship the porcelain god like every morning. The strain of the forceful heaving caused Draco to shed bitter tears, his body shaking as it was bathed in cold sweat. Harry supported him up and helped Draco into the steaming hot shower, where he joined him, deliberately lathering the beautiful pale body in front of him with bubbling suds of peach soap.

"I hate this, Harry!" sobbed Draco in exhaustion. "Look at me, I´m eating crazy things, hurling every fucking morning, and I´m looking bloated," He threw himself into the Gryffindor´s arms, the warm soap suds squelching between their chests. "And I´m crying again! I´m not a small child! Why can´t I stop it, Harry?" he wailed in despair.

"You´re having mood swings, Draco. I think Poppy said it has to do with changing hormons. It will stop once you gave birth." Harry tried to sooth his sobbing boyfriend.

"I want it to be gone _now_!" Draco almost shouted, his words not making it clear if he meant the symptoms of the pregnancy or the child. "Why did he do this to me? My father served him faithfully for years. I hate this monster! I hate him!" The words lost volume until they were a mere whisper in the murmuring of the hot water flowing over their bodies.

"It´s okay, Draco, let´s just get dressed and then we will go to the Great Hall for breakfast whenever you feel like it." Harry murmured, carefully avoiding the topic of Draco´s father as he didn´t want to give Draco more reason to scream and cry. Harry hated the older Malfoy with a vengeance and thought that there was no punishment hard enough for the Death Eater. Azkaban surely was too lovely a place for the man to spend his days. Voldemort himself, Harry had decided, would not die through a simple _Avada Kedavra_. His waking dreams were more along the lines of eviscerating and beheading.

Two hours and a calming draught, donated by Madam Pomfrey, later, Draco´s little nervous breakdown was forgotten and he was happily whispering and snickering with Pansy Parkinson as they sat in History of Magic. Binns was floating about as usual, his speech monotone as always, not registering if the students were there at all, and definitely not if they paid attention in class. When they made their way to Transfigurations Draco flinched at the growing pain in his stomach, but he kept quiet as he could easily deal with it. They just had to transfigurate a stone into an owl, a useful exercise for changes, when Draco groaned loudly, wrapping his arms around his fiercely aching middle.

"Mr. Malfoy, are you in pain?" Professor McGonagall asked with a frown, as Pansy and Harry immediately rushed to his side.

"No, it´s nothing, I´ll be..fine..agh." Draco forced out, moaning unintentionally, to be rebuked and sent off to the infirmary by the teacher immediately. The whole way to the hospital wing the Slytherin cursed, the foulness of his language increasing with every stairs they had to climb.

"This is the second time within some days!" Draco groaned as soon as Harry helped him to lie down on a bed in the middle of a row of hard hospital beds. "What´s wrong with me?" The nurse found no signs for complications in the readings of her diagnostic spell and started to prod Draco´s stomach which caused him severe discomfort.

"The lower abdominal pains you are suffering are obviously due to the rapid expansion of the uterus and stretching of ligaments. The baby is growing very fast at this time of the pregnancy. Presently it is about as long as your palm." Madam Pomfrey looked compassionately at the writhing blonde while Harry studied the palm of his left hand with a small smile, measuring it with the fingers of his right. Draco shot him a nasty look while the nurse headed to her potions storage.

"Your male body seems to have more problems to adjust to the changes, I´m afraid. Drink this and you will feel better." The matron offered him a phial with pain relieving potion Professor Snape had created for Draco especially as the ingredients of the average potion were not salubrious for the pregnant boy. Draco heaved a sigh of relief when the pain diminished.

"I will give you ten phials to keep, so you don´t have to climb all the stairs when you experience these pains again, Mr. Malfoy! Just make sure that you still come to see me if the symptoms vary." the matron remarked. Draco´s eyes flickered over the battery of glass phials while he contemplated the possibilities of having ten phials of pain relieving potions at his disposal.

Draco was still in a bad mood at lunch, which didn´t deter him from heaping half of the meat, once it appeared on the table, right onto his plate which earned him scandalized looks from all Gryffindor boys in his vicinity. He just snarled at them before he tore into the first chicken leg.

"Can´t the mother-to-be eat at his own table, Harry? He´s finishing all our food!" Ron whined as he stared in desperation at the three pieces of meat on his own plate. Before Harry could reply Draco had hexed Ron who landed heavily on the floor, sprouting lilac boils on his face. Hermione immediately helped her boyfriend up, cooing at the dazed redhead and shooting Draco a disapproving glance. Draco was peacefully eating again when Professor McGonagall and Professor Snape stormed towards their table.

"Mr. Malfoy, that was uncalled for!" McGonagall reprimanded Draco immediately who narrowed his eyes in anger. "I think a detention with..."

"I am sure Mr. Weasley provoked my student!" Snape interrupted the old woman. "Mr. Malfoy is in a delicate situation and therefore not to be troubled." Draco scowled at the term 'delicate' used on his person when Harry came to his defenses.

"Ron called Draco a glutton and he is rather sensitive at the moment. I´m sure Draco is sorry for hexing Ron!" Harry tried to defuse the situation, looking at his boyfriend pleadingly. Draco did not look sorry in the least.

"He called me a mother-to-be!" Draco snapped, before he bit into the piece of meat in his hands, turning his back to the flustered Head of Gryffindor House, completely ignoring the confused glances around him.

"Nevertheless! 20 points from Slytherin for hexing another student!" Professor McGonagall said after gaping like a fish on land, which was immediately answered with a "25 points from Gryffindor for insulting a student in delicate situation." which earned the potions master a murderous look from his favourite pupil.

"Why are you in such a foul mood, Draco?" Harry asked the still scowling boy on their way to Charms. Draco grimaced as if in pain.

"I...can´t explain it to you Harry! You wouldn´t understand." Draco said sadly. Harry looked in confusion and disappointment at his boyfriend.

"How do you know that if you don´t even try me?" he wanted to know, grabbing Draco´s arm to stop him. Draco looked into Harry´s eyes, seeing the gentleness and love in them, saw images of the joyful glint in Harry´s eyes whenever he talked or heard anything about the baby and his insides tied into one big, aching knot.

"Later maybe I will tell you. We have to go to class now. I don´t want Flitwick to take points off for coming too late." he said in a low voice, trying to force the tears back into his soul again.

Draco was very quiet throughout Charms, not even listening to half of what the short professor explained as he was mulling over how much he should tell Harry about his feelings for the baby; feelings of loathing, hatred and terror. Harry would not understand. He was already in love with the little monster, his enemy´s child. Draco didn´t want to give birth to this abomination, he didn´t want to be different, at least not in such a way. He was afraid of what was going on within his body. He had lost control over his body, and he was about to loose himself. This child even changed his character, his behaviour.

If Draco had thought the day couldn´t get any worse, he had been mistaken. Five minutes to the end of Charms Snape charged into the classroom, his face a mask of stone, which was the ultimate sign of something being very wrong. His beady black eyes searched out Harry and Draco immediately, regarding his colleague with a short nod of his head only.

"Potter, Malfoy, come with me, please! Leave your books here! Your friends will take them back to your dorms." he barked before he turned around and left the room without looking back to see if the boys would follow. Harry and Draco exchanged worried looks before they got up and hurried after the greasy haired man. Snape was impatiently waiting for them, staring straight ahead as he led them down the corridor.

"The headmaster has unannounced visitors from the ministry, one Unspeakable and two Aurors. They are here to take both of you to the ministry for interrogation because of the pregnancy and your relationship. Dumbledore is trying to persuade them to do the interrogation at Hogwarts instead of at the Ministry of Magic." he snarled. "I hope you are prepared!"

Draco stopped dead, suddenly not getting enough air to breath. They wanted to take him to the ministry! Gods, he had the Dark Lord´s child inside him, the Daily Prophet had named him evil and now they had come to lock him up! Draco hardly heard Harry and Snape talking to him, telling him to take deep breaths, to calm down. He tried to hold his breath and calm down his madly beating heart.

"I can´t do this." Draco finally gasped, clinging to Harry´s robes.

"You must! If the ministry gets to know about the Pennyroyal you will share a cell with your father, and if you tell them where the potion came from which was used in making you fertile I can meet the two of you in there. You better check yourself, Mr. Malfoy!" hissed Snape threateningly. Harry stared at the livid potions master, shocked at the level of fear he saw in those black eyes.

Draco was clinging to him like a frightened child, trembling and whimpering with tears in his eyes, his face alarmingly white. "We should get a calming draught from the hospital wing for Draco!" Harry offered, suprised by the greatful look in Snape´s eyes when the man agreed with a short nod and strode off at fast pace. Harry tried to sooth his panicking boyfriend with soft words and kisses, relieved when Snape returned with the phial of calming draught. Draco downed it with one big gulp, visibly relaxing within seconds. He cleaned the tear-tracks from his face with the sleeve of his Hogwarts robe and coughed to clear his throat.

"Okay, I´m fine, we can go on." Draco said with as much confidence as he could muster.

In Dumbledore´s office three intimidating men in black robes were in a heated discussion with the calm looking headmaster about the use of Veritaserum. They stared at the two boys when they entered with the Slytherin Head of House. Draco shrank back under the piercing glances of their hard eyes and stepped onto Snape´s foot, the Potions Master having entered the office behind him.

"Ah, I see, Mr. Malfoy and Mr. Potter came to join us. Thank you, Severus, for bringing them here. Have a seat, please!" The headmaster smiled at them encouragingly and conjured three more chairs to stand in front of his desk. "Lemon drops?" he asked with a twinkle in his eyes. The newcomers shook their heads.

"These are Unspeakable Croaker from the Department of Mysteries," Dumbledore introduced a black-haired man with burning black eyes, reminding a bit of Snape, who huffed in greeting, "and Aurors Savage and Dawlish," two tough looking wizards who were definitely not members of the Order of the Phoenix, "who had the order to take Mr. Malfoy and Mr. Potter to the ministry today. After the veto of Mrs. Malfoy, Madam Pomfrey and my humble self the Minister of Magic was agreeable enough to relocate the inquiries these gentlemen will conduct to Hogwarts, namely to the Room of Requirement. We are still expecting two healers the minister appointed to examine Mr. Malfoy. As soon as they arrive we will proceed to the Room of Requirement."

Harry heard Draco´s breathing quicken beside him. The Slytherin´s body was tense, just as his facial expression. He stared at the front of Dumbledore´s desk, trying to avoid meeting anybody´s eyes, refused even to look at Harry. Harry quietly grabbed Draco´s hand, squeezing it softly, hoping that they didn´t attract the ministry officials´attention. His boyfriend´s hand was cold, sweaty and trembling faintly despite the calming draught the boy had ingested just ten minutes ago.

"We must insist on the use of Veritaserum on Mr. Malfoy and Mr. Potter. We cannot trust their word as they are both influenced by You Know Who." hissed Croaker after a short oppressive silence.

"I´m afraid that I can´t allow that, as you don´t know the repercussions of using the potion on a male pregnant. If it appeases you I can vouch for both boys with my position as the chief warlock of the Wizengamot that they are indeed not possessed by Voldemort. We could also end this discussion here for me to continue it with the minister alone, if you prefer that, gentlemen." The merry twinkle in the headmaster´s eyes was gone, replaced by a hardness rivalling the others´.

A whooshing sound in the fireplace interrupted the pointed silence which had followed Dumbledore´s words. A greyhaired man in white robes holding a leather bag stepped out of the fireplace, followed by a second, this time younger, one before the fire died down again. They cleaned the soot off their robes with a spell and stepped closer to greet the assembled men. Draco shivered when he took in their cold and uncaring facial expression. Croaker got up to greet the two men, pleased to be able to carry on with the planned proceedings.

"Healers Bloxam and Pokesman! Good of you to floo over at such short notice!" the Unspeakable grinned. "I believe we can proceed now to this room you mentioned." he addressed the headmaster, his eyes challenging the old wizard to contradict him.

"Of course. If you will follow me, please!" Dumbledore lead them down the winding staircase and along the seventh floor corridor to the tapestry of the dancing trolls. "If you will walk by this wall three times and imagine what you need the room to become, maybe looking like the rooms you planned to use in the ministry, a door will appear and the room behind will have shaped according to your wishes and needs."

The grey-haired healer exchanged a look with the Unspeakable before he walked up and down the corridor at a measured step, his face a mask of concentration until suddenly a door popped up in the former bare wall. There were some seconds of tense silence until Bloxam opened the door and stepped inside, closely followed by Croaker. They entered something like a small ante-room from which two doors led into separate rooms. Croaker poked his head through both doors before he turned to the headmaster and declared his acceptance of the rooms and the wish to be undisturbed while working.

"Your wands, boys!" Dawlish commanded, giving the hesitantly handed out wands to the headmaster.

"Please, report to my office once you have finished!" Dumbledore peered at Harry and Draco with something akin to worry in his eyes before he left the Room of Requirement to allow the ministry officials to work in the required peace. Harry nervously watched as Dumbledore left and Croaker heaved an annoyed sigh.

"Dawlish, you take that room with Potter! Savage, you come with me and the healers! Get in, Malfoy!" Croaker barked, any friendliness gone from his face as he harshly pushed Draco into the other room. Dawlish gripped Harry´s arm to prevent him from following his boyfriend who was looking at Harry with fear in his eyes. Finally the door to the other room closed in front of Harry and disappeared. Harry´s eyes widened with anxiety at the fact that he would not even be able to enter that room if he wanted to reach Draco before Croaker would open the door again.

"Come on, Potter, let´s start!" Dawlish said, dragging Harry impatiently into the other room. It was a rather small and bare room with only a table and two chairs facing each other in it plus a sideboard holding some food and beverage. Harry looked at the now closed door, which was still visible, wondering if Draco could see the vanished door of the room he was in from the inside.

"Sit down, or do you need an invitation, Potter?" sneered the grey-haired Auror. Harry sat down slowly while Dawlish set endless parchment and a dictating quill on the table. He took his seat and harrumphed.

"Interrogation Harry Potter, case 459 Draco Malfoy, December 17, 1996." Harry watched the quill scratching over the parchment.

"Name and date of birth?" the Auror asked Harry with a bored look.

"Harry James Potter, 31st of July, 1980." Harry answered nervously, looking again at the door, worrying about his boyfriend who was locked in with four ministry people.

"What is your relationship to one Draco Malfoy?" Dawlish looked more interested now.

"I´m his boyfriend." Harry said confidently.

"So you have a sexual relationship with him?" The Auror leaned forward, resting his forearms on the wooden table.

"Yes." Harry was a bit embarrassed by this question, but not as much as by the following one.

"Define the kind of sex you have with Mr. Malfoy!" Harry almost choked, his face getting redder by the second.

"Uh...what do you mean exactly...by 'define the kind of sex'?" he croaked, having to clear his throat to finish the sentence.

"Merlin, are you daft? Oral, anal, just kissing and groping, what are the two of you doing when you have fun?" Dawlish hissed.

"All of it." rasped Harry, sending the Auror a defiant look, painfully aware of the heat he felt on his face.

"When you have anal sex who is on the receiving end?" The Auror watched his reaction carefully.

"I don´t see the ..." Harry tried to protest just to be interrupted again.

"Just answer the question, Potter!" Dawlish looked ready to pounce.

"Draco." The Auror nodded as if Harry had just affirmed something he had known all along.

"When and why did you first feel personal interest in Draco Malfoy?" Harry was relieved about the change of topic.

"On the trainride to Hogwarts at the beginning of this school year. Draco...well, he was injured and crying, and I tried to help him and took him to the infirmary after we arrived." Harry explained. The Auror nodded again.

"So you felt drawn to the boy on the very first day you met him after the summer holidays, is that correct?" he asked.

"Yes." Harry answered, getting an uncomfortable feeling in his stomach.

"What were your feelings before the summer holidays for Draco Malfoy?" the Auror asked with glittering eyes.

"We were like enemies, rivals, it was just a childish school rivalry, we were both Seeker on our house team, you know, and we are in different houses..." Harry rambled helplessly; he surmised where the Auror wanted to go to with these questions, but Dawlish just stared at him.

Draco didn´t fare better than Harry. Even worse, he was close to tears. Croaker was scaring him with his shouting and kicking furniture around the room. Savage stared at him like a beast who was ready to move in for the kill. The healers were preparing strange looking implements for the examination he would have to endure later on and the examination table having restraints all over it didn´t help his nerves also. The Unspeakable braced his hands on the table before Draco, moving his face right in front of Draco´s.

"You know, Malfoy, there are some things I really believe you, like your name and your date of birth," at this point the sneer turned into a snarl, "but the rest is one big lie!" Croaker shouted enraged into his face; small drops of spittle were hitting Draco´s face.

The Unspeakable grabbed the front of his robes, pulling Draco almost out of his seat and hissed "Last chance, Malfoy! Where is You Know Who´s hide-out?"

"I don´t know." Draco whispered, broken. The intimidating man let go of his hold on Draco´s robes with a disgusted face and turned to the healers.

"I´m tired of this Death Eater bitch playing us! Basil, give him the Veritaserum!" the Unspeakable prompted healer Bloxam into action.

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

_**Yes, I know!**_

_**I´m mean snickers to leave you with a cliffie again. **_

_**Maybe many, many reviews will persuade me to post the next chappie soonest...**_


	13. Breaking

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_"You know, Malfoy, there are some things I really believe you, like your name and your date of birth," at this point the sneer turned into a snarl, "but the rest is one big lie!" Croaker shouted enraged into his face; small drops of spittle were hitting Draco's face._

_The unspeakable grabbed the front of his robes, pulling Draco almost out of his seat and hissed "Last chance, Malfoy! Where is You Know Who's hide-out?" _

_"I don't know." Draco whispered, broken. The intimidating man let go of his hold on Draco's robes with a disgusted face and turned to the healers._

_"I'm tired of this Death Eater bitch playing us! Basil, give him the Veritaserum!" the unspeakable prompted healer Bloxam into action._

_oooooooooo _**Chapter 13 **_oooooooooo_

**B r e a k i n g**

"You can't do that. Professor Dumbledore didn't allow it!" Draco said, his voice shaking as he anxiously watched the grey-haired healer taking a potion phial out of his bag. There was no way he could take Veritaserum and get out of this interrogation without being shipped straight to Azkaban.

"I don't see the old man anywhere." Auror Savage deadpanned, sending pretence looks of innocent surprise around the room." Maybe that means we can do whatever we want with you?"

As if to prove that statement a hard backhand met Draco´s face, splitting his lower lip. The impact almost sent him flying from the chair and he had to grab the edge of the table in front of him to stay seated. Draco looked up at the Auror with disbelief in his eyes, his hand instinctively reaching to his lips to come away with blood on his shaking fingers.

"Seems we can do what we like to Death Eaters, Malfoy!" the conscience-proof Auror said, his dangerous smile never reaching his cold eyes.

Draco's eyes darted to the other men, but all he saw was scorn and approval. When the grey-haired healer brought the phial with clear liquid to his lips Draco jerked back and jumped up from his chair so fast that it tipped over and fell to the floor with a loud clatter. His master plan had been to reach the door and get the hell out of there to run straight to the headmaster's office for protection against these madmen. Instead he had to resort to fighting against two livid and cursing adults. Savage and Croaker were on him in a matter of seconds, forcing him to the ground, trying to hold him immobile for the potion to be administered. Draco kicked the phial out of the yelping healer's hand before he could even bring it anywhere close to his lips, just to be forced to watch in desperation how the glass phial hit the ground without breaking.

"We have no time for games, bitch!" Croaker hissed, raising his wand to Draco's temple. "Crucio!"

Savage's hard hand pressed against his parted lips, muffling his screams and holding his head steady as Draco writhed and convulsed in the hold of the two dark-haired men whose emotionless eyes stared down on him without pity. Within this minute filled with sheer and utter agony Draco's last resistance was shattered. A lifetime of tears, caressing his soft skin, mourned his destruction while unbearable pain tore his body and soul apart.

"Will you behave now?" the unspeakable asked calmly after ending the curse while the Auror´s salty tasting hand allowed him to draw in shaky breaths. Draco nodded in defeat, not trusting his speech as his throat ached from screaming.

"Good! Basil, you can administer the Veritaserum now!" Healer Bloxam bowed over his trembling form, nudging his lips to open wider and dropped the clear liquid into his mouth. It tasted like stale water on Draco's tongue, causing a slightly prickling feeling where the concentrated potion made contact. He frowned when a dizzy feeling washed over him.

"Up, Malfoy!" Savage ordered loudly, seizing his upper arm to steer him towards his by now righted chair. Draco staggered and fell heavily onto the chair as everything suddenly seemed to be in slow motion. His whole body ached, his muscles were still cramping and his stomach had started to hurt again. The Auror sat down on the edge of the table, studying him with a scrutinizing look. Draco felt somehow detached from reality, the voice of the healer speaking to him sounding strangely distorted.

"Look at me, Mr. Malfoy!" Bloxam said, sounding as if he was talking through a thick piece of cloth pressed in front of his mouth.

"Lumos minima!" Draco blinked tiredly as the dazzling light at the tip of the healer's wand disturbed his eyes; a forbidding hand on his chin stopped his attempt at averting his face.

"His pupils are dilated. You can start." Upon the approval of the grey-haired healer the unspeakable started the dictating quill and sat down on the chair opposite Draco.

"Did you get the order to turn Harry Potter to the dark side by the means of a sexual relationship?" Savage's narrowed eyes bored into his dazed ones.

"No." Draco whispered, feeling like being wrapped in cotton wool. A mean headache started to form behind his eyes.

"Are you really pregnant from You Know Who?" Croaker asked, leering at the blond Slytherin.

"Yes." The answer caused the Auror to grimace in disgust.

"Why did you start a relationship with Harry Potter?" The unspeakable leant back in his chair, expectantly looking at Draco.

"I love him." The Auror snorted while Croaker and the healers looked at him in disbelief.

"Where is the hide-out of You Know Who?" the unspeakable then hissed impatiently.

"I don't know." Draco whimpered, a suddenly overwhelming nauseous feeling washed over him, and he started to pant in discomfort, hardly realizing when Croaker kicked the chair he had sat on through the room and stormed to Draco's side.

"What was the exact order you got from You Know Who before you returned to Hogwarts for this school year?" the tall black-haired man shouted incensed by Draco's unsatisfactory answers.

"I should take the Hogwarts Express and go to Hogwarts." That order was the only one Draco was aware of having been given by the Dark Lord.

"And?" the Auror tried to get him to continue the sentence. Draco just blinked at him, confused by the remark.

"Goddamn, answer, Malfoy, or you will get to know me!" Croaker screamed into his face again, yanking his head back with a brutal grip on the blond hair. Draco's face contorted in pain but the potion didn't allow him anything else than to endure it, his dazed mind dependent on commands given from outside.

"Will this child have any special abilities? What does the Dark Lord plan?" the unspeakable roared.

"I don't know!" Draco gasped, and the livid ministry official let go of the blond hair with a disgusted bellow, starting to pace in fury.

"There must be any kind of memory block on him! His answers are all useless!" he exclaimed, running his hands through his raven hair in frustration. "Basil, give him another dose!" The younger healer looked slightly shocked and even Bloxam hesitated shortly before he went to stand beside Draco.

"Open your mouth, please!" Draco obediently did as asked; his head was dipped back and three more drops of Veritaserum found their way onto his tongue.

The dizzy feeling swept over him again, but this time the vertigo didn't disappear but increase. The nausea intensified, causing him to moan pitifully. Before he could stop himself he was violently sick all over the table and himself as his body tried to reject the overdose. He was shortly aware of hands on his body and Croaker and Bloxam quarrelling before he blacked out.

When he came to he was confused and disoriented. There was a faint smell of disinfectant and potions in the air telling him that he had ended up in the infirmary once again. He tried to remember what had happened but his mind refused to wrap around his hazy thoughts. Everything hurt; his stomach most of all and the cold air on his naked skin made him shiver. His sight was too blurry to recognize anything, but he could see people moving around his bed, felt them fixing his wrists in restraints and leather straps closing over his chest and belly which caused him to frown in confusion. His head was supported and a bitter tasting potion flooded his mouth.

"Mr. Malfoy! Can you understand me?" a man with red beard in white robes looking down on him and then up at the alternating signs of a diagnostic spell was the first thing his eyes focused on; a tough looking man leering over the healer's shoulder finally alerted Draco to the fact that he was not in the infirmary, but still with the ministry people. No matter how he despised Hogwarts´ infirmary and its strict nurse Draco would have given anything to be there right now, resolving to never complain about the matron again.

"You may as well own up, Malfoy! We know you are a Death Eater, mark or no mark! We know you got the order to sway Potter to the Dark side! We might go easier on you if you just confess that you tried to turn Potter and tell us all you know about the Dark Lord, the creature you are breeding and the Death Eaters." The Auror´s questions were answered with a confused look out of glazed over eyes.

Feeling too light-headed to think clearly, the drug taking the last shred of self-control from him, he started to sob in misery when his legs were raised and spread apart to be fixed in a very embarrassing and vulnerable position. "No, please!" Draco whispered imploringly.

"Speculum!" the grey-haired healer said undeterred, being handed a large silver coloured object by the redhead. Draco tensed when he felt hands parting his buttocks further and something cold breaching his entrance. He cried out in pain when the intruding object expanded rapidly, stretching him beyond anything he had ever experienced before.

"Please, you're hurting me!" he whimpered as he struggled, unsuccessfully, not to wail in pain and fear. The overdose rendered him helpless against the searching fingers deep within his nether regions, the sting of alien looking objects being introduced into his flesh or the pain spells unknown to him caused when hitting his abdomen. He lay on the examination table, shuddering, crying and pleading, at the mercy of a heartless healer under the command of a hostile unspeakable, crying out for Harry whenever the pain and humiliation became unbearable.

Harry froze in mid-sentence, staring wide-eyed at the wall behind which the Room of Requirement had formed the second interrogation room. There had been this faint sound again, a sound eerily resembling the scream of someone in pain. The grey-haired Auror blinked at him, his stiffening posture telling him that he had heard the scream also, but still the older man neglected addressing the matter.

"That's it! I'm out of here!" Harry got up with determination in his eyes, "I don't know what is going on, but that was Draco's voice!"

"Sit down, Potter! We didn't finish yet!" Auror Dawlish barked, incensed.

"I'm leaving NOW and you better not stop me!" Harry pressed by the bulky man, a dangerous look on his face as his heart constricted at the thought that the first time he had heard something from the other room he had not acted upon his anxious feelings. Fear for Draco was gnawing at his heart, flooding his mind with tantalising pictures of the blond Slytherin screaming in pain, surrounded by uncaring and cruel men. Something must have happened for Draco to cry out, and the possibilities ranging between him loosing the baby and being brutally tortured were all setting Harry's innards on fire with an uncontrollable feeling of protective rage.

"Potter! Stop this rubbish at once or I'll blast you back onto your chair!" the veteran Auror had whipped out his wand immediately, pointing it with a fierce glance at the Boy Who Loved. Harry stopped dead, nervously looking from the end of the wand to Dawlish´s eyes, trying to find out if the man was serious in his attempt to stop him. "I mean it, Potter, step back slowly and nothing needs to happen!"

Well, that settled it! Harry carefully moved back, until his back hit the side-table holding food and beverage they had not even touched yet, to wrap his fingers around the handle of a beautifully designed tea-pot and fling it into the shocked Auror´s face. The china cracked on impact, scorching hot tea pouring over the frantically screaming man's face mingling with crimson streams flowing from a deep cut on his forehead. Harry immediately used the opportunity to wrench the wand from the dazed Auror´s hand and stunned Dawlish with the man's own wand.

He did not even have a look of regret for the unconscious man lying on the ground, surrounded by shards, before he ran out of the room. There was still a bare wall in the place of the door to the interrogation room into which Draco had been led. Harry tried a revealing spell without any result, his wand-hand shaking with suppressed fury and fear. He desperately begged the Room of Requirement to let the door appear again; he blinked back tears of frustration, but the wall remained blank, denying him entry.

Dumbledore would surely know what to do, Harry thought after wrecking his brain for some haunting moments for a possibility to enter the sealed off room. He had almost reached the door to the seventh floor corridor when another faint outcry from behind those walls reached his ears, causing him to turn his attention back to the blank stretch of stones. The unbearable anxiety seethed in his soul, finally brimming over and causing a flood of unrestrained disruptive forces.

"REDUCTO!" The power behind Harry's yell built up like a shock-wave, causing the stone-floor beneath his feet to vibrate before the wall in front of him burst as if built of crumbling sand instead of solid stone. He was not even aware that his right hand, still clenching Dawlish´s wand, was hanging by his side, the wand not in the least pointing towards the site of destruction. Harry burst into the room, his eyes immediately settling on Draco, who was fixed to a table, his weak sobs almost breaking Harry's heart.

"Drop the wand, Potter!" the younger Auror called out, but a livid Harry pressed further into the room, stepping over debris on his way to free his love.

A bolt of red light hurled towards him. The stunning curse, distorted through the dust hovering in the air, zipped dangerously close past his left ear. Harry immediately moved into a fighting stance, sending a stunner of his own into the dim room. He had aimed at the Auror´s chest to have a larger target and his _Stupefy _hit true, sending the rugged looking man crashing into the wall behind him. Before he could put up a shield Harry felt a curse slamming into him, the impact throwing him off his feet, leaving him groaning and light-headed on the dusty floor, disarmed by the unspeakable _Expelliarmus_. Croaker swept closer like an avenging angel, his black robes billowing and his black eyes glittering with hatred.

The unspeakable pointed his wand at the panting Gryffindor, a twisted smile distorting his face. "Cruc..."

"I believe that is enough!" Dumbledore's voice thundered, startling both Harry and the unspeakable. "Get up, Harry, and take Draco to the infirmary at once!"

The headmaster and a murderous looking Snape where holding the unspeakable at wand's point while Harry pushed himself off the floor and hurried to Draco's side. The blond's eyes were glazed over, his naked body trembling uncontrollably under the unforgiving hold of the restraints.

"Gods, what have they done to you?" Harry whispered, shaken by the sight of blood running from Draco's lips. "Help me to undo those restraints!" he shouted at the two cowering healers, fumbling with shaking fingers to open a buckle on the leather strap holding the Slytherin´s right wrist. The healers immediately sprang into action and Draco was freed within the minute. Harry removed his Hogwarts robe to wrap the shivering and sobbing boy into it and carefully raised him into his arms.

"Harry?" Draco whispered, a relieved smile playing around his lips before he went limp. It was a like a horrible déjà vu to feel the weight of Draco in his arms again, hurrying to the infirmary, the blazing fear in his innards trying to take his breath away. An alarmed and appalled nurse immediately set to work upon their arrival, cursing the ministry under her breath while she examined the damage done. Draco was groaning in pain, abdominal cramps torturing the still befuddled youth. In the aftermath of the taxing interrogation and the startling discovery of Draco's treatment by the ministry officials Harry started to shake.

"You better lie down also, Mr. Potter. You seem to be in shock." When Harry tried to protest, clinging to Draco's cold hand, the matron smiled reassuringly and provided him with a calming draught, which he gratefully downed without further ado. "Mr. Malfoy is fine. The examination was very careless, not to say brutal, but there was no grave injury. He is fully healed already and the contractions will soon ease up. You might want to relax a bit. Fighting against Aurors and an unspeakable is not something one may come across every day."

She winked at him in silent approval and Harry hesitantly lay down on the bed beside Draco's. He was torn out of his doze when agitated voices were rising in volume. The raven haired youth blinked in confusion at the headmaster, who looked openly annoyed, something Harry had never seen before in the calm and patient wizard.

"I can't believe they had the brashness to administer Veritaserum!" Dumbledore's eyes were narrowed, the amused twinkle replaced by a hard glint as he frowned.

"Unfortunately it is not even that, but they overdosed him on it!" Madam Pomfrey whispered insistently. "The effects are still lingering, but i trust that some hours sleep will remedy that also."

Harry sat up, his curiosity forcing him to join in. "Whom are you talking about?" he asked, dreading the answer he already knew to come.

"It seems unspeakable Croaker felt most discontent at Mr. Malfoy´s answers and decided to use Veritaserum to remedy the situation and force a proof which could not be given." Harry blinked for a moment before the meaning of the words sunk in. His eyes immediately wandered to the soundly sleeping blonde in the next bed.

"Is he okay?" Harry asked nervously, remembering the confused and terrified state he had found his boyfriend in.

"There was no harm done, but it was an unsettling experience. Added to the mental strain of the pregnancy he is already suffering Mr. Malfoy might be in need of a very understanding approach during the next days." Harry nodded, willing to give Draco all the support he needed after this day, his mind wandering to the plans he had made for their first Christmas together. He smiled when he thought about the present he was preparing for his love, imagining the happiness he would bring to the pregnant boy when he'd see it.

Draco woke up the next morning with only a slight ache in his nether regions, faintly reminding him of scenes hidden in a mist caused by the overdose he had suffered. He shuddered when he thought about the unspeakable and his helpers, wishing for Harry to protect him in his embrace, just as he had done in his dream of an avenging Harry blowing a whole wall into pieces just to come and rescue Draco.

"Good morning, Mr. Malfoy! Let us see how you are this morning." the matron busily checked his vitals and used the baby projecting spell on him, eliciting a bout of disgusted muttering from him. "Now, now, Mr. Malfoy! Are we cranky this morning?"

"I don't know about you, but I would prefer to wake up from this nightmare which is called my life." he snarled, causing the nurse to pat his knee in a relenting manner.

Before she could bless him with a piece of her wisdom he was saved by the entrance of a tired looking Gryffindor who immediately kissed him good morning and sent him a radiating smile. Harry clucked over Draco even in a worse manner than the matron herself, causing Draco to put a stop to it when Harry insisted on spoon-feeding Draco.

"I am no child, Harry, I can definitely eat with my own hands, they are working fine, thank you!" Draco moaned, embarrassed by the amused smile on the nurse's face.

"I know that, Draco, but I want to take care of you. You are so fragile and have such a hard time. I would prefer to stay by your side and take care of you instead of seeing something like yesterday happening again." Harry blushed slightly, a fact which almost made Draco laugh.

"What the hell happened yesterday? I cannot remember anything clearly; it is as if I had been drunk. I had this very weird dream of a heroic Gryffindor destroying half the room and rescuing me from the evil ministry people." Draco asked with a wry smile.

"That might be because one very frantic Gryffindor blasted the wall to get into the room and rescue his boyfriend from the evil ministry people!" Harry grinned sheepishly. Draco's eyes widened at the implication, feelings of happiness for being protected by his love mingling with a shudder of dread running over him as he became aware that something worse than he could remember must have happened at the interrogation.

"Why can't I remember what happened? Did I get hit over the head?" Draco asked with a frown.

"The unspeakable decided to use Veritaserum on you and they obviously overdosed you. I guess that is why your memory is impaired." Harry took Draco's hand in his, trying to give the suddenly pale and shuddering blonde at least some feeling of security back.

"But then...why am I not at the ministry under arrest?" Draco's voice was shaking, as he was expecting Aurors to charge into the infirmary any moment now. "Did I give away Snape´s role?"

"No, nothing like that! It seems in the beginning you didn't tell them what they wanted to hear and then you were totally out of it because of the potion. Anyway, Croaker tried to _Crucio _me and Professor Dumbledore intervened. I have never seen the headmaster so angry before, he about threw the ministry officials out of Hogwarts. He told me that the case was closed after he had a serious fire-chat with the Minister of Magic."

"So they will not arrest us?" Draco asked, hardly able to believe their luck when Harry affirmed again with a shake of his head. "And you really charged into the room to rescue me?" he smiled slyly. When Harry nodded with a big grin he pulled the raven haired boy onto his bed for a long and thorough battle of tongues, which was only reluctantly stopped when a faked vomiting sound from the door alerted them of one red-haired visitor, who was immediately scolded by his girlfriend for his childish behaviour.

The next days were filled with pure bliss for the two youths, their relationship developing a depth which made Draco's mind fly, Harry's heroic rescue operation washing away all doubts he had ever had about being together with a Gryffindor. Everybody was giddy with excitement over the fast approaching Christmas and even Draco was infected with the 'epidemic of merriment', as he called it, for the first time in his life.

The Minister of Magic himself had formally apologized to them for the 'unsuitable and inappropriate conduct' the ministry officials had displayed. Something Draco would never have expected to happen to him, the tainted Death Eater's child. His life seemed to be almost perfect again.

The only thing tarnishing his light heartedness was Harry's repeated unexplained absence. His boyfriend would disappear for hours and come back with red cheeks and shining eyes, a contented smile on his lips. If not for the small present Draco had spied once in Harry's trunk when the Gryffindor had brought out a book, Draco would have thought that Harry was preparing any grand surprise for his lover.

"What did you get for me for Christmas, Harry?" Draco whined again, placing small kisses down Harry's chest until he reached the cute tiny navel in which he swirled the tip of his tongue. They were enjoying a quiet Tuesday evening, relaxing on Draco's comfortable four poster. Draco grinned as he thought about his own present for Harry, a fine white-gold chain with a Firebird as a pendant.

The firebird, a bird of flame and fire, very similar to the phoenix, was seen as signifying true love. It was a creature of light, travelling through its own unique paths to its destination, just as Draco hoped the two of them would. On the back of the pendant there was a declaration of Draco's endless love for Harry engraved, somewhat overly dramatic and romantic, but it was what Harry deserved in Draco's opinion. Just as all the little sensual teases Draco liked to shower Harry with.

Harry moaned; the feeling of his boyfriend's pink tongue in the small dent sent pleasure shooting down to his toes.

"You know I will not tell you what you will get from me, so stop torturing me!" he laughed, rolling them over to lie down on top of the pouting Slytherin. He immediately shifted off the soft body again, mindful of the rather large bulge showing on his boyfriend's middle. Draco yanked his head down by the unruly hair to dive in for a blissful kiss. When Harry felt a hand on his groin he hurriedly pushed the elegant hand away and broke the kiss.

"We should better not do this. You are of frail health right now and I don't want to carry you to the infirmary again." Harry tried to take the edge off with a slight joke, but he could judge by Draco's thinning lips that the Slytherin was absolutely not approving of Harry's idea of taking care of Draco.

The way Harry had become overly reluctant in bed and sometimes even refusing sex with the excuse of Draco's fragile condition the Slytherin had to fight with the slowly increasing feelings of jealousy and suspicion burning in his heart. His thoughts darkened every time Harry was untraceable again. It was the day before the students travelled home for the holidays that Draco finally decided to borrow Harry's Cloak to follow the Gryffindor to his secret destination.

Draco's heart was beating overly loud in his ears as he stealthily sneaked around corners and along passages until Harry opened a door on the third floor and disappearing behind it in front of Draco's narrowing eyes. The Slytherin took off the invisibility cloak and put it into his pocket to wait in front of the door and tackle Harry about his secret visit to this room. His thoughts were in uproar about the possibility of Harry having wild and kinky sex behind this very door right now with somebody else than the sex-deprived Slytherin, but he could not bring himself to enter and see for himself; the thought of finding a naked and sweaty Harry moaning on top of somebody else was already too much too bear.

Draco waited for almost an hour, his muscles cramping as he leaned against the hard wall, before the intricately carved door opened and a satisfied and extremely happy looking Harry, cheeks red and eyes gleaming, exited. The black-haired boy froze when he became aware of his boyfriend, which solidified Draco's fears that Harry might be cheating on him.

"Hi, darling!" Harry grinned sheepishly, blocking the door with his body from Draco's view.

"What were you doing in there?" Draco asked with a constrained smile; his heart started to hammer while his mind was a battle-field of emotions.

The raven haired Gryffindor moved nervously on the spot, avoiding meeting Draco's questioning look before he croaked "Nothing?"

"Can I see then?" He had to force himself to press out those words in a quiet voice, his whole body starting to tremble in anticipation of Harry's reaction.

"Please, Draco, your Christmas gift is in there! I promise I will show you tomorrow!" Harry looked straight into his eyes now, trying to show him that he was telling the truth. Still Draco could not stop himself, his need to know the truth, to know if Harry was still his, overriding the amount of trust he had for Harry. He side stepped Harry, giving the Gryffindor a challenging look, daring to stop him, as he slowly opened the door. It was an obviously empty set of rooms he entered; his eyes were immediately drawn to an open door to the left side. He slowly stepped into the room and froze.

The walls were painted sky-blue, making the whole room to shine like a warm summer day. A beautifully crafted white cradle stood in the middle of the room and a softly cushioned chair in yellow, blue and white checked pattern in the corner of the room. There were beautiful pictures with moving animals on the wall and books and plush toys on a shelf and a tiny set of Quidditch players moving over the bed. The room was perfect, anything Draco would have wished for their child, and the thought tore him apart.

"Reducto!"

The cradle exploded into pieces just like his heart did at that moment. This child was not theirs and would never be. Why did he not understand that Draco couldn't have this child, didn't want to have it! Why was Harry so interested in the baby; had he rescued Draco from the cruel ministry officials because of the baby only? It was the Dark Lord's bastard he carried, tainted by his sire's evil. Was it possible that Harry had come to care more about this child than about Draco himself?

Harry shot him a mortified look. "What is _wrong _with you, Draco? Do you know how much time it took me to make the nursery beautiful for our child?" Draco felt like standing beside himself and watching his face contort in anger before attacking his boyfriend, as a torrent of disappointed feelings and expectations drowned his soul, dimming the flickering light of his love.

"You are delusional, Potter, you are not the father of this child and will never be!" Harry looked at Draco in shock; his second name coming with such loathing over the lips of the one he loved paired with Draco's apparent rejection caused him to loose control over his hurt and anger. The slap resonated harshly through the nursery, Harry's handprint a blazing red on Draco's soft white skin. The Slytherin´s eyes widened in surprise before they narrowed in anger; a glistening akin to hatred which Harry detected in those beloved silver orbs made him shudder. His own action had put Harry in a state of shock and shame which froze his very being.

"We are through, Potter!" A wave of terror washed over Harry at the blond's hissed words. He could only stare at Draco, as the boy left the roomwith a last devastating cold glare directed at Harry.

"Draco, I'm sorry, I didn't mean it, please, come back, I love you!" Harry whispered, sinking to the ground, littered with pieces of the destroyed cradle, his hands closing around the splintered wood as he broke down crying.

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

_**I would be really happy to receive some more reviews, because there are so many of you out there reading this story but hardly anybody reviews. Reviews help me to know what you like and dislike in my writing, which I am trying to bear in mind in the following chapters. They also show me that my work is appreciated and not a waste of time and a source of embarrassment for me. **_

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	14. I hate everything about you

_**There are already some signatures on the new petition for bringing back the MA-rating to this site; let´s try to make them some more! Democracy is a right we are lucky to have, but also a duty which requires people to take responsibility. If you personally don´t take action, and might it be by signing a petition which takes one minute only, then you will never be able to change anything. Without enough signatures we have no chance to get what we want! Please, take the time and help to make a change! **_

www. PetitionOnline . com / MArating / petition . html (you know how it works, remove the spaces, there you go..)

_**ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo**_

**Thanks for the many reviews to the last chapter! My precious reviewers are listed at the end of the chapter again!**

**Sorry for updating so late, but there seemed to have been a server problem for some days. Problems with new advertisement space **

**maybe? Hehehe!**

**The chapter title "I hate everything about you" is named after a song by Three Days Grace. **

_**ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo**_

_The slap resonated harshly through the nursery, Harry´s handprint a blazing red on Draco´s soft white skin. The Slytherin´s eyes widened in surprise before they narrowed in anger; a glistening akin to hatred which Harry detected in those beloved silver orbs made him shudder. His own action had put Harry in a state of shock and shame which froze his very being._

_"We are through, Potter!" A wave of terror washed over Harry at the blonde´s hissed words. He could only stare at Draco, as the boy left the room with a last devastating cold glare directed at Harry._

_"Draco, I´m sorry, I didn´t mean it, please, come back, I love you!" Harry whispered, sinking to the ground, littered with pieces of the destroyed cradle, his hands closing around the splintered wood as he broke down crying._

oooooo **Chapter 14 **oooooo

**I hate everything about you**

Every time we lie awake  
After every hit we take  
Every feeling that I get  
But I haven't missed you yet

Every roommate kept awake  
By every sigh and scream we make  
All the feelings that I get  
But I still don't miss you yet  
Only when I stop to think about it

I hate everything about you  
Why do I love you  
You hate everything about me  
Why do you love me

I hate  
You hate  
I hate  
You love me

Harry miserably poked and stabbed his scrambled eggs, heaving another suffering sigh, as he looked over to the Slytherin table and to the door again. Draco´s absence hurt as if somebody had cut out a piece of his heart, without using anaesthetics, mind you.

"It´s dead already, you can eat it!" Hermione remarked, her concerned gaze betraying the playful tone of her words.

"Huh?" Harry asked ingeniously, withdrawing his attention with difficulty from observing the room to look at Hermione and finally at his mutilated food. "Oh!"

"What´s up with you, Harry? You look as if you didn´t sleep the whole night long. Couldn´t satisfy the insatiable Slyth?" Ron forced out between bacon and a breadroll.

"What?" Harry asked, distracted, concentrating on a conversation with his mates obviously not his forte at the moment, before he sighed again, which caused Ron and Seamus to snicker and exchange meaningful glances. At this point Hermione dropped her fork onto her plate and turned to face her best friend.

"You are not eating, you are staring the whole time at the Slytherin table and the door and this was for sure at least your twentieth sigh since the start of this breakfast. Would you care to tell us what is troubling you?" the brown-haired witch asked, her hand coming to rest on Harry´s right forearm to stop his attempt at violating his eggs even further. "Is anything wrong with Draco?"

"No...yes...gods!" Harry buried his face in his hands. "I slapped him and he broke up with me."

His friends were gaping incredulously at him, as Harry´s exclamation had been nothing but short of a shock to them. Hermione did not even rebuke Ron for displaying thoroughly munched food in his open mouth. There were tears in his eyes when Harry dropped his hands onto the table again, picking up his fork to resume his assault on the food which had the audacity to lie on his plate.

"_You slapped _the git?" Ron asked bewildered, "Blimey, what happened that made you do such a thing?"

"He told me that I´m not the father of his child." Harry whined, hurt written all over his face.

"Okay?" the redhead drew out the word while his eyebrows almost met his hair-line in a questioning glance.

"He followed me, using my Cloak, and when he saw the nursery he blew up the cradle." Hermione gasped in surprise at this outrage, as she was the one who had helped Harry to choose the beautiful baby bed, while Seamus muttered "Gobshite!"

"Is he mad now? What you have paid for the cradle could have bought me tickets for every quidditch game for a whole year! This pregnancy is for sure making the twit batty! No wonder you slapped him!"

"I hit him because he said I´ll never be the baby´s father." Harry said unhappily. Hermione looked utterly perplexed.

"I guess I´m missing something there. There seems to be more behind this and I just can´t see it!" she finally said, her brows knitting in thought. "Tell me exactly what happened!"

"Nothing much. He entered, looked around, his face twisting into all kinds of strange expressions, then he just blew the cradle up with a Reducto. I shouted at him and he answered that I was delusional and that I would never be the father of the baby. And he called me Potter! I don´t know what came over me, but when he said that we would never be a family I just slapped him. The moment I realised what I´ve done it was too late. I must have hit him really hard because he had a red imprint of my hand on his face. He was shocked first but then...he...he told me that we are...through." Harry whispered, shuddering in sorrow. "I want him back, Mione!"

"I bet he´s suffering just like you now and you would be ready to apologise to him I´m sure." Harry nodded ruefully. "Maybe you should just go and talk to him, Harry!"

A small smile lit up Harry´s face as he thanked Hermione and hurriedly left the Great Hall to search for Draco. He didn´t have to go far as the blond Slytherin just climbed the stairs to the Entrance Hall, his trunk floating behind him. Harry stopped dead in front of the other boy, highly ashamed of himself when he saw the conspicious bruise above the Slytherin´s right cheekbone.

"Gods, Draco, I´m sorry!" Harry whispered. His fingers reached out to touch the bruise marring the pale skin, but Draco turned his face away to avoid the contact. Harry reluctantly let his hand drop to his side, searching for words to break the awkward silence.

"Where are you going to with your trunk?" Harry asked, finally realizing the fact that the Slytherin was not supposed to have his trunk floating behind him. The blonde sniffed haughtily.

"I´m obviously going to the manor to spend the holidays with my mother. Can I pass now, Potter?" Draco said impatiently, the small flinch on Harry´s face satisfying him to no end. He had cried the whole night long and felt wretched and wanted the bastard in front of him to feel the same way, hurt Harry the same way he had been hurt by him.

"Can I talk to you, Draco? Please!" Harry pleaded, a pained expression flitting over his face. "I don´t want you to go!"

"You can go to hell for all I care!" Draco spat, while he cringed inside at the sight of Harry´s tearfilled eyes. He´d be damned if he would let the hero of the wizarding world go unpunished for hitting him, the Malfoy heir. His hurt pride had caused him to use such harsh words, the fear that Harry might love the baby more than him by now, not even caring that Draco obviously hated it, living in his fantasy of them becoming a lovely, perfect family. He wanted to smash in the cretin´s nose, but what he really wanted was to throw his arms around Harry and run his hands through that lovely unruly hair and kiss him and melt into him...

In reality he pushed Harry out of the way, a scowl securely set on his face. The Slytherin didn´t dare to look back to see the despair in those soulful green eyes, maybe even a tear rolling down a tanned cheek, as he knew he wouldn´t be able to leave if he faced the pain he had caused. He could feel his resolve to leave Harry already waning and increased the speed of his steps, trying to ignore the burning in his eyes. He really hated Gryffindors!

oooooooooooooooooooo

Draco felt wretched. Even the people in the book he was just reading where in love and had steaming hot sex, while his best friend was his right hand, the act in itself becoming decidedly difficult with the now rapidly growing bulge in the way. His face had started to fill out, like the rest of his body, and he looked rosy and plump, just like the Weasley woman, not like the Malfoy heir he was. A despisable look, which he soon after his discovery decided to battle with a hunger strike.

There was no place in his body which didn´t seem to give him problems lately. To be seized with cramps in his lower legs in the middle of the night was not to his liking; his stomach played up to no end, the details he tried to suppress in his memory, and his energy had depleted completely. His only entertainment these days was to cuss at the only house-elf left in the Malfoy´s service and throw any of those ugly little Dresden china figurines his mother adored and collected with great relish after the frightened creature.

"Master Draco is expected in the study. Bitsy shall tell Master Draco." the house-elf´s ears shook pathetically in fear before it disapparated with an "Eep" and a pop mere split-seconds before a shepherdess with rosy cheeks smashed against the wall behind where Bitsy had stood. Draco huffed in annoyance at not having hit the target once again, the house-elf getting better at escaping his attempts by the hour, and heaved himself up from his comfortable bed, placing the romantic novel he had gotten as a Christmas present from Pansy face down on the comforter.

He wondered who might have called for him this late, as his mother usually ignored him nowadays, trying to avoid his accusing scowl and her own remorse, and since his father´s imprisonment there was no influx of visitors to the Malfoy Manor. The parties and dinner invitations had stopped together with the easy life; the loss of his father´s ministry wages and the tremendous fine having been added to the sentence were cruelly cutting their financial means.

Christmas had been a sad affair this year without the usual party, and his new Weasley look, sans the revolting hair colour of course, was going with the presents under the puny Christmas tree. The tree was anyway just a fancy thing, as the Malfoy´s were no Christians of course, but his mother was unperturbed in her insistence to ruin their drawing-room with Muggle decoration.

Draco was surprised to find his uncle and his uncle´s brother in his father´s study, Rodolphus and Rastaban Lestrange. Both men were tall, dark and imposing, yet the brothers looked nothing like the ruthless hardcore Death Eaters they really were. Both grinned in greeting at him, their eyes immediately flitting to the bulge clearly visibly now. Draco blushed faintly at their scrutinizing looks.

"I trust everything is well with you, Draco?" his uncle asked in his deep, rumbling voice, which Draco answered with a small nod. "Our Lord wants to see you tonight."

"I see." Draco said, trying to mask the sudden apprehension he felt.

He followed the two taller men to the Apparation Hall, a specially warded room close to the Entrance Hall, the only place on the Malfoy estate which allowed apparation. Rastaban wrapped his strong tanned hand around Draco´s arm before they were soaked into a nauseating swirling, tearing them for a split second through darkness and light filled with whirling colours before the compression their bodies suffered eased up and solid ground under their feet welcomed them. They were in a dark and dank room; torches lining the walls allowed Draco to see the water running in small rivulets down the slightly mossy stonemurals.

"Our Lord is already waiting! Come in, hurry!" a haggard and humped man resembling a rodent whined, wringing his hands, one curiously enough made of silver, one of flesh.

They entered a very large room, looking like a cave with its uneven walls hewn out of solid stone, which was also illuminated by flickering flames in red and blue shades. Crimson eyes were shining in the dim light from under a dark hood, horribly confirming Draco´s assumption that the Dark Lord´s were resembling demonic eyes. A murmur went through the assembled Death Eaters, hooded heads bowing to their neighbour´s to spread the message of their arrival.

"Draco, come to me!" a low, hissing voice called out to him.

A white hand beckoned him closer until he came to stand before the Dark Lord, shivering because of the chill which had settled in his bones. A wave of Lord Voldemort´s hand over his body filled him with a sense of foreboding before cold air caressed his suddenly naked skin. Draco looked down in embarrassment at the bareness of his youthful limbs, painfully aware of eyes coming to rest on the prominent rounding where four months ago a flat and muscled belly had been.

A lipless mouth twisted into an entranced smile while spidery fingers ghosted over his skin. Draco had to grit his teeth to suppress an outcry of loathing as he struggled not to move away from the terrifying touch. "Perfect." A black-clad body moved around him, coming to rest against his bare back. "Beautiful." A chilling hand ran along his side while the other still lay on his rounded middle. "Breathtaking." Draco felt a faint flutter in his womb right beneath the Dark Lord´s hand, wondering what this sensation meant.

"My heir." Lord Voldemort whispered, possessively caressing the fleshy mound. "I can feel him. He calls to me. Strong and powerful."

Before he could stop himself Draco hissed in needful pain when cruel fingers tweaked his nipples. They had become extremely sensitive during the last weeks and the sensation shot through his body, to all the right places. He started to pant and closed his eyes in embarrassment when the Dark Lord´s hand moved over his crotch, causing him to blush scarlet. He cursed the overprotective Gryffindor for having denied him pleasure more often than not, cursed the fact that his body was betraying his need by reacting to the unwanted touch.

"It seems your body craves attention. Could the Potter boy not sate you?" the Dark Lord taunted him, his breath sending cold shivers up and down Draco´s spine as he whispered into his ear. Draco sincerely hoped that it had been a rhetorical question. His humiliation was already overwhelming, the snickers and whispers of the Death Eaters surrounding them almost deafening him.

"I want to take you, Draco... on all fours... like the bitch you are!" To his mortification Draco felt his member twitch with excitement at the Dark Lord´s exclamation while his body tensed in alarm. It took some seconds before he could remember how to breath again. "NOW!"

He started at the shout so close to his right ear, unable to follow the order. To be taken again by this monster, to be humiliated beyond redemption in front of all Death Eaters was not something he could comply to.

"Please, my Lord, I can´t! I..." Draco whispered in despair, his voice finally failing him as his throat closed and tears threatened to betray the shame he felt.

With an almost imperceptible nod the Dark Lord called two Death Eaters into the circle who immediately forced the yelping boy onto his knees. A withered hand knitted into his hair and pushed his head forward until his hands searched for leverage on the cold stone beneath him. The painful grip turned into a caress, long fingers running through his hair, continuing their trail down his neck and back. He shivered, his heart racing, his breath puffing in the cold cave, while he wished for nothing else than to escape this nightmare.

"Severus, the lubricant!" the cold voice hissed above him. Draco´s breath hitched as he realised that the man in Death Eater robes stepping towards his Lord and handing him a phial was nobody else than his own Head of House. At that moment he wished for death. For the one man he respected like a father to witness something as degrading as this. Draco couldn´t bear it any longer and burst out into tears when he felt a searching pressure against his entrance.

There was no preparation for him to ease the pain, no pity for his strangled screams and painfilled groans, no mercy for his soul when his member started to fill out, his body betraying him in the worst possible way as it reacted to the well-known intrusion which triggered his libido. He sobbed in misery at the pleasure he felt, the terror when he felt himself pushing back against the harsh thrusts, lust tainting his groans.

He hated Harry for having shown him the ecstasy somebody could experience in the act and for having denied him the fulfillment of his needs during the last week before Draco went home for Christmas, hated himself for loosing control and relishing the violation, hated the demon grunting on top of him, hated the ruthless men watching his downfall, hated Snape and his relatives for not helping him.

Draco held his breath and grit his teeth when the manifestation of him enjoying the vicious mating splattered onto the dark stone beneath him. He stayed on all fours, head hanging down, panting in abject misery, long after the Dark Lord had pulled out of him. The remnants of the putrid seed seeped out of him, the wet traces feeling like acid on his trembling form.

"Get up, Draco!" his uncle said in a low and urgent voice, pulling him up off the cold floor.

Draco staggered to his feet, uncaring of the stares and sneers he received, the throbbing in his backside the only information his brain could process. A black robe was placed around his shoulders and he was led out of the room. The apparition was just like a dream, as were the minutes until he became aware of sitting in hot water, desparately scratching his white skin with a soft washcloth until it was crimson streaked, hot tears rolling down his face, unnoticed. The tears soon turned into sobs, then into loud wails as his arms wound around his midsection, mindless accusations and questions flowing from his lips as he rocked back and forth in the slowly cooling down water.

"What have I done?" His chest heaved with mighty sobs. "Harry! Gods, please, I need him!"

He couldn´t take this pain any longer. How stupid had he been to break up with Harry, how utterly laughable his attempt at prooving that he didn´t need the Gryffindor, didn´t love him. His life was a living hell! Blaise, his best friend since childhood days, the Dark Lord, his own father´s Lord, they had hurt him and he had been unable to stop them; not even Harry had been able to keep all this pain from him. The repeated violation, something he had been so sure of never having to endure again, something he never ever wanted to endure again, had finally shown him that his life would never change. His dreams of a serene and happy life with Harry had been just that, a dream.

Merlin, Harry! He would despise him now for destroying that damned cradle, for retreating back into his old Slytherin behaviour, for enjoying the Dark Lord´s tainted ministrations. There was no way that Harry would ever want him back again, forgive him for how Draco had hurt and betrayed him. He was too weak to stand all this, no way out for him, no hope left. His hope had been Harry and he had been careless enough to loose him, too proud to accept an apology. He giggled exasperated at his own stupidity, the laughter soon merging into howls of anguish.

It could have been minutes or hours until he found the strength to get out off the cold water. He stepped in front of the large mirror over the marble sink in his private bathroom and raised tired eyes to meet the stranger´s dead gaze in the mirror. The boy in the mirror was deathly pale, his eyes puffy from crying and his body seized by faint tremors. His eyes came to rest on the prominent bulge, creating a caricature of a sixteen years old pure blood boy.

"WHY?" the tortured cry tore from his lips like the wail of a banshee.

The pale face twisted into a mask of despair as his shaking hand grabbed a heavy leaded crystal bowl with scented soap in it and smashed it into the mirror. There was a weird kind of satisfaction welling up inside him as he stared at his shattered image, the destruction of the pale boy he had seen in the mirror an epiphany, the shards glittering in the candlelight like a deity´s tears shed over his end.

Trembling fingers caressed the sharp edges, the fleeting touch biting into his unblemished skin. His choice was made and a crimson stained shard was set aside. Hands smeared with blood wrenched open an antique cabinet and placed eight phials filled with pain relieving potion on the red-veined black marble beside the broken piece of glass.

"I´m sorry, Harry! I love you!" he whispered before he removed the stopper from the first phial and brought it to his lips.

oooooooooooooooooooo

Harry was tossing and turning in his bed in Gryffindor Tower, cold sweat soaking through his shirt. The other beds in the dormitory were abandoned, and nobody heard his moaning and pleading; nobody saw his fearful grimace as he was locked in a terrifying dream.

"No...please...don´t do this...please...love you...don´t leave me"

His mind was filled with images of blood and pain, tears on white skin and his whispered name. Silver trails were glistening on his face in the cold moonlight, his head tossing from side to side until terrified green eyes snapped open and the black-haired youth sat up with a panicked cry.

"Draco!"

The darkness around him seemed to have seeped into his heart, his soul blinded with fear for the one he loved as he felt a place in his heart slowly going numb.

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

_**You may curse me for leaving you with a most cruel cliffie again! Guess you were bad and deserved it! Hehehe! **_

_**Or is it just me being evil?**_

_**Thanks for your many reviews for the last chappie in reversed order! Questions I answered through e-mail; hope I missed none!**_

_**Seraphwalker**_

_**AP (I would have contacted you if only..! please inform me when I reached the point of redemption!;-D)**_

_**Tamika DanarDraco **_

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_**Cyborg Death Eater **_

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_**Linker27(always the first!)**_

_**Now I would like to explain some things, because there were some misunderstandings:**_

_Draco broke up with Harry because he had hit him and not because of the nursery or what Harry had said! _

_This is a story written for entertainment and everybody is somehow OOC! I try to stick to facts as much as possible, but it is still fanfiction only. _

_Obviously I am an amateur and not a professional writer, but if you think me a professional writer at some point, thankies! I myself believe that there are many writers on this site who are much better than I and it is a damn shame that those are not writing for a living. Unfortunately English is not my mothertongue and I am annoyed on myself for lacking some skills of expression and grammar in that language. Just you wait until I start writing in German! Ahem, yes, maybe you wouldn´t enjoy that much._

_I saw enough pregnant women in my life, and they all became more emotional. Yes, Draco is a whiny brat and emotional and that is how I see him also in the books - Draco has a big mouth but he is always a coward. The pride or self-confidence or determination in book 6 he developed because of his special mission and there he was even crying (several times, implied) when things didn´t go his way and let himself be pushed around by stronger ones! The situation in my story is completely different, as he didn´t get an ego-boost but was degraded instead from the beginning!_

_I have no idea if Harry would call his love "darling" or not, because Rowling´s Harry has hardly any love life worth a description! If you asked me, he needs to come out of the closet! Hehe! _

_Yes, his revenge was completely OOC (until now, because who knows how he will turn out in book 7 to be able to kill Voldie, and maybe he was influenced through his scar to do evil). I am very aware of that fact; it was not what I wanted to write originally. If that is a major back draw for many of you, send me a pm and I will re-write the revenge on Blaise in a softer form._

_I can never write in a way that would satisfy everybody´s taste and expectations, sorry! Rowling herself can´t do that or she would have made Draco the main character to make me happy! Some things I write are random, just as in Rowlings books, but I write only what I can reason! If you asked my beta you would know that I don´t just write anything without thinking and asking others if that would make sense that way._

_Again, we all here on this site are writing and reading for entertainment, everybody has different skills and taste and that´s what´s making this site so great._

_**Of those people who want to flame I wish three things: **_

_1. give me the possibility to reply(I would have liked to ask if my writing skills have fallen because of what I make my characters say)_

_2. read the story carefully, because it doesn´t make much sense to complain about some misunderstood details_

_3. it is not necessary to say "I hate flames" or "I never flame, but my only purpose is to scold writers" if you want to flame, just do it_

_**I welcome every criticism and I read especially those reviews several times and think about what disturbed some readers. I am not annoyed or hurt because of criticism, though I prefer praises of course! I can´t promise to change everything to everybody´s liking but I will take all criticism in whichever form into consideration! Thanks!**_


	15. Never Too Late

_**Thanks for the many reviews again! I really, really appreciate them! Listing as usual at the end of the chapter!**_

_**I don´t own Harry Potter, J.K. Rowling does! **_

_**"Never Too Late" by Three Days Grace**_

_**Warnings: suicide, character death, Severus Snape shows feelings**_

_On to the story:_

_Trembling fingers caressed the sharp edges, the fleeting touch biting into his unblemished skin. His choice was made and a crimson stained shard was set aside. Hands smeared with blood wrenched open an antique cabinet and placed eight phials filled with pain relieving potion on the red-veined black marble beside the broken piece of glass. _

_"I´m sorry, Harry! I love you!" he whispered before he removed the stopper from the first phial and brought it to his lips._

oooooo **Chapter 15 **oooooo

**Never Too Late**

_Even if I say  
It'll be alright  
Still I hear you say  
You want to end your life  
Now and again we try  
To just stay alive  
Maybe we'll turn it around  
'Cause it's not too late  
It's never too late  
_

_  
The world we knew  
Won't come back  
The time we've lost  
Can't get back  
The life we had  
Won't be ours again  
_

This world will never be  
What I expected  
And if I don't belong

Harry´s heart raced in desperate fear as he ran to the headmaster´s office, the chilled stone floor biting uncomfortably into his bare feet. Before he had even reached the gargoyle he attacked the stone guardian with breathless exclamations of names for both Muggle and wizard´s sweets; using them as a password was the favourite kink of Professor Dumbledore. He had passed the usual "Cockroach Clusters" and "Chocolate Frogs", had checked "Fizzy Curly Worms" and "Sugar Mice", had even tried "Eye Poppers" and "Bonfire Toffee Bangers" before the Gargoyle moved aside after an impatient "Liquorice Wands" and allowed him to step onto the winding stairs.

The spiraling staircase carried him upwards, too slowly for Harry´s liking, and he barged into the office without knocking to find a flustered Professor Snape sitting in the headmaster´s visitor´s chair. He had obviously disturbed the men in a midnight chat, the Potions Master looking slightly distressed and tired. The friendly eyes of the headmaster took in the Gryffindor´s dishevelled state with slight concern flitting over his smiling face, while Snape´s face distorted as if he had bitten into a lemon.

"It´s past curfew, Potter! Even you should know better than to run around at this time in - what are these - your pyjamas?" he said, his voice full of the usual disdain he felt for the son of James Potter.

Harry looked down his body, becoming painfully aware of that he had left his dormitory with nothing on but the old sweat pants and washed-out shirt he wore for sleeping. Staring at his unshoed feet in embarassment his thoughts tried to jumble into an organised and usable form again. What should he tell them? The presence of the hostile black-haired man had made the idea that his nightmare could actually have any meaning suddenly look ridiculous. It had not been like those dreams he had suffered through the scar last year. This was just Draco comitting suicide and not being killed by Voldemort. At this thought Harry´s resolve faltered as his legs started to shake under his weight.

"Is there anything you wanted to tell me, Harry?" the friendly voice of the headmaster tore him out of his red-faced scrutiny of naked toes.

"I´m sorry, sir! It was just a dream...and I thought...but now...I´ll go back to my dorm. Sorry again!" Harry stuttered, answering the piercing glance of black eyes with a glare of his own before he looked back at the sparkling blue eyes of Professor Dumbledore.

"Running to the headmaster after having bad dreams, Potter? If the wizarding world would get to know what a frightened little boy.."

"Severus, please!" Dumbledore interrupted the Potions Master´s annoyed rambling before addressing Harry again. "Dreams can come as a sign from the deities, Harry. Never dismiss a dream as something unimportant, as they may contain some kind of message, however unlikely it may seem at times."

Harry nodded, more in respect for the white-bearded wizard´s wisdom than in agreement, as his dream looked like a childish fear of loosing Draco to him right now. He had made the mistake once to take a dream as something happening in reality, and it had cost his godfather´s life. He would not repeat it again. The urge to hit his forehead repeatedly against the hard wood paneling on the rounded wall became larger by the second.

"May I just know the subject of the dream, Harry?" The headmaster´s face looked completely serene, the strength radiating from the old man enveloped Harry and soothed his frayed nerves.

"I dreamt about Draco attempting suicide. It looked so real, there was so much blood and I just...I was a bit shaken when I woke up, and I thought," Harry was a bit surprised at how much paler than his normal vampiric complexion Snape looked all of a sudden. "well, I thought he might really be trying something stupid."

"Thank you for telling me, Harry! If you are still worried I can fire-call Malfoy Manor and ask if everything is in order there." Dumbledore´s words finally broke the pregnant silence which had covered the round office like a shroud.

"Yes, that would be great, Professor! Thank you! I don´t know why, but I have this feeling that something is wrong with Draco." Harry answered quietly, a relieved smile playing on his lips. Dumbledore nodded in agreement, while the Head of Slytherin House seemed still frozen, his hard black eyes boring uncomfortably into Harry´s, as if they wanted to search for something in his soul.

"Good night, Harry! Try to get some more sleep. And tell Filch that you have been with me, if he or Mrs. Norris will catch you on the way back to your dorm!" the headmaster smiled, the merry twinkle in his eyes giving Harry the assurance that everything would be fine. The panic was gone, but deep inside Harry still felt an emptiness tearing into him, slowly swallowing piece after piece of his happiness as he made his way back to his deserted dorm.

"Severus?" the headmaster asked once the door closed behind Harry, the true nature of the unspoken question like a silent agreement between him and the black-haired Potions Master. A wave of the old wizard´s hand and a small tremor of the very air around them later the flames in the seven feet high fireplace changed to a slightly greenish hue, signalising them that the wards had been taken down in the headmaster´s office.

"I´m going!" Snape said, his face carefully schooled into an emotionless expression, as he took a handful of floo powder out of the bowl Professor Dumbledore offered to him and stepped in front of the fire.

"Hurry, my boy!" the voice of the headmaster now grave and in absolute contrast to the merry facade he had shown to the Gryffindor youth a mere minute ago. A wrinkled hand stroked a long white beard as the owner of this hand watched how the Potions Master disappeared in emerald flames, the weight of his age crashing down cruelly on his old bones as he finally allowed his anxiety to show on his face.

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Draco shivered, the cold marble floor under him chilling him to the very core. The candles had gone out some time ago and the total darkness was surrounding him like a soft shield protecting him against reality. The deathly pallor of his skin made him shine like an angel drowning in a sea of black crimson. Small gasps permeated the air as he tried to get enough air in, the feeling of suffocating at the edge of his awareness filling him with fear. He felt the need to move, to get up and do something, anything to stop the panic growing inside him, as he felt his life slowly seeping out of him, but a faint twitch of his fingers was all he could accomplish. A soothing voice, sounding like the rustling of leaves in a cooling summer breeze, told him to give in, let go, and everything would be fine. A tremor ran through his naked body as he finally crossed the line between life and death, the feelings of regret and longing replaced with happiness as his heart stilled.

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

"Severus, I believe you are mistaken. Draco is a Malfoy, he would never do something that pathetic!" Narcissa looked outraged, her silken nightdress leaving only that much to imagination as she loathly threw a dressing gown over her fragile body. "I swear, you are a troublesome man and Dumbledore is an old fool!"

"I hope you are right, Narcissa, I really do hope so!" the Potions Master murmured as they hastened along the elegant hallway. When they reached the richly ornamented door to Draco´s room Narcissa knocked on the door, just to be pushed aside by the tall dark-haired man. Severus opened the door without further ado and magically lit the candles.

"Where is he?" Narcissa wondered quietly as she stepped into the empty room, taking in the pristine bed in which she had expected to find her peacefully sleeping son.

Severus swore under his breath as he searchingly crossed the stately room without finding any sign of the boy he had loved like his own since the day Lucius had laid the tiny bundle into his arms, on the day he had been born. Finally he opened the door to the adjoining bathroom and illuminated it with another wave of his wand. The sight of Draco lying in a pool of slowly congealing blood, the bathroom littered with shards of the broken mirror and empty potion phials, was shocking him into a rigor. He could only watch as the haughty woman let out a shrill cry and fell onto her knees beside the still body of her only child. She gathered Draco into her arms, uncareing of the blood spoiling the white silk, mindless of the crimson staining her pale skin as her right hand flew over a senseless body, coming to rest on a tranquil face.

"Draco, gods, why did you do this? Please, wake up, mommy is here now! It´s going to be okay! Please, Severus, help me! We need to heal him! I can´t...I don´t know how to! Please, Severus!" the blond woman cried, slowly rocking her son in her arms, her pleading eyes wide as she denied the undeniable.

"Narcissa...he´s dead. Draco is dead." he had never spoken words so terrifying and burdening before in his life.

His voice sounded dead, as dead as he felt inside, as dead as the blond boy in his mother´s arms. He knelt beside the woman he had secretly adored for many years now, as she started to shake her head again and again, whimpering while she took in her son´s half closed empty eyes, the blue lips and greyish tinge of his skin. Draco´s left arm, which his mother had not pressed to her body, was shaking with every rocking motion while his head had fallen back limply, giving them the impression of looking at a life-sized rag doll. Severus shuddered when Narcissa let out a primal scream, expressing all her pain and desperation, before she started to weep bitterly, her body shaking with every heaving breath. His hand was trembling as he ran his fingers over the already cool skin on Draco´s forehead and the blonde hair.

"I´m sorry!" he said quietly, the regret and blame he felt inside slowly eating at his very soul. He wound his arms around the two blondes who had been his life in secret, holding them close to him as he buried his face in the long silky hair of Narcissa, feeling in wonder how tears escaped his tightly shut eyes and soaked into the spinned gold. He felt as if his chest would explode under the pressure of his grief, taking his breath away as he desperately tried to gain control over his emotions again. Narcissa had started to scream and rant, her voice cutting into his heart.

"He did this...he did this, that accursed monster who calls himself our Lord! He destroyed my son, my life! And I just watched him doing it! I didn´t help him when he asked me to. I was too afraid! Gods! All my fault! He didn´t deserve this! I´m sorry, so, so sorry, please, Draco, come back! I promise to do better, please!"

Severus took a deep breath and straightened his posture, blinking back tears. He had to keep a cool head now as Narcissa was close to a complete mental breakdown already.

"Narcissa, let me lie Draco on the bed and cover him. It will be more comfortable for him. Let go of him, please!" His voice was calm and controlled again; his life-long pureblood training in controlling his feelings, encouraged by some of the worst beatings he had had to endure by his father´s hand, was coming in handy in this taxing situation.

The crying woman only hesitantly loosened her grip on her son´s body, nodding in agreement as she finally allowed the Potions Master to carry the lifeless body into the other room and place him on the soft bed. She covered him carefully with a light blanket and sat down on the edge of the king-size bed to hold her child´s white hand. Severus hesitated for some seconds before he reached out and shut those empty eyes. If not for the wrong colouring, the blood and the gaping cuts on the boy´s wrists someone could have thought that Draco was just sleeping.

Severus stepped to the fireplace in Draco´s room and started a fire into which he threw a pinch of floo powder before he knelt down and stuck his head into the now emerald flames. He called out Dumbledore´s office as his destination and suffered the swirling of his head stoically before the destined room came into his view. The headmaster turned to face him, Madam Pomfrey standing right by his side, obviously having been prepared for the treatment of one Malfoy heir.

"Severus, my boy, did you find him?" Professor Dumbledore asked immediately.

"I did." he stopped for a moment to exert control over his facial muscles and voice again, which he felt slowly slipping. "Potter was right, as much as I hate to have to admit that. It was too late. Draco is dead." Any other time it would have been amusing to see the headmaster´s serene mask draining away, but not today.

"Oh my, the poor boy!" Madam Pomfrey´s hand went to her mouth, and her eyes filled with tears.

"How did it happen?" the headmaster´s weak and strained question was calling terrible pictures to the front of Severus´ memory.

"He slit his wrists and took some potions as it seems. We found him lying in a pool of blood on his bathroom floor." Severus answered, his voice sounding for everything as if he would rebuke one of his students for having asked a pointless question in Potions.

"Remarkable! The power of dreams! These are terrible news. This might be able to destroy Harry, I´m afraid!" Severus narrowed his eyes at Dumbledore´s words; his last care was now for the insolent Gryffindor, while the boy he loved lay mere steps away from him, slowly growing cold.

"Well, I´ll have to stay here for some time. Draco´s mother is understandably rather shaken at the moment. I trust that my classes can be cancelled for some time." Snape replied coldly, wishing for nothing else than to put his mentor under a long and nice _Cruciatus _to give him a taste of what he himself felt like right now, deep in his soul.

"Of course, Severus! Please, extend our sincere condolences to Mrs. Malfoy!" Professor Dumbledore said with a small frown while the matron sobbed quietly, having sunken into the visitor´s chair.

"I will." The Potions Master withdrew his head without deeming it worthy to say a Good Bye, just to be welcomed by Narcissa calling his name in near hysterics. Severus whirled around, hurrying to the bed where he found Draco´s middle seemingly glowing through the thin cloth covering it. He tore the blanket from the boy´s body, revealing the bulging womb shining in a strange light which reminded of sunshine flashing through smoke.

"Severus, what´s happening to him?" Narcissa asked, clinging to his left arm in fear while the light slowly extended, creeping over the still body until it enveloped the dead youth in a cocoon of glowing shadow.

"I don´t know, Narcissa, step back slowly!" Severus hissed quietly, drawing his wand to point it at the malevolence radiating aberration. The light seemed to pulsate for some heartbeats before it seeped into the pale body. Both adults withheld their breath as Draco´s chest shuddered before a hacking cough was followed by a hasty intake of breath. Narcissa was by her son´s side before Severus could hold her back, still afraid of what devilry was afoot.

"Draco? Draco, darling, open your eyes for me!" Her silvery laugh was ringing through the air when grey eyes slowly blinked open and looked around in confusion.

"Mom? I´m cold." Draco´s voice was very faint and his teeth started to chatter before he could finish speaking.

Narcissa immediately tucked her trembling son in while Severus cast a warming charm on Draco. The blond woman´s happy smile was even growing when she glimpsed the small one on Severus´face he had not suppressed on time. Before the Potions Master knew what had happened he had a delicate female body hanging from his neck and soft lips pressed against his hard ones. His arms automatically embraced Narcissa, holding her body close as his tongue delved into the mouth he had desired for so long. He felt his body responding immediately when she opened her lips for him, her tongue dancing against his. They broke apart panting heavily, her glittering blue eyes melting the stone he had tried so hard to merge his heart into.

"We need to see after Draco. I think he might still need medical attention." Severus calmly suggested, while his heart was secretly doing small joyful flips.

They both tried to distract themselves from the kiss with examining Draco closely and asking the dazed and confused boy question after question. Draco had obviously lost the last days, being able to remember only the first day back at Malfoy Manor, which was maybe a good thing, as he couldn´t remember what had happened at his last summons. The cuts on his forearms had vanished, as had the blood covering his body before the dark cloud had brought him back into life.

Severus was still wondering what it had been exactly, having the power to wake the dead. The light had started from the womb and he had a good idea what that could mean. His Dark Mark had burned and his stomach almost turned at the malevolence he had sensed from it. It would be for the best if both Voldemort and Dumbledore would never get to know about this 'resurrection'. If this was the unborn child´s doing Severus didn´t want to meet the grown up version, ever.

"I want us to go to Hogwarts, Severus." He looked in surprise at the blonde woman. "I don´t want Him to come close to my son ever again."

"Does that mean you want to renounce the Dark Lord?" Severus asked her, very well aware of the seriousness of this decision.

"Yes!" the petite woman answered, holding his searching gaze unwavering. "Will you go against me?"

"No, that would be hypocritical!" he replied, eliciting a surprised gasp from the woman he desired. "Narcissa...I would advice you not to tell Dumbledore or anybody else about the way Draco came back. We should simply tell them that his heart has started to beat again on its own at the time I started the fire-call. There are some people who would be too happy to get such information and try to use Draco and his child."

"You are right. I felt its evil also, but it brought my son back and it´s gone now, so I will not question it. I will not allow the Dark Lord to lay his hands on something so...powerful. Will you help me to protect them?" Narcissa looked at him in a way he had seen her looking at Lucius many years ago, at the beginning of their relationship. It was the gaze of a beast having spotted its prey, and he was ready to yield.

"I will do all I can!" he promised, his eyes roaming over the sleeping youth, taking in the shallow rising of the chest and the still horrid pallor of his skin. "We should take him to Madam Pomfrey now."

"Thank you, Severus!" Narcissa breathed, batting her long dark lashes at him, innocent and seductive at the same time.

His body´s reaction to her words was clearly stating that not the Dark Lord but this blond little witch owned his soul and that he was too ready to gift her with his body also. Severus Snape was mortified when he felt a faint blush slowly creeping over his sallow face.

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

_**In the next chapter there will be Harry/Draco action again. Don´t despair! They are still the main characters!**_

_**Because there was a question concerning it already - the baby is still alive and kicking!**_

**Thanks again to all my lovely reviewers through whatever means! What would I do without you?**

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	16. Forever Yours

_**Thanks for the many reviews once again! All my beloved reviewers are listed as usual at the end of the chapter!**_

_**I don´t own Harry Potter, Joanne K. Rowling does! **_

_**I own the 'poem' down there though! **_

_**What people have to do because of the restrictions on this site**_

_**- **_

_**even write bad poetry cause they can´t use good lyrics/poetry from others!**_

_**Ah, that reminds me of the rating-petition! Guys, come on, is that a joke? Only 100 signatures until now!**_

_**You like this story? Goodie! It can be deleted any time because of content above M-rating! Ready to click the link on my profile now?**_

_**warnings: fluff (uh, fluff is creepy, isn´t it), well, and some smut and a tiny bit torture**_

_On to the story:_

_"You are right. I felt its evil also, but it brought my son back and it´s gone now, so I will not question it. I will not allow the Dark Lord to lay his hands on something so...powerful. Will you help me to protect them?" Narcissa looked at him in a way he had seen her looking at Lucius many years ago, at the beginning of their relationship. It was the gaze of a beast having spotted its prey, and he was ready to yield._

_"I will do all I can!" he promised, his eyes roaming over the sleeping youth, taking in the shallow rising of the chest and the still horrid pallor of his skin. "We should take him to Madam Pomfrey now."_

_"Thank you, Severus!" Narcissa breathed, batting her long dark lashes at him, innocent and seductive at the same time._

_His body´s reaction to her words was clearly stating that not the Dark Lord but this blond little witch owned his soul and that he was too ready to gift her with his body also. Severus Snape was mortified when he felt a faint blush slowly creeping over his sallow face._

oooooo **Chapter 16 **oooooo

**Forever Yours**

_I will walk with you through the storm_

_until our stars merge and shine_

_In your arms you keep me safe and warm_

_Your smile tells me you are mine_

_I will hold your hand wherever you go_

_At your side there is no place for remorse_

_Look inside my heart and you will know_

_The one who loves you will be forever yours_

Harry rubbed his tired and bloodshot eyes. His wrist watch was already showing 8:53 in the morning. After the nightmare starring Draco lying in a pool of his own blood Harry had not been able to fall asleep until the new day had dawned, his restless sleep soon interrupted by the alarm telling him that it was time to go to the Great Hall for breakfast. His legs felt like lead as he slowly made his way down the moving staircase, hoping to find Professor Dumbledore in the Great Hall to ask him about the result of the fire-call to Malfoy Manor.

He stopped dead for a moment when he opened the door to the Great Hall just to find only Hagrid sitting at the joined breakfast table, proving that his eating manners could easily compete with Ron´s. Harry grinned and decided to have breakfast first before going to search for the headmaster, as he had had time for Hagrid far too seldom throughout this school year.

"Morning, Hagrid!" Harry said, as he let himself fall onto a chair in front of an empty plate, right opposite of where Hagrid was sitting.

"Mornin', Harry!" Hagrid greeted in return, good-natured as always.

"Did you happen to see Dumbledore? I need to talk to him," Harry asked, reaching for a bread roll.

"Dumbledore will be back soon. He had ter do somethin'," Hagrid´s eyes glittered merrily.

Harry just wanted to place his bread roll on his empty plate to find it not so empty all of a sudden. There was a small present, wrapped in silver-coloured wrapping paper with a small red bow adorning it, sitting on his plate. He looked at it in confusion before he placed the bread roll down and slowly picked up the gift.

"Where did this come from? Christmas was two days ago," Harry asked in wonder.

"Must be yers if it's lyin' on yer plate," Hagrid teased him, a rumbling chuckle making his beard and all goblets on the table shake.

After hesitatingly removing the decorative wrapping Harry could glimpse a small wooden box. He opened it slowly, afraid that a boggard or something similar annoying would emerge from it. Instead the polished wooden box revealed a pendant almost looking like a burning phoenix, but still the shape was slightly off. Harry took the necklace into his hand, the weight telling him that it was no silver but heavy white gold the pendant and chain were made of. Hagrid looked at the beautifully crafted jewelry with curiosity in his eyes before he grinned like a Cheshire cat.

"A firebird! Nice thin', Harry, very nice!"

"A phoenix it is? I thought it looked somehow different," Harry said in surprise.

"A firebird's no phoenix! A firebird's a majestic bird made of flames of all colours. Belongs ter the creatures of light. Wish I had one ter show in class," Hagrid said dreamily before he took a huge bite off a sausage he held in his giant hand.

Harry was busy taking in all the details and intricate design of the firebird-pendant when Professor Dumbledore entered and sat down beside Hagrid, a contented smile on his face as he put a piece of apple pie on his plate.

"Ah, I see you got another Christmas gift, Harry! What is it?" the headmaster asked with a knowing twinkle in his eyes.

"A necklace with a firebird-pendant. But I have no idea who has given it to me; it was simply appearing on my plate!" Harry frowned slightly.

"I see. A firebird symbolizes true love, which overcomes every evil and breaks all boundaries which restrict the lovers. Whoever gave you this must have given it to you for a reason, Harry. It is not a gift given lightly. Did you check it for any engravings?" Dumbledore´s smile rivalled Hagrid´s now. They both looked as if they knew something Harry did not. Harry turned the pendant around and just as the headmaster had assumed, there were words engraved in the back of the pendant.

"_Forever Yours_" Harry read aloud. He blushed slightly before his face fell. "If Draco had been here...but he´s not, so I have no idea who has given me this."

"Ah, I knew there was something I have forgotten to tell you, Harry! Draco and his mother have arrived some hours ago. You can find him in the infirmary." Dumbledore looked at Harry with surprising innocence written all over his face.

Harry looked up in shock. He couldn´t believe that the old coot hadn´t told him before that Draco was back! The idea of asking Dumbledore about the reason for Draco´s early return shot through his head for a split second only, before he gripped the necklace securely and ran to the infirmary, taking two steps at a time. At the time he reached the large double doors leading into Madam Pomfrey´s realm he looked positively dying of a heart-attack, his face almost purple, his breath heaving and a droplet of sweat slowly rolling down his temple. He wondered only shortly if it would have been better not to stop his Quidditch training.

"Good god, Harry, what happened to you again?" the matron looked up from unfolding a newly washed and starched sheet.

Harry didn´t even acknowledge the nurse and crossed the large room in search for the blond-haired Slytherin. Even a fast peeking glance into the bathroom didn´t yield the wanted result - Draco was nowhere to be seen.

"Might it be possible that you are searching for a blond and demanding somebody?" Poppy asked with a small smile. "He left the infirmary just a minute before you barged in."

"Thank you, Poppy!" Harry replied greatfully, already on his way to the Slytherin´s dormitory. On the first floor Harry caught sight of the tall and elegant figure.

"Draco!" Harry called out between gasps. "Wait!"

Draco stopped immediately, turning around slowly, an expression of apprehension and hope mingling on his face.

"Draco...Dumbledore told me you are back. Uhm, can we...can we talk?" Harry waited breathlessly for the blonde´s answer, anxiously watching the Slytherin for any signs of another rebuff.

"I wanted to talk to you also," Draco mumbled. "In my dorm?"

"Sure," Harry replied nervously.

They made their way down to Slytherin House in muted silence, both boys dwelling on their own thoughts. Once the door to Draco´s room closed behind them, they started to talk at the same time.

"I´m sorry, Draco, for slapping you." "Harry, I behaved like an idiot!" they both giggled as the tension abruptly abated.

"Harry, I´m sorry for having been so uptight. I missed you. It was hell without you! Will you...give me another chance?" Draco´s voice was quavering. A radiating smile erupted on Harry´s face, as he embraced Draco, holding the blonde safely in his arms, promising himself to never let go again, no matter what.

"Of course, Draco! If you can forgive me for hitting you? I don´t know what came over me, but I swear I will never ever do something like that again. I promise not to put you under pressure about the baby also. I know it´s not mine, and whatever you want to do with the baby later when it´s born, I will support you. Just don´t leave me again!" Harry whispered into Draco´s silky hair, the feeling of being allowed to hold the one he loved again almost overwhelming him.

Draco looked confused for a moment. "I think I´m okay with the baby now."

"Really?" Harry drew back, looking at Draco in surprise, before he captured the blond boy´s rosy lips in an earth-shaking kiss. At least he felt as if the very ground beneath his feet was moving. He hesitantly ended the kiss when Draco softly pushed him away.

"I want you, Harry!" The fire glittering in Draco´s eyes was burning Harry to the very core, setting him alight with unadulterated lust.

Only when Harry wanted to start undressing he became aware of the necklace in his right hand again.

"Draco, is this from you?" the Gryffindor asked, praying for a positive answer. "Forever yours?"

The blonde smiled sheepishly and took the necklace out of Harry´s outstretched hand.

"Forever yours!" he promised as he fastened it carefully around his boyfriend´s neck. He then proceeded to cover the offered throat with small kisses and bites, slowly pushing Harry´s shirt up.

"I don´t know if we should do that," Harry said, painfully aware of his erection straining inside his suddenly too tight trousers. "I could hurt you."

"Don´t worry ´bout me, Harry, just let yourself go!" Draco breathed against Harry´s ear, sendind a shiver of passion through his body, before he placed Harry´s glasses on his chest of drawers and pulled the offending piece of clothing off the bronze body.

Within minutes they lay on the soft bed, kissing and moaning. Draco gasped when Harry´s mouth engulfed his throbbing member, his fingers painfully tightening on raven hair, when he came with his lover´s name on his lips. Breathing heavily, Draco looked with still burning eyes at Harry when the grinning boy lay down beside him.

"Harry..." he whispered with a face twisted into a pained frown. "Need more..."

Draco hungrily devoured Harry´s mouth, tasting his own come on his lover´s tongue. When he reached for the glass jar with lubricant on his bedside table, Harry protested.

"Draco, I don´t want to. Maybe you will start bleeding or you will be in pain later." Draco froze for a moment, before a feral grin appeared on his finely chiselled face.

"Don´t worry, Harry, you will not hurt me!" Draco said lovingly, before all of a sudden Harry´s hands were drawn to the headboard and soft silk ropes materialized to wind about his wrists before they pulled taut. Harry´s eyes widened in shock at the rude display of wandless magic, magic Draco had never managed to command before.

"Draco! What did you do? Untie me again!" Harry looked definitely frightened, Draco wondered, though he couldn´t put his finger on the reason.

"You trust me, Harry, don´t you? And you love me?" Draco said, waiting for Harry´s hesitant nod, before he carefully coated his still stiff manhood with the slimy lubricant.

"Draco, I don´t know..."

"Please, Harry!" Draco interrupted Harry, before he carefully parted the trembling Gryffindor´s thighs and pressed against the virginal opening.

Harry visibly clenched his teeth and flinched when he was breached for the first time in his life. Draco stilled immediately to let his lover adjust to the unfamiliar intrusion. Harry´s breath came in pained gasps when Draco pressed on until he was fully sheathed inside his lover.

"Bugger! You are so tight, Harry. Are you okay?" Draco panted, concern briefly flitting over ecstatic features.

Harry nodded, closing his eyes to hide the treacherous tears forming there. The Gryffindor yelped and gave a wince of pain, as the first thrust broke his self-control.

"Draco, please..." he whined.

"I´m sorry, love, I´ll go slower," the blonde tried to soothe his tense boyfriend.

Draco tried his best to find the place Harry unerringly had always hit when making love to him. Soon he had the Gryffindor gasping and begging for more. Shuddering and moaning Harry finally came to completion, Draco following only seconds later.

"Gods, maybe you are right. We should do it more often," Harry gasped, a satisfied smile on his face making his beautiful green eyes shine like forest ponds sparkling in the sunlight.

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Only some rooms further down the underground passage lust-filled moans permeated the air as well. A sallow face was highlighted with a slight blush, caused by exertion. Delicious, mind-blowing exertion, mind you! A pale hand with carefully manicured fingernails gracefully grabbed the now no longer greasy hair and pulled Severus´face closer to an invitingly opened mouth, where the tip of a pink tongue decoyed the groaning Potions Master. Bewitching lips pressed against his, as that playful tongue sought entrance to his panting mouth.

"Narcissa, Lucius will kill us!" Severus gasped against those soft lips eternities later, accentuating his warning with another powerful thrust.

"Hush! Forget about him! It´s only us now!" Narcissa whispered, winding her creamy thighs around his pale buttocks.

The petite woman under him gave delightful little cries of love every time his manhood sank deeply into her wetness as he set up the pace. Severus had dreamed of the blond woman many times, but he would never have deemed it possible to have her in his arms in reality. And still it felt like a dream to him.

"I love you!" The words had left Severus´ mouth before he could hold them in. Ah, gods, the curse of male brains´blood-deprived state during sex! Eyes blue as the heavens locked onto his, a perplexed gaze meeting his anxious one, before a light erupted in those beautiful eyes and the woman he loved uttered the most invigorating words he had ever heard.

"Severus, I love you!" the blond witch smiled at him.

He felt his soul fill with a joy he had not even known as a small boy. His member seemed to have swollen with pride as he pounded into the fragile body with renewed vigor. When a furiously burning agony swept through his left forearm he cried out and spilled his seed prematurely. Narcissa stared at him in disbelief as he pulled out, groaning with pain and embarrassment.

"Was that it?" she asked morosely.

"I´m sorry, Narcissa, He´s summoning me! I have to go!" Severus mumbled, asking himself why he felt like a small boy who was caught stealing a cookie.

"But...but I didn´t even..." Narcissa was thunderstruck.

"I will make it up to you, I promise!" He gave her an apologetic smile and a fast kiss before he clothed himself hurriedly and made his way to Lord Voldemort´s lair.

The Dark Lord was livid, his crimson eyes blazing with unadulterated ire and his features twisted into something only nightmares could bear. When Severus entered the assembly, three Death Eaters were already groaning and writhing on the ground, unable to get up after having been tortured cruelly, as it seemed.

"Ah, Severus, my right hand man! You finally decided to grace me with your presence!" his Lord hissed at him in his cruel and cold voice.

"My Lord, I came as soon as you summoned me!" Severus replied, concentrating on blocking his mind against Legilimency, as he got the bad feeling, that he would soon join the pitiful figures squirming with pain on the cold ground.

"I had a most unwelcome experience last night! My heir was calling on my magic, and when I arrived at Malfoy Manor to see what had happened to make him feed on my power, do you know what I found, Severus?" the Dark Lord all but screeched.

"I´m afraid, I don´t know what you found, my Lord," Severus answered with as much coldness as he could gather, while he felt his insides boiling with fear.

"Oh, you don´t know! Remarkable, as you are the one I ordered to take care of my heir! I will tell you what I found at Lucius´house! Nothing! They are all gone! The house is empty! I demand to know where that little bastard ran to with my heir!" Snape had to use all his self-control to prevent the shiver, which ran down his spine at the murderous look of his Lord directed right at him, to overtake his whole body until he would shake like a leaf.

"I don´t know, my Lord, maybe Narcissa and Draco travelled," Severus said with as much persuasiveness as he could muster.

Obviously to little avail, because the next second he found himself right in hell. The number of Cruciatus curses he suffered during the next two hours was uncounted, his robes were slashed and the ground around him soaked in blood. Still he had been able to keep Narcissa´s and Draco´s secret, his very soul feeding on his returned love for the blond woman to withstand the torture the Dark Lord himself inflicted on him. Finally the seething creature let up on the moaning Potions Master and turned to his followers.

"I want you to find the wretch and bring him to me, alive! The second I lay my hands on young Malfoy he will wish to have never been born!"

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

**Thanks again to all my lovely reviewers! **

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	17. Reality and Dreams

_**Uh, long time no see! Well, it´s hot, brain-frying-hot, and then my friends forced me to go out with them, and I really tried to cling to my computer, but...ahem. Sorry? I promise to be faster with the next chappie! **_

_**You know already, I´m not Rowling; leave a review; sign the petition; enjoy yourself!**_

_**A hint for you - dream is memory!

* * *

**_

_On to the story:_

_"I had a most unwelcome experience last night! My heir was calling on my magic, and when I arrived at Malfoy Manor to see what had happened to make him feed on my power, do you know what I found, Severus?" the Dark Lord all but screeched._

_"I´m afraid, I don´t know what you found, my Lord," Severus answered with as much coldness as he could gather, while he felt his insides boiling with fear._

_"Oh, you don´t know! Remarkable, as you are the one I ordered to take care of my heir! I will tell you what I found at Lucius´house! Nothing! They are all gone! The house is empty! I demand to know where that little bastard ran to with my heir!" Snape had to use all his self-control to prevent the shiver, which ran down his spine at the murderous look of his Lord directed right at him, to overtake his whole body until he would shake like a leaf._

_"I don´t know, my Lord, maybe Narcissa and Draco travelled," Severus said with as much persuasiveness as he could muster. _

_Obviously to little avail, because the next second he found himself right in hell. The number of Cruciatus curses he suffered during the next two hours was uncounted, his robes were slashed and the ground around him soaked in blood. Still he had been able to keep Narcissa´s and Draco´s secret, his very soul feeding on his returned love for the blond woman to withstand the torture the Dark Lord himself inflicted on him. Finally the seething creature let up on the moaning Potions Master and turned to his followers._

_"I want you to find the wretch and bring him to me, alive! The second I lay my hands on young Malfoy he will wish to have never been born!"_

oooooo **Chapter 17 **oooooo

**Reality and Dreams**

Dec 27, 1996

The sun setting behind Hogwarts stained everything blood-red. Severus Snape painfully trudged up the snow covered hill towards the castle, having to use all his willpower not to fall onto all fours and crawl towards the high entrance doors, which seemed to move further and further away with every agonzing step he took towards them. He wondered if the red haze in front of his eyes was caused by the sun´s last rays, or by the blood flowing unbridled from a deep gash on his forehead into his eyes.

"One more step, soon there, just one more step!" he gasped breathlessly, forcing his feet to move on.

He was imagining Narcissa waiting for him, closing him into her arms, kissing away his pain. He was drawing strength from his wish to be with his blond angel and forget about the pain raging through his body, forget about the deadly terror he had felt today. He marvelled at the difference it made to have somebody waiting for him, other than the headmaster waiting for his report as a spy, somebody who loved him. Despite the feeling that glass shards were stuck everywhere under his skin, the feeling he always suffered after an extended Crucio, he managed to smile lovingly. He had managed to keep their secret, managed to keep them safe, which was more important than his well-being.

When the last light died down and darkness ascended over the land Severus finally reached the steps leading up to the wooden entrance doors. The darkness folded over him like a shroud, his impaired vision causing him to stumble and fall. He moaned when he found that he had not the strength left to get up again. Once on the cold ground his body decided to give out, decided to take its well-deserved rest, uncaring of his mind´s irate and desperate command to rise again, to drag his aching limbs only one more step higher so his fingers would reach the weathered wood.

It was like an apparition when one wing of the giant door opened to reveal a figure seemingly made of light, shining in the darkness which was about to consume him. Soft hands touched his face and a voice like silver bells was calling out his name, telling him that he was safe, that he was loved. He wanted so much to reply in kind, needed to tell the people, who were suddenly surrounding him, that he was fine, that it was Draco that they should worry about, but the light was gone and darkness was all around him.

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

_Darkness embraced him like a soft breeze, gave him a feeling of being at home, filled him with a kind of peace and happiness he had never felt before. Was this how it felt like to be dead? There was no fear, only silence. The darkness had taken the pain in his soul away, at least he thought he remembered pain, agony, despair. But now it was gone, gone forever. He moved on, followed the urge to go to a place hidden behind the darkness, a place where he belonged, had always belonged. Was he flying, floating, soaring? There was a light waiting for him, beckoning to him, calling his name._

_"Father!" _

_Draco felt himself stopping, turning around to face the strange voice having called him. Father? A small boy of about five years stood before him, looking like an angel. Soft blond hair was flowing almost to his shoulders, big silver-coloured eyes looking at him beseechingly, arms stretched out towards him. Who was this beautiful boy, looking so much like himself as a child, yet so very different, so wrong?_

_"Father, I´m your son. Don´t leave me alone, come back to me!" the child whispered, the soft voice flowing through Draco as if he was air stirred up by a storm. _

_"You must be mistaken. I have no child looking like you...no child at all," Draco answered quietly, ready to turn around again, when he felt a small hand grabbing onto him._

_"I _am _your child, the son you will have. You can´t let me die! I _must _live! Come back to me!" Anger distorted the child´s face now, sending a wave of fear through Draco, and he tried to pull away from the harsh grip on his wrist._

_"I´m sorry, I can´t go back, they are waiting for me. I´m happy here," Draco answered, wondering why he felt afraid of this small boy, wondering how he could feel hatred instead of love towards his own child._

_"You can be happy with Harry and me! Harry wants me, he loves me! Surely you want to make Harry happy..." the child smiled at him now, a soft smile, hopeful, yet his eyes were dark; black swirls in the silver were tainting the picture of pureness._

_"I want to make Harry happy, but Harry and I can never be together, and we will not be joined by a demon spawn!" Draco said firmly, tearing his wrist out of the child´s small hand as he turned to leave the small boy behind._

_"You will do as I say, father!" a deep, male voice thundered, and a strong hand closed around his arm again, pulling him back forcefully, painfully. Draco stared at the tall man standing in front of him in shock. White-blond, long hair wafted in an invisible breeze, finely chiselled features spoke of indescribable beauty worth an angel, while eyes filled with shadows and darkness betrayed the demon. He was clad in purest black, surrounded by an aura of evil and power, rivalling the Dark Lord himself. Worse than that, his beauty was mystifying, addling the senses, his appearance male yet there were no hard angles, nothing harsh to spoil a beauty befitting even a maiden. _

_"You will come back with me and give me life!" the man, his own son, hissed at Draco threateningly. "There is no choice for you, you are mine to do as I say!"_

_"You are supposed to die and die you will!" Draco hissed back, pushing the intimidating man away from him with his free hand, ready to fight this demon calling himself his son._

_"I _will _live and you will so, too!" The man looking so perfectly like a Malfoy smiled cruelly, before he plunged his left hand into Draco´s chest and seized his heart. _

_Draco screamed in agony when he felt black magic surging into him, enclosing his heart and forcing it to beat again, filling his mind with darkness and oblivion. Black eyes locked onto his, speaking of dark things to come._

_"I love you, father, and you will love me!"_

Draco woke up with a scream, pain surging through his middle, tearing him apart. The baby, something was wrong with the baby! Draco rolled around his burning stomach, screaming as cramp after cramp tore through his womb. He had just dreamed of him, dreamed..., Draco could not remember any longer. It had been important, but now it was shrouded in darkness again, his aching head keeping its secrets.

"Harry..." he whimpered when the cramps eased, looking around searchingly, but Harry was nowhere to be seen in the twilight the roaring fire in the fireplace created.

Draco let himself glide from the bed onto the floor, the pain in his middle making it seemingly impossible for him to straighten himself enough to walk upright. He crawled towards the door, whimpering as his magic turned rampant, causing candles to flicker on and off, while the door and window swung open and shut repeatedly, the impact breaking the glass and showering the room with sparkling shards. His mind seemed to be fascinated by the shards, giving him a sense of déjà vu he couldn´t explain. The loud banging was angering him and hurting his badly aching head even more.

"Stop!" he finally screeched at the door and truly it ceased its frantic movement and slowly swung shut.

He had to get to the infirmary, find Harry, find anybody. His magic was terrifying him; the magical surge was filling him with too much energy, setting his nerves on fire and his mind ablaze. If only the pain radiating from his womb would let up...

"Please, you are hurting me!" Draco moaned, not sure where he had gotten the idea from, that the baby could hurt him, but he suddenly knew it to be true.

As if having waited for his undivided attention, a burning, pulsing sensation built up in his middle, filling him with sheer terror as he felt a magic too powerful for him to fight overwhelming him. Primal magic forced its way through his body and clashed against his own magic. At the peak of the agonizing scream leaving his mouth he could feel the foreign magic connecting with his own, tainting him forever.

When he regained consciousness he found himself lying in the middle of his destroyed and freezing cold dorm, at first mistaking the loud banging on the door with his own racing heartbeat. He slowly pushed himself off the hard floor, surprised about how good he felt, just like after a refreshing nap. He stared in shock at his room, taking in the destruction the magical surge had caused. Another series of thuds coming from his door tore him out of his musings. He experimentally commanded a wandless Reparo which to his utter disappointment did not even move one glass shard from the floor.

"Coming!" he shouted, before he hurried to the door which did not budge at all, no matter how hard he pulled at the door handle. "What the hell is this?"

"Draco? Are you okay?" he heard Harry´s voice faintly from the other side. "Unlock the door!"

"I´m fine, but I can´t open the door, I didn´t lock it!" Draco screamed at the door, which, as he saw now to his surprise, was almost split in half, the wood completely warped and obviously stuck in the door frame.

"Hold on, Professor Dumbledore is opening the door, step aside!" Harry cautioned him.

Draco went to stand in the corner beside the door, waiting for the door to swing open, just to be jumping out of his skin when pieces of wood suddenly shot through the room, the door obviously having been blasted open. Harry immediately charged into the dormitory, to close Draco into his arms.

"Harry, let go, too tight!" Draco gasped at the pressure his boyfriend put on his chest and womb.

"Sorry, are you okay?" Harry asked, holding Draco now at arm´s length to look him over.

"Don´t be ridiculous, of course I´m okay," Draco said, nervously watching how Dumbledore carefully inspected the signs of destruction in his room.

"But I heard your screaming!" Harry answered, concerned.

"Just a nightmare!" Draco replied, suddenly sulky as he remembered the absence of his boyfriend when he had needed him the most. "Where have you been?"

"In the infirmary. Snape came back rather beaten up from a summoning, and I thought it would be better to let you rest." Harry´s green eyes had that anxious gleam in them again. "He brought bad news."

"Oh," Draco said, a sense of foreboding washing over him.

"Yes, unfortunately Voldemort reacted rather violently to the fact that you and your mother left the manor. He is obviously thinking that you ran away with his heir and ordered for you to be brought to him. I dare say that your meeting would not be a pleasant one for you, so we will do everything possible to keep you save here at Hogwarts," the headmaster explained with a small comforting smile on his kind face.

"I sure as hell don´t want to meet that monster ever again," Draco said, as a shudder was running down his spine. "Is Snape okay? Can I see him?"

"Our dear Poppy tricked him into drinking a sleeping potion, and if you appear in the infirmary at this time she will force you to stay also, just to be on the safe side. Would you care to enlighten us as to how your dormitory came to be in the present condition?" Dumbledore added with a twinkle in his eyes.

"I had a nightmare and my magic seems to have gone out of control." Draco explained after frantically thinking over the best explanation to present. He didn´t know why, but it seemed wrong to tell Dumbledore about the baby´s magic.

"What did you dream about?" the headmaster asked with a slight frown on his face, his searching glance trying to bore into Draco.

"I can´t remember, all I know is that it had to do with the baby," Draco replied, not able to shake off the feeling that the dream was important to him, very important.

"I see," Dumbledore nodded gravely. "It could have been beneficial to know the contents of the dream, but nevertheless, there is always the possibility of a pregnancy influencing the magic of the one carrying a child under their heart. I don´t think this was an attack. Still I would like you to go and see Madam Pomfrey any time tomorrow."

With some small wand movements Dumbledore restored Draco´s dorm and relit the fire, as the broken window had allowed the chill of the winter to enter the room. He threw another searching glance at the two lovebirds over his glasses and smiled.

"Have a good night´s rest. I trust there will be no more outbursts tonight?" Dumbledore smiled again and left the room, closing the repaired door securely behind him. Harry and Draco dressed or better undressed for the night and cuddled under the warm bed cover together as soon as the headmaster had left.

"Gods, Draco, one day you will make me crazy with fear, I swear!" Harry pressed a kiss on Draco´s forehead.

"It´s not that I do it intentionally," Draco pouted, but secretly enjoyed the care Harry lavished on him.

"I know, I know, but still...you are in delicate condition right now," Harry grinned, just to hide behind a pillow when Draco vowed bitter vengeance.

"Harry Potter, don´t you ever use that word on me again! I am _not _delicate nor is my condition!" Draco hissed slightly peeved.

"But, Draco, I think you are," Harry said, bowing over the scowling blonde to lick the small dip under his throat, "delicate," licking over his left nipple "delicious," biting his right nipple "appetizing," licking over his slightly smiling lips "tasty," licking down the side of his neck "savoury," licking around his navel "delectable," licking the small drop of precum from the tip of his member "ambrosial." Harry finally said, grinning at the sounds Draco was making.

"Harry," Draco moaned, "I love you."

"I love you, too," Harry said quietly. "Draco, I want you by my side, always. Will you..will you bind yourself to me?"

Draco stared in shock at Harry. Had the boy whom he loved really asked for his hand just now? "What did you say?" he asked breathlessly.

"I know we can´t marry as we are both male, but a handfasting is the same as marrying, we could have a small ceremony, only for the people whom we want there, and you could keep your name, but if you don´t want to, I mean, I can understand if you don´t want to, I would not be angry on you if.." Draco interrupted Harry´s red-faced babbling with a kiss.

"Yes, yes, yes, I want to bind myself to you, Harry, Gods, I love you so much!" Draco sobbed, cursing the hormons rampaging through his body and wreaking havoc on his composure once again. Harry had this big boyish grin on his face, which made his eyes shine so beautifully, when their mouths met again in a passionate kiss. Small murmured love declarations from both of them were alternating with kisses, and tender caresses finally merged into the need to unite.

"I want you so much, Harry, please, I want you inside me!"

This time Draco did not need to beg, Harry was just too ready to take him. Everything was simply perfect to Draco, the way Harry filled him out, the way his sharp thrusts hit all the right places, the way the skin on Harry´s arse felt so soft under his hands, Harry´s small groans and gasps, the taste of Harry´s salty skin, of his mouth, the expression on Harry´s face during sex, a mixture between love and wonder and pain and bliss and the face of a small boy finding exactly what he had wished for in his Christmas present, the way his muscles moved under the bronze-coloured skin, the way Harry played with his oversensitive nipples, the way Harry´s hard abdominal muscles rubbed over the sensitive underside of his straining and leaking cock, the way Harry made him scream every single time he came with those special moves and strokes right when he felt Draco tightening around him.

Their love-making had felt like joining body and soul to Draco, and he smiled happily at the thought that soon they would be united as a couple also. Maybe they could really be a family, have children, be happy together. He snuggled closer to Harry, who already snored softly, inhaling the musky scent of Harry´s sweat. He despised the smell of sweat on people, but Harry´s was just feeding the flames of love inside his belly, it was like home for him, something belonging to him only, the smell of a thoroughly sex-spent Harry. He grinned and darted out his tongue to take a lick of his Harry, savouring the salty taste. Draco was still smiling when he fell asleep, finally convinced that there were happy times lying ahead of them.

* * *

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	18. To Love And To Hold

**x hint x Rowling gets money for writing HP, while I get reviews for writing fanfiction with her characters in it! x hint x**

_**I would like to set a new rule - more of you review to make me post! As it is right now, I will not stress myself any longer to update three stories, here and on one other account, once a week, if so few people actually care about it.**_

_**Thanks to those who are reviewing regularly, because without you this story would be on hiatus by now, as I feel responsible to continue this story because of your constant interest! I value all my reviewers and those who reviewed the last chapter are again listed at the end of the chapter!

* * *

**_

_On to the story:_

_"Harry," Draco moaned, "I love you."_

_"I love you, too," Harry said quietly. "Draco, I want you by my side, always. Will you..will you bind yourself to me?" _

_Draco stared in shock at Harry. Had the boy whom he loved really asked for his hand just now? "What did you say?" he asked breathlessly._

_"I know we can´t marry as we are both male, but a handfasting is the same as marrying, we could have a small ceremony, only for the people whom we want there, and you could keep your name, but if you don´t want to, I mean, I can understand if you don´t want to, I would not be angry on you if.." Draco interrupted Harry´s red-faced babbling with a kiss._

_"Yes, yes, yes, I want to bind myself to you, Harry, Gods, I love you so much!" Draco sobbed, cursing the hormons rampaging through his body and wreaking havoc on his composure once again. Harry had this big boyish grin on his face, which made his eyes shine so beautifully, when their mouths met again in a passionate kiss. _

oooooo **Chapter 18 **oooooo

**To Love And To Hold**

Snape had a sour expression on his face when Draco and Harry were entering the infirmary - right after an extended breakfast in bed, with everything belonging to it, accounting for the sated grins on their faces. There was seemingly a battle of sorts going on between the black-haired man and the nurse, while Draco´s mother tried her best to calm down the upset Potions Master.

"I am in _no _need of further treatment. There are all kinds of potions in my chambers for me to use. As you might remember, I am the _goddamn Potions _Master in this place! And you will stop your annoying prodding and poking this very moment!" the always calm and collected Head of Slytherin House snarled, his strained features easily betraying the falsity of his words.

"Please, Severus, it´s for your own good! Poppy doesn´t want to plague you, she just wants you to be healed before you are leaving!" the blond-haired witch tried to clarify, to no avail as it seemed.

"As if I cared! I want to go back to my rooms, where nobody is harassing me with all this fuss." Snape hissed, flinching as he slowly climbed out of bed.

"Professor Snape, you are an outrageous patient! Potions Master or not, I am the one deciding if you need more potions and if you are allowed to leave the infirmary!" Madam Pomfrey said in a high pitched voice, her bun slowly getting loose, which caused single strands of hair to fall into her heated face.

Draco couldn´t believe how the matron and his Head of House were hissing and spitting at each other like cat and dog. Even more unbelievable was the concern and care he saw in his mother´s attitude. He felt a stabbing pain in his heart at the obvious interest his mother showed in the dark-haired man´s well-being. What the hell was going on here? Draco felt his face distorting into a frown and desperately tried to make his face expressionless, as he gripped Harry´s hand harder. His own mother, who had not even shown much interest in his half-demise, when he had tried to abort and almost died in the process, was fawning on Snape of all people?

"I see you are fine again, Professor Snape! I was quite distraught when I heard of the state you came back in from your last summons." Draco said smoothly, forcing a smile, which was close to a sneer, onto his face. Every face was turning towards him now.

"Yes." Snape frowned at him.

"Yes, he was rather unhappy when he summoned his followers. He noted your and your mother´s absence from the manor and was very keen on finding out your whereabouts. But I am well again, absolutely well." Draco could have sworn that Madam Pomfrey snorted at this point.

"I would like to see you in my rooms today, Draco!" Snape added, arduously pulling his robes over his shoulders, before he limped towards the door, head held high and posture straight as ever.

"Good morning, darling! You look absolutely radiating this morning! Harry!" Narcissa cooed at Draco and Harry before she scurryied after the retreating man. Draco sent a dark look after the two adults.

"Mr. Malfoy, I heard you had a small mishap with your magic last night." The matron immediately sprang at her next victim, still miffed about the hasty retreat of her other patient. "Come on into here, please! We prepared a special room for your needs, which we will use for all further examinations and the birth."

The nurse opened a door close to the one leading into her office, and let Draco and Harry pass before she shut the door behind her. Draco was surprised to find Candice Hops, his assigned midwife, standing by an examination table positioned in the center of the rather small room and smiling at him.

"Why, good morning, Draco! I see you brought Harry along. Supportive as always, Harry. That is good, very good!" the petite woman cheered. "Please, undress completely and put on this exam gown, Draco."

Draco stared with astonishment at the light blue cloth the woman had forced into his hands. "Uhm, nobody told me that there would be an examination today," he complained nervously.

This was the first time since the incident with the ministry people that he was supposed to be examined again, and the way this examination table looked so similar to the one the mediwizards working for the unspeakable had used almost turned his stomach. His hands started to tremble as he anxiously glanced around, taking in all the details of the room the castle had newly added because of his pregnancy.

"You can undress behind that screen there," Madam Pomfrey remarked helpfully, pointing to a privacy screen which shut off the view towards one of the corners. "Candice could luckily find the time to come here today, so we will check both your magical status as well as the pregnancy."

Draco hesitantly put on the exam gown, hiding carefully behind the screen covered with white material, his badly shaking hands struggling with the ties obviously meant to close the strange cloth. Harry finally helped him to tie the horribly revealing gown, whispering all the time comforting words close to his ear. Draco took a deep breath before he left the protection of the privacy screen, carefully holding the parting pieces of the gown together with his hands.

"Ah, fine, we can start. Hop onto the table and put your legs over the knee crutches, please," the midwife smiled at him again. Draco tried to answer her smile, but his shaky smile soon merged into a scared grimace.

"Now, now! Since when are you afraid of me, Draco?" Candice Hops laughed merrily.

"I´m not afraid! Why should I," Draco said more positive than he felt and took the required position, painfully aware of the view he must have offered to the two women, as he parted his legs.

Harry held his hand throughout the examination, flinching once in a while when Draco put too much pressure with his sweaty hand onto his. Draco tried to distance himself from the proceedings as much as possible, answering all questions pertaining the pregnancy with great reluctance. After the midwife had finished her embarassing prodding the examination table was elongated and he was allowed to place his legs down on the table to give him more privacy. Madam Pomfrey next performed several spells on him to measure his magic, to which Draco awaited the result with bated breath.

"Everything is absolutely fine, Mr. Malfoy. Your magical level is fluctuating, but in general it has risen. That is absolutely normal and no reason for misgivings whatsoever." the matron remarked.

"I saw Draco using wandless magic once. Is that normal for a pregnant person?" Harry asked, making Draco´s heartbeat almost falter.

"Well, it is not average, but it can happen, as well as there can be also days when Draco has almost no magic. What happened last night was an outburst of uncontrolled magic, very similar to what small wizarding children sometimes produce. I see nothing dangerous in it. You should not become agitated and rest more than before, and you have to continue drinking your special drink every morning to receive all vitamins and nutritients your body needs to cope with the pregnancy, other than that, there is nothing i would recommend. Candice?"

"Everything looks absolutely fine. The birth canal is completely closed, and we will look now how our little boy is doing today." the midwife said, rubbing a clear potion onto Draco´s swelling middle. The black-haired woman circled the area with her wand while lilting sounds left her lips. Red mist was rising from the now sparkling skin and rotated above the rounding bulge until it formed an image of the child in his womb. Draco gasped as for the first time he really looked at the baby, his baby, the fragile shape so obviously looking like a small human being, with tiny fingers and small feet. The pulsing around the slowly moving child confirmed, that the small being growing within Draco was absolutely well.

"Your son looks very healthy, Draco, the heartbeat is strong and steady, just as it should be. He should be born in the second half of May, but he is growing fast and it might be possible that you are giving birth before that time already. But don´t you worry, we will take good care of you," she said, as she ended the spell and cleaned the residue of the potion with a soft cloth from his belly.

Draco dressed with a happy smile on his face, deciding to buy one of those tiny broom he had seen in Quality Quidditch Supplies on Diagon Alley. He was sure that his son would be an excellent flyer, just like he himself and of course Harry. Fuck Voldemort! He would keep his son! He would fight for his family, the family they would soon be, once Harry and he had joined in the handfasting.

Draco felt a twinge of anxiety in his innards at the thought of how his mother would react. He was still only sixteen, was still a minor until June. Would his mother give him the permit to marry a boy, to do something so utterly uncommon, which might be frowned upon by her peers and the whole wizarding upper class? He would have loved to marry before the baby was born, the part of him which still held onto traditional values decided, but if it came to the worst they would marry during the next summer holidays.

Draco slowly made his way to the dungeons to meet Professor Snape as his Head of House had wanted him to, while Harry was having a chat with the headmaster. He thought again about his mother´s strange behaviour, the care she had shown for Snape. Something was going on and he was intent on finding out what it was. Draco knocked on the door to Snape´s room and found himself face to face with his mother.

"He is sleeping again, Draco. Maybe you might want to come back later." she said in a hushed voice.

"Mother, how darling of you to take care so well of Professor Snape! Is there anything I should know?" Draco sneered at the petite woman.

"I think we should talk," she finally said after a short hesitation. "Sit down, please!"

Draco took a seat on the shabby couch and stared questioningly at his mother, who showed all the signs of nervous unrest she would ever allow herself to show to anybody. A slight shifting in her chair, a certain unrest in her gaze and a slight blush on her cheeks.

"Severus and I are...somehow...together," she finally said quietly.

Draco could only stare at her, unbelieving of the words which had left her mouth. She was a married woman, why would she want to be together with somebody like Snape?

"What about father?" he forced out, gripping the pillow by his side not to jump up and do something foolish.

"Our marriage was a farce for a very long time already. I filed a petition for divorce." Another stab in Draco´s heart. So she had ditched his father and could file a divorce if it fit her own needs without caring about what the wizarding society would say?

His mother slowly got up and sat down again by his side, obviously struggling with herself over what she should do next.

"Draco, I should apologize. I was wrong so many times in the past. It is your right to hate me, although it hurts me to believe you might hate me. Draco, I am sorry, really sorry for being such a bad mother all those years, for thinking of the reputation of our family first, instead of your well-being. You suffered because of me and your father in a way I can´t even start to imagine. When you...when you were so sick after Christmas, I really got a shock, and I started to realise that you are much more important than any reputation or what our...no, the Dark Lord might think or want. I will not sacrifice you, and I want to try to be a better mother to you from now on. I know it is a bit late, as you are grown up already, but maybe I can still help you once in a while and be there for you. Severus, I like him for some time already. He was always there and I can put my trust in him, as can you. I know that he loves you as if you were his own son. You wouldn´t loose a father, you would gain one if only you could give him, give us a chance. I know I don´t really deserve it, but maybe you could give him a chance. And I would be very happy, if you still would want me by your side also. I would like to support you now while you are pregnant and also when the baby is there. Severus and I will both take care of you and the baby, if you want that."

His mother anxiously looked at him with tears in her eyes. To see her cry touched his heart, no matter how annoyed he had been on her before, and when she embraced him he felt tears of his own forming in his eyes. It would be bigotry to condemn her for her love where she had accepted his, no matter how he disliked it, and to have a caring mother instead of a society lady by his side would be something he might learn to like.

"It´s okay, mom. You are not such a bad mother as you think. You helped me quite often, well, sometimes you were not there, but after all, you are still my mother. If Severus makes you happy, then I will not stop you. Just don´t make me call him dad, please," Draco mock-grimaced. They both laughed quietly with tears in their eyes.

During lunch that very day Harry and Draco seized the opportunity to announce their engagement, jittery and self-conscious. After much whispering Harry nervously got up to address the assembled adults. Draco secretly grinned at the blush settling on his love´s face and the way he crumpled the table napkin in his hands.

"Uh...I...I want to share something with all of you. Yesterday I asked Draco to join me in a handfasting, and he agreed. Mrs. Malfoy, I love Draco...and I ask the hand of your son." Harry´s voice became firmer with each word leaving his lips.

Draco watched anxiously how a stunned Snape was too busy gaping to realise that some of the peas had rolled off his fork and were now decorating his lap. Dumbledore and Pomfrey smiled with delight, while the other teachers were seemingly equally torn between approval and astonishment. Finally his eyes settled on his mother. Her blue-eyed glance rested on him, searching for something in his face, in his eyes, until she nodded almost imperceptibly.

"You _do _realise that a handfasting is for life?" she asked with a pensive expression on her face. Harry and Draco both nodded nervously, just to feel the tension leaving their body when a smile lit up her beautiful face.

"Well, then I think we have a wedding to arrange!" she said, unleashing an uproar of congratulations and applause. Draco felt a wave of gratitude and joy washing over him as he embraced his mother and accepted the good wishes raining down on them from all sides. His joy was curbed when the headmasters placed a piece of parchment in front of Harry and the Gryffindor picked it up with shaking hands and an unbelieving expression on his face.

"What´s the matter? What is this?" Draco finally asked, looking over Harry´s shoulders.

"My relatives..." Harry stuttered. "...they gave their permission also."

And really, there on the ivory-coloured parchment were the signatures of one Vernon Dursley and his wife Petunia Dursley, giving their consent to the marriage of the minor Harry James Potter, presently under their guardianship.

"How..?" Harry asked Dumbledore in wonder, unable to even string a complete sentence together in his shocked state, vividly remembering the many times Vernon had refused to sign any of the permits Harry had needed for school.

"After you came to me this morning to ask me about the legal details I decided to pay your relatives a visit, and they signed the paper of consent willingly after I told them, that you would not return to their guardianship after your marriage. If you decide to do the handfasting before you turn seventeen you will automatically reach adult status through the binding." the headmaster smiled viciously.

"We would like to do the handfasting as soon as possible. As Draco has to hide we should do it before the students are coming back and we would only invite Ron and Hermione to come and witness for us." Harry said now with shining eyes, as they had talked about it, but not dared to hope for a joining before the summer holidays. Draco took Harry´s hand and nodded his assent.

"I agree with you. You should join as soon as possible." Narcissa Malfoy said with sparkling eyes. "We could arrange everything until after New Year. Now that I come to think of it, the first of January would be a lovely date to start into a new life as well."

ooooooooooooooooooooo

As always Draco´s mother had gotten what she wanted, so during the next days Draco and Harry were in a constant nervous frenzy, trying to compose binding vows and discussing their dress robes. Draco had agreed to let Harry go to Diagon Alley without him to choose their rings, as the sizes did not really matter and Draco could do with a nice surprise and without a dangerous situation. Any ring could be bought with a fitting charm, though Draco doubted, that the charm would accomodate a giant´s finger. They had agreed on keeping everything simple, so Harry could not do anything wrong, no matter his taste, which inspired Draco with confidence.

They had invited Hermione and on Harry´s request the complete Weasley family, a fact which made Draco slightly uncomfortable, as well as his midwife, whom he really had come to like. Draco had always imagined a grand wedding with several hundred guests, fitting a Malfoy, but as the time had come for him, all he wanted for the great day was Harry by his side. Anyway, there was no reputation for the Malfoys to uphold again, no money left to sponsor a wedding feast of such dimensions, and there was nobody he could invite without fearing to be kidnapped.

Nevertheless Draco enjoyed the excitement, the upcoming binding ceremony had brought over all inhabitants of the old castle. Even Peeves was busy spraying all halls and passages with confetti, much to the chagrin of the house-elves and especially Filch, the caretaker, but whenever the glittering, colourful paper snippets were removed, the poltergeist started his decorating spree anew with another frivolous and suggestive song about the amorous escapades of Harry and Draco on his lips.

_Their moaning can be heard all day and night_

_A sweet voice saying 'Harry, you do it so right'_

_They always bonk when they share a bunk_

_Is Draco a screamer or Harry really such a hunk_

Draco blushed crimson with embarrassment, partly because of the obnoxious lyrics and partly because Harry grinned appreciatively, and swore at the snickering poltergeist, as another spray of confetti fell onto his head, the tiny paper snippets securely settling into his silky, blond hair and making him look like a Christmas tree as he thought. With a kind of revengeful satisfaction he decided that the glittering pieces looked even more ludicrous in Harry´s untamed black hair, but the Gryffindor just carelessly mussed up his already tousled hair even more in a halfhearted attempt to remove the unwanted decorative touch.

They were on their way to his mother´s room on the first floor, where Madam Malkin was already waiting for them, as a house-elf had been sent to inform them. Draco spoke the password and respectfully knocked on the heavy wood before he opened it to enter his mother´s parlour. Madam Malkin of Madam Malkin´s Robes for All Occasions on Diagon Alley was a short and rather squat person, but her smile was warm and friendly, as friendly as the fuchsia robes she was wearing today, as friendly as her welcome. Narcissa Malfoy knew Lucinda Malkin for many years already and trusted the woman unconditionally to keep her and her son´s whereabouts secret.

The woman had brought all kinds of shirts and trousers and dressrobes along, as well as the finest leather shoes. Harry and Draco had decided very fast on a plain but romantic and youthful look, which meant a white shirt and black trousers and boots, accompanied by a black cape. As they were going to put on exactly the same outfit Draco had assigned Harry with the ungrateful job of trying everything Draco picked out of the heap of clothes.

"How about this brocade shirt with high neck. It has wonderfully poetic cuffs. The mother-of-pearl buttons are bringing out the milky white of Mr. Malfoy´s skin for sure." Madam Malkin enthused about the shirt Harry was presently wearing. Draco almost had to laugh at the uncomfortable grimace on Harry´s face.

"No high neck, and we want something more simple, no brocade, please, something comfortable but beautiful and romantic." Draco said from his comfy wing chair, and snickered at Harry´s grateful look while he was nibbling on some grapes.

With Madam Malkin´s help they soon found the perfect shirt, a soft, white silk shirt with a triple frill on the front and flared cuffs, but with normal collar. Plain black trousers soon followed, after Draco had taken extra time to check its fit especially on Harry´s bum, before they added black dragon hide boots, almost knee-high and shut with buckles. Harry groaned when Madam Malkin laid out waistcoats for them to choose from.

"That is something Lockhart would put on!" Harry immediately said, crunching up his nose in disgust.

"Oh, Gilderoy Lockhart! Excellent taste, that man. A fashion icon if I ever saw one. You are right indeed, Mr. Lockhart bought several of those gorgeous silk tapestry waistcoats from my shop. Look at this golden one, it has an attractive pointed finish at the hem. The silk was made by sorcersilkworms, which are living on a secret plane in Bulgaria only. The silk is said to repel the evil eye and even the fire of a dragon." Draco´s mother nodded in delight, impressed by the tailor´s explanations.

"Go ahead, Harry, try it on! We can never know when you will meet a dragon again. After all, you are Harry Potter," Draco said, grinning at the glare Harry shot at him. Madam Malkin was right, Harry looked gorgeous in that waistcoat, but with only the white shirt on, especially when the collar was left open at the neck, he looked yummy. Draco preferred yummy over gorgeous, and even little Draco nodded its consent.

"The waistcoat looks definitely gorgeous, but it would be again too overdressed for the small occasion. We might come back later for some of those. I think only a cape to it will do for us." Draco said with a polite smile and winked at Harry.

They soon decided on a black velvet cloak. The heated discussion if the lining should be green or red was ended, when Madam Malkin offered a beautiful black velvet cloak with red-green shot silk lining. It was shimmering in both colours, which Draco thought an appropriate symbol for the two of them. The cloak was held with a long silver chain on Harry´s shoulders and Draco smiled admiringly at his lover.

"This is perfect," he finally exclaimed. "We need this set twice, mine shall have a slimming charm on it, and both a beautifying and self-ironing charm."

"Beautifying?" Harry asked, raising one eyebrow as he looked at Draco with amusement.

Madam Malkin smiled appreciatively and put the requested charms on the clothes before she tapped a parchment with her wand and presented the magically written bill to Draco´s mother. "That would be 101 galleons, 1 sickle and 28 knuts, Mrs. Malfoy."

"No, I will pay for it, Mrs. Malfoy. You surely take cheques, Madam Malkin?" Harry hurriedly said before he wrote out a Gringotts cheque and presented it to the beaming woman.

Draco wondered since when Harry had cheques in his possession. The Gringotts Goblins were not known to give cheques to people with vaults below a certain value, but surely they had made an exception for the famous Harry Potter. At least one advantage, but by far not outweighing the many disadvantages of Harry being famous, Draco thought with a short dash of regret. The bad feelings were gone once Harry pulled off the white silk shirt.

ooooooooooooooooooooo

Harry was a nervous wreck. The ceremony would start in thirty minutes time and the rings were still missing. His hands were badly shaking and even the repeated rubbing over the fine material of his trousers couldn´t clean the sweat from them, but he was not even half as bad off as Draco, who had disappeared into the bathroom together with his mother, Madam Pomfrey and the midwife. Retching, coughing and excited chattering of the three women was all he could hear from there, as they had banned him from the setting of the drama with a phial of calming draught forced into his hands.

"Aulum will send them by owl, I´m sure, Harry! His shop has the best reputation. I heard he supplies even the Muggle Queen with jewelry," Ron patted his back awkwardly. "And even if they don´t come on time, it´s a handfasting, you are not required to exchange rings!"

Hermione kicked her yelping boyfriend in the shin before she turned to Harry. "Don´t listen to him! The rings will be here on time and everything will go smoothly. Weddings are bound to have anything going wrong. It´s a law of nature. Look, Draco is feeling better also. We can go down to the Great Hall soon."

And really, Draco stepped out of the bathroom with something akin to confidence in his posture, and a small, loving smile played around his lips. If not for the paleness of his face Harry would have believed Draco to be as calm as he pretended to be. Harry groaned as his eyes wandered over his soon to be husband. Draco looked simply stunning. He would have ravished the blonde on the spot if not for the queasiness in his stomach.

Harry heaved a sigh of relief when a white dove pecked on the windowpane and was let in by Fred Weasley. An irrational feeling of fear washed over him as he watched the dove as it flew onto Draco´s shoulder and let him remove the small box which was tied to its leg. They all stared in entranced wonder at the bird when it rose into the air and burst into a myriad of tiny sparkling lights.

"Oh, these seem to be the rings, Harry," Draco said with a lopsided grin, causing a ton of stones to rumble from Harry´s heart.

"That´s great! I already thought they would not come on time," Harry grinned.

"You can give them to me, Draco, I will carry them down to the Great Hall, as it is late and you have to finish preparing yourself for the big event," the petite midwife smiled teasingly, before she grabbed the box out of Draco´s hands and left.

As if on cue Draco started combing his hair again, pulling his clothes in this and in that direction, staring in despair at the tiny bulge which was still visible despite the slimming charm on his clothes, until Harry went over and embraced him. Harry could feel how Draco trembled faintly against his body, and the blonde almost desperately entwined his arms around Harry.

"I´m scared, Harry," he whispered against Harry´s collar, before he looked at Harry with eyes wide open. "Are you sure you want to do this? This will be forever - you and me together. Do you really want me that much?"

"Yes, I want you that much. And I´m scared also, but Hermione said, that it´s normal to feel like that right before the ceremony, and she knows everything," Harry chuckled nervously.

They kissed softly to catcalls from the Weasley twins before they gave the sign that they were ready. They made their way to the Great Hall, which was beautifully illuminated through the enchanted ceiling, showing a clear blue sky and a warm winter sun. The Hall was decorated with white, blue and red flowers and the tables were pushed to the far end of the Hall. There were only about twenty people present, but the atmosphere in the room was filled with love and happiness.

Mrs. Weasley immediately made her way over to Harry and Draco, when she saw them entering the room, embracing both of them a last time to express her joy and approval of this binding. Harry grinned at Draco´s slightly embarrassed face as Ron´s mother held him in her arms. They slowly made their way towards the dais, where Dumbledore was waiting for them with a radiating smile on his face. When a hush came over the wedding guests and the headmaster began to speak suddenly all the nervous tension dissolved and was replaced by a warm and calming loving feeling.

"We have come together on this fine day to witness the handfasting of these two young men, Harry and Draco, who have proven their love for each other many a time during the last months. They want to enter a sacred union and join their lives together. We will support their binding now and in the future with our love and care for them. Please, give each other your hands."

Harry reached out for Draco´s hands, and held onto them as they crossed their hands, forming the figure 8 with their arms, the symbol of infinity. He felt the love inside him swell, almost drowning out his breath, when Draco raised his head and their loving gazes locked. Dumbledore performed the binding spell, which brought forth a light blue and pink stream of light from the tip of his wand, which immediately wound around their clasped hands, tingling on Harry´s skin and warming his soul.

"May your love live forever in your hearts! Please, say your binding vows." Dumbledore said with a smile.

Harry swallowed, before he concentrated on Draco´s shining eyes and said the vow he had written for this special moment.

"I, Harry, take you, Draco,

to be my friend, my lover and my husband.

I will be yours in times of plenty and in times of want,

in times of sickness and in times of health,

in times of joy and in times of sorrow,

in times of failure and in times of triumph.

I promise to cherish and respect you,

to care for and protect you,

to comfort and encourage you,

and stay with you, for all eternity."

Draco smiled at him, before he took a deep breath and started to speak.

"I, Draco, choose you, Harry,

to be my husband and one true love this day and for evermore.

From this day on, I give myself to you,

my hand, my heart, and my love.

I gladly join my life to yours.

I promise to stand by your side,

and sleep in your arms,

and love you more each day than I did the day before.

I will trust you and respect you,

laugh with you and cry with you,

loving you faithfully through good times and bad times,

Both freed and bound by our love."

"What was two is now one!" Dumbledore pronounced clearly and distinctly, causing Harry´s and Draco´s smile to grow.

The light encircling their clasped hands soaked into their skin until it was gone, leaving a deep warmth and joy in his very soul. The headmaster raised the small box standing opened before him with his hands, offering the golden rings shining on black velvet to the couple.

"You may exchange the rings now."

Harry took the ring with the correct engraving from its velvet bed and carefully took Draco´s hand into his left, while he slowly pushed the golden ring onto Draco´s ring finger.

"Draco, I give you this ring as a symbol of my love.

As a ring has no end, neither shall my love for you.

With this ring, I gladly join my life to yours."

"I will gladly wear this ring as a sign of my love and faithfulness to you." Draco answered with a smile, before he reached out to take Harry´s ring out of the wooden box in Dumbledore´s hands.

Time seemed to stand still and the world ended, when Draco´s fingers closed over the remaining ring and the boy he loved with everything he had vanished into thin air. Harry stared in shock at the place where Draco had stood just a heartbeat ago, his disappearance leaving a gaping hole in Harry´s heart.

* * *

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	19. Cold Without You

_**Yes, yes, yes! -- starts happy dance -- Thanks for the many reviews!**_

_**You guys are great! Keep up the good work, uh, the reviewing!**_

_**Don´t you worry, I abandoned another one of my stories. I like this one´s plot too much!**_

_**Do you think I could buy the next book written by Rowling for some reviews?**_

_On to the story:_

_"I will gladly wear this ring as a sign of my love and faithfulness to you." Draco answered with a smile, before he reached out to take Harry´s ring out of the wooden box in Dumbledore´s hands. _

_Time seemed to stand still and the world ended, when Draco´s fingers closed over the remaining ring and the boy he loved with everything he had vanished into thin air. Harry stared in shock at the place where Draco had stood just a heartbeat ago, his disappearance leaving a gaping hole in Harry´s heart._

oooooo **Chapter 19 **oooooo

**Cold Without You**

Draco´s happy smile merged into a shocked grimace when he took Harry´s ring into his fingers and immediately felt a telltale hook behind his navel, tearing him into a swirl of colours and sounds while wind was rushing through his hair and whistling beside his ears. The moment he had realised that somebody must have spelled Harry´s ring to be a Portkey his feet already hit ground.

Unprepared as he was, he lost his balance and fell heavily onto the cold stone floor beneath his sagging feet. The hard impact drove the air out of his lungs and hit Harry´s ring out of his hand. With big eyes he followed the ring clattering over the stone until it came to lie before a black-clad figure maliciously grinning down on him.

"No, please, no," Draco whispered brokenly; his heart seemed to falter as he took in his surroundings.

"What do we have here? My little runaway bride!" the Dark Lord cooed in mock-surprise. His high, cold voice sent a shiver down Draco´s spine.

"I see you even brought me a gift. How nice of you." the snake-faced wizard laughed cruelly as he picked up the shining, golden ring and put it onto his left ring finger.

"You needn´t have bothered...Draco," he breathed as he slowly crept closer. "Your body would have been prize enough for me."

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Harry stared in shock at the empty place where Draco had stood just a heartbeat ago, smiling lovingly as he had taken the ring to place it onto Harry´s finger. The ring, oh no, Gods no! The ring-the shoe-the goblet-the kettle-the head of the statue-the ring. Pictures were flashing through Harry´s mind, pictures of all the Portkeys he had seen during the last years, until it was only the ring and the goblet sticking to his awareness like rotten flesh. Only the goblet had transported on first touch, working as a booby trap, just like the ring, and transported straight to one person´s location. He fell onto his knees, as all strength suddenly seemed to have left his body.

"No, please, no," Harry chocked out; he was unaware of the fact that he was using exactly the same words as his husband was, at the same time, in a darker place.

The old headmaster looked visibly upset as he examined the now empty jewellery box; something Harry had never seen before and didn´t care to see now, as he was looking at the people, crowding around him, for help.

"Merlin, how could this have happened?" Mrs. Weasley asked, aghast.

"A Portkey," Snape forced through clenched teeth, as he held a deathly pale and shaking Narcissa upright. "It was a mistake to think Draco would be safe at Hogwarts."

"The midwife took the rings from Draco to carry them down here. Did anyone else touch them before Draco did?" Hermione inquired, looking around, while she and Ron slowly pulled Harry up.

"He will hurt him again, oh, Severus, do something!" Narcissa wailed.

"How could you insinuate that I...I would never...the poor boy...how can you just say something so nasty!" The petite midwife cried out; big tears were rolling down her reddened cheeks as she accusingly glared at Hermione.

"Please, calm down, Candice! I´m sure Hermione didn´t want to blame you for Draco´s disappearance," Madam Pomfrey tried to soothe the sobbing Madam Hops.

"Enough! _Everybody _calm down now! Be quiet!" the headmaster raised his voice over the bedlam. "We are all understandably upset at the moment, but we need to keep our calm. Poppy, would you please help Mrs. Malfoy and Madam Hops to the infirmary and see what calming draught you can render? Molly, Arthur, Bill, Minerva, Severus and of course Harry, would you accompany me to my office, please. The rest of you might want to try the mulberry munch muffins, which are a new invention of Hogwarts´ house-elves."

"I saw it coming. The Inner Eye has glimpsed it all. Sorrow. Calamity," Professor Trelawney exclaimed stagy, her hand resting on her many beads as her eyes blinked owlishly behind her thick glasses. "The cards have revealed to me the destiny of the lovers; crossed by the devil their happiness will be forever tainted by evil."

Harry stared at the barmy teacher with contempt. Nevertheless a cold shiver ran down his back at her words, and he complied without a second thought when Molly Weasley´s plump arms embraced him and pulled him out of the room where his dreams of the future had turned into nightmares.

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

"Cry for me, my little Dragon."

Laboured breaths were resounding in the dungeon room, cruel hands roaming over sweat-slick skin, wrists chafing against restraints, burning, blinding pain soaring through his intestines. This was not happening, please, just a dream, a nightmare, all devouring nightmare. There was no crimson gaze, burning hungrily into his soul, no lipless mouth twisting into the travesty of a smile, no cold and slimy tongue forcing his lips open, no burning flesh thrusting into him, filling him with shame, making him dirty, so dirty.

It was all a cruel dream, him being held down on a bed, on all fours, chained to a cold stone wall. All this never happened, was not happening, would never happen. Harry was his reality. His shining, green eyes, his warm body, his loving smile. He would wake him from this nightmare, banish the evil which made him recoil, fill his soul with light again.

"Harry..." a whimpered plea, not enough to take this darkness from him.

"Harry is not here, my pretty. It´s just you and me. I will never let you go again. Never!"

A black wave of hopelessness washed over him, taking away the haze in front of his eyes, making him wish for death as he finally had to accept what was done to him. Still the feeling of the Dark Lord moving inside him kept him in this forbidding reality, in this place of madness and despair. When pleasure coiled in his middle like a venomous snake, ready to strike his betrayed heart, Draco felt himself crumble, letting out a choked sob.

'I will gladly wear this ring as a sign of my love and faithfulness to you.' His own words echoed in his head as he stared at the ring Harry had put onto his finger not even an hour ago. Draco closed his eyes when his orgasm rolled through his body, denying him the only solace he had known until now, the sight of Harry´s token of love. He had broken his own vows, had betrayed his husband, had allowed the darkness to take everything from him. His defeat was marked by the tears finally drawing glittering paths onto his pale face.

"I do so love to see you cry!"

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

I´m very sorry, Harry," said Dumbledore sympathetically, "I would have wished you a perfect wedding, but that´s the way the cookie crumbles. Tea?"

Harry nodded at Dumbledore´s extremely strange words of consolation, his mind still numb with shock.

"We will bring Draco back. You´ll see, Harry." Molly Weasley, who was standing behind his chair, was patting his shoulder comfortingly.

The heat of the cup of tea which had been forced into his hands was almost comfortably searing his hands, the pain distracting him from the pain he felt in his heart. For a minute the ongoing wrought-up discussion was lost on him, then he woke from his stupor, looking around as if he had awoken from a deep sleep.

"We can´t be sure of that he was taken straight to Voldemort or to him at all," the headmaster just said warily. "I can´t send you after the boy without proper information and planning."

"Of course Draco is with Voldemort! I just know it," Harry objected, "He used the same way to transport me and...Cedric to him during the Triwizard Tournament. Who else would want to Portkey Draco out of Hogwarts? Professor Snape, you have to go to wherever Voldemort is hiding and bring Draco back. I will go with you. I will kill the bastard if he is as much as looking the wrong way at Draco. We will get him out of there, with or without anybody else´s help!"

Snape flinched almost imperceptible. "I´m sure that you would barge in like the Gryffindor you are, but Professor Dumbledore has a point. I can´t simply meet the Dark Lord and ask for Draco. As it is, he is already very suspicious of me, as I couldn´t tell him that I brought Draco here. I have to try to keep my cover as long as possible as well."

"Your cover? Is that all you are thinking about?" Harry hissed at the Potions Master, feeling the urgent need to smash the seemingly heartless mans face. Snape wanted to give an angry reply, but was interrupted by the headmaster.

"Professor Snape is right, Harry. We have to think of the war also. I can´t risk you and I can´t risk Professor Snape, or anybody else for that matter, to enter Voldemort´s lair in search of Draco. I´m sorry to say, all we can do right now is wait until Professor Snape is summoned again," Dumbledore stated gravely.

"I think it will please you to know that if the Dark Lord really has Draco in his clutches I will finally be a marked traitor, which makes my cover and my life equally worthless." Snape was not entirely able to hide the sneer on his face. "Ultimately this would also mean that we have a spy I do not know of here in Hogwarts or among those people outside the school, who had any kind of knowledge of Draco being here."

"The only people who don´t stay at Hogwarts and knew about it are his midwife, whom Madam Pomfrey trusts, Madam Malkin, whom Draco´s mother trusted enough to call her here, and Mr. Aulum, but he is above 150 years old and Professor Dumbledore trusts him, on top of that I used a glamour when I visited his shop, and then there are Hermione and the Weasley family, and I trust them with our life, so it must have been somebody else to have put the _Portus _on the ring." Harry reasoned, trying to battle the urge to jump up and start pacing.

"Something doesn´t add up here," Bill Weasley said, frowning slightly. "There must be a leak somewhere, and not many people are able to create a Portkey. We should start to investigate at Aulum´s shop. The rings came from there. Maybe they were cursed by somebody working in that shop."

"That is a good idea, Bill." Arthur Weasley nodded with an approving smile. "I would suggest that we go there right now and try to find any hint."

"I agree with you, Arthur. You and Bill should go and see what you can find out, but try to be careful," Dumbledore shot them his usual warning look over the frame of his small golden-rimmed glasses, before his features twisted into a small smile.

Bill and his father immediately prepared to leave. Bill grabbed onto Harry´s shoulder shortly, shooting him a lopsided grin, which reminded Harry of Ron´s, before Arthur Weasley nodded at him with a serious face, kissed his wife goodbye and followed Bill to the door. Harry would have liked to follow them, as anything seemed to be preferrable to sitting here without doing something. His worry for the blonde almost choked him and made his heart race in his chest, whereas his hands trembled so badly with suppressed nervousness that he had to put the cup of tea on the desk before him. He anyway did not feel like taking a sip. The mere idea of taking comfort seemed like a careless neglect of what Draco surely had to suffer now.

"Professor, what shall we do now?" Harry finally asked in despair, jumping up from his chair to walk back and forth like a caged animal.

"We wait," Dumbledore said, unwrapping a lemon drop.

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Draco winced when the iron manacles around his wrists were opened with a small wand movement, as the metal had chafed his skin cruelly and the sharp edges had settled securely in his skin. He staggered before he could regain his equilibrium and the strength to stand unaided. The cold air made him shiver, and it helped not even a bit when he wound his arms around his naked self. Draco gratefully picked his black trousers and half torn white shirt from the ground, which a very tall, blond Death Eater had carelessly thrown into his direction, while Jerome Parkinson, one of Pansy´s weird uncles had freed him of the restraints.

"We got the order to take you to the first floor. If you make one wrong move, you will get the chance to prove how loud you can scream," the blonde deadpanned.

Draco just nodded, unwilling to have more contact with any Death Eater than necessary, and tried to dress as fast as possible. Walking was a strenuous task with the constant throbbing and sudden flashes of pain shooting through his middle. He dared not think of the damage the Dark Lord might have done and decided to distract himself by trying to memorize the place and search for possible opportunities for him to escape on their way up. There was none though. Until they had reached the first floor all he could make out were passages and stone stairs covered in a thick layer of dust and grime, spiders and the occasional rat.

The first floor was covered in shadows, as only once in a while a lit candle was placed on any side table or chest of drawers. Parts of the house were unfurnished and the windows looked as if they had been blocked with wooden boards from the outside. A door leading to the outside world he could nowhere make out. His step faltered for a second when they reached a brightly lit dining room, and from the head of the polished table the repulsive face of the Dark Lord smirked at him. His insides cringed at the idea of being in the same room with the man who had raped him, and all the normality he had been able to muster before seemed to have fallen away from him with only one malicious glance of this man meeting his shying away eyes.

"Come, Draco, you must be hungry after exerting yourself," the sinister wizard said with a leer.

The table was piled up with food - potatoes, vegetables, fruits, pies, cakes and in the center of it all a giant roast - and the smell was heavenly. Draco´s stomach immediately protested against its empty state with gurgling noises, making the decision to sit beside the one who had violated him only hours ago that much easier. He had to think of the baby also, and being without food for more than a day might prove to be harmful. He hesitantly went over to the seat where the only other plate was laid out, his bare feet tapping softly over the dusty parquet flooring, and came to an abrupt stop again, suddenly unable to bear the closeness to his abuser.

"Sit down! Now!" The leer was gone, replaced by a dangerous spark in crimson eyes.

Draco started at the sudden, sharp command, before he sat down. He was trembling with fear, carefully keeping his eyes on the empty plate while a rodent-like Death Eater cut a slice of meat off the roast. One of his hands was replaced by a silver one, the sight being like a déjà vu Draco could not grasp. The silver hand was beautifully shining in the candle light, so very opposing the unsightly appearance of his body, as he placed the meat onto Draco´s plate.

"You may leave now, Wormtail, and make sure to shut the door closely behind you," the Dark Lord hissed at his loyal servant.

"Yes, my Lord. of course, my Lord," replied the grovelling Death Eater eagerly.

The short man showed his large rodent teeth in an insecure smile, as he was wringing his hands, before he bowed slightly and hurried out of the room. Draco started again at the loud bang with which the door was slammed shut. He secretly looked around the room, realising that he was alone again with the Dark Lord, which made his hands tremble even worse as he clutched the silver cutlery.

"Is the meat all you want to eat? I think you should at least take some vegetables. My son needs good food to grow well. You are too thin," the snake-faced wizard claimed.

The caring words sounded so wrong from the Dark Lord´s mouth, but Draco immediately heaped all kinds of food onto his plate, finally drowning everything in gravy. The knife and fork felt heavy in his hands, and his numb mind allowed him to stare at the food in front of him only, as his stomach suddenly lurched at the idea of ingesting anything at all. When he became aware of the stern look he received from the Dark wizard he slowly cut a small piece off the meat Wormtail had served him and put it into his mouth. He had to force himself to chew and swallow, all the time painfully aware of crimson eyes burning into him. Thirst was plaguing him after not having drunk anything since morning, so he emptied his glass of red wine with big gulps, uncaring of the broken table manners. The alcohol nicely warmed his insides and finally soothed the nervous tremors running over his body.

"So you decided to run away with my heir and marry Potter," Lord Voldemort quietly hissed.

"I did not run away," Draco answered in a soundless whisper, before he cleared his throat and repeated his words audibly.

"Whatever you thought you were doing, it will not be repeated. You will stay by my side from now on, until you have given birth."

Draco was afraid of the implications of those quiet but irate sounding words. What was his fate after he had given birth? Draco was almost sure that death awaited him once he had played his role. He was not important, only his son was. If he wanted to live, live with Harry and the child, he had to get out of this place. He felt deficient and dirty. Maybe he had deserved what the Dark Lord had done to him. He was not able to protect himself, had never been to. The strange memories being unearthed through his violation came to his mind again. Him on all fours, in a circle of Death Eaters. Draco shuddered. That had never happened, or had it? He furtively looked at the Dark Lord through his long, dark lashes.

As if the crimson-eyed monster had felt Draco´s eyes resting on him he suddenly looked up. Draco averted his gaze, frantically searching in his memories for a time when he had been been taken on all fours by the Dark Lord, but all he could find in his mind was a thick, grey haze. Maybe it had been a memory of Harry and him mingling with his fear of the Dark Lord, or even worse, a vision. His intestines seemed to curl like snakes at the thought of being taken again by the evil wizard, and his breathing started to quicken. A cold hand came to rest on his forearm. Draco stared at it with growing anxiety, unable to raise his eyes to meet crimson ones in fear of what he could read in the other one´s face.

"Draco, why are you so flushed? What are you thinking about?" the Dark Lord asked with amusement.

Draco tensed when the Dark wizard got up and stepped behind him, slowly pulling him up from his seat. Hot breath grazed his ear, while searching hands steadily moved under his torn shirt, playing with his nipples and circling his bellybutton before the offending hand moved further down. Draco´s heart started to race when the pale hand slowly moved over his member, the pain in his behind making it clear to him, that it would be hell to have the red-eyed wizard fucking him a second time today, especially as he seemed to dislike the use of lubricant.

"Please..." he choked out.

His pleading went unheard, just as he had feared. The hard proof of the Dark Lord´s arousal was grinding against his bottom, as the quiet breathing merged into impassioned panting. Draco felt his throat constricting with the need to cry, to scream, to run mad, just do something, anything to stop it, stop him. His eyes were drawn to the cutlery on the table when rough hands pushed him over the table, his mind contemplating frantically if it would work out to stab his fork into a crimson eye, stab the Dark Lord with a rather blunt table knife, stab him straight into his black heart. Then his eyes came to rest on the roast and the large meat knife and fork stuck into it.

Like in a daze Draco grabbed the large knife and tore it out of its prison, to turn around and push back at the same time, wielding the knife with all the strength he could muster. The feeling of the unforgiving steel in his hand piercing the Dark Lords chest, after a split-second of resistance, was like a dream to him. Blood flowed over his hand, and he let go of the knife handle with a terrified gasp, realising just now what he had done. He watched the Dark Lord staring at him with disbelief until his eyes came to rest on the knife, stuck in his dark heart, before the snake-faced monster crumpled to the floor like a puppet whose strings were cut.

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

**A big 'Thank you!' again to everybody who reviewed during the last days!**

**Sorry again, as I couldn´t answer all reviews once again**

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	20. Alone I Break

**Again you gave me over 20 reviews, which means a very happy writer! Thanks!**

**Short note for those who started to read 'Ad Finem - Until The End', my very smutty Draco/Voldie story when I started to post it here on this account: I finished the story last week. You can find it on the Sodom account. The link is on my profile.**

**Some of you already saw, that I posted the first chapter of another Harry/Draco story - 'Stand My Ground'. **

**I sincerely apologise for updating after the weekend. I was in the clutches of a merciless writer´s block, backed up by sleep deprivation, keeping me from stringing a decent sentence and forcing me to rewrite part of the chapter, as what I produced at first made me want to gag. Maybe it was just my imagination, because my beta said it was good. Now I´m hopefully back to my average standards. **

**Sorry to say, once in a while this feeling is overwhelming me, that I should stop writing, as I´m not good enough and nobody should want to read the rubbish I´m writing. Well, I was told, that all writers face that. I´m struggling to write throughout such periods because of the responsibility I feel towards my readers. That you managed with the reviews you constantly heap on me. Thank you once again!

* * *

**

_On to the story:_

_Like in a daze Draco grabbed the large knife and tore it out of its prison, to turn around and push back at the same time, wielding the knife with all the strength he could muster. The feeling of the unforgiving steel in his hand piercing the Dark Lord´s chest, after a split-second of resistance, was like a dream to him. Blood flowed over his hand, and he let go of the knife handle with a terrified gasp, realising just now what he had done. He watched the Dark Lord staring at him with disbelief until his eyes came to rest on the knife, stuck in his dark heart, before the snake-faced monster crumpled to the floor like a puppet whose strings were cut._

oooooo **Chapter 20 **oooooo

**Alone I Break**

ooooooo

The day has come I am forsaken

this might be more than I can take

this cruel fate has left me shaken

my soul is weeping, alone i break

(by silly, little me)

ooooooo

Draco felt panic overwhelming him, constricting his lungs and pushing his heart into overdrive. He had killed the Dark Lord--in the Death Eater hide-out--surrounded by the enemy! If he wanted to see the next day, he had to get out of here, right now! He retrieved Harry´s ring from the Dark Lord´s bony digit and slipped it onto his own finger next to the ring his love had placed there, before he hurried to the large windows, just to find that they were indeed all blocked with wooden boards from the outside. For some moments he had to lean against the wall beside a window to take deep, calming breaths. He refused to accept, that he was trapped. There had to be a way out!

Hesitantly he knelt beside the Dark Lord, looking the still body over with dread, before he pushed the black robe open to search for a wand. His fingers finally found what he had been searching for and closed over the smooth, pale wood. He yelped with fright at the small choking sound the corpse of the Dark Lord emitted, immediately shrinking back. Paralysed with fear he stared at the crimson bleeding mouth, the still chest, the closed eyes, searching for the slightest movement, the recurrence of the scary sound, any sign of life still residing in the evil creature, but there was none.

Draco slowly let go of the breath he had unknowingly held. Nervously he looked at the door, hoping that no Death Eaters would come to look for the reason of his scream. His face contorted with loathing, as he realised, that to them it would be just another one of his outcries while being taken by their Lord. Snarling he stood up, pointing the strangely shaped wand at the nearest window.

"_Bombada_!"

Draco felt his skin crawl, as the magic of the snake-faced wizard´s wand unfolded, guided by his trembling hand. Using the Dark Lord´s wand felt as if something vile and vicious was flowing over his body and soaking into his skin, oddly making his soul recoil and reach out to it at the same time. The window exploded and the wood hindering his escape was shattered by the spell, leaving a large, gaping hole with sharp edges made of shards and splinters. Too late he realised, that in his anxiety he had forgotten to lock the door.

He cursed under his breath as the door flew open and two Death Eaters charged into the dining room. Before they had realised what was going on, Draco had already sent stunners at them, sending them flying against another Death Eater who had just wanted to enter the room. They crashed to the ground in one big heap, blocking the door long enough for Draco to climb out of the window. Draco yelped when his sleeve caught on a jagged shard still stuck in the window frame, the glass cutting deeply into his forearm. The wand clattered onto the dining room floor, leaving him no other chance than to flee unarmed when more Death Eaters arrived and a Killing Curse exploded at the window frame mere inches beside his head.

Draco instinctively directed his flight towards the lights he could make out in the distance, a small village lying at the foot of the hill Riddle House had been built on. Stones and small twigs were painfully cutting into his bare feet as he made his way through yew trees, stumbling more than once on the bumpy ground. His panting breaths were so loud that they were almost drowning out the sounds of pursuit behind him. He knew that the village was very likely infested by Muggles, as Hogsmeade was the only wizarding village in Britain, but he trusted that he would be safe there. The Death Eaters would surely not want to draw attention by killing anybody so close to their hidey-hole.

When he had reached the street following the curve of the hill, Draco almost whooped with relief at the fact, that he had managed to escape relatively unscathed. There was still light in the windows of the only pub, called 'The Hanged Man', and voices could be heard from inside the run-down tavern. Draco gasped with relief when the door opened and two swaying men left the pub, bringing a cloud of stale air, smelling from smoke and beer, with them.

"Please, you have to help me. They abducted me and they...they are coming after me," Draco choked out between heaving breaths, as he limped towards them.

The hulking figures froze for a moment, before they drew wands out of their jackets, aiming at him. A peaceful calm overcame him, when he heard the words marking the end of his flight, the end of his dreams of a life with Harry. It was strange, how easy it was to give up, when you were faced with the inevitable. The last thing Draco saw, was the curse coming straight at him, before shattering darkness embraced him.

ooooooo

_Blood on pale flesh, shuddering breaths._

Harry stealthily made his way down the moving staircase, his broom gripped tightly in his shaking hand.

_Grey eyes wide open, staring at him with mortal agony._

Maddening pictures of his nightmare were flashing in front of his eyes, infusing the darkness of night.

_Tortured screams, silenced by the cold gleam of steel._

Mere steps separated him from the night closing in on the castle, when a benevolent voice stopped him dead in his tracks.

"Where are you going to, Harry?" The headmaster calmly stepped out of the shadows, illuminating the Entrance Hall with a small wave of his hand.

Harry contemplated going on without another word, before he turned around to face Dumbledore. "I have to leave. Don´t stop me, please."

"You know I cannot let you go, my boy," The sad smile ghosting over the weathered face emphasized the decided look in those watery blue eyes.

Harry frowned at the headmaster, swallowing thickly, as the horrifying pictures pushed into his awareness again. "I saw him...in a dream. It was just like last year."

"I believe Voldemort is trying to kill two birds with one stone," Dumbledore said quietly, his intent look meeting Harry´s widening eyes.

A nasty feeling developed in the pit of Harry´s stomach, soon mingling with hope. "You mean he is trying to trick me...like when he showed me Sirius?"

"What better chance would he have than to have you alone and riddled with fear for the one you love?"

Harry nodded imperceptibly, his shoulders sagging in defeat. "I´ll stay--for now, but if he´s hurting Draco-" He couldn´t express the hatred burning deep inside him for Voldemort, who had made his life a living hell. Harry´s mind was gleefully concocting all kind of ways to slaughter the snake-faced wizard.

"I understand, Harry," The old headmaster said under his breath, as he placed his arm around Harry´s shoulder´s to guide him back to his room.

Hermione was already waiting in front of his door, her anxious scowl merging into a relieved, bright smile as she spotted them. "Harry, I thought you were gone. I just wanted to inform Professor Dumbledore, but I see that is not necessary any more."

"Miss Granger, I trust that I can leave Mr. Potter in your caring hands for the rest of the night," An unspoken agreement seemed to pass between the headmaster and his best friend.

"Of course, Professor," Dumbledore nodded once before he strolled down the passage, his figure soon disappearing within the lurking shadows.

Harry eyed the brown-haired witch suspiciously. "How did you know, that I was gone?"

"I´ve put a surveillance spell on your door," Her stern look brushed over the Firebolt in his hand. "Harry, where did you want to go to with your broom in the middle of the night?"

"Voldemort sent me a dream. I saw Draco and he--it was terrible. Hermione, I can´t simply--I needed--there must be something I can do," As his anxiety was rekindled by his words, Harry became increasingly frantic. "I´m supposed to be the bloody saviour of the wizarding world, and I can´t even save the one I love. I´m failing Draco and I vowed to be there for him and protect him. I mustn´t fail him, Hermione, I mustn´t. I can´t lose him, too. My parents died because of me, and Sirius, and if something happens to Draco-"

The thought alone of Draco being gone forever took away his breath. He pressed his eyes shut and heaved a shuddering breath, as he felt a tear escaping its prison.

"Harry-" Knowing that there was nothing she could say to reassure her friend, Hermione embraced him.

"I have to do something--anything," Harry said with despair, burrowing his face in her soft hair, its scent of camomile and apples giving him the soothing feeling of being wrapped in motherly love, as tears were starting to make their way down his pale face. "Draco will think I abandoned him!"

"Don´t be silly, Harry. Draco knows that you love him and would never abandon him," she said quietly, fighting tears of her own as she felt Harry shaking with silent sobs.

"Why can´t they leave us alone?" Harry whispered brokenly. "We just wanted to be happy together-"

ooooooo

Severus Snape rested on his side, gazing at the wondrous creature lying beside him. Narcissa´s sleep was restless, obviously filled with nightmares, contorting her lovely face into a grimace of sorrow. He contemplated waking her, but then decided against it. He had already given her a Dreamless Sleep potion mere hours ago. Administering another potion was not advisable so soon after the first one, and Narcissa needed the sleep, even if it was filled with perturbing dreams. He envied her the little rest she could find.

Sleep was eluding him, as gloomy thoughts were spinning in his head, thoughts of mortality and the brittleness of bliss. He had resigned himself to the possibility of losing so soon what he had gained such a short time ago. Severus did not deceive himself--the chances of surviving another summons were close to non existent. He had been able to convince the Dark Lord once, that he was no traitor, a second time he would not be able to accomplish such feat.

It was only logical to assume, that Draco was with the Dark Lord, no matter what the old fool had said. To leave the boy there without rushing to his rescue had been as difficult for him as for Potter, but unlike Dumbledore´s reckless Gryffindor tin soldier he had never lost the greater picture out of sight. A certain nervous unrest started to affect him, as it had been almost a day since Draco had disappeared and he had not been summoned yet. The Weasleys had come back without any hint from their investigations at Aulum´s jewellery shop, naturally. He would not have expected otherwise from them.

Severus cursed the Order and its leader once again under his breath, before he got up to take a shower. The hot water couldn´t completely banish the chill, which had settled deep inside him and had started to creep through his veins in its obvious intention to freeze his heart with fear. He was a Slytherin and would never give in to such cumbering feelings. Fear was a weakness he could not affort. Severus grimaced, disgusted by himself, as he emptied a whole vial of Calming Draught.

He stood at the narrow but high window for some time, arms crossed over his chest, watching how a cold winter´s day was dawning, slowly lifting the cover of darkness to reveal the world to the light. He turned towards the bed, when Narcissa´s breathing became erratic and the petite woman awoke with a small yell. Her sky-blue eyes came to rest on him, as he sat down beside her.

"Severus? Where is Draco?" Her petite frame trembled with aftershocks of the nightmare.

Severus hesitated for a moment, playing with a stubborn curl of the silken hair she so liked to straighten with a handy grooming spell. "He is not back, Narcissa."

The blonde woman let her head fall onto the soft pillow, a scowl fleetingly showing on her face. "I was hoping, that it had been a dream."

"I´m afraid not. Why don´t you get ready for breakfast. It´s going to eight already," Severus said quietly, wondering if he would be summoned today and what he would find upon his arrival at Riddle House.

The summons came when Severus sat in the Great Hall, taking his breakfast consisting of strong, black coffee with a dash of Ripley´s Wake Up Stinger, while he was secretly watching Potter. The strain was clearly showing in the Gryffindor´s frayed nerves and ghostly pale appearance, who was blatantly ignoring his food in favour of staring into space. With steely composure Severus set his cup on the table, trying to keep the wince from his face at the rabid pain pulsing through his forearm.

"It´s time. He is summoning me." Severus said, silencing all attempts at forced conversation.

Potter´s head shot up, green eyes veiled with sorrow lighting up immediately. "He´s summoning you? Voldemort?"

"What an astute conclusion, Mr. Potter. Indeed it is safe to say that it would be the Dark Lord who would activate the Mark." Severus couldn´t help but sneer at the now scowling youth, noticing with relief how the sense of normalcy made his racing heart to slow down.

"Just bring Draco back--please," Potter spluttered, causing Severus to raise his brow at the boy´s look of entreaty.

"You have it with you, Severus?" Dumbledore asked quietly.

Severus nodded, as his hand closed around the coin resting safely in the pocket of his robes, the Portkey the headmaster had created to either being handed over to Draco or to allow him to escape, depending on the situation Severus would happen upon.

The sense of foreboding was unrelenting, as he Apparated to the abandoned graveyard behind Riddle House. Frost was covering the grass with a glittering layer, giving the place a false sense of peaceful beauty. Severus was not to be fooled by the beauty of nature surrounding him, as he knew that a very unnatural creature was waiting for him, a creature who had the power to decide upon life and death.

He was led straight into the bowels of the house, where the assembly room was situated in the large underground basement. The Dark Lord slouched on his throne, his grimace and posture speaking of a frail and weak constitution. Severus was surprised to hear the loss of strength even in the formerly so intimidating voice, which now sounded like the feeble whisper of a dying man.

"Severus-"

"My Lord," Severus bowed before the wheezing creature.

"It is very unfortunate, that my minions seem to lack loyalty and respect towards me. I gave you another chance to redeem yourself, Severus, but you chose to betray me."

Severus froze and grabbed the coin in his pocket, almost following his first instinct to take flight, but then he steeled himself against the panic rising in his chest and concentrated on why he was here first and foremost.

"Where is Draco?" Severus asked, defiantly meeting those crimson eyes, as he tried to keep his poise.

"Draco-" The lipless mouth twisted into an amused and cruel grin. "The little brat had the audacity to attempt upon my life. He thought he could escape, run back to his...husband." The eerie cackle resonating in the dim hall sent a chill down Severus spine.

With growing trepidation he watched as Rookwood and Avery followed a weak wave of the Dark Lord´s hand and carried a bundle wrapped in black cloth before their Lord. The obviously rather heavy object hit the ground with a dull thud, which created an uncomfortable sensation in the pit of Severus´stomach. Rookwood kicked the prone form over, until it rolled out of its wrapping, revealing the boy Severus had come to rescue.

Draco´s naked body was covered in blood, a gaping cut across the now flat belly the most prominent of many injuries. Severus eyes widened as he took in the ashen face, the slightly open mouth leaking blood, the tousled, blond hair, matted with blood, the half closed eyes. It took his mind some moments, which seemed to last forever, until he realised what he saw. The blood had congealed already, no breath stirred the smooth chest, no life resided in those dull and veiled eyes, as Draco was dead.

Severus struggled to retain his composure, painfully aware of his pounding heart and the trembling of his hands. He couldn´t stop shaking his head in denial, unable to accept within his heart what his mind had already concluded. He had seen death many a time in his life as a Death Eater, and had always been sure of his nerves of steel, but to see someone he dearly cared for carelessly thrown before him to present him with the loved one´s mutilated corpse broke through all his defenses.

"--little matter of your betrayal, Severus," He realized with difficulty, that the Dark Lord had spoken to him since. "_Exitus odio alitur!_"

A cold sensation flowed through his body as yellow light shot out of his Lord´s wand and engulfed his body. While his body seemed to absorb the light, a sickening sensation rushed through his body, darkening his vision and crushing his heart. Confused Severus found himself kneeling on the ground, the cold of the stone beneath him slowly seeping into his body. He was wondering why he was still alive, as the spell had clearly said 'death nurtured by hatred'.

His confusion even increased, when the Dark Lord addressed him once again, a cold, calculating look on his sneering face. "I´m sure, that Harry Potter is longing for his spouse, Severus. Why don´t you return to him what he so loves?"

Severus looked at the repulsive creature in disbelief, as he realised what he had insinuated. The Dark Lord refrained from killing him, as he was to carry Draco´s corpse back to Potter. Knowing well that the hero of the Light was too frail and unstable to cope with Draco´s death, this could very well mean the end of the war and the victory of the Dark. After a last look into those gleefully glittering crimson eyes, Severus entwined one hesitant hand with Draco´s cold one and activated the Portkey. The Dark Lord´s malicious laughter was still ringing in his ears as he was pulled into a dizzying swirl of colours and sounds.

ooooooo

Harry was nervously swinging his feet, as he was sitting on a bed in the hospital wing, impatiently waiting for Draco´s return. He was sure, that Snape would find Draco in Voldemort´s lair. Hopefully there was no need for medical attention, but Dumbledore had insisted on setting the hospital wing as the Portkey´s destination, just in case. Snape had been gone for almost an hour, and the oppressive silence in the room was maddening.

They all started when two figures appeared out of thin air, one kneeling, one lying on the ground. For a moment Harry was frozen in shock at the ghastly sight, but then he jumped off the bed and was beside Draco within the blink of an eye.

"Gods, what did they do to him--Draco, wake up--you are going to be okay, you´re home now-" Harry cringed at how cold Draco´s skin was under his hands and the sight of the large gash crossing the once swollen middle almost turned his stomach. The baby, was it still there?

"Draco-" Pale, elegant hands fluttered over blood-smeared skin, as Draco´s mother frantically pleaded for her son to not leave her alone.

"Merlin, the poor boy," Madam Pomfrey gasped with tears in her eyes.

"You have to help him, Poppy, he´s severely injured!" Harry all but shouted at the now quietly sobbing matron. "Why are you not doing anything?"

He started when a tender hand was placed on his shoulder. "Harry, Draco is...he´s gone," Hermione whispered, her voice sounding oddly strangled.

"What are you talking, Herminone? Draco is here, not...gone," Harry suddenly realized what the word 'gone' implied--gone forever.

"No, he is--Snape brought him back and-" He looked at Snape for reassurance, but the Head of Slytherin House was still kneeling in the same position he had appeared in, staring down at Draco, his face hidden behind his black hair. His arms were wound around a sobbing Narcissa Malfoy. Harry frowned at the odd choking sounds coming from Snape and the convulsive shaking of his broad shoulders.

"Harry, my boy, I know it is hard-"

Harry did not want to hear one more of Dumbledore´s lies and schemings. "No, you are lying! We just have to heal him. Poppy, please, do something, I can´t-" His voice died down, as his eyes tried to meet Draco´s loving gaze, but the beautiful grey eyes were devoid of all life. Lovingly he caressed the matted hair.

"Draco is dead? It can´t be--yesterday we did the binding--" Harry did not pay attention to Hermione´s beseeching words, as he was busy looking at Draco´s hands. "His ring--it´s gone--where is the ring I gave to him?"

"Harry, mate, get up, you must stop this! Please!" Ron, being much taller than Harry, easily pulled him up, away from Draco.

Harry felt fury rise inside him, conveniently blocking the sorrow which threatened to tear him apart. "Don´t touch me!" Harry hissed, as Ron was thrown back by a wave of his magic. "I hate you all!" The window panes started to rattle as his magic rapidly got out of control. Harry panted with the strain to bring his magic under control again, before he would hurt the people who were with him in the room. Oh Gods, how he wanted to hurt them, wanted them to feel the pain he was feeling inside!

"I need to get out of here!" he finally said, desperate to keep himself from doing something he would regret later on.

The last thing Harry heard, before the big double doors slammed shut behind him, was Dumbledore´s voice. "Let him go. You can´t stop him."

He accioed his Firebolt and made his way steadily out to the Quidditch pitch. How often had he played against Draco in this place. They had taunted and insulted each other, and Harry had secretly enjoyed every second of it. Draco had ever since been the one who was his opposite, fitting to him like his other half. The one who made him feel alive--was dead.

Harry soared into the sky, using the Firebolt´s unmatched acceleration to gain height rapidly. He wondered about the smothering pain enclosing his heart, and it took him a moment to realise that this was the purest type of sorrow. Sorrow at having lost the one you loved more than your own life. A torrent of tears tried to wash away his sorrow, just to be dried by the merciless and cold wind tearing at this clothes and whipping his hair into his face. Far away from anybody who may have cared to listen he tried to expel his pain with an agonized scream, which soon merged into harsh sobs, as an unbearable feeling of loneliness suddenly overwhelmed him.

"Draco, please, I need you!"

Harry closed his eyes and could see Draco smiling at him, promising him that they would be together again, joined in eternal bliss. He could end his suffering here in this life and go on to where Draco was waiting for him, his love for Harry never failing. It would be so easy to let go of the broom. His body would fall to the ground far below him, weightless and free.

"I love you, Draco! Wait for me!"

ooooooo

Draco did not know how long he had been here, as he could guess the passing of time by the meals they were feeding him only. His life since his thwarted escape had been hell, consisting of pain and degradation. He was terrified, as they had obviously blinded him. Though he could feel no damage to his eyes he was confined in never ending darkness, helpless against their taunts and hands and torture. For hours on end he was kept chained to the floor of the assembly hall, as he guessed, the chain connecting to a collar around his neck, which mercifully allowed him to move around to stretch his limbs or curl up on the floor and sleep, if nobody disturbed him. Other times, like now, he was allowed the comfort of a real bed.

"You belong to me only, Draco. Say it!"

He shuddered at the sensation of an insistent hand gliding up the inside of his thigh. The hand felt like parchment, dry and old, as it moved over his sensitive skin. How could he have ever believed, that he had succeeded in killing the Dark Lord? The monster was not human after all. Created by Dark magic it had survived his attack, just barely, the more so leaving the creature irate and vindictive.

"I belong to Harry," He whimpered as his words were rewarded by the tip of a wand pressing into his flesh and searing heat scorching the inside of his thigh.

"You will stay with me forever, my pretty. You will never go back to Harry. You should accept your fate!" Draco could hear the malicious smile in the Dark Lord´s voice.

"Harry will come for me, and he´ll kill you for touching me!" Draco said with conviction, trying to hide how he was trembling with fear.

Cruel laughter filled the room. "Harry believes you are dead, as we sent him your mutilated corpse to cry over. Polyjuice is such a convenient potion, don´t you think so?" Draco didn´t deem the Dark Lord´s ranting worth an answer. It was not beyond the lunatic leader of the Dark side, to do something that cruel to Harry, but it was also possible, that it was just a lie to break his resistance.

Draco turned his head away in disgust when a cruel mouth pressed against his lips. "You annoy me, Draco. I tire of your games. Maybe we should play some of my games?"

Draco frowned when he heard the telltale hiss of Parseltongue resounding in the room. At first he thought the soft skin gliding along his swollen belly and over his chest to be the Dark Lord´s hand, but when something flickered over his face he froze and his heart started to race.

"Meet my faithful Nagini. She agreed to help me to tame you, pretty," the Dark Lord said with a gleeful voice.

Draco desperately tried to push the snake away from his body, but the long, muscular body possessed a strength which was surpassing his own and soon she started to wind tightly around his form, pressing his arms against his sides and moving painfully over the fresh welts on his back. The pressure constricted his chest and made breathing almost impossible. Another string of hissing was answered by the snake, as her body started to move around Draco´s neck, slowly but surely restricting his last wheezing breaths.

He did not care that his legs were parted and a searing pain in his nether regions indicated, that the Dark Lord had breached him. All he wanted was to draw breath. Draco would have given in at this point and begged for all he was worth and told the demented maniac anything he wanted to hear, just to be rewarded with air. His face contorted with fear and painful need as the lack of oxygen became pressing and the snake´s body shifted to cover his mouth as well.

Slowly but surely his sense of hearing dulled, allowing him to hear his own racing heart instead of the inhuman hissing, while all bodily sensations increased. He was overly aware of the brutal thrusts, which ignited his own arousal despite his resistance. The hammering of his heart and the burning of his desperate lungs mingled with the heat and sensual throbbing in his groin and bottom and spiralled to a crescendo, which filled his whole mind. His chest convulsed in a last desperate attempt to expand and draw in breath, before overwhelming sensation raced through him and pushed him into a numbing void.

_Rennervate _tore through his veiled mind like lightning, pulling him to the surface and forced him to regain his senses. Draco shifted carefully and moaned with pain, as his body mercilessly reminded him of his last trying ordeal. Anxiously he listened as the Dark Lord´s steps slowly retreated, allowing him to curl up and finally weep freely. He brought the hand, on which Harry´s and his bonding rings were sitting, close to his heart, dreamily caressing the rings with his other hand.

"Harry, please, come and get me out of this hell. I don´t know how much longer I can stand this." Draco whispered silently, bringing the rings to his lips to kiss them tenderly. "I love you, Harry."

He was unaware of crimson eyes watching him, glittering with hatred and deceit.

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	21. The Implication Of Darkness

_**Beware! Dark times lie ahead...**_

_On to the story:_

_"Harry, please, come and get me out of this hell. I don´t know how much longer I can stand this." Draco whispered silently, bringing the rings to his lips to kiss them tenderly. "I love you, Harry."_

_He was unaware of crimson eyes watching him, glittering with hatred and deceit._

oooooo **Chapter 21 **oooooo

**The Implication Of Darkness**

He had lost Draco. He had lost the child. He had lost himself.

Harry was slouching in the softly cushioned chair sitting in the corner of the nursery he had made for Draco´s child, a child which was nothing more than a gaping incision in the belly of Draco´s rotting corpse. There was not even a tiny body to entomb along with Draco, when they would lay him to rest this afternoon in the family crypt at Malfoy Manor. A lost child needed no cradle.

"Reducto!"

Aaah, Draco had been so right to blow the bloody cradle up! Harry smirked as the beautiful, white cradle, the epitome of innocence, was destroyed. Splintered wood was raining down all over the room. The tiny Quidditch players, who had been having a friendly match above the baby bed, were shrieking in terror, their tiny voices unnerving him. Harry wanted to destroy, wanted to set the world on fire, wanted to let the darkness out, which was suffocating his soul.

"Reparo!"

The high he was experiencing after destroying something was never enough; he always needed more. Harry watched impatiently as the pieces of the cradle assembled at high speed, until all the destruction was just a memory and he could shatter the cradle once again, just as all his hopes had been shattered. He groaned with annoyance, when sorrow tried to overtake his mind again, maiming his broken heart like a rabid beast and tearing with its claws into his bleeding soul.

"Reducto!"

Harry flinched when a splinter scratched over his cheek, the burning pain insignificant compared to the burning inferno raging deep inside. His fingers moved curiously over the deep scratch. He frowned at the crimson smeared on his fingertips, contemplating the essence of life, which was so easy to shed. Draco had been covered in his life-blood. How must it be to die drowning in pain and fear while you felt your blood draining from your body, leaving you cold and broken?

"Reparo!"

How easy it was to repair a life-less object, while it was so impossible to recreate life. Magic was so powerful at times, and so useless at others. Maybe there were ways, ways he didn´t know about, ways which had been hidden from him, the warrior of the Light. More powerful magic, magic which would balance life for him once again. There was no hope of redemption, no happiness left for him, it was replaced with death and destruction.

"Reducto!"

Damnation was all fate had planned out for him, and it was time to pay life back with interest, and he would not forget those who had hurt him, blocked his path and left him in misery. There was no sense in being honourable and good, if those who pretended to be on your side used and manipulated you and left you with the broken pieces of your life, while the rest of the world was seemingly hell-bent on your destruction.

He would not be used again nor controlled. He had nothing left to lose, but everything to gain. He was ready to become Voldemort´s equal.

ooooooo

Severus snarled at the impertinence of the person knocking at the door to his quarters. His mood was sullen at best and with the disconcerting bouts of pain lancing through his body and the prospect of having to attend Draco´s funeral in less than two hours time he was more than ready to tear the head off the fool who deemed it right to disturb him in his private rooms.

"Potter." Of course! "What is the reason for your ill-timed visit?"

"Is Draco´s mother here?" Oh, the gull. "No, she´s not, Potter."

"Good!" Potter looked at him intently, until Severus let the brash Gryffindor step into the room.

"I want to continue my Occlumency lessons," Potter said, meeting his impatient look unflinchingly. "and I want you to teach me Dark Arts."

Severus raised his brows in surprise, sending the black-haired youth a scrutinizing look. "Could you repeat that again, Potter? I think I-"

"Don´t let us play useless games, please. I know that you´ve heard perfectly well what I´ve said. I want you to teach me all you know, Professor Snape."

Severus looked Dumbledore´s tin soldier over. Potter looked prostrated. The paleness of his skin emphasised the dark shadows under his eyes, eyes which were not shining with their brilliant green any longer, but were now of the dull dark-green of the twilight in the forbidden forest. His poise was not stubborn any longer, but determined and confident. He seemed to have grown up over night. There was something in the eyes of this young man, which sent a tiny shiver down Severus spine. Dumbledore´s weapon had lost his halo.

"Will you help me to destroy Voldemort?"

Severus hesitated briefly, before he nodded. "What about the Headmaster?"

"Dumbledore can go to hell," Potter hissed, showing a flicker of emotions for the first time. "If he´d wanted to teach me something useful, he would have done so a long time ago. I don´t care about his _guidance _any longer. I want to understand how Voldemort works, I want to know what spells he uses, I need to know everything you know and I´m ready to learn anything you can teach me."

"And you think that I would be the right person to teach you."

"For sure you didn´t replace Lucius Malfoy without reason," Was that a smirk twisting Potter´s lips?

James Potter would turn in his grave, if he knew that his son was asking him of all people to guide him on the Dark path. An imperceptible sneer lit Severus face. "We will start tomorrow, right after lunch," He walked over to his potions cupboard and took a small vial containing a dark, swirling liquid out, which he offered to Potter. "Take this Dreamless Sleep tonight. I want you to have a good night´s rest before we start the training. You look like you could need it."

"Thank you, Professor," Potter accepted the vial gratefully, a definite smirk now sparking a cold fire in the gloomy green.

ooooooo

"...Draco Malfoy has left a void in our midst; his death has filled our hearts with sorrow. Let us mourn this child of light no longer, for the Gods have ended his suffering and welcomed him into their loving embrace. Darkness will be no more, for his light will shine on us eternally..."

Severus suppressed his scowl. Committal services always made him want to snort at their hilarious attempts at comfort and their obnoxious ideas of a perfectly peaceful afterlife filled with nothing but love. Narcissa was leaning on him, her body shaking with silent sobs, while he himself felt a burning cold consuming him, which was freezing all of his emotions but one, the unadulterated hatred he felt for the snake-faced miscreant, conjuring up memories of red eyes glittering with malice.

"...The dead are not absent, they are invisible, looking with their eyes full of light into our eyes full of life..."

Potter´s eyes were not full of life, they were full of death and darkness. How the Dark Lord had miscalculated the outcome of his cruel scheming. Potter had broken, but not in the way he had surely intended. The pawn had become a knight, uncaring if his path led him into Light or Darkness. No longer did he cry over his lost love. There were no tears in his hardened eyes, which slowly moved over the mourners. Dumbledore met the stare of his prized pupil with a small frown, while Bella was openly sneering at the widower.

"Let us say good bye to Draco."

Narcissa stepped closer to the coffin to place a cream-coloured rose with silver-glittering pattern, looking like dew drops, on the shining wood.

"I have borne you and love you. You will not be lost to me in death."

Potter´s lips tightened even more, if that was possible at all, before he placed his rose beside Narcissa´s.

"I have married you and love you. You will not be lost to me in death."

Severus felt the hatred inside him exploding, when he placed his own rose beside the others.

"I have known you and love you. You will not be lost to me in death."

The sorrow was dizzying; the pain in his heart was racing through his body like the Cruciatus Curse, leaving him gasping.

"Severus!" Narcissa´s worried voice tore through the daze he was in. "Severus, are you well?"

The pain slowly receded, taking the red mist in front of his eyes with it. Embarrassed he found himself in the centre of attention, all eyes on him.

"I am well, Narcissa. No need to worry," His shaking hands and aching body easily betrayed his words. Whatever it was, that had caused the repeated bouts of pain and dizziness, was obviously getting worse. With shocking clearity his mind decided at that moment to make the connection to the curse the Dark Lord had put on him, which had conveniently escaped his memory.

The coffin of the sixteen year old boy he had not managed to save from his cruel destiny in front of his eyes, he was suddenly reminded of his own mortality. Was he also to be pushed into a stone alcove soon, or lowered into dark and cool soil? He would have deserved death hundred times over by then, judged by all the things he had done as a Death Eater, not like the innocent boy whose body was forever locked now behind a marble slab with his name on it.

Severus straightened, pushing the pain to the back of his awareness. There were still things left to do. Narcissa needed him, and a Gryffindor had to be turned Slytherin, though the boy seemed to be a natural. He watched as Potter smoothly approached the smirking Bellatrix Lestrange, Draco´s aunt, with narrowed eyes.

"Only out of respect for my husband I will _not _kill you right here, right now," the black-haired boy hissed to everybody´s astonishment into the gaunt woman´s face, "but you won´t escape your destiny!"

Bella´s answering laughter sounded slightly too high-pitched to be genuine, as Severus noticed with amusement.

"Harry, -" Granger and Dumbledore both made their way towards the youth, who dared to be so out of character, matching frowns on their faces.

Potter sent them a fleeting glance, void of all expression and Apparated away without another word, uncaring of the fact, that he was not seventeen yet and as such not entitled to use Apparition by Ministry law. Severus almost pitied Dumbledore, the way the old Headmaster stood there with open mouth, his hero obviously out of his control, for the entire world to see.

ooooooo

Darkness, all that was ever there was darkness. He could hear them, walking by. Walking by was better than coming over to where he was, touching him, taunting him, playing with him, hurting him. The floor was so cold and hard, the thin shirt and trousers he had been given not able to keep the chill from creeping into his body.

And still...he liked to curl up on the ground and fall asleep. In his dreams he was with Harry, they were walking down to the lake, lying in their warm and comfortable bed, kissing, talking, laughing. Harry had always been gentle and caring, not like them, never like them. He wanted to go home. How long had he been here? Days, months, years?

No, not that long. The baby was still inside him. Moving, kicking. There it was again, the small fluttering, a soft kicking, like a little heart beating in his middle. Draco smiled, placing his shaking hand slowly, slowly, afraid to attract their attention, over the place where the baby was kicking, feeling the slight pulsing against his hand.

If only he could concentrate enough to make his wandless magic work and open the bloody collar. It had to be possible. Why did he feel so drained? Was it because of all the potions they were forcing down his throat? Draco tensed when steps resounded through the room, coming closer to where he was chained to the stone floor.

"No, please, go away!"

"Now, now, Draco, why so impolite?" Draco had not been aware of having whispered his plea to be left alone until he heard the sardonic voice.

"Aunt Bella?" He opened his unseeing eyes wide in surprise. His mother´s sister was here. Maybe she would - "Please, help me out of here. I want to go back to Harry...and mom. Please, aunt Bella!"

"But Draco, why would you want to go back to them? They believe you dead. I just attended your funeral," she purred.

Draco gasped, shaking his head in denial. "That is nothing but a lie you are telling to break me," Harry couldn´t believe, that he was dead. He was alive, and Harry had to come and take him away from here. If Harry had been convinced somehow, that he was dead, he wouldn´t - no, it was just a lie. He would not fall for it. He started, when something was pushed into his hand, pricking his skin. Confused he realised, that it felt like the stem of a rose.

"This is the rose Harry placed on your coffin, Draco. It was a beautiful funeral, very tasteful, just the best for Cissy´s wee dragon. Uncle Alistair delivered the sermon, very touching. But darling - your husband - he didn´t seem to miss you much. He did not shed one tear over your dead body and couldn´t leave soon enough after the committal service was over."

"You´re lying!" Draco hissed, helpless against the tears forming in his eyes, although he knew, that her words had only one intent--to hurt him.

"Why would I lie to you, wee dragon? Smell the rose. Fairy Tears. A very beautiful rose. Fairy Tears were the only flowers allowed at the funeral, because they are your favourites," Her husky laughter tore through his heart like a spear.

Only Harry had known, that he loved this certain rose. He had never entrusted anybody else with this tidbit of information in fear of appearing like a sissy. Anxiously he smelled the silky blossom. The sweet scent threatened to suffocate him. It couldn´t be true.

"No, you are lying. Harry will - Harry -" his choked whisper merged into painful sobs, as his last hope for redemption was taken from him, and another piece of his sanity crumbled into the voracious darkness threatening to swallow him alive.

A hand caressed his hair, when he curled up tightly, burrowing his tear stained face into his arms, and a morbid singsong trickled into his mind. "Hush, little baby, don´t you cry, nobody´s gonna save you, and that´s no lie."

His aunt´s hysterical laughter resounded in his mind long after she had left, leaving him to drown in bitter tears and black despair.

ooooooo

Harry crashed to the ground, slithering over the smooth wood flooring, the Room of Requirement had created for their training, before he came to a halt, his chest heaving with gasping breaths. The impact had driven all air out of his lungs and sent a sharp pain through his left arm. For a fleeting moment he thought he would pass out, until Snape´s snide drawl startled him out of his daze.

"Get up, Potter! Do you think the Dark Lord will wait until you get to your feet again? He will _Crucio _you until you are nothing but a whimpering tangle of limbs."

Harry grit his teeth and pushed himself off the floor, carefully avoiding to jar his most likely broken arm, which was hanging useless at his side. He had just gotten to his knees when he flipped his wand arm towards the smirking man and yelled "_Stupefy_!" in hope of surprising his opponent. Snape blocked the curse effortlessly and sneered at him.

"You are lame, Potter! Is that all you have to offer?" Harry wanted to tear that sneer off the sallow face.

"_Impedimenta_!" With a lazy flick of his hand Snape deflected this jinx as well and countered with a curse of his own, sending Harry flying once again. He hit the floor hard, biting his tongue this time as he tried to suppress the scream of pain at the fire lancing through his broken arm. It took him some moments to realise, that he had lost his wand.

"What is it, Potter - had enough already?" Snape slowly strode towards him, before he crouched down beside him, his wand in one hand and a potion vial in the other. "Would you care for a healing potion - Potter?"

Harry grudgingly accepted the potion, angry on himself. How had Snape been able to defeat him with such ease? On top of that the man looked clearly complacent, increasing Harry´s bad mood. The healing potion was knitting the fracture within seconds, the tingling feeling soothing and uncomfortable at the same time. Harry scrambled up from the floor and hit the nearest wall with his newly healed arm, cursing under his breath.

"How could you - I was doing better in duelling with Voldemort!" Harry couldn´t believe how pathetic his performance had been.

"The Dark Lord, Potter, can squash you like a bug if he wills. I have no idea how you could survive until today. Surely you don´t owe the fact to your superior duelling skills," The fathomless, black eyes bored into Harry´s. "First and foremost you have to learn to keep your mouth shut and your mind closed, Potter. You have to work on your shield charms and on your speed. You are panting and sweating like an old, obese woman, which clearly states, that you are in no condition to go into battle. You should not have stopped playing Quidditch. Once we remedied all of these hindrances, I will teach you more favourable curses you can use non-verbally in battle."

Harry glared at Snape, the verbal attack on his physical fitness gnawing at his pride.

"Give me your wand and get down on the ground. You will do press-ups," Snape´s gleeful smirk made his black eyes sparkle with an unholy light of pleasure at having Harry at his command.

Harry put his wand into Snape´s outstretched hand, a small frown on his face, and moved into position. His arms were shaking, as he pushed himself up, and Snape´s foot on his back did not help. "How many do I have to do?" Harry forced out through his clenched teeth. He started when his wand cluttered to the floor in direct line of his view, mere feet from his nose.

"You will do press-ups until you manage to _Accio _your wand non-verbally," Snape sneered.

Harry gulped.

"Bugger!"

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	22. Rescue Me

**Harry Potter is not mine, Draco Malfoy is not mine...ugh! That is depressing. **

**Well, thank you so much for the many reviews you gave me once again! It is really a pleasure to write for you.**

**So let us together enjoy some more angst and darkness...**

_On to the story:_

_Harry put his wand into Snape´s outstretched hand, a small frown on his face, and moved into position. His arms were shaking, as he pushed himself up, and Snape´s foot on his back did not help. "How many do I have to do?" Harry forced out through his clenched teeth. He started when his wand cluttered to the floor in direct line of his view, mere feet from his nose._

_"You will do press-ups until you manage to Accio your wand non-verbally," Snape sneered._

_Harry gulped. _

_"Bugger!"_

oooooo **Chapter 22 **oooooo

**Rescue Me**

Draco´s hysterical scream rang through the large underground hall, resounding from the damp stone walls until it was almost deafening the vilely swearing Death Eaters, who had gathered around the flailing youth. Steaming porridge, intermingled with shards of a shattered plate, was rapidly cooling on the stone floor.

"We have to do something. He didn´t eat anything for two days in a row. Our Lord will have our heads when he´s coming back," a burly Death Eater huffed, before he wiped a bead of sweat from his temple.

Draco panted wearily, squinting at the blurry shapes moving in front of his eyes. He was ready to fight them with anything he had left in him. There was no way for them to coerce him into eating; they had even tried to petrify him to force food or potions into him - without success. At first misery and despair had reduced his wish to eat, until he had finally refused all meals, but now it was the realisation that his food had obviously been laced with a potion affecting his sight - and he was not ready to give up what he had regained. He could not stand the darkness any longer. It was smothering him, making him crazy. He was only faintly aware of the tears running down his cheeks, as he cowered on the ground like a cornered animal.

His aunt scowled impatiently. "I´m tired of this clamour. We should cool the little fury down."

Her suggestion was answered with eager nods and more swearwords in his direction. The delighted smile brightening the haggard woman´s face filled Draco with dread. His body tensed instinctively when a spell shot straight at him. With relief he realised that, instead of the expected physical reaction to the spell, the iron collar, constraining his breathing and freedom, had clicked open. Draco immediately tried to break through the blurred wall of bodies, his heart hammering in his chest, as he felt their hands clutching at him mercilessly.

"I hate you! Take your dirty hands off me!" he howled, frantically hitting and pushing, eliciting more than one surprised or pained yelp. "Death Eater scum! Let me go! I´ll kill you! Let go of me!"

To his dismay amused laughter and slights were the only reward for his efforts.

"Bring him over here!" he could hear his aunt´s voice shrilling over his own infuriated yelling.

His threats soon merged into wretched wailing, as he was dragged to what looked like a very large wooden bath tub. Water was still rushing out of his aunt´s wand tip to fill the tub with a splashing sound. Her eyes were shining with anticipation, as she looked up at him.

"_Frigo_!" Bella drawled with malicious glee, her dark gaze locking with his tear-filled eyes.

Draco´s breath hitched, as he saw ice forming on the water before his very eyes. The crystals sparkled slightly in the dimly lit hall, whispering a frosty welcome as the black clad men heaved him into the tub. A frightened yell escaped his mouth, which was abruptly cut off as his body plunged through the thin layer of ice into the freezing water.

His heart faltered at the shocking chill enclosing his body. Draco held his breath instinctively, pressing his lips tightly together, as he struggled frantically against the hands keeping him forcibly under water. He could see the distorted images of the Death Eaters surrounding him through the water, watched with growing trepidation as a hand broke through the surface just above his face to painfully grab his softly floating hair.

Merlin, the cold was so bad - the water was burning him, hurting and numbing at the same time. Muffled voices reached his ears, as he intensified his struggles against the relentless hold submerging him into this freezing embrace for too long, the need to breath becoming stronger by the second. Mind shattering panic was clawing at him, as he felt his conscious efforts to suppress his need for air dwindle. He needed to get out of the water right now, needed to breath, needed -

The water was searing his throat, forcing into his lungs, tearing his chest apart. His limbs ceased their pointless movements when the fingers in his hair tightened to pull his head out of the water. Sensing air around him he tried to draw air into his aching lungs - in vain. A coughing fit seized him, as his body tried to dislodge the water which had settled in his lungs. Wheezing intakes of breath between chattering teeth was all he could manage, repeatedly interrupted by the overwhelming feeling of being unable to draw in air, as water blocked his windpipe, which triggered another bout of coughing.

"Will you be a good boy now, Draco, and eat your porridge without throwing a temper tantrum?" Bella asked him sweetly.

"Go to hell, slut!" he croaked, immediately starting to cough again as his body tried to get rid of the water remaining in his airway.

Draco was fully trusting in that they were not permitted to drown him and the unborn heir of their Lord along with him, which instilled a misguided sense of confidence into him. He regretted his words the second his head was pushed under water once again. This time the panic set in immediately, as there was no air stored in his lungs, not enough oxygen left in his blood to give him a short reprieve from the feeling of drowning. Dark spots were dancing in front of his eyes wide opened with fear, as in a last desperate attempt he tried to reach out to his magic.

Fear of death washed over him, as he realised that he could no longer stop his lungs from fighting for the much needed air. He inwardly screamed with horror the moment he felt his mouth opening to let the hostile water in. The chilling cold was everywhere, freezing his mind and numbing his fear in a last act of mercy, as the water darkened his awareness and caressed him lovingly, sending comforting warmth through his tortured body. The serene feeling laster for a short moment only, before a violent surge of magic tore through him like lightning and he felt himself falling in a rush of swirling waters.

"_Anapneo_!" a subdued voice penetrated the haze enveloping his mind.

His aching chest heaved, as wonderful air filled his lungs. The spell had removed the water blocking his airway, leaving him gasping and soaking wet on the cold ground. Deafening silence surrounded him, as the Death Eaters were staring down onto his violently shivering form with blank astonishment. It took him some moments to realise that the large tub had vanished, pouring its contents out onto the floor. A faint sniggering escaped his raw throat, as the fact that his magic was back pressed into his muddled awareness.

"Stop gawking, you mindless idiots! It was just a surge of uncontrolled magic. It won´t happen again," his aunt rebuked her peers sharply.

Draco´s elation was inconveniently interrupted when his stomach decided to rid itself of all the water he had swallowed.

ooooooo

Harry looked over to the teacher´s table once again, entranced by the blond hair and white skin of Narcissa Malfoy. Draco had had the same ethereal complexion, the same shimmering hair full of light, but his eyes had been shining, so unlike the dull and tired eyes of his mother. Harry sighed, letting his eyes wander to the black-haired Potions Master sitting beside her.

He started when those hard black eyes met his, Snape´s stern glance reminding him of why he was sitting here in the Great Hall this very evening. Harry stabbed a piece of meat with his fork and raised it slightly up for Snape to see, before he put it into his mouth with a tiny smirk on his face. Snape nodded imperceptibly and snarled an answer in Professor Flitwick´s direction.

"There's something missing still. I'm so close to the answer. The facts are pointing towards one of those two people," Hermione muttered beside him, engrossed in a piece of parchment which was completely covered with charts and scribblings. "One of them must have turned the ring into a Portkey."

"That can't be correct, Hermione," Harry said glumly after taking a look at the result of her musing, which earned him a scandalized look from the brown-haired witch. "and what does it matter still? Draco is dead and not even the Order is looking for the traitor any longer."

"What does it matter?" Hermione squeaked, alarmed by Harry´s apparent lack of interest. "I know you are depressed, but this person helped Voldemort to -, well, you know."

"So did all our 'friends' here at Hogwarts, including you, if I remember correctly. You all stopped me from going after Draco. If you hadn´t interfered, Draco could still be alive!" Harry hissed, not in the least concerned at how taken aback his friends were by his words.

Hermione´s face lost all colour and tears started to glisten in her eyes. "Harry, I didn´t want - I just wanted to -"

Harry loathly looked at Hermione´s quivering lip. What right did she have to be hurt?

Ron took Hermione´s hand, frowning at Harry. "Mate, none of us wanted this to happen. You -"

"Look, I have no time for this discussion. Dumbledore wants to see me, and then I have detention with Snape," Harry interrupted him, dropping his fork onto the plate with a loud clanking sound before he hurriedly got up and almost ran out of the Great Hall, unaware of the many eyes following his hasty retreat.

Dumbledore was waiting for him already, which stirred only slight interest in Harry as to how the aged wizard had managed to leave the Great Hall after Harry but arrive in his office before him. Surely he had used one of the many secret passages of Hogwarts. The twinkling in the Headmaster´s blue eyes had a tired tinge to it as he offered Harry a seat.

"No, thanks, I´d prefer to stand," Harry answered, caressing Fawkes´crimson feathers. The phoenix looked as wretched as Harry felt deep inside. It had lost most of its feathers, its sickly look indicating that it was swiftly approaching its Burning Day. Fawkes enchanting welcome song was spoiled by gagging sounds, much to Harry´s regret.

"How are you feeling, Harry?" Dumbledore asked, watching Harry carefully through his half-moon glasses.

"I´m okay," Harry answered, avoiding to meet Dumbledore´s eyes as carefully. There was no telling if the Headmaster would rely on Legilimency to find out what was going on with his protégé.

For some moments silence covered the room like a blanket of snow, cold and purifying.

"I know that you are going through hard times, Harry, but you must try not to lose yourself," Dumbledore finally said softly in a way Harry would have perceived as caring in the past, but now it sounded demanding to his ears. "Many people are worrying about you, Harry."

"They should have worried more about Draco. Nobody needs to worry about me. I´m fine," Harry said, his cold voice so contrary to the rage burning in his heart.

"You are withdrawing from your friends and your general behaviour...is somehow provocative, if I might say so. You have managed to get detention as soon as school resumed for addressing Professor Snape unduely in class. I´m sorry to see that within a week you have accumulated detentions lasting you for almost a month. Is there any problem between you and Professor Snape I should know about?"

"No." Harry snorted inwardly at Dumbledore´s disappointed face.

"I see." Dumbledore sighed and unwrapped one of his sweets. "You know that you can always come to me, Harry, and speak to me of what is troubling you."

"Thank you for the offer, Professor Dumbledore. Professor Snape is waiting for me. Is there anything else you wanted to talk about?" Harry said politely.

"No. No, there is nothing more to say," the old Headmaster said, looking almost lost in thought. "You can go, Harry, and don´t forget that my door is always open for you, whenever you decide to come to me."

"I will never forget," Harry said under his breath. For a fleeting moment their eyes met, communicating silently that both of them knew the true meaning of Harry´s words.

Dumbledore nodded, suddenly looking all of his 150 years. Harry left the office without another word, a sneer on his face as he made his way to the Room of Requirement.

"You are late, Potter! Five points from Gryffindor!" Snape drawled as soon as Harry entered.

Harry pulled a face. "Dumbledore wanted to see me!"

Snape just raised his right brow in his usual questioning way. "He wanted to know why I am so...provocative, as he called it," Harry explained, "and if I have any problems with you for getting so many detentions."

"I would say you deserved all of them, Potter, insufferable brat that you are. Why I ever agreed to teach you I will never understand. Let us start before I change my mind. Ready your wand!"

Harry moved into a fighting stance without further question, already used to Snape´s derogative rants and the testing of his skills at the beginning of their training. Snape´s stunner bounced from his hurriedly conjured shield charm, immediately followed by a blue jet of light, which scraped over Harry´s wand arm, leaving a small gash in his robes.

"_Relashio_!" Harry shouted in return, sending a wall of fire against his teacher.

Snape´s counter-curse extinguished the flames mid-air, before he rebuked him sharply, "Will you never learn, Potter? Keep your mouth and mind shut!"

Harry was able to hold his ground for a minute, leaving him with a growing sense of confidence, before Snape managed to hit him with a Disarming Spell, strong enough to send him crashing to the ground. Scowling he looked at his wand which was now lying at his teacher´s feet.

"Fine, you won again," Harry huffed, annoyed at having lost another duel.

"Giving up already, Potter? You are truely hopeless! What am I trying to teach you for more than a week already? Summon your wand!" Snape snarled at him, showing him his displeasure clearly.

Harry concentrated on his wand, repeating _'Accio!' _in his mind again and again, but the accursed piece of wood refused to budge more than an inch, mocking him with its tiny, jerky movements.

"Do you need a little incentive...Potter? Imagine me being the Dark Lord!" Snape´s sneer sent a chill down Harry´s spine. "_Crucio_!"

Harry´s eyes shot open with disbelief, as unadulterated agony tore through his body. The pain was as bad as he remembered it coming from Voldemort´s wand, making him want to scream for mercy or death, whichever would deliver him first from this unbearable torture. It lasted for seconds only, leaving him and Snape equally panting with faces contorted with pain.

The hand Harry stretched out towards his wand was shaking badly, as small tremors were still running through his muscles like aftershocks. He would show the bastard to use the _Cruciatus _on him! With clenched teeth and narrowed eyes he blocked out his surroundings until all he could see was the wand lying innocently on the shining wood flooring. He wanted his wand, _needed _it, NOW!

He felt his magic rushing through his veins, filling him with energy until the pressure suddenly released. A stunned expression was edged onto his face for a moment, as his wand shot straight into his outstretched hand. With a triumphant grin he took aim at his teacher, only now realising, that Snape´s face was still showing a pained expression.

"Are you okay?" Harry asked with a small frown.

With something akin to amusement he watched as Snape immediately straightened his body and relaxed his face, resuming his usual arrogant poise. "It is nothing, Potter, just a minor ailment."

"Well then..._Stupefy_!" Harry said with innocent air, watching with great satisfaction how Snape´s wand came up too late to block his curse, which hit his teacher straight into the chest and sent him in a dead faint to the ground. In a presentable imitation of the typical Slytherin swagger Harry strode towards the prone body, shaking his head with a small smirk. "My, my, my. _Rennervate_!"

Snape blinked up at him with confusion in his eyes, before he angrily pushed himself off the floor. For a moment Harry expected to be hit with another _Cruciatus_. "Well done, Potter, very Slytherin of you! There is still hope I see," Snape drawled instead, storing his wand in the folds of his black robes.

Harry almost choked, as this was surely the first time ever that Snape had praised him.

The Head of Slytherin House looked at him with sparkling eyes. "So you finally managed to _Accio _your wand. It was about time! I already thought I would have to spend month upon month of my precious time trying to teach you such a simple trick."

Harry begged to differ, as to summon his wand like that had not only been non-verbal but also wandless magic, which only very few adults were able to do.

"As there seems to be at least some kind of magical ability in you, we will move on to the Unforgivables, Potter," Snape continued.

"But - how can we use Unforgivables inside Hogwarts. Will the Ministry or Dumbledore not detect that we are using them?" Harry asked slightly doubtful.

Snape´s face contorted, expressing that Harry had once more proved his stupidity. "Do you see any Aurors here, or Dumbledore for that matter?"

Harry hesitantly shook his head, looking at the door as if it would burst open the next second to reveal any of the formerly mentioned.

"I think that answers your question, Potter." Snape said with a sour face, as he drew his wand and flicked it once.

There was a loud crack and a grimy, aged house-elf appeared, staring at Harry with absolute loathing before he started his lament, while he was pulling his large bat´s ears. "Won´t, Kreacher won´t obey the Potter brat, Kreacher wants his mistress, filthy mudblood, if Kreacher´s poor mistress would know."

"Shut up, Kreacher, and don´t move!" Harry stopped the house-elf´s hostile tirade, watching with spitefulness how Kreacher froze with open mouth, his bloodshot eyes gleaming with quiet resentment for his owner. Harry turned to Snape, confused as to why he had summoned the house-elf. "What -"

"You need something to train on, Potter," Snape interrupted him impatiently. "I feel less than inclined to be the object of your mediocre attempts at magic. Are you sure you want to do this, Potter? Dark Arts are used to destroy others and to satisfy your darkest desires. A Dark Wizard wants power for himself instead of improving the common good - not exactly a Gryffindor trait."

"Did I mention that the sorting hat wanted to put me into Slytherin?" Harry answered, astute.

"Well then, let us start with the Cruciatus Curse, as you proved rather inapt at it in the past," Snape said, ignoring Kreacher´s protesting whine. "Concentrate on the hatred buried inside you and try to channel it into the curse. Remember all those times you were hurt. Make Kreacher hurt as much as you were hurt."

Harry nodded in concentration, locking his eyes onto Kreacher´s widening ones as he pointed his wand at the old house-elf. He remembered how Kreacher had betrayed Sirius, remembered the years he had spent with the Dursleys, always being the unwanted one, the freak, remembered all the times people had turned against him, no matter how he had tried to be good, remembered how Voldemort had taken away the people who had loved him, whom he still loved. His parents, Sirius, Draco. Draco. Harry felt all the bad feelings he had tried to suppress so badly exploding inside him, all the hatred and pain he felt. A sob forced out of his aching chest.

"Share your pain with him!" Snape whispered at his side.

"_CRUCIO_!"

Kreacher´s agonized shrieks were soothing to Harry´s aching soul like nothing else before.

ooooooo

Draco hugged the pillow tightly to his body, staring wearily at the edges of the bed he was sitting on with his feet drawn as closely to him as possible. He could hear them, could hear their venomous hissing. They were everywhere, watching him, waiting for their chance to catch him unaware, waiting for the moment his tired eyes were closing. Their tiny black eyes were glistening with malice, as they watched him out of the shadows.

"Go away...please...go away," Draco whispered, his voice shaking as much as his body. He was so tired, so afraid. "Don´t...please...go away...please...leave me alone...don´t climb up here."

The punishment for refusing to eat, endangering not only his own health but also the baby, was more than he could take. Draco had expected to be flogged, but instead the Dark Lord had locked him into this room and conjured hundreds of snakes, covering the whole floor with writhing, black bodies. Draco shuddered with revulsion. A small streamlined head appeared at the the end of his bed; the shining black snake was winding up the bedpost, slithering onto his bed. Draco started to whimper.

He had tried to vanish them with his regained wandless magic, but for every vanished snake two new ones had appeared in the same place. He pressed himself closer to the headboard, watching the slowly approaching snake with trepidation. When it was close enough he knocked the reptile off the bed, using the pillow he was clutching in hands. He breathed a sigh of relief when the snake hit the writhing mass, relaxing back against the headboard - to place his supporting right hand straight onto a warm, smooth body.

The pain was instantaneous, the feeling of the snake´s fangs tearing into his flesh dreadful. He yelped and pushed the snake off the bed, already feeling tears forming in his eyes. The snakes´venom was not dangerous, but their bite nevertheless ached tremendously. Clutching his pulsing and burning hand to his chest he started to gasp and sob. He was so close to breaking, unable to take more of this.

"Please, I´m sorry! I´ll do anything you want, please. I´m sorry!"

The Dark Lord was the only one ever entering this room, commanding the snakes in Parseltongue to retreat. Only if Draco finished his complete meal he was allowed to leave the room for one hour, which meant he was taken to the bathroom and then chained to the floor of the Assembly Hall. Oh, how he had been happy when the Dark Lord had permitted him to keep his sight, seemingly understanding of Draco´s growing fear of the dark, but he had replaced one cruelty with another one.

Draco sobbed with relief when the door opened and closed again and the hissing sounds of Parseltongue could be heard. He looked up, startled at the unusual fast steps. For a moment he was afraid that he had fallen asleep and was dreaming.

"Harry?" Draco asked hesitantly.

"Draco, oh my God, what did they do to you?" Harry gasped, before he embraced Draco.

"Harry, you came. I thought - they said - you wouldn´t come," Draco was clinging to Harry, unable to hold back his tears any longer.

"Shhh! It´s okay now. Why would I not come. You are my husband," Harry whispered, capturing Draco´s mouth in a hard kiss.

Draco frowned when Harry´s hand was gliding down his body to move over his crotch. "Harry...we should get out of here!"

"It´s been so long and I´ve missed you so much, Draco," Harry mumbled between kisses.

"Harry, please, the Dark Lord can come any time. We need to get out - right now!" Draco hissed, trying to push Harry off.

"We didn´t even have a wedding night, Draco. Is it so wrong if I long for my husband?" Harry was pushing his trousers off, uncaring of Draco´s protests.

"What is wrong with you, Harry? Stop this now!" Draco tried to reason once again, in vain.

He hissed with discomfort when Harry´s finger entered him roughly, quickly followed by a second one. The preparation was almost painful, which Draco blamed on his tenseness. He looked up at his husband with confusion, as Harry removed his fingers and knelt beside him with a scowl on his face.

"I see. That is the reason why you don´t want to do anything with me." Harry´s face was showing disappointment and anger. "You have been unfaithful. You couldn´t wait for me, you little slut?"

Draco shook his head; his mind was numb and his body heavy as lead with shock. "Please, Harry, you don´t understand -"

He felt the slap burning on his cheek before he realised what had happened. Harry had hit him. "Did you have sex with somebody else or not?"

"Harry, please, -" Another hard slap split his lip.

"Did you have sex with somebody else?" Harry hissed at him, a mad fury gleaming in his green eyes.

"He forced me - I´m sorry -" Draco gasped, as confusion and dread were steadily drowning out the joy he had felt at the fact that Harry had come to rescue him.

Draco shuddered at the strange smile slowly twisting Harry´s lips. "Who forced you?"

"The Dark Lord," Draco whispered, tensing in fear as Harry started to grin.

"How couldn´t I know. The father of your child. Of course you would shag with him. After all I´m just your husband. I think you still owe me something though, Draco - the wedding night." Harry snarled.

"Harry, please, I´m so sorry! Please, don´t do this! I love you!" Draco frantically pleaded as he watched his husband pulling off his own trousers and positioning himself between Draco´s legs.

Draco desperately bit his lip to keep himself from crying out as Harry thrust into him without the usual love or care, intent on his own pleasure only.

Although the pain was excruciating he did not scream, afraid to attract any passing Death Eater´s attention.

"Harry...you´re hurting me," Draco gasped, hoping for Harry´s love, his pity, his care. Anything but the hatred he could see in his eyes, the enjoyment at Draco´s pained whimpers.

"And why should I care if I´m hurting a whore?" Harry panted, sweat glistening on his brow as his face contorted with furious ecstasy.

Draco turned his head to the side, unwilling to look any longer at the face of his beloved, twisted into a grimace of malice. He sobbed quietly, enduring the cruel love-making, which he surely somehow deserved. It was love-making, no rape, because Harry surely still loved him, even though he had been unfaithful to his husband. If only he would have fought the Dark Lord more, Harry would not be hurt now, willing to hurt him in return. Once it was over, Harry would calm down and be sorry. He would rescue him from the Dark Lord´s clutches and take him home. Everything would be okay again.

"Thanks for the ride." Harry hissed, as he pulled out. "Extend my greetings to the father of your child."

Draco´s heart seemed to freeze in his chest. "What do you mean? I´m coming with you, Harry. Please, don´t hate me!"

"Don´t fool yourself, Draco. There is no way in hell that I want to have somebody like you by my side. You are his breeding bitch and you will never be more than that." No matter how hard Draco was searching, there was no sign of love in Harry´s sneering face.

"No, please, I love you, you can´t go and leave me here with them. Harry -" Draco whispered, staring with disbelief at the door which had closed behind the one he loved.

**A big 'Thank you!' once again to all my reviewers!**

**I´m a very happy writer, cause each and every of your reviews brought a happy smile to my face!**

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All those who managed to reach this point of the side - have a cookie!

Lord Voldemort stayed in front of the door to the Malfoy brat´s room, a vicious smile playing on his face. Sadistic glee was sparkling in his green eyes when the blonde´s desperate pleas merged into broken cries. With deep satisfaction he made his way back to his rooms, eager to rid himself of the ridiculous boyish clothing and annoying glasses he was wearing. Soon the Polyjuice Potion would wear off and he could go back to his breeding bitch to kiss the tears of despair off the angelic face.


	23. Set Me Free

Mine is the pleasure to write for you, but not the ownership of Harry Potter.

If only you enjoy reading this story half as much as I enjoy reading your reviews you are happy people!

I´m very sorry, guys! It was not my intention to keep you waiting for two weeks. I could give you a valid list of reasons and excuses, including me having had flu (now I know I can absolutely not write with fever) and preparing five new stories, but you are surely more interested in reading the update. I'll try to make up for it with a chapter worth two chapters in length.

By the way, a shrake is a magically created species of saltwater fish. Nah, I have not gone mad...

_**On to the story:**_

_Lord Voldemort stayed in front of the door to the Malfoy brat´s room, a vicious smile playing on his face. Sadistic glee was sparkling in his green eyes when the blonde´s desperate pleas merged into broken cries. With deep satisfaction he made his way back to his rooms, eager to rid himself of the ridiculous boyish clothing and annoying glasses he was wearing. Soon the Polyjuice Potion would wear off and he could go back to his breeding bitch to kiss the tears of despair off the angelic face. _

oooooo **Chapter 23 **oooooo

**Set Me Free**

Harry took the last steps to the top of the Astronomy Tower gasping for air like a shrake brought ashore. His heart was hammering in his chest, and in his ears a buzzing noise echoed the flow of blood in his veins. He let himself slump onto the landing, watching the beads of sweat slowly dropping from the tips of his raven hair to the stone floor and onto his glasses. He loved to run up the steep, spiralling staircase which lead to the highest tower, again and again, until he felt the urge to retch out his lungs. It was excellent exercise for his body - and it made him forget. When he had to use all his willpower to force his body up the flight of winding stairs once more, his mind was too preoccupied to think of Draco.

He was alone now for thirty-nine days and twenty hours.

All alone.

Of course there were others in the castle, but none of them was Draco. He had expected to get at least to some extend over his loss, but his sorrow seemed to increase by the hour. He was worse off than ever before. His dreams were filled with Draco, a Draco whispering his name, his empty eyes showing a broken soul. During day he saw Draco everywhere he looked - fair hair, a pale face, a sly smirk, a loving smile - but in the end it was always some other student who did not in the least resemble the blonde.

He saw it in their eyes, heard them whispering behind his back what they were thinking - Harry Potter was slowly but surely going mad. Their stare was filled with fear and accusations, reminding him that he was supposed to be the hero of the light, not some raving lunatic. Poppy had glanced at him with sympathy and explained that his 'presently unbalanced mental state' might be a side-effect of the bonding. Harry had accepted her explanation with a careless shrug. Who was he to deny that losing your bonded was not conducive to someone´s sanity. After all, he was bonded to a dead who was calling for him every night, his yearning slowly drowning out Harry's reality.

Sometimes he wondered why he was still here instead of following his love's call. Harry glanced shyly at the old door. It would be so easy to pull the iron ring to open the door, to step out and climb onto the battlements. He would stretch out his arms and fly, forever free - but it felt wrong. He could somehow feel that that was not what Draco wanted him to do. With a choked sound he pushed himself off the stone floor and followed the ever winding steps down, trying to escape his feelings once more. But no matter how fast he was running, there was no escape from the demons devouring him.

Forcing his shaking legs to comply he made his way to Gryffindor Tower. Harry sneered when the happy chatter filling their dormitory trailed off as soon as he entered. He silently passed by his uneasy looking friends to take a change of clothes and his jacket out of his trunk. There was no need to search around for a shirt fitting to the trousers in his hands. All of his clothes were black. He had burned Dudley's old rags and even the Christmas sweaters he had gotten from Ron´s mother over the years and had replaced them with plain black shirts and trousers. Not only was it to wear mourning, but in his world colours were no longer existent. The darkness surrounding him had swallowed everything.

"Don't let me disturb your joyous gathering," he said quietly, giving the other boys an especially sweet smile on his way out.

"Mate -"

He threw the door shut behind him before he was forced to hear what Ron had to say. There was no need to talk. His 'friends' would never be able to understand the rage trying to fill the void inside him, would never condone his everything consuming thirst for revenge, his plunge into the Dark Arts. Those boys in there were schoolboys, mere children looking forward to their bright future. He had left this life behind, a life of light heartedness and laughter, of hope and good intentions. Harry had been a dream, Harry Potter was reality. He had believed their lies for too long, had tried to be 'normal' for too long, but not any longer. He was a bringer of death, fated to kill. It did not make any difference if he killed by intention or circumstance. There was finally nothing left for him than to accept his fate.

Harry scowled when he entered the bathroom to find two half naked, puny first-years standing by the washing basins. "Get out!" he snarled at them, locking the door with a wave of his hand after their hasty retreat.

With a pleased moan he stepped into the shower, relishing the water flowing over him, washing away all the guilt, if only for some minutes. He had been a complete failure as a husband. At the time Draco had needed him most he had listened to others instead of his feelings. He would never hold Draco in his arms again, never taste the salt on his skin again, never hear him moaning his name again. 'Never, oh God, never again,' Harry thought, as he raised his face into the water spray, content with telling himself that the tears escaping his closed eyes were nothing but the water flowing over his screwed up face. Nobody had seen him shed a single tear since the day Snape had brought Draco back, and they would never see him cry if he could help it.

"Tears are for the weak. You must be strong for Draco," Harry urgently whispered to himself. "I will kill the fucking monster who did this to you, Draco, and I will not use a simple _Avada Kedavra_. I want him to suffer. I will kill all of them - Bellatrix, Wormtail, and anybody who ever hurt you. I will kill as many of them as I can before I go down. I learned a lot from Snape since you are gone. You´d enjoy yourself watching us. He´s still offending as hell, but you were right about him - he _is _a good teacher. The best."

Harry smiled weakly, shaking his head at how fast things were changing. Two months ago he was absolutely convinced of Snape's inaptitude. He had even come to like the man's grumpy attitude. Snape was the only person who didn´t handle him with kid gloves, for which Harry was increasingly grateful. His world was definitely upside down, if the only time he felt almost happy and content were the daily training hours he spent with Snape, a man he had hated for years, while he couldn't bear the presence of his friends any longer. Maybe it was the darkness and suffering so barely veiled under the harsh surface the older man presented to those around him which attracted Harry all of a sudden.

He turned off the water and tied a towel around his hips before he stepped in front of one of the mirrors. Lost in thought he stared at his reflection.

His body had filled out with the training and Snape constantly watching his eating habits like a hawk. Gone was the scrawny boy who had come to Hogwarts five years ago. The young man in the mirror looked like him, yet he was a stranger. With eyes so cold and aloof and wet strands of hair hanging into his face he bore a striking resemblance to his mentor. Hell, he could have been Snape's son. Snickering at the absurdity of this idea Harry hurriedly dried his hair and dressed.

Like a vulture Hermione was sitting in the common room, greedily waiting for her chance to give him another severe lecture. Irritated he wondered what it would take that girl to shut up, as she swooped down on him.

"Harry, we need to talk. You can't continue like this. How could you treat first-years in such a demeaning -"

Angrily he interrupted her, "Hermione, I do not have time for this. It's Hogsmead weekend and I'm on my way out. Bye!"

Harry made a beeline for the exit when a gentle hand on his arm stopped him. "Please, you need help -"

"I _am _already getting help. Thanks for your care!" Harry answered, impatiently shaking Hermione's hand off.

"Harry, I know what you're doing. If you refuse to listen to reason I have no choice but to go to Dumbledore and -"

A white hot wave of anger shot through his veins, directing his magic against the brown-haired witch. For some moments Hermione's lips continued to move in a parody of speech until she realised that Harry had silenced her.

With consternation she looked at Harry, who invaded her private space with a sneer on his face, his nose mere inches from hers as he whispered coldly, "You would do better not to threaten me...'Mione!"

Hermione shuddered almost imperceptibly and stepped back, before she shot him a defiant look. For some moments their eyes locked in a staring contest, until she narrowed her eyes even further and turned around to strut towards the stairs leading to her boyfriend's dormitory. With a slight pang of regret Harry followed the clever witch's retreat with his eyes, angry on himself that he had carelessly flaunted his newly developed magical skills. For a moment he weighed his chances at explaining the _Silencio _with an outburst of uncontrolled magic against using a well-placed _Obliviate _on his friend. Finally he decided on letting the matter rest, as none of the other students had noticed the little mishap.

As one of many Hogwarts students ready to enjoy their Hogsmead weekend, he made his way down to Hogsmeade, but once he passed through the gates marking the boundaries of Hogwarts' grounds he furtively looked around and disappeared into the Forest. Harry waited for some moments to slow down his breathing and concentrate, before he Apparated to the small courtyard behind the _Leaky Cauldron._ Scared by Harry's sudden appearance a spitting cat jumped from the dustbin standing there, causing the lid to clatter onto the cobblestone. He walked up to the brick wall in search for the brick he had to tap three times with his wand to open the magic portal to _Diagon Alley_.

"Three up...two across," he unconsciously echoed Hagrid's words, which had revealed a bewitching world to his eyes for the very first time.

With a smirk on his face Harry stepped through the archway which had formed in the previously solid wall. Unerringly he made his way down the cobbled street towards _Gringotts_. _Diagon Alley _was a rather bleak place since the war had officially started. Posters of wanted Death Eaters and ministry announcements were sticking on the windows of closed shops, and the small number of witches and wizards who had dared to leave their houses conveniently reduced the chance of meeting a known face.

Without batting an eyelid, the goblin, who had carted Harry down into the depths under the wizarding bank, counted five hundred Galleons into a small enchanted money pouch while Harry indifferently looked round his family vault. The heaps of gold still meant nothing to him but another piece of his parents' legacy. Nevertheless it was reassuring to know that he had money at hand when he needed it. For a brief moment the thought that there was no child to inherit the family vault when he would be gone caused his stomach to constrict, as it brought back the memory of a gaping cut marring Draco´s middle.

Harry was about to enter Knockturn Alley when he spotted a new shop, _The Magical Eye,_ having taken the place of the Ice Cream Parlour Florean Fortescue had abandoned. Curiously he stepped closer, contemplating the display in the shop window, unconsciously fingering his worn spectacles before he entered. Almost one hour later Harry left the shop, his obsolete glasses replaced by the latest achievement of the wizarding world, magicuity lenses. The magically enhanced version of Muggle contact lenses had moulded perfectly to his eyes, which allowed Harry to wear them immediately without having to get used to the feeling of having a foreign object in his eyes, as the shop owner, Mr. Voyance, had explained. He felt almost naked when he strolled down _Knockturn Alley_, somehow missing the weight of the silly round spectacle frame on his nose.

An old hag approached him out of the shadows, carrying her limited range of goods on a tray before her. Obviously herself in dire need of teeth, she tried to sell vampire's teeth to him as he passed by. Although Harry had no idea what he was actually looking for in the darkest corner of the wizarding world, he knew that a pair of fangs was not what he needed. Remembering the odd shop he had landed in during his very first attempt at using the _Floo _he headed for Borgin & Burkes. Upon Harry's entrance the beady eyed warlock who owned the infamous establishment immediately clothed his face in smiles.

"Good day, sir. How may I help you?"

"I'll take a look around. If I need anything I'll call you," Harry answered, already moving into the depths of the bizarre shop.

"Of course, of course," Borgin said smoothly.

Within the blink of an eye the shopkeeper was by his side, following him like a shadow as Harry moved aimlessly through the shop filled to the brim with Dark Arts artefacts. Passing by shelfs displaying sculls and strange creatures in glass jars, old timepieces with counter-clockwise moving clockhands and antiquated jewellery, Harry realised that he would need the old wizard's advice.

"Do you have anything regarding...the dead?" Harry asked, disturbed at how fast his heart was suddenly beating. "And I would need something on offensive magic as well."

Borgin scrutinized Harry for a moment before he rushed to an enormous bookshelf, pulling out a very thick leather-bound tome, a smaller red book and after another glance at Harry an oblong box. He placed all items on the counter and opened the box to retrieve a large scroll.

"This is the _Scroll of Ancient and Forbidden Lore_. It is one of a kind. I just got it in this morning. It is rumoured that Salazar Slytherin himself has written it only months before he died. Unfortunately I couldn´t find out how to open the seal, but the wizard who sold it to me told me that the scroll will call for its rightful owner who will be able to open it."

The moment Harry had heard the name Slytherin he was hooked. Slowly he moved his fingertips along the scroll of parchment and the seal hiding its secrets from the world.

"What do the rumours say about the contents of the scroll?" Harry asked breathlessly.

"It is said to be Slytherin's lifework. He delved deeply into experimental magic and the Dark Arts in his last years. Nobody really knows what it is veiling," Burgin said quietly, looking up at Harry with a sly smile. "But that is its allure. Don´t you think so, too?"

Harry made a non-committal sound deep in his throat, trying to hide his excitement from the warlock who watched him carefully, very likely already determining the scroll's price in relation to Harry´s shining eyes.

"What about the books?" Harry asked, only hesitantly withdrawing his hand from the scroll Burgin carefully put back into it´s encasement.

"I would recommend this book on duelling," the warlock explained eagerly, offering the red book to Harry who immediately started to rummage through the text. "_Duelling with the Fiend _is a standard work any Dark Wizard of honour should call his own. The author, Hezekiel Blight, was an excellent duellist. He won the All-England Wizarding Duelling Competition from 1875 to 1902. Unfortunately in 1903 the use of Dark curses in the competition was prohibited. Formidable wizard, that, formidable. Poor fellow died when a drunken giant fell onto him. Couldn´t be pulled out until the giant slept it off. Shame, that!"

Harry raised his eyebrows as he underhandedly glanced at the rambling shop owner, before he placed the book on the counter to reach for the thick tome.

"This is one of only two existing copies, dating back to the eighteenth century. The duplicate has gone missing during the war against Grindelwald. You can´t find any more profound work on necromancy. Communication and intercourse with the dead, raising the dead, divination with the help of the dead, summoning and controlling spirits, creating and controlling inferi - _The Necromancer _covers all areas of death magic. Is this what you were searching for?"

Harry stared for a moment at the dusty tome, asking himself if this was really what he wanted. Maybe he was going a step too far, but then there was not even an animated portrait of Draco to be found anywhere to provide Harry with some measure of comfort.

"Yes...yes, that is exactly what I was searching for. I'll take the two books and the scroll," Harry finally said with confidence, bringing out his money pouch.

Borgin looked very delighted as he quickly scribbled a bill for Harry. "That will be threehundred and thirtyfive Galleons, please - 5 Galleons for _Duelling with the Fiend_, 90 for _The Necromancer _and 240 for the scroll," he stated happily.

Harry gaped in surprise at the warlock, shocked at the amount which equalled almost 1700 pounds, but then he opened the pouch, tapped it with his wand and stated the amount. Slowly he poured most of its contents on the counter until the money flow stopped. Borgin graciously swept the coins into a wooden casket and turned back to Harry.

"Do you want to take your purchase along or shall I send it by hawk for you?" the shopkeeper asked, tying Harry´s purchase into a bundle.

"Send it," Harry decided, suddenly distracted by a familiar figure he saw passing by on the street.

Absent-minded he wrote his name and address on the parcel Borgin presented to him. Back on Knockturn Alley he looked around cautiously before he made his way down the narrow alleyway. Harry yelped with surprise when he was pulled into a passage where he was violently pushed against a wall. He froze at the feeling of a wand tip against his throat.

"Potter, how nice to meet you!" a deep voice drawled.

"Zabini -" Harry gritted out, meeting the black boy's maniacal glance unflinchingly.

White hot pain shot through him, almost turning his stomach, when a knee connected with his groin.

"I think I owe you some, Potter," Zabini hissed. "_Crucio_!"

Harry whimpered as unadulterated agony set his body on fire. His knees threatened to buckle under the brutal onslaught of the torturing curse. Concentrating on the last bit of conscious control over his body he hit Zabini' wand arm. Taken by surprise the expelled Slytherin watched his wand hurtling into the shadows.

"I can finish you with my bare hands, midget," he grinned, closing his hands around Harry´s throat.

Unease flickered over the dark face when Harry pressed his wand against the taller boy´s stomach. A whispered '_Crucio_!'flowed over Harry's lips like nectar, filling him with sheer bliss. Zabini crumpled to the ground, writhing and kicking in agony, soon unable to suppress his tortured scream.

"Hush!" Harry whispered, effectively silencing the other.

Even though Harry had taken the _Cruciatus Curse _off him, Zabini still lay on the ground, soundlessly panting with the after-effects of the curse as he looked up at him with big eyes. Harry could feel the hatred burning in his chest, searching for a way out before it would tear him into pieces.

"What right does scum like you have to live if someone as wonderful, beautiful and caring as Draco had to die?" Harry whispered, his eyes narrowed as he slowly stepped closer to the shaking Zabini.

The black boy flinched when Harry took hold of his arm and raised his wand.

"_Apparate_!"

ooooooo

Draco stared with empty eyes at his plate, slowly pushing his fork through the mashed potatoes. The silver cutlery was cold and heavy in his slightly trembling hands. He could see the abominable creature's face out of the corner of his eye, reflected on the polished surface of the dining table. It was slightly contorted, watching him with contorted eyes burning in a contorted face. The Dark Lord always watched him, as if he was trying to see straight into his soul. He would find nothing there but a dark void and endless sorrow.

Another evening green peas were lying on Draco's plate, mocking him with their colour, reminding him of Harry's eyes. Harry hated peas. Harry hated him as well. Draco sighed, pushing the green peas into the gravy, which had mixed with the blood running in tiny rivulets from the untouched slice of roast beef on his plate. Hopefully Harry was just angry on him, like that time he had been turned on when Snape had administered the suppository while Harry had watched under the cover of his Invisibility Cloak. Harry was very jealous, after all, and he had hit him before. He would forgive him. Eventually.

"Draco."

Doubt was a dark beast. It was relentlessly moving in on the feeling of hope Draco desperately tried to hold on to. Three weeks, it had been three weeks since Harry had left him behind in this hell, and he was not back yet. Draco was not even sure if he wanted Harry back in his life. That bastard had hurt and raped him, and his eyes had shown that he had enjoyed every second of it. No, maybe it was better for him and the child that way, but the persistent longing which droned and vibrated in his chest made it very clear that despite his qualms there was nothing more that he wanted than Harry.

"Draco!"

He needed to feel Harry's love again. It was killing him to know that he had disappointed Harry to such an extent that he was not willing to be his husband any longer. His sorrow was trying to choke him, trying to force tears out of his eyes. Harry was right to hate -

"DRACO!"

He started so violently that he accidentally pushed a good part of the bloodied peas off his plate. They fell onto the polished surface, staining the only immaculately cleaned surface in the room.

"You are playing with your food instead of eating," the Dark Lord remarked in a voice too bland for Draco's liking.

"I'm sorry, my Lord," Draco whispered, his eyes still downcast as he froze with fear.

"Come and sit down on my lap, angel!"

Draco's mind was all of a sudden devoid of all thought but a constantly resounding jumbled string of '_Oh God_!', _'No_!' and _'Please, don't_!'. The fork and knife cluttered loudly onto his plate, falling out of his numb hands, as he obediently got up, trying to hide the tremors running through his body. The monster pulled him onto his lap, winding an arm around Draco's swollen middle to hold him securely. Draco felt the anxiety creeping through his body like ice, trying to freeze his lungs as he uncontrollably started to shiver.

"How often did I have to tell you already that you have to eat, Draco? My son needs the nutrients to grow well. I'll have to punish you again, if you don't check yourself. You don´t want me to punish you, angel, do you?" the Dark Lord said sweetly.

Unable to force his closing throat to produce any answer, Draco shook his head, desperately trying to hold back tears.

"You were thinking of him again," the snake-faced creature stated, a dangerous gleam setting crimson eyes on fire.

"I didn't -" Draco protested timidly, his voice almost failing him.

A harsh hand forced him to meet his Lord's penetrating gaze. He whimpered when he felt the probing touch of _Legilimency _in his mind; the captivity had left him too weak to resist the forceful intrusion.

"You are lying to me, Draco!" the Dark Lord hissed, sending a cold shiver down Draco´s back.

With an indignant sound he forcefully pushed Draco´s head back before he let go of his chin. With relief Draco realised that he would not be punished right now, not in front of the two Death Eaters standing guard in the dining room, sneering at his predicament. Maybe later - but then he was all the time punished for any small thing he was doing or not doing to his Lord´s taste. He was living in constant fear of the sick ideas the red-eyed monster came up with.

Sometimes he was clinging to the idea that Harry had not really been Harry when he had done those...things to him. It could have been just another cruel game, although he had no idea how the Dark Lord could have accomplished such feat. Harry was able to throw off the _Imperius Curse _and there was no way they could have gotten a hair from him to make _Polyjuice Potion_ or even less likely the hilarious second-hand sweater he refused to throw away. It had not been a hallucination or dream either, as his split lip had proved. In the end it didn't matter, as one fact always stayed the same - Harry was not coming for him. Draco bashfully cast his eyes down when he felt the first unbidden tear rolling down his cheek.

Hard lips pressed against his and a tongue forced his lips open, causing him to flinch with discontent. Draco's eyes shot open when the insistent tongue forced half chewed roast beef into his mouth. The bloody meat tasted sweet and nauseating at the same time. With a protesting mewl he put his hands against the Dark Lord's chest, trying to get his heaving stomach under control. He could not make himself to swallow what had been chewed in the evil creature's mouth, and against his better judgement he started to fight against the disgusting force feeding.

As his Lord's unforgiving hand encircled his nape to hold him in place, Draco panicked. The red-eyed monster was like a leech, unwilling to let go of his mouth. The need to retch suddenly became overwhelming, and he pushed hard against the evil wizard's chest. Draco forcefully stood up, pulling the Dark Lord along as he refused to let go, causing them almost to topple over. The table stopped their fall, the edge biting sharply into Draco's thigh. The hand he had stretched out in search of something to hold on to swept a glass off the table, and his teeth grazed his Lord's tongue, causing it to retreat instinctively.

Without further thought Draco bit down hard on the offending flesh in his reach, relief washing over him as the Dark Lord immediately stepped back. Coughing and spitting he relieved himself of the rotten taste in his mouth before he wiped with his hand over his dirtied lips. When his searching glance met his Lord's, the expression in those cold orbs caused him to shrink back. His heart seemed to stop as his eyes were drawn from crimson eyes to a crimson mouth. Horrified Draco stared at the bleeding bite blemishing his Lord's lower lip.

"I'm sorry, please, I'm sorry. I didn't intend to do it. Please!" Draco pleaded desperately, his voice barely audible to him over his madly beating heart.

"You are a little wildcat. I think you need some taming tonight." The Dark Lord's sinister laugh told him all he needed to know. There was no forgiveness.

Draco leant heavily against the table, as his legs seemed to have lost all strength necessary to hold his weight. "I didn't mean to -"

"Go to your room. Now. I will deal with you later," the Dark Lord hissed, the barely suppressed rage in his features taking Draco's breath away.

"Yes, my Lord," he said, his voice sounding as numb as he suddenly felt.

Draco folded his fingers around the table-knife under his sweaty palm, sliding its length slowly into his sleeve while still holding onto its handle. Calmly he left the dining room, flanked by the two Death Eaters who had been standing guard during his disastrous dinner with the Dark Lord. He felt as if trapped in a nightmare, as the door to his room was locked behind him, leaving him standing in the dim room dazed with shock for some minutes. Finally he sat down on his bed, pulling the knife out of his sleeve to look at it.

Slowly he moved the tip of his thumb along the blade. The edge was rather blunt, making him wonder why he had stolen the knife at all. But, oh, the answer was so easy. He knew what was coming - another punishment of the severe type. He knew what an enraged Dark Lord meant for him. There would be no easy flogging but one of his Lord's cruel games coming along. He shuddered as he remembered all the things he had experienced in this place. For some moments he contemplated stabbing the knife into the Dark Lord's throat or eye, but it was rather unlikely that he would succeed in killing the abominable creature this time - with even less promising means. There was only one way out of this hell - his own demise. As if in protest the baby kicked, eliciting a weak smile from Draco.

"I'm sorry, little one. I'd have liked to hold you in my arms, but I don't have the strength to continue any longer. There is no sense in waiting until I gave birth to you. I can't allow that monster to raise you. He will destroy you, just as he is destroying anything in his reach. That is no man any longer, but an insane creature. I'm sure it won't hurt, little one. You will fall asleep and when you wake up you are an angel," Draco said, caressing the prominent rounding.

With grim determination he put the blade against his left wrist and dragged it over the soft skin. Draco hissed, as although he was using all his strength the blunt knife caused more pain than damage. To his disappointment the shallow cut bled only sparsely. As he was staring at the pattern his blood was painting on his much too pale skin a strong feeling of déjà vu overcame him. Blinking he looked from the cut on his left wrist to his right hand. For a moment he saw a shining shard in his hand before it was replaced with a knife.

Memories all of a sudden overwhelmed him, memories of tears and pain. The knife slipped out of his shaking hand, as his head started to spin.

He could see himself standing in his bathroom at Malfoy Manor, emptying one potion vial after the other. _Shame_. 'I'm sorry, Harry. I love you.' Death Eaters were standing around him in a circle, he on all fours, hands on his naked hips holding him in position. 'I can feel him. My heir. He calls to me.' _Despair_. He felt his hand throwing something heavy into the mirror, smashing it, taking a shard which bit into his skin. _Peace_. 'Mom, I'm cold.' He could feel himself dying, saw a creature of ethereal beauty talking to him. _Fear_. 'I love you, father.'

"What is going on? That never happened!" Draco whispered shakily, holding his aching head. "It can't be - someone must have put a memory charm on me."

For a moment he stared at his bleeding wrist, dazed with the ever-faster appearing snippets of memories which were overstraining his mind, before he slid to the floor and started to retch.

ooooooo

Severus grit his teeth, trying to hold the _Cruciatus Curse _a little while longer on the Potter brat. The searing pain radiating from his heart made breathing almost impossible, reminding him that the curse the Dark Lord had placed on him was gaining strength. With a tiny moan, which was drowned out by Potter's sounds of distress, he took the curse off the boy.

"Why did you stop? I could have held up the Shield Charm a little while longer!" Potter immediately started to complain.

"Don't overestimate yourself, Potter. I could see that you were close to caving in, what with all the moans and groans you were emitting like the whiny brat you are. It won't do us any good if you experienced the _Cruciatus _as often as you deserve it, or you would soon join Longbottom's parents," Severus drawled, trying to hide his shaking hands from Potter's eyes.

The boy was clever, there was no way to deny the fact. Sometimes too clever for his own good. He could feel the boy's searching glance resting on him, questioning the truth of his words.

"Very well, Potter, I believe you were doing well enough for today. You can hold the shield intact for close to two minutes, which is maybe more than you will ever need. I see no use in wasting time on simple Shield Charms," he finally admitted.

"Oh!" Potter exclaimed, still panting from exertion, before a wry smile lit up his face. "So what are we going to do now?"

There was no way he could still do one Dark Arts spell tonight, Severus decided, as he would not be able to hide the physical impact it had on him any longer. A good night's sleep and some potions of choice would remedy his little problem, but until then -

"I believe you still need to improve your pathetic Occlumency skills, Potter. No wand. Ready yourself!" Severus said morosely.

Potter immediately made a long face, a view which securely settled a sneer on Severus' face. Obviously the cheeky rascal enjoyed the physical aspects of war much more than the mental side of it. Without further warning or an unneeded vocalization of the spell he delved into the boy's mind, finding it, as he had expected, barely protected. He passed by pictures of Potter's little Gryffindor friends, who seemed not to be much of friends any longer judging by the feelings he unveiled in the boy's memories, dismissed scenes of Potter going to class, which happened seldom enough as Severus knew, until he stumbled upon a very recent memory of the reckless Gryffindor breaking another rule as he apparently Apparated to London, to shop at Borgin & Burkes of all things.

He heard Potter groaning in protest as he studied the memory closer, sensing how the boy struggled to get him out of his head. The memory had to be something the boy wanted to hide from him by all means as it seemed. Severus frowned as he perceived the details of Potter's purchase in the Dark Arts shop. The boy's interest in Slytherin's scroll was hardly surprising, as he himself would like to take a look at Salazar Slytherin's supposed lifework, the book on Duelling with Dark spells was a good choice, but a book on necromancy was something entirely different. The thoughts and feelings attached to this topic, which obviously concerned the loss of his husband, were distressed, with a determination behind it the boy was hiding from himself. Severus strengthened his connection, as Potter now started to struggle with almost desperate power against the violation of his mind.

He could glimpse Potter walking along Knockturn Alley until he was all of a sudden pulled into a passage by...several first-years were staring up at him with frightened faces, Dumbledore was offering lemon drops, Narcissa's hairs covering his groin as she - oh, the brat was rummaging through his own memories now. For a moment Severus could see Potter's shameless grin before it was overlapped with Narcissa looking up at him with dreamy eyes, whimpering his name as he was pounding into her. He forced Potter out of his mind with all his might, noticing with surprise that Potter was standing right in front of him, looking at him in a strange way. Severus tried to get his breathing under control, as well as his member, which had obviously enjoyed the memory as well.

"Well, that was not bad, Potter," he drawled, "but you could do better."

"Yes, I could do better," the boy breathed, as he stepped closer.

Severus scowled, wondering what had gotten into him, when the brat suddenly raised his face up to him and kissed him on the lips, pressing his body tightly enough against Severus' to let him feel his erection against his thigh. For some seconds Severus was too stunned to do anything but open his lips for the boy's tongue to enter, before he pushed his student forcefully enough from him to send him crashing to the ground.

"What do you think you are doing, Potter?" he snarled, confused at his own reaction to the boy's very direct approach.

Potter looked at the ground for some moments, breathing heavily, before he got up and positioned himself once again in front of his teacher. The boy gave him a provocative look, and as their eyes locked Severus realised for the first time, that he had almond-shaped eyes of a vibrant green - for sure the most beautiful feature of his face. For sure it was the lack of his spectacles which made him notice such detail right now, as the brat was standing far too close for his liking once again.

"I have no idea what you are playing at, but it will stop right now!" Severus said as unperturbed as possible.

Potter did not move for some moments, worrying his lower lip between his teeth, before he stepped even closer and placed his hands against Severus' chest. "Fuck me!"

His breath hitched as he heard the blatantly worded invitation. Potter's hands were burning on his chest; he had to get them off of him. Just as he harshly wrapped his hands on the boy's upper arms to push him away once again, he saw the tears in those impossibly green eyes.

"Please, I need it! It has been so long since -"

He understood what the boy wanted to say - he missed Draco, he was lonely, he needed comfort - but still -

"I'm not available, Potter. You know that I'm with Narcissa," he said as softly as possible.

"It's just a shag - no ties - please - make me forget -"

Severus carefully probed the boy's mind, to find nothing but need, honesty and sorrow. What Harry wanted could cost both of them their permit to stay at Hogwarts, but then none of them had ever cared about rules and regulations. Narcissa...would never find out. Both Narcissa and Harry were mourning Draco, both needed comfort. If the boy had decided to come to him, and feel rejected, who knew what the silly Gryffindor would do. And then there was his raging arousal. With one sharp movement he reversed their position, pushing Potter against the wall.

"No ties," Severus growled, before he clashed his lips against Potter's, hard enough to cut them with his teeth.

It was a kiss without compromises, hard and demanding. With slightly trembling hands he blindly unbuckled the boy's belt, not ready to stop the kiss yet. Potter was holding onto him as if he was drowning, the wetness against Severus cheeks telling him that the boy was crying. Reluctantly he broke the kiss and turned the boy around to face the wall, before he pushed his trousers over those slender hips to reveal beautifully rounded buttocks. Still fully clothed Severus moved against him, letting him feel that he was ready. The friction was delicious, causing him to moan into the soft raven hair.

He let his hands wander over soft, pale skin, along the flat plane of Potter's belly down to a small bush of hair to finally wrap one hand around his almost fully erect member while the other continued its searching caresses. The boy drew in a shuddering breath and lay his forehead against the wall, placing his hands some inches above his head, one hand gripping the other. He moved his hand swiftly and artfully, having had enough practice in his lifetime to know what felt good, enjoying the panting and gasping he elicited from Potter, until the boy suddenly stiffened, placing one hand onto Severus' to stop his ministrations.

"Please, not, I need - I want -" the boy whimpered, his whole body trembling against Severus' with restrained lust.

"Be quiet. I will give you what you need," Severus whispered against his right ear, as he moved the boy's hand back above his head.

His hand grabbed onto twitching flesh once again, working it relentlessly. Within moments Potter released what sounded like a pained moan, throwing his head back against Severus' shoulder as his hips started to pump instinctively. Severus carefully caught everything the boy had to give in the palm of his right hand, while he wrapped his left arm tightly around the boy's heaving chest to stop him from slumping down. For a minute he listened to the laboured breathing filling the room, before he opened his own trousers to lubricate his member with the boy's seed and his own precum.

Severus had to spread his legs wider, to match Potter´s shorter frame. He hesitated shortly before he slowly pushed against the tight opening, aware of that he could hurt the boy with his much larger built. Potter was soon confirming his fear, as he started to move restlessly, trying to suppress pained sounds. Severus could still hear the quiet whimpering, could see his hands moving half-way down the wall as if he wanted to stop the intrusion.

"Are you sure you can take it?"

His breathless question was answered with a frantic nod, but not one word. Potter was gritting his teeth, Severus thought, partly compassionate, partly amused. There was only so much self-restraint and finally he couldn't stop himself from pushing in all the way. He almost felt guilty for the immense pleasure he felt, while the boy's scream reverberated in the room. Potter was sobbing openly now.

"Draco -" The pain in his voice was almost tangible. "Please - make me forget -"

Severus started to move slowly, disheartened by the boy's cries of pain, but then he started to wonder which pain Potter was trying to express. He had never seen the boy cry since the day he had brought Draco home - until now. Coming to a decision he held Potter's hands together with one hand, while his other went back to work on his almost flaccid member. At his next, this time harsh, thrust, Potter's scream sounded surprised instead of pained, and soon he had set a punishing rhythm, encouraged by the boy's now passionate cries.

Within minutes it was over, the orgasmic bliss still pleasurably tingling through his body as he used several _Scourgifies _on both of them. Potter's face showed no traces of tears any longer but satisfaction as he slyly looked at him out of the corner of his eyes. Severus narrowed his eyes, wondering if the Sorting Hat truly had planned to sort Potter into Slytherin and what would have become of the boy if he had grown up with Slytherin values instead of Gryffindor morals.

"Thank you, Professor!" Potter said with a barely veiled smirk.

"This was a one-time thing, Potter. No recurrences. No ties," Severus reminded the boy, for good measure putting on his darkest scowl.

The boy frowned for a moment, before an ambiguous smile flashed over his face. "I promise that I will not approach you again!"

Severus had to suppress a tortured groan. Potter was definitely a lost Slytherin.

ooooooo

Draco sat on the stone floor, his vacant stare directed at the wall opposite him, unable to determine how much time he had spent lost in thought. Sometimes his mind was wandering off into a giant void filled with dense fog, which veiled the unbearable reality from him. He liked it there in the fog. It was protecting him from all those gruesome memories and thoughts trying to force their way into his awareness to confuse and hurt him even more. The fog was warm and peaceful, like a coat made of clouds.

He started when the lock on his door klicked open, revealing the Dark Lord himself a mere second after he had pushed the stolen knife under the bed. Oh God, he was angry, so angry. His smile reminded Draco of a viper's mouth, wide and venomous. Draco started to mewl softly, pulling his legs as close to his body as his swollen middle permitted. It would be bad this time. He could see it in the quiet ire still burning in his Lord's eyes. The hurt lip was healed, but obviously not his hurt pride. Draco was torn between closing his eyes to pretend that the monster was not there and watching his every step fearfully as he slowly came closer.

"I see you finally managed to divest yourself of the few food you ate today," the Dark Lord sneered, as he looked at the puddle of vomit right beside Draco. "It is astonishing how you continuously manage to break even the few rules I laid down for you."

Draco wanted to beg, apologise, reason, scream accusations and insults, but only his pathetic whimper resounded in the room, betraying his mind-blowing fear. His body stiffened instinctively when the Dark Lord suddenly darted at him and painfully gripped his blood-smeared wrist, staring at the shallow cut with barely veiled scorn.

"You never cease to amaze me with your stupidity, Draco. Where is the knife?"

All he could do was shake his head slowly, his eyes wide with fear as they met his Lord's steely glance. Draco felt tears burning in his eyes as his mind was violated once again. His Lord searching through his memories was like leaves being torn from a tree by a violent autumn storm, leaves which were actually showing small scenes just as wizarding pictures did. He heard himself screaming in protest when the memory of his attempted suicide led to the startling memories of another suicide.

Another time he had to relive the horrid events, then his memories started to race again, as his Lord was tearing through them like a rabid beast, before they stopped at the time he had tried to abort. His heart started to race as he became aware of the devastating effect the disclosure of this memory would have. For a moment he felt completely disorientated as he was all of a sudden back in his dingy underground room in Riddle House.

"So this was the reason why my heir was sapping my magic - to keep alive. And that was not the first time you've tried to kill him," the Dark Lord said icily, his breathing almost as laboured as Draco's. "Get up!"

Draco was unable to move, his fear paralysing him. He had never seen such cruelty distorting the inhuman face. Grabbing onto his upper arm his Lord impatiently pulled him off the floor. Draco could hardly keep pace with the Dark Lord's angry stride, stumbling repeatedly as he was dragged along until they reached a large chamber with damp walls. Several Death Eaters were circling something, wand in hand, their animated talking once in a while disrupted by the shrill laughter of his aunt. As if on cue they parted, allowing Draco to see what their bodies had hidden from view.

"No, please!" he howled, instinctively stepping back to pull out of his Lord's hold.

"This punishment is not even harsh enough for what you have done, Draco, and I swear this is just the beginning. Once I'm through with you, you will crawl before me, craving nothing more than to obey my every word," the red-eyed creature hissed, forcing Draco further into the room to face his punishment.

The floor between the Death Eaters was alive with winding snakes, the same black snakes which had guarded Draco's room for more than a week. The mere thought of coming close to those malicious beasts broke his last resistance. He fell onto his knees, as his legs gave out. His chest seemed to constrict, making it impossible for him to breath. The mere presence of the snakes was frightening him, the prospect of feeling their fangs in his flesh maddening him.

"What are you - please - I'm sorry - I will do anything - anything -" Draco gasped, unable to divert his eyes from the ghastly sight.

Unfazed the Dark Lord pulled him up once more, his strength surpassing Draco's by far. Strong arms were encircling his badly shaking form, as the taller wizard behind him forced him to walk up to his worst fear, not in the least hindered by his struggling and crying. Terrified Draco stared at the snakes at his feet.

"Look at them well! Are they not beautiful? My minions spent almost one hour of their precious time filling this pit with snakes, just for you. You must thank them, Draco, it would only be appropriate!" the Dark Lord cooed, looking over Draco's shoulder.

Draco felt a wave of fear washing over his faint body at the knowledge that the snakes were not simply lying on the ground, as he had assumed at first. He did not even dare to imagine how many snakes were inside that pit, waiting for him to make one wrong step or - being pushed inside -

"Oh my God! I promise to eat! I will take good care of the baby from now on! I swear! Oh God! I swear! I'll do anything you want! Don't do this to me! I'm so sorry! I will never do anything again which could hurt the baby! I - oh God -" His frantic pleas were interrupted by his frightened scream, when one of the snakes slithered out of the pit and touched his bare foot to be immediately kicked away.

Scornful laughter answered Draco's scream, his fear of snakes obviously greatly amusing the Death Eaters, who watched his every reaction, devoured his every pleading. Draco slumped in his Lord's tight embrace, unable to continue his pointless pleas for mercy, his hysteric crying soon reverberating in the room. All strength seemed to leave him as he was giving in to the inevitable. He knew he couldn't fight them off, couldn't stop them. He had tried so many times, but his resistance meant nothing more than cheap entertainment to the Death Eaters.

"The pit is five feet deep, angel. If you manage to stand in it, your head might be just above the snakes. Otherwise you will soon be engulfed by them, slowly sinking lower and lower -" Draco shuddered at his Lord's soft, almost caring whispers. "I think you will enjoy the experience even more, if you can feel the snakes...more closely."

Draco shut his eyes, his sobs merging once again with gasped pleas when he felt the cool air caressing his skin as his clothes were vanished. For some merciful moments his Lord hissed in Parseltongue, giving him temporary reprieve. He prayed to every deity that his Lord was only trying to scare him, to teach him a lesson, but his hopes were dashed when cruel hands pushed him into the snake pit. With an earsplitting scream he fell onto the writhing mass of snakes. They were acting like quick sand, pulling him under as he struggled to get out of the pit.

At the edge of his awareness he sensed warm liquid flowing over his thighs, as he lost control over his bladder, the horror too much for him to bear. Never before in his life had he felt fear like this, a fear which was drowning out everything else. His hysterical screams still continued in his head when his mouth was already pressed tightly shut, as his face was slowly covered with warm, writhing bodies. His heart was exploding in his chest, racing at an excruciating pace, while his body appeared to have frozen.

The feeling of hundreds of smooth bodies gliding over his skin was something out of nightmares. This was not supposed to exist in reality. Nothing as horrible as this should exist. Even though they had not bitten him until now, he could already feel the sting of their fangs penetrating his flesh and the burning of the poison they would inject into his body. He wanted out of this hell, wanted nothing more than to be at Hogwarts, with Harry. He could even see the castle before him, while he felt the snakes winding around his limbs, gliding through his hair, flicking their tongues against his skin to taste their prey.

A desperate longing tore through the screeching madness which was his mind. He could feel his magic reacting to it, could feel the baby's magic joining his own a moment before he felt himself spinning in the darkness around him, a myriade of sounds invading his mind, before he painfully rebounded from a magical shield and crashed onto hard ground. Surprised he opened his eyes, shivering in the freezing air which suddenly surrounded him. He yelped when he felt the snakes still moving over his body, but now there was grass under his writhing body, telling him that he was not trapped in the snake pit any longer.

It was too dark to see the snakes moving over his body, but he could feel them. He screamed with despair when he could not remove them, no matter how he was scratching over his skin. Out of the corner of his eye he could see lights, and soon wizards and witches with lit wands were hurrying to his side.

"Good God! What are you doing out here boy, in the middle of the night, and stark naked to boot?" an elderly witch asked, concerned.

"snakes - everywhere - snakes - take them off me -" Draco yelped, frantically batting against the snakes he still felt gliding over his skin, tears of panic and despair rolling down his cheeks.

"There are no snakes, son, calm yourself!" Mr. Flume, Honeydukes' owner, said as he covered Draco with his coat before he held onto Draco's right hand to stop him from inflicting more damage to his skin, his idea mirrored on the other side by Madam Rosmerta.

"Nonono, I can feel them - the snakes - help me, please - I can't get them off!" Draco begged, as he tried to free his hands.

"Is that not - but it can't be - he looks like the Malfoy boy," another witch remarked in wonder.

Madam Rosmerta nodded, frowning. "He looks like Lucius' son, though I cannot imagine how that is possible, given that he was buried more than a month ago."

"Whoever this boy is, he is obviously not quite right in the head. We should take him to St. Mungo's," Flume grumbled.

"NO!" Draco screamed, as Flume's suggestion was eagerly accepted by the others.

All he wanted was Harry - and to get rid of the snakes which were still clinging to his body under the cover of the elderly wizard's coat. If he just could get rid of the snakes he would be okay again. Why were they not helping him to remove the snakes from his body before they could bite him? He howled with anger and dispair, when he couldn't loose their hold on him.

"Some Shock Spells at St. Mungo's and all will be well, boy, you just wait and see," the elderly witch tried to sooth him.

"I'm not mad - please - the snakes - not mad - I'm not -" Draco whimpered, increasing his struggle against the hold on his wrists.

He finally managed to tear his hand out of Madam Rosmerta's grip, immediately attacking the old wizard holding onto his other. These people were as bad as Death Eaters. They wanted to lock him up, but the snakes were there, they were! Draco never saw from whose wand the stunner was coming, but the bolt of red light sent him into merciful darkness before he hit the ground.

ooooooo

_A/N: I'm not going to make a Snape/Harry pairing from now on, and I know you all wanted Harry to save Draco, but, guys, you have to be patient. There are still months of the pregnancy to cover before the story ends and the couple will be reunited in the next chapter. You should always expect the unexpected when you read my stories._

**A big 'Thank you!' once again to all my reviewers since the last update!**

**Even though I was late with the new update, you still reviewed, showing me why exactly I am writing - because of you.**

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	24. Back Into My Arms

**A/N:** Long time, no see! Sorry, guys! I really hate to break promises, but I was sick for a long time, my priorities changed and if I was not lying down I was busy, and my muse decided to use the time to go on holidays. Without me of course! Well, I started to write again and will hopefully get into gear soonest.

**Some readers asked for information on the timeline**. If you check through the story, we are now going towards the _middle of February _in the story, so Draco is presently _pregnant for about 5 1/2 months_. (Harry and Draco married on the 1st of January when Draco was also taken, and inchapter 23 Harry said that he was alone now for thirty-nine days and twenty hours. That would give chapter 23 the date February 10 and this chapter February 11.)Draco's pregnancy will not be longer than the normal 9 months, if anything it will be shorter. The calculated date of birth would be May 25, 1997, (maybe minus 2 weeks for faster development as mentioned in the beginning), and don't expect the baby to be born on that day also. This story will go until Draco gives birth plus one short chapter. I am planning to write another story set about 14 years after Demonchild and going on from there.

Another point was, why if **Harry's** **occlumency **is so bad, didn't he have visions of what Voldemort was doing to Draco. Snape said his occlumency skills were bad, but if you noticed, Harry used occlumency without his wand, and he could still fight Snape off after some time. So his skills are much better than in his fifth year. Secondly, Voldemort controls what he lets Harry see through him ever since. Voldemort wanted Harry to see how 'Draco' was killed, he never wanted him to see any of the other things he did to the real Draco. The 'murder' also happened during sleeping time, his usual interaction with Draco during daytime or evening. Even if he had 'dreamt' of Voldemort raping Draco after the burial, he would have thought the dreams to be just nightmares.

_**On to the story:**_

_"Some Shock Spells at St. Mungo's and all will be well, boy, you just wait and see," the elderly witch tried to sooth him._

_"I'm not mad - please - the snakes - not mad - I'm not -" Draco whimpered, increasing his struggle against the hold on his wrists._

_He finally managed to tear his hand out of Madame Rosmerta's grip, immediately attacking the old wizard holding onto his other. These people were as bad as Death Eaters. They wanted to lock him up, but the snakes were there, they were! Draco never saw from whose wand the stunner was coming, but the bolt of red light sent him into merciful darkness before he hit the ground. _

oooooo **Chapter 24 **oooooo

**Back into my arms**

Draco groaned in protest, as the disturbing buzzing around him was steadily pulling him out of his safe place.

"He's waking up. Hurry!"

He was tired, so tired, unable to move his body to do something against the voices surrounding him, the fleeting touches on his body. Foreign skin against his skin. They were winding around his wrists, holding onto him. From one moment to the next his heart started to race and his eyes flew open. With a frightened cry he tried to sit up, tried to shake the snakes off his arms.

"Goddamn, Phyllis, I told you to hurry!" a deep, manly voice snarled right beside him.

Confused Draco fought against the hands on his shoulders which forced him down.

"Please...off...take it off...it will bite me," he yelped when he saw the snake dangling from his left wrist.

"It's just a restraint. Calm down!"

"...oh God, why don't you help me...take the snake off me..."

"It's okay! Here are no snakes!"

Draco felt tears of despair escaping his eyes. What games were they playing with him? Even though his sight was blurry, he could see the dark body of the snake winding around his wrist and how the rest of it was swinging from his arm, which two people dressed in lime green robes where now pressing down onto the very hard bed he was lying on.

"It's right there...why can't you see it?" he sobbed accusingly, as he pulled against their hold on his arm.

He was too weak. Always too weak. A desperate shriek tore out of him when he lost the ability to move his left arm as well.

A large hand was laid on his cheek and turned his face away from the ghastly sight of the snake around his wrist. "Look at me! You are at St. Mungo's hospital. I'm healer Wicks. You are safe here. Do you hear me?"

"Please -" Draco could not hold the gaze of the bearded healer, as his eyes always tried to stray back to his wrist.

"Come on, lad, answer! Do you understand what I said?" the healer asked, now more forcefully.

Draco nodded weakly, as he felt fear creeping through his body like silent poison, fear of being punished again.

"Good, good!", the healer said. "Now tell me - did you drink any potion or eat something unusual or did any creature attack you or did somebody put a spell on you?"

"Please, take it off -" Draco sobbed once again.

"If you answer my questions, I will make them go away. I promise!"

"They are real! They made them! They are always watching me - punishing me, as he is telling them to do. Don't let them bite me again. They were everywhere - and then - then they covered my whole body. I can't take it any longer, please!" Draco talked faster and faster, looking beseechingly at the healer while he shuddered with disgust at the feeling of the snakes on his skin.

A young healer hurried into the room. "There is no trace of a potion or poison in his blood."

"An unknown spell then," Healer Wicks said with a pensive face, "or his mind was taken beyond the borders of sanity."

"If he really is who he seems to be -"

"I know, I know. Where is the midwife?"

"Tonight there is no midwife on duty, but Candice will be in shortly."

"Good, good. Jebediah, hand me a phial of pacifying potion."

Draco mistrustfully eyed the potion phial and turned his head to the side with a small whimper when the healer pressed it against his lips.

"It will make the snakes go away. Just one small sip and they will be gone," the healer said in a soothing voice, almost as if he was talking to a small child.

Draco regarded the phial with a scrutinizing look before he allowed the bitter potion to trickle onto his tongue. A wave of fire immediately burnt through his mind, clearing all those rampant thoughts and emotions from it, before a dazing and calming sensation caused him to slump against the healer's arm which supported his neck and shoulders.

"You promised -" Draco whispered, all of a sudden feeling too exhausted to speak.

Healer Wicks nodded sharply, before he carefully let Draco lie back onto the examination table. Strangely unconcerned Draco watched as Wicks and a female healer pulled at the snakes which had his wrists in an unforgiving hold. He frowned when his searching glance came to rest on something resembling a belt, made of dark brown leather, buckled around his left wrist. For a moment surprised realisation and gratitude shot through him at the fact that there was no snake coiling around his limb, but a simple piece of leather. Then the fog shielding the secret place in his mind started to swirl around him and made it all unimportant.

"Can you tell me your name?"

Draco blinked slowly at the healer, trying to shake off the feeling of being trapped in a nightmare.

"Tell me your name, lad!"

"Draco," he finally answered weakly.

Meaningful glances were exchanged over his body, which was, as he realised just now, thankfully covered by a hospital gown of a lighter green than the healers' robes were sporting.

"We have to inform his mother - and the ministry. They will want to send Aurors in."

"No Aurors -" Draco whimpered softly, as despite the haze around his mind he could remember darkly that Aurors were bad, as bad as Death Eaters.

With a frown on his face healer Wicks assured him. "First of all we will send you up to your ward where you can rest. After that we can find out what happened to you. We'll have plenty of time to do that."

Then he turned to the female healer, a corpulent elderly woman with conspicuous facial hair. "Phyllis, would you kindly take the young lad up to your ward and wait until the midwife finished her examination. If there is any problem you can give him another dose of pacifying potion."

She nodded, before she pulled Draco, with the help of the young healer, into a sitting position. "Up you go, boy! That's it!"

Draco swayed on the spot when he got to his feet, as a dizzy sensation washed over him for a moment. They then slowly made their way up to the fourth floor, where they passed through a swing door saying 'Spell Damage'. She led him past all doors lining the corridor until with a quiet "Alohomora!" the healer unlocked the last door. Once inside Draco was faced with two rows of beds. Only few patients were in this ward. At the back of the dimly lit room a haggard woman with sunken cheeks sat on her bed, slowly brushing her white hair, seemingly lost in thought. Another person, as hairy as any werewolf, was barking silently in her sleep.

"You don't understand...they were everywhere...hundreds of snakes...I'm not mad..." Draco protested feebly, as he was steered towards an empty bed.

"Of course you are not. Now be a good boy and hop onto the bed. In a few minutes a midwife will be here to have a look at you," healer Dickerson beamed at Draco while she was folding the blanket back.

He arduously climbed onto the bed and slowly looked around. If they didn't think him mad, why was he in a closed ward with Gilderoy Lockhart? Draco stared blankly at all the tiny Lockharts who were winking, flashing their teeth and waving at him from the snoring man's photograph collection until a pale and trembling hand disturbed the illustrious view. The white-haired woman was standing beside his bed, her empty eyes sending a shiver down Draco's spine. Completely baffled he accepted the small piece of paper the woman put into his hand before she shuffled back to her bed to pick up her hairbrush once more.

"Why, thank you, Alice! I'm sure Draco is very happy about your present," the healer said overly cheerful.

Draco was still looking in confusion at the empty wrapping paper of Drooble's Best Blowing Gum in his hand, when a petite woman in St. Mungo's robes entered the ward and drew the curtain around his bed closed.

"Draco, dear! You had us worried. All of a sudden you were gone. And look where you have landed yourself," Candice Hops, who had secretly been his midwife for the last months, scolded him quietly, before she added loud enough for the healer to hear, "Let us have a look at the little one. Lie back and pull your shirt up, please!"

Draco felt hope dance like a will of the wisp through the fog in his mind, while he followed the instructions of the midwife with the agility of an Inferius. The fragile, dark-haired woman was someone he could trust. She would tell Harry where he was. She would help him, even though his lips seemed unwilling to form the words to tell her what he needed, what he wanted more than anything else. He wanted to go home.

"Phyllis, there is no need for you to stay here while I examine the boy," the midwife said with a reassuring smile, already busying herself with rubbing a potion over Draco's bulging middle.

"He has shown a tendency to violent behaviour, Candice. I can't leave you alone with him, even though he is under the influence of a calming draught. I have to comply with instructions," the healer objected.

Frowning slightly the midwife chanted the spell to create an image of the baby in Draco's womb. It became increasingly difficult for Draco to keep his eyes open. The potion was freezing his mind and dulling his senses, and Madam Hops chant was like a lullaby, slowly but surely singing him to sleep. The fog was already muting the midwife's lilting words and the slow swirling of the fine red mist above his belly seemed to envelop him and continue behind his eyelids. There was no need to fight any longer against the soothing void, which pulled him into its embrace, because finally he was feeling safe.

ooooooo

Harry sauntered into the Great Hall, looking surreptitiously at the head table to find his favourite teacher's chair empty. He felt a small twinge of disappointment at the fact, but it was the sore feeling in his backside which made him grimace with discomfort when he took his usual seat at the Gryffindor table. The scowl on his face earned him wary looks from Dean and Seamus, who inconspicuously moved away from their dorm-mate. But Harry was unaware of it. He was lost in a sea of dark thoughts and feelings.

Snape's absence had sparked a sense of foreboding deep in the pit of his stomach. Maybe he had gone too far with approaching Snape, but then the teacher had not really been averse to shagging him. Maybe he was regretting it by now as much as Harry did. It had been a desperate and foolish idea to throw himself at Snape like that, and although for some blissful moments Snape had pounded the pain out of Harry's soul and into his body, had made him forget all the sorrow and guilt which threatened to overwhelm him, Harry was not sure if it had been worth the extra portion remorse and self-loathing he could now add to his extended collection of self-destructive emotions.

Harry didn't fool himself. Snape loved Narcissa Malfoy, and his own heart still belonged to Draco, and surely would for the rest of his most probably short life. And still - for a short time Harry had felt 'loved' again, cared for. He didn't want to lose the closeness he had found to the grumpy man. Harry hoped that Snape would not withdraw from him after last night. It had been nice to be close to someone again, if only for some stolen moments. Harry caught himself scheming how to tease Snape until he would offer up freely what he had had to beg for last night.

He wondered if doing drugs felt the same. Why did so many people accept the disadvantages their behaviour brought in exchange for a short time of feeling better? Why did they always go back for more, even if they knew it was dangerous for them? Maybe it was just that - to feel better, if only for some minutes, to forget all problems and fly. Draco was gone forever, leaving him behind feeling dead and empty. Surely he would understand. Harry sniggered quietly. Draco would kick his arse, if he was here. He would even offer his butt willingly, if only Draco would come back to beat some sense into him.

The smile on his lips died down when a certain black-haired man stormed into the Great Hall and approached him with glittering eyes and a grim face. Harry swallowed heavily, as his guts turned into liquid, churning stone.

"Potter. Follow me!" Snape said tersely.

"I'm in the middle of breakfast - Professor," Harry drawled in a pretence of coolness, but the storm of emotions brewing in those black, beady eyes persuaded him to get up and follow the rigid Potions Master.

Harry was slightly surprised when instead of making his way down to the dungeons, where his office was located, Snape turned towards the stairs leading up. For a moment he wanted to ask Snape what this was all about and where he was taking him to, but he was only too aware of that the answer to that question could easily be overheard. He was not sure, if he wanted any of the nosy students, who made their way laughing and chattering towards the Great Hall, to hear what Snape had to say. Harry had trouble keeping up his indifferent countenance when astonishment and anger caused his nerves to tingle and his heart to speed up as Snape led him towards the stone gargoyle protecting the entrance towards the headmaster's office. Something stung Harry's heart, nastily resembling a sense of betrayal, at the fact that the man knew about his bias against his former mentor and -

He could not, would surely not report him to the old schemer?

"Professor Snape, about last night -" he tried to protest in hope of talking sense into the man before they would enter Dumbledore's office.

"Not now, Potter!" Snape interrupted him sharply, before he hissed the password. "Ice mice."

The gargoyle moved aside to reveal a spiralling staircase, which slowly carried them up. Harry anxiously stared at the silent man, whose face seemed to be carved of stone. It could not be true. Snape could not be stupid enough to report what had happened between them, risking to lose his job and reputation and maybe even the woman he loved. Desperately he wished for the other one to look into his eyes, to give him just a small chance to find out what was going on behind that scowling facade, before he would lose control and hex his teacher into oblivion.

"Please, can't we talk about it first," Harry begged, trying to suppress the anger tainting his plea. "Why are you taking me to Dumbledore? I promised not to approach you again."

Snape stared at him in surprise. "Don't be ridiculous, Potter! I'm not an imbecile! The headmaster asked me to take you to his office. This morning Dumbledore obtained information, that -" For some never ending moments Snape seemed to search for the right words. "Last night a boy - maybe Draco was found."

Harry stared at the back of Snape's head, as the black-haired man refused to look at him, obviously lost in his own emotional turmoil, just as Harry was.

"What do you mean with Draco was found?" Harry grabbed Snape's elbow to force him to look at him, but the man just shook his head and pressed his thin lips tightly shut.

Flustered Harry followed Snape into Dumbledore's office, where he realised with no great surprise that Draco's mother was already sitting in one of the comfortable visitors' chairs standing in front of the headmaster's desk. The woman had red-rimmed eyes and was nervously crumpling a handkerchief in her trembling hands.

"Oh, Harry, you are here! Good, good! Take a seat, please!" Dumbledore said benignly.

Harry was about to refuse, when he felt Snape's hand pushing against his back. "Sit down, Harry!" Snape whispered.

"Tea, Harry?" Dumbledore asked, as he looked over the frame of his half-moon spectacles at him.

Harry impatiently shook his head and grasped the arms of his chair, shifting his weight as if he was about to get up. "What is going on here?" he demanded to know.

Expecting Dumbledore to go into a lengthy explanation of how Draco's grave was desecrated, his corpse moved or even worse than that, Harry was taken by surprise when the headmaster instead looked at him for some maddening moments, the twinkling in his eyes unnerving him more than ever.

"Yesterday night a boy was taken to St. Mungo's, Harry. He claims to be Draco."

For a moment Harry forgot how to breath, while his heart couldn't decide whether it wanted to stop or hammer its way out of his chest. "That is a sick joke, isn't it?" he breathed finally, surprised at how weak his voice sounded.

"I assure you, that it is not. Madam Rosmerta, who was one of those who found the boy in the middle of the night outside Hogsmeade, confirmed that he looks like him. Draco's mother received an owl from the hospital this morning as well. The boy seems to be in good health, but he was admitted to the Janus Thickey Ward in the meantime. If you are ready we will Floo to the hospital in a few moments," Dumbledore explained.

Harry's head was spinning, his mind overloaded with conflicting thoughts and emotions. He couldn't believe it, even though his heart longed for nothing more than having the one he loved back in his arms. He had held Draco in his arms, looked into his soulless eyes, seen the grievous injuries he had suffered. Nobody could bear such injuries and get up over a month later. How was that possible? But instead of asking what was confusing him the most his mind decided to concentrate on a completely different fact.

"That ward is only for nutters," Harry muttered quietly, suddenly remembering the time he had been forced to 'visit' Lockhart.

For a moment uncomfortable silence reigned, then Dumbledore cleared his throat.

"He was obviously trying to fight off invisible snakes and was rather disorientated and violent."

Fear burnt through his guts like wildfire as Harry imagined Draco, his Draco, to be out of his mind, behaving mad enough to warrant the decision to lock him up in a ward with people who would never again see daylight. He shuddered as his fantasy provided him with images of Draco as an empty shell housing a broken mind, the suddenly terrifying memory of Neville's mother overlapping with Draco's beautiful face. What must have happened to the snotty, condescending brat to turn him into a raving lunatic? Harry started when Dumbledore's voice tore him out of his musing.

"After our visit to St. Mungo's Professor Snape and I will Apparate to Malfoy Manor to check Draco's grave. Maybe we will -"

"Oh God, we buried him alive -" Harry interrupted Dumbledore, looking at the old wizard in horror.

"No. No, I believe the explanation to this admittedly mystifying occurrence will be less gruesome than that," Dumbledore said, all of a sudden looking very pensive. "Nevertheless, there is a young man waiting for us. Mrs. Malfoy, Harry, if you are ready I will open the Floo."

On the way to St. Mungo's Harry felt himself falling into a stupor. The shock had left him with a blank where minutes ago a storm of emotions and thoughts had raged. Fear was silently nagging at his innards, mixing with a glint of hope he did not dare to feel. The closer they came to the Janus Thickey Ward the slower his steps became, until he heard loud voices reverberating through the staircase. The small group fastened its pace as single words started to drift towards them. Dumbledore unlocked the glass door leading into the spell damage section of St. Mungo's with a simple _Alohomora _and entered the corridor with fast strides, heading straight towards the source of the vociferous argument.

A very stern, female voice rang out onto the corridor. "I'm very sorry, but I have to ask you to leave right now! You are upsetting our patients!"

There was a menacing sounding laughter, followed by an amused, "Why don't you let us do _our _job and do _your _job somewhere else? We just want to ask him some questions! We won't flay him alive, I promise!"

"Let's simply take him into custody. There is no way we will get answers in this madhouse," another man with a deep, grumpy voice interjected, before he barked, "You're obstructing ministry proceedings! Get out of our way now, madam!"

The ward was truly a madhouse, Harry realised with just one look through the wired glass which filled the window in the ward's door. Aghast at the sight he grimaced. The hairy witch Harry could still remember from his first visit in this dreadful place was howling, whereas Lockhart was sitting on his bed, laughing happily and clapping at the drama. Neville's mother calmly combed her sparse, white hair, not even reacting to all the noise as she wandered with a dead expression on her face past the row of hospital beds.

Harry charged into the ward right after Dumbledore, just in time to see a man clad in Auror robes trying to push past a determined healer, while a second one reached out to pull a whimpering blond boy up from the floor.

"You're frightening him. Can't you see?" a very young nurse protested, obviously scared herself by the intimidating men.

For a terrifying moment Harry felt his legs almost give out under him, as the room suddenly disappeared and wide open eyes seemed to swallow him like an abyss filled with boiling mercury. The name of his love echoed in his head, in the rhythm of his heartbeat. The pain in his soul was expanding until there seemed not to be enough space for him left in his body. The sensation was over as suddenly as it had overwhelmed him, and he blinked, disorientated for a moment.

"Gentlemen, please -" Dumbledore addressed the Aurors imploringly.

Within the blink of an eye Harry had his wand out and pointed it straight at the Auror next to Draco.

"If you touch him, I´ll kill you," Harry snarled, his panting breaths overly loud in the suddenly deadly quiet room.

The sneer the Auror wanted to give Harry was dying down at the expression he detected in those cold, green orbs. Slowly he straightened his back and lifted his hands to shoulder-height in a pacifying way.

"If I were you I wouldn't want to make the mistake to threaten an Auror, kid," he said, reassured by the wand his colleague had directed against the young culprit.

"Then I'm glad I'm not you," Harry sneered, not in the least impressed.

"Harry - I believe this is not necessary," Dumbledore said quietly, putting his hand on Harry's wand arm.

Harry jerked his arm out of Dumbledore's reach and redirected his wand at the Auror. "They're not going to take him away. I won't allow it."

"I know both Demier and Wilkings. They are good boys and will surely listen to reason, Harry," Dumbledore said, his stare telling Harry, 'Just as you should.'

Snape, his left arm still supporting a shaking Narcissa Malfoy who was desperately clinging to him, now stepped closer to Harry and placed a hand on his shoulder.

"Potter!"

It was all Harry needed to make him aware again of where he was and what he was doing. Snape's stern but quiet voice reminded him of the very recent conversation he had had with his teacher about keeping a low profile. Only reluctantly he let his wand arm sink and felt Snape's hand kneading his shoulder once before the reassuring warmth disappeared.

Harry felt himself sinking into a dreamlike state, the voices of Dumbledore and the Aurors murmurous around him as his eyes were magically drawn towards the boy on the floor. His legs felt leaden as he slowly walked over to the blonde and let himself fall onto his knees before him. With a shaking hand he reached out to caress the cheek of the one he had lost and mourned for an eternity, as it seemed to him. His hand froze in midair when Draco violently flinched away from his touch and whimpered pitifully.

The blonde looked at him with fear written all over his face. The whole situation was so very unlike anything Harry had imagined when he had still dreamt of closing Draco into his arms again. Draco had never been afraid of him, but the boy in front of him was deadly scared, although he tried to hide it. There was no sign of recognition, only fear. Harry scrutinized the shaking boy closely. He looked like Draco, although if possible even thinner and paler. His face looked slightly different, with more prominent cheek bones and an unhealthy look. He looked so much like his lost love, yet so very different.

The oversized hospital gown bunched around the thin body and made it impossible for Harry to see if there was a baby belly hidden behind all that light green cloth and trembling limbs draped in front of it. Harry felt anger rising in him, superseding the happiness he had felt only seconds ago. He did not want to believe that fate could be that cruel to return Draco to him like - this. How could Draco have forgotten the one he had loved? Harry realised that his worst fears had come true and the pain he had thought to be in the past roared back into his heart and mingled with the rage to an everything consuming acid. Draco was doomed to spend the rest of his life here in this locked ward, unable to understand what was going on around him or that there were people who loved him, condemning Harry to visit him just to see the fear in Draco's eyes. Fear of him.

"Oh God, I cannot -"

How much more should he be able to take? He had held a dead Draco in his arms, buried the one he loved so soon after what should have been the happiest day in his life, and now - now -. Harry's mind raced back to the burial. What if the one he had buried had really been Draco? What if the one in front of him was truly mad, or even worse, an impostor sent by Voldemort? What better chance could there be than presenting him in his despair and grief with somebody who looked like Draco. Somebody who had conveniently 'forgotten' all about their relationship? His hand, which had been so cruelly rejected, buried itself into the light blonde hair and pulled harshly back.

"Who are you?" Harry hissed, pressing the tip of his wand against the blonde's bared throat, who immediately cried out in fear. "I swear neither you nor Voldemort will succeed in breaking me!"

He heard Narcissa protesting, heard that the woman was crying, too, but Snape held her back. Strangely enough the blond boy didn't even try to remove Harry's surely painful grip on his hair, instead he seemed to sag in surrender, and silvery tears of defeat rolled down his pale face.

"Please...I'm so-sorry" he hiccupped, "Don't hurt me again..."

Harry's threateningly narrowed eyes widened slowly, as he heard the pitiful pleas. This was Draco's voice and even more so the way he cried sounded exactly like Draco's. How often had Draco cried in his arms. An impostor could imitate a lot of things, but not those small hiccups and tiny hitches, the pain in Draco's voice which had always managed to slowly crush Harry's heart.

"I know I'm not worth-worthy to be your husband, but, please, don't hate me...don't hate me any longer," the blond boy whispered miserably.

Harry's heart was beating like thunder in his ears as he anxiously looked at the hands of the blonde - to see two rings, one beside the other, sitting on his left ring finger. For a moment he froze, then he frantically grabbed the blonde's hand and tore the first ring off his finger, who desperately tried to hold on to it. Harry immediately glimpsed the engraving on the inside of the wedding ring. The world seemed to fall out from under him, as he stared at the words which were also engraved on the firebird pendant Draco had given to him for Christmas.

"Forever yours," Harry read with breaking voice, before he slowly looked up at the crying boy.

"Don't take the ring from me, Harry...it's the only thing I still have left..."

"Draco?...Oh God!" Decisively he put the ring onto his own finger and raised the still anxiously sobbing Draco into his arms, pretending not to feel the boy stiffening in his arms. "Let's go home!"

Outraged the healer protested, "Mr. Potter, I must object, the patient is mentally unstable and needs professional help. You can't just whisk him away."

For a moment Harry contemplated her words. A look at Draco was enough to tell him that he was not okay, but there was no way in hell he would let him go again. He could not.

"He is my husband and I will take him with me. I will take care of him myself."

Surely if he took him to a place which was not filled with mental people Draco would soon be okay again. If only he could show Draco how much he loved him, he would lose the haunted look in his eyes. He just knew that Draco would be fine, some day.

Narcissa Malfoy stepped out of Snape's protective embrace and came to stand before Harry and Draco with a smile mingled with tears. Tenderly she caressed Draco's hair and pressed a light kiss on his temple before she nodded.

"Go!" she said to Harry.

Immediately protest arose from both the healers and Aurors, but before he could be hindered in his intentions Harry raised the wand he still held in hand and Apparated both Draco and himself out of St. Mungo's. He staggered once he had solid ground under his feet again, and drew in the slightly mouldy air sharply as he tried to regain his balance. Moth-eaten velvet curtains flew open and the insults the old woman in her frame was screeching at them upon their arrival echoed through the entrance hall and woke up the other portraits.

"Filthy blood traitors, guttersnipes in my house, worthless vermin!"

Draco had buried his face into Harry's shoulder and was whimpering once again. Mrs. Black's rude welcome was obviously terrifying him.

"Shut up, you hag!" Harry panted, suddenly feeling as if all his strength had left him.

His knees started to shake under his weight, his qualm worsened by the fact that he was still carrying Draco. Hurriedly he stumbled into the first room off the hall and kicked the door shut with his foot to shut out the clamour. The study fortunately sported a very large and comfortable couch in front of the fireplace onto which Harry carefully laid Draco before he let himself sink onto the threadbare carpet. He was not sure which of them was closer to hyperventilating, but he could not care less about his own well-being now that he had Draco back.

He ran his shaking hands over Draco's head and face, his heart aching at how Draco flinched and pressed his eyes shut. His right hand came to rest on Draco's belly, a still rounded belly as Harry immediately realised. His relieved laughter resounded in the room, but soon it was choked with tears. Now that all the tension was gone, he could not help the tears which he had dammed up for such a long time. He burrowed his face into Draco's chest and cried, clinging to the one he had thought lost forever.

He could not help but think of how he had failed Draco, how he had betrayed him in so many ways when he was supposed to save him, to bring him back. He had done nothing to help the one he loved, instead he had betrayed his trust in the worst possible way. He wanted so badly to tell Draco one million times how sorry he was and how much he loved him and had missed him, but the violent sobs shaking his body made all attempts at speech impossible.

Harry did not know how much time he had spent shedding tears of happiness and guilt when he felt a hand caressing his hair and Draco's soft voice floated through the chilly air.

"I'm home."

_preview chapter 25: haunted eyes_

_"He's afraid of me. I can see it in his eyes, and in the way his body tenses when I come close to him. I can't do this, Remus. I have to go."_

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	25. Haunted Eyes

Like a light into my life  
I never thought that it would feel so bright  
All I wanna do is hold you tight  
And I'll be with you through troubled nights

Sometimes life it drags you down  
And plays you like a fool  
Makes you feel so empty sometimes  
It can be so cruel

So follow me home  
You'll never be lost  
We'll weather the storm  
Whatever the cost  
I won't walk away  
I'll stand by your side  
I'm here for you  
The rest of our lives

(Sugababes / Follow Me Home)

_**A/N: The story continues! Thanks for waiting and staying with me! I will try to update rather regularly again from now on, but maybe I might reduce the chapter length to be able to do so. I'm really sorry for letting everybody think I let this story die before finishing it or even that I stopped writing altogether. I guess without the moaning and whining of my favourite aka my most troublesome reader I would never have finished this chapter. So, little one, this chapter is for you, as well as all the following ones you can make me write. I love you! **_

_**On to the story:**_

_He ran his shaking hands over Draco's head and face, his heart aching at how Draco flinched and pressed his eyes shut. His right hand came to rest on Draco's belly, a still rounded belly as Harry immediately realised. His relieved laughter resounded in the room, but soon it was choked with tears. Now that all the tension was gone, he could not help the tears which he had dammed up for such a long time. He burrowed his face into Draco's chest and cried, clinging to the one he had thought lost forever._

_He could not help but think of how he had failed Draco, how he had betrayed him in so many ways when he was supposed to save him, to bring him back. He had done nothing to help the one he loved, instead he had betrayed his trust in the worst possible way. He wanted so badly to tell Draco one million times how sorry he was and how much he loved him and had missed him, but the violent sobs shaking his body made all attempts at speech impossible. _

_Harry did not know how much time he had spent shedding tears of happiness and guilt when he felt a hand caressing his hair and Draco's soft voice floated through the chilly air._

_"I'm home."_

oooooo **Chapter 25 **oooooo

**Haunted Eyes**

_Monday, February 12, 1997_

The almost imperceptible sound of Draco's breaths was like soft, heavenly music to Harry's ears, enchanting him, freezing him in place as he sat beside Draco on the bed and watched over his sleeping husband. It was long after midnight, but his body seemed unable to feel fatigue since the one he loved had come back to him. The candlelight painted the blond hair, he had caressed so often, in shining gold, making his husband look like the most precious being existing all around the world. Carefully he pushed a strand of gold, which had fallen into Draco's face, to the side, feeling his heart speed up at the sensation of soft skin and silken hair under his fingertips.

Harry sighed softly, vowing once again to himself that now that he had Draco back he would never let go of him. There was no way Voldemort or anybody else would be able to separate them again. His smile turned into a small frown as he thought about what Draco might have suffered at the hands of the Dark Lord. Since they had come to Grimmauld Place this morning, Draco had hardly spoken a word. Never before had he seen such a docile side to the Slytherin. Draco only moved if told, ate if told and talked if asked to.

Harry couldn't help the disturbing feeling of suddenly being married to a frightened child. He longed for nothing more than to feel his love's embrace, his lips on his lips, his voice whispering oaths of love into his ear, but he was even denied a smile, which would surely have brought back the light into those haunted eyes. Guilt arose in his soul at his selfish thoughts, as he remembered how Draco had obviously tried to please him, watching his every move and hanging on his every word while fear was glistening in his eyes.

Only when Snape had arrived together with Poppy and the midwife Harry had realised that his touch was the only one Draco was shying away from. Draco feared only him. The realisation had been like a stab with a poisoned knife to his heart and the treacherous poison had spread fast through his body, making him shake with suppressed anger and disappointment. Never had anything felt more difficult to him than keeping the brave smile on his face, which he had put on for Draco.

The guilt, constantly gnawing at the frayed borders of his soul, had reached new heights when he had become aware of the relief he had felt when Draco's eyes had closed after Poppy had given him a sleeping draught. At least when Draco was asleep Harry was able to keep up the imagination that everything was alright. It was just like in those nights, back in the Slytherin dorm. Slowly he let his hand wander over soft, white skin, enjoying the delicious shivers which ran through his body and pooled in his groin.

Harry pressed a tender kiss onto Draco's forehead, breathing in his unique scent. With bated breath he watched the blonde mumbling and shifting in his sleep before he settled again with a small moan. A sly smile played on his lips as they softly met the slightly opened lips of his husband and stole a chaste kiss. With a surprised gasp Harry backed off when Draco opened his eyes with a hoarse cry and looked around in confusion.

"Noooo," Draco moaned desparately as he started to fight against Harry's attempt to comfort him. "Please, the snakes...don't leave me here...alone with them...they..."

"You had a nightmare, Draco."

"...they are everywhere...moving over my body...watching me...

"Nobody is here, only the two of us."

"...no...no...you are just...just like the Dark Lord...hurting me...just like him...you swore never to leave me alone...i hate you..."

"Shut UP!"

For a staggering moment Harry had to fight the urge to hit Draco, make the hysterical boy shut up by any means, as fury swept over him like a dark cloud and blinded his heart. He could feel his magic pulsing through his veins, faster and faster, fed by the darkness residing in him, until he became aware of the screaming silence which replaced the whimpers which had filled his head. Confused he looked into large silver eyes filled with tears. Like in trance he watched a tear clinging to long eyelashes, before finally, too heavy with sorrow to be kept back, it made its way down a pale cheek.

Draco was staring up at him with fear in his eyes, his body tense under his hard grip. Only now did Harry realise that his hands were wrapped tightly around his love's upper arms, tight enough to cause bruises. With a mumbled apology he let go of the much too thin limbs and wrapped his arms around the trembling boy.

Harry's voice was shaking as he, shocked by his unconscious use of magic, whispered miserably:

"Please, Draco, don't say that! I'm not like him. I love you! I would never hurt you. I love you so much-"

With a faint caress of his fingers over trembling lips Harry released the Silencing Spell he had put on Draco. Tentatively he moved closer, entranced by the beckoning sweetness his husband's lips portrayed. Harry froze when, before their lips could touch, Draco turned his head to the side. The silent protest hurt as much as if the blonde had punched him in the face. No, if he was honest with himself, the tears welling up in his eyes left no doubt that there could be no physical pain as dreadful as the feeling of your heart slowly being crushed in your chest. Blinking back the traitorous tears Harry forced an apologetic smile onto his face before he let himself sink onto the large bed beside his husband.

"Let's sleep, Draco, we are both tired."

Pulling the tense boy back into his arms Harry closed his eyes, trying to pretend that there was no fear in Draco's eyes. Both boys were lying beside the one they loved, trying to keep their breath even and their bodies motionless, uncomfortable with the close contact, yet craving it. It was when the flickering light of the single candle on the bedside table died down that Harry felt Draco finally snuggling closer.

ooooooo

Though full of confidence the Death Eater couldn't help but swallow nervously under the scrutinizing gaze of cruel eyes burning with the fires of hell.

"I bring good news, my Lord, news of the whereabouts of the bearer of your heir. The light sight is hiding him in the forsaken Black residence at Grimmauld Place."

The ensuing laughter escaping the lipless mouth of the Dark Lord seemed to send rays of ice through the air.

"Nobody can save my little run-away bitch from his destiny. Nobody!", he hissed quietly, staring into space as if his hateful gaze was able to penetrate wood and stone until his eyes came to lay on a blond boy lulled into a false sense of security, before intent eyes snapped back onto the slightly trembling Death Eater.

"Do they still believe you on their side?"

"Yes, my Lord, they do!"

"Trusting fools!"

Sovereign contempt distorted the snake-like face, before a twisted smile lit up the cruel features.

"Let them have a taste of what will never be theirs. I want you to bring the boy to me when his time has come. With the birth of my son the Light side will fall!"

ooooooo

Draco awoke to the sound of loud voices penetrating the usually oppressive silence lying over the old house. He pulled the warm blanket closer around himself, trying to fight the tremors which started to cramp his stomach muscles and seized his whole body within seconds. Nervously he listened for sounds indicating a fight. The voices were floating to him like the tides of the sea, drowning him with their heated intensity before they retreated only to come back louder than before.

It was the realisation that one of the voices was Harry's which made Draco hesitantly throw back the covers and get up. The cold floor under his naked feet seemed hostile, just as the peeling wallpaper and the grimy windows which were rattling in a strong gust of wind. With a whimper he pulled back his outstretched hand and stepped back when he realised that the door knob was resembling a snake. A desperate feeling of being locked up once again with snakes as his guards started to choke him. Only with great difficulty he could persuade himself that the door knob was not a living and moving animal but merely a brass ornament.

Still he couldn't bring himself to touch it.

"Harry!"

Draco felt the heat of shame rising in his body as he became aware of how pathetic he had become. The once proud Malfoy heir was almost wetting himself because of a door knob and calling for rescue. Terrified that Harry had heard his wail he froze for some seconds before he could be sure that his call had went unheard in the ongoing argument. With the relief the shame and desperation slammed back into his mind. Pressing his eyes shut he tried to lock in the tears which were burning beneath his eyelids.

"Not real! Not real! Just a door knob!" he whispered breathlessly.

When Draco opened his eyes the brass snake stared at him with a venomous smile, mocking him with its immobile shape, looking for everything in the world as if it was just waiting to coil around his hand the second he was foolish enough to touch it. Gritting his teeth he tried to suppress the terrified wail clogging his throat. Draco pulled the blanket off the bed and cautiously stepped closer to the repulsive door knob. Covering his hand with the thick cloth, which still held traces of his body heat, Draco loathly grabbed the door knob and turned it. Nauseated by the mere thought of the shape under his hand he pushed open the door with force and stepped through, carelessly letting the bed cover glide onto the floor as he rushed down the stairs.

Like a sleep walker Draco followed the voices towards the stairs leading down to the kitchen. The angry sound of Harry's voice made his legs tremble as if he had been hit with a Jelly-Legs Jinx. Every word he could make out now made it clear to him that he had displeased Harry. Again.

"This is the wrong decision, Harry! You cannot leave him alone! He needs you--"

"He's afraid of me. I can see it in his eyes, and in the way his body tenses when I come close to him. I can't do this, Remus. I have to go."

"You can't just--"

"Remus, _please_!"

"Harry--"

"_Hogsmeade_!"

The telltale swoosh of flames, followed by empty silence, was all Draco needed to hear to know that Harry was gone. Slowly he slid down the wall he had rested against until he could feel the hard stone floor under his trembling hands. His heart was racing in his chest, drowning out the sound of steps coming closer until worn, black shoes, splattered with mud, appeared in his suddenly blurred field of vision. Confused Draco's gaze rested for a moment on them before relief welled up in his heart.

"Harry, I--"

The words died on his lips as he looked up into the scarred face of Remus Lupin, the man who had been their DA teacher three years ago. Three years which seemed like a lifetime to him right now. With a sad smile Lupin crouched down in front of him, his friendly brown eyes locking with Draco's stormy grey.

"Are you okay?"

Draco slowly shook his head. "He left," he said quietly, his stare empty and broken.

The faint frown line between Lupin's eyebrows disappeared, as a soft smile lit up his tired face.

"He'll come back, Draco! ... Harry's hurting inside. He's afraid of losing you."

"Losing me?" asked Draco confused. "But I'm here."

For a moment Lupin's smile widened, deepening the lines beside his mouth.

"Yes! You are here -- and Harry will realise that, too."

Even though his muddled mind couldn't apprehend the meaning of Lupin's words, the blonde was persuaded by the warmth and sincerity in his eyes that everything was going to be alright. For the first time Draco looked past the shabby robes and saw more than a man of middle age with greying hair and more scars than any wizard should bear. Lupin radiated kindness, a soothing calmness and wisdom beyond his years, but underneath that all Draco could feel the suffering deeply ingrained in the man's soul, a suffering and loneliness so vast that he wondered why he had never noticed it before.

Lupin reminded him of the pure Gryffindor Harry once had been...

When Lupin's hands came to rest on his upper arms to help him get up from the cold floor, Draco wrapped his arms around his former teacher, desperately clinging to the man. Bitter tears burned in his eyes as he felt Lupin holding him tight, making him feel secure and cared for. His tears were soon soaking the patched robes, as he became so painfully aware of what he had lost...as he was finding it again in the arms of this old and worn out man.

ooooooo

**A big 'Thank you!' to all reviewers since the last update, which nobody can remember after such a long time ;)**

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	26. Desperate Measures

_In my hands  
A legacy of memories  
I can hear you say my name  
I can almost see your smile  
Feel the warmth of your embrace  
But there is nothing but silence now  
Around the one I loved  
Is this our farewell? _

Sweet darling, you worry too much, my child  
See the sadness in your eyes  
You are not alone in life  
Although you might think that you are

_So sorry your world is tumbling down  
I'll watch you through these nights  
Rest your head and go to sleep  
Because my child, this is not our farewell.  
This is not our farewell.  
_

_(present fav song: Our Farewell / Within Temptation)_

**A/N: **Guys, I was really surprised and very happy about the fact that still so many want to read this story after such a long break. And the break became much, much longer than I wanted. Was it really already 3 months?

I could also welcome many new readers into the circle of reviewers for this story. Thanks so much!

I know, I promised to finish this story and I'll still try to keep to my promise, though I hate myself for the despicable tardiness I've been displaying. For some time I really wanted to stop writing, as it has been kind of my own private therapy in times of loneliness and despair. I was depressed and struggling with my fxxxxx up life and to be honest I was seriously thinking of ending it and my mindset was showing in the extreme angst i wrote. I have somebody by my side for more than half a year now who started out as a reader and became the one who made me happy again. Well, as I'm not depressed any longer I didn't feel the urge to write angst, and I thought 'Oh my god, what weird stuff have I been writing?", and if not for the one I love who would be so disappointed if I stopped writing I would have deleted this account some months ago. But now...

Hurray, I enjoy writing again!

I'm back to writing every day, using every free hour I can find and from now on I will try to post like in old times again. I'm preparing the next chapter for posting it this weekend to come back to the former rhythm of posting each weekend. And you don't need to fear, I am still able to write angst, as it is simply fun for my twisted mind. I really want to finish this story, so I put the other stories on this account officially on hiatus. I will continue to write 'Stand my Ground' after this, as I really find the plot interesting, but am not so sure if I will continue 'Friends in Need' at all, because to start with I never had an ending of the story in my head, which usually I always know exactly when I start to write a story. I have some other stories up my sleeve too, which I started writing in the meantime, but didn't post yet, or you would have ten stories on Hiatus now. Honestly, I'm planning to finish any future story before posting even the first chapter, because it is unfair towards the readers and stressing me to write as it goes, but I guess I'm too impatient to keep to that. I feel obliged to post faster, as there are so many great people out there supporting me with their reviews and messages. I never thought of becoming a writer and I myself don't think I am that good at writing, but as long as all of us are having fun it's okay for me to keep on writing.

There was a question why Draco is afraid of Harry. In chapter 22 Voldemort used Polyjuice to pretend to be Harry when he faked a rescue-attempt which ended in 'Harry' abusing, raping and finally leaving Draco behind. Oh well, that is the result of posting so slowly...

**You're getting a warning for this chapter, as it is going to be a bit more explicit again, but not really bad. It will heat up after this chapter again...**

_On to the story:_

_"He'll come back, Draco! ... Harry's hurting inside. He's afraid of losing you." _

_"Losing me?" asked Draco confused. "But I'm here."_

_For a moment Lupin's smile widened, deepening the lines beside his mouth._

_"Yes! You are here -- and Harry will realise that, too."_

_Even though his muddled mind couldn't apprehend the meaning of Lupin's words, the blonde was persuaded by the warmth and sincerity in his eyes that everything was going to be alright. For the first time Draco looked past the shabby robes and saw more than a man of middle age with greying hair and more scars than any wizard should bear. Lupin radiated kindness, a soothing calmness and wisdom beyond his years, but underneath that all Draco could feel the suffering deeply ingrained in the man's soul, a suffering and loneliness so vast that he wondered why he had never noticed it before. _

_Lupin reminded him of the pure Gryffindor Harry once had been..._

_When Lupin's hands came to rest on his upper arms to help him get up from the cold floor, Draco wrapped his arms around his former teacher, desperately clinging to the man. Bitter tears burned in his eyes as he felt Lupin holding him tight, making him feel secure and cared for. His tears were soon soaking the patched robes, as he became so painfully aware of what he had lost...as he was finding it again in the arms of this old and worn out man. _

oooooo **Chapter 26 **oooooo

**Desperate Measures**

_Monday, February 12, 1997_

Draco raised his tear-stained face and pressed his trembling lips against Lupin's in a desperate attempt to regain what he had lost. The older man pushed him away softly, confirming what Draco already knew.

"You don't want to do this...It is not really me you want to kiss, Draco!"

He stared into Lupin's amber eyes, feeling strangely relieved and rejected at the same time. Harry was gone, leaving him behind, as he had done before. Harry was his strength, his shield, his hope. Without him he was nothing but a broken doll, crushed by the Dark Lord. He could understand why nobody wanted him, not even Lupin, whose eyes were still filled with kindness...but not love. And Lupin was right - Draco wanted nobody but Harry. The bitter truth forced a sob out of his closed throat.

"I...I'm sorry...I..."

The chilling emptiness of feeling forsaken had overtaken Draco's mind, mocking his need to feel loved and protected, making it impossible for him to tell the man how sorry he was for his foolish attempt, for putting Harry off, for being Draco.

"I know. Let's forget it!"

The simple words were like a sunray, breaking through the clouds during a hurricane. Unable to comprehend how Lupin was able to forgive him, but nevertheless grateful, he let himself sink into the older man's arms as he embraced him once again, giving him the illusion for another precious moment to be safe and cared for.

"You should go back to bed, Draco. I'll bring you something to eat-"

"No! No, please, I can't eat-" Just the thought of food made Draco feel queasy.

Resistance was futile, he realised soon enough, as Lupin dragged him up the stairs, helped him back into bed and vanished within seconds like a House Elf on a sacred mission to prepare the richest breakfast any living being had ever laid eyes on. With a sigh Draco turned to face the side of the bed on which Harry had slept last night, placing his hand on the rumpled bedsheets in a futile endeavour to capture the last remnants of his husband's body warmth. The coldness of the empty space was matching the place Harry was taking in his heart. It was cold and empty without his love.

"Where are you, Harry?"

With a small whimper Draco grabbed Harry's pillow and pressed his face into it. Harry's scent still lingered on the soft material, consoling him with memories of being asleep in the Gryffindor's arms.

"Please, come back! I love you!" Draco whispered. "I love you so much..."

With a sad smile he closed his eyes, holding onto his memories of better times, as the dark veils of sleep gently covered his mind.

ooooooo

Severus Snape looked up in surprise when a scowling Potter sauntered into his classroom, his presence cleaving asunder a group of third years on their way out like an axe would a sapling.

"What are you doing here, Potter? Shouldn't you be with your husband?"

The boy sent him a defiant look, burying his hands deeper into the pockets of his trousers.

"I am where I have to be. It's important for me to train, you should know that, professor!"

"You've left him all alone in that...house?" Severus bit out with distaste and raised an eyebrow as a red tinge appeared on Potter's pale cheeks.

"Remus is taking care of him."

"I see."

The Potions Master pulled a face at the mentioning of Lupin's name as if he had tasted Hippogriff dung. He wondered why Potter looked angry and guilty at the same time. Whatever had happened at Grimmauld Place, the boy looked close to tears.

"What happened?"

"That's none of your fucking business! All you have to do is teach me how to kill Voldemort and his fucking minions!" Potter screamed at him, his eyes flashing with ire and pain as he drew his wand.

For a moment Severus stared at the boy with genuine surprise.

"Very dramatic, Potter!" he sneered, before he turned around and erased the blackboard with a swish of his wand.

The feeling of deliberately offering the boy his vulnerable back felt comparable to how he thought it must be to stick your head into Nagini's mouth. He tensed when Potter's scream reverberated in the room, but instead of feeling a curse burning its way through his body he heard the unmistakable sound of a chair breaking as it hit a thick stone wall. The ensuing silence was only disturbed by the boy's heavy breaths and small gasps, which, as Severus realised after some moments, sounded suspiciously like sobs. The Potions Master stiffened at the presence of so much emotion. The last thing he wanted was to witness another one of Potter's surges of emotion, or what was even worse, to be forced to console a snivelling hero of the wizarding world.

"You should stay with Draco," he said quietly turning around, "He needs you."

The boy's facial expression hardened visibly as Severus watched him carefully.

"You don't need to tell me what I have to do!" Potter answered with a scowl, "I'm tired of people telling me what to do! I give a damn on if Remus or you want me to go and hold Draco's hand! He definitely doesn't crave _my _touch any longer."

"What are you trying to imply?" Severus asked with narrowed eyes.

The boy stubbornly returned his stare.

"I truly hope you are not -" the Potions Master protested, only to be cut off.

"If you refuse to teach me I'll better leave."

With a sulky scowl the boy-hero spinned on his heel, ready to be on his way to a more worthwhile place.

"Potter! Where do you think you are going?" Snape growled before putting a Freezing Charm on the wayward boy. "I see. You are back to your old obnoxious self."

With longing and regret the Potions Master thought of his steaming lunch waiting for him in the Great Hall, as he slowly approached the angrily glaring youth. Released from the spell the boy immediately added a nasty scowl to complement his glittering eyes. Severus felt a smirk pulling at the corners of his mouth at the view.

"Follow me, Potter. As you are so keen on learning today, I will teach you."

Severus Snape could hardly suppress the bounce to his stride as he pondered the possibilities of teaching Potter a lesson he wouldn't ever forget.

ooooooo

"There is somebody here to visit you, Draco."

Draco felt hope flutter in his stomach like a tiny, wounded bird at the sight of a grinning Lupin sticking his head through the door and winking at him. The fluttering wings drooped as the door opened to reveal the elegant figure of his mother, closely followed by a sickly sweet smiling Pansy.

"Draco darling, you don't seem to be very happy to see me," Pansy pouted, winding her arms like devil's snare around him.

"No, I mean yes, no, I'm happy to see you, Pansy, of course I am," Draco stuttered, feeling more and more uncomfortable by the second, trapped in her tight embrace.

"Oh, I just knew that you needed me by your side. Don't worry, my poor darling, I'll always be there for you," she said in honeyed tones, finally letting go of him adding with a frown directed at his rounded belly, "no matter what."

Heaving a relieved sigh Draco pulled the blanket up to his chest, hiding behind it as if it was a protective barrier.

"Mother," he greeted the blonde woman who had taken a seat on the foot of his bed. With a tiny smile and a nod she took his hand between hers.

"Good to see you are doing well today, Draco."

"Of course he is. Draco was always strong and brave. I've never met anyone tougher than Draco," Pansy declared appreciatively before she pulled a box of candy decorated with a glittering bow of ribbons out of her handbag and placed it on his lap. "This is for you. I had Mr. Flume pack all your favourites from Honeydukes. Just a small present to show you how much I still care about you."

"Harry is," Draco said in a low voice, lost in thoughts while he stared at the glittering reflections of sunlight on the chintzy bow.

Confused Pansy stared at him. "Harry is what?"

"Harry is the strongest and bravest person I ever met," Draco said with a sad smile, painfully aware of his own shortcomings as he tried to hide his face from everybody's stare.

"Harry?" Pansy gaped at him in disbelief. "Harry! I can't believe that you -"

"Pansy was so kind to offer to bring your homework and help you with your studies from now on, so you will be able to pass the exams and not lose this year, Draco!" Narcissa Malfoy interjected overly loud and cheerful.

Surprised Draco looked at his mother. "What about Hermione? Can't she - "

"Hermione?" his mother frowned slightly while Pansy snorted and crossed her arms in front of her chest.

For some moments an uncomfortable silence laid itself over the room while Draco questioningly looked at his mother.

"Draco, you have to know, Harry...Harry changed after he was told you are dead, and the Gryffindors didn't take kindly to it. He's no longer friends with the Granger girl. I doubt he would want her to enter this house and Pansy was so kind to offer - "

Taken aback Draco shook his head. "Harry asked Pansy to tutor me?"

"Of course not, silly. Professor Dumbledore did," Pansy replied, looking very smug. "I talked to him as soon as I heard that you were back but hidden away in a safe-house. It goes without saying that we Slytherins help each other. Even though your present whereabout is secret, Professor Dumbledore of course had to agree to my proposition as both Mrs. Malfoy and Professor Snape welcomed my offer. I always have your best interests at heart, Draco, and even the Headmaster couldn't deny that."

The thoughts in Draco's head seemed to be spinning in a jolly merry-go-round, making it unable for him to catch even one. How could it have happened that Harry had lost his closest friends and Dumbledore was trusting enough to send Slytherins to the place where he was apparently hidden away? The whole world seemed upside down and for a frightening moment Draco had the unpleasant feeling of being trapped in a nightmare, waking up to find out that he was still asleep.

"Here are your books and some assignments to start with, Draco," Pansy continued chattering merrily. "There are some new things we learned in Transformation and Defense against the Dark Arts which I have to show you when you are strong enough."

"I don't have my wand," Draco objected weakly, glad about the small reprieve his wandless state offered in this case.

"Don't you worry! I'm sure my wand will work as well for you as for me. After all we are almost as close as soulmates," the girl said with glowing cheeks.

"We will get you a new wand as soon as possible, Draco," his mother tried to console him, patting his hand she was still holding.

"And a new life to it," Draco breathed in despair as Pansy's incessant chatter filled the room once again.

ooooooo

"Headmaster, I must insist - I saw it in the cards - the hermit, a traitor and the hanged man, secrets will be revealed. He is in our midst, you must heed my warnings before it is too late!"

The misty voice floated through the air, heralding the presence of Professor Trelawney before Harry could make her out.

"My dear Sibyll, I trust that everything will be well. There is no need to be this upset," Professor Dumbledore obviously tried to placate the squiffy seer.

"This is not the time for trust, Professor Dumbledore, betrayal is at hand, betrayal and destruction. The ten of swords, Headmaster, the ten of swords! It is inescapable!", Professor Trelawneys now decidedly hysterical voice rang in Harry's ears.

Professor Snape tensed at his side as they walked up the stairs towards the Entrance Hall. Harry smiled grimly as the magnified eyes of the Divination Professor came to rest on him and with a shaking hand she tried to hold back the shrill cry which escaped her mouth. A pack of cards fell to the stone floor, scattered in a pattern of chaos.

"Harry! Severus! I hope everything is well?" Dumbledore greeted them with a searching gaze at Harry.

"Thank you, Headmaster, it is. Mr. Potter here will assist me in an urgent matter. Headmaster," Snape nodded towards the Headmaster before adressing Professor Trelawney. "Sibyll, I think you lost something."

The woman immediately shut her gaping mouth and scowled at the Potions Master who passed by, not deigning to look at her even once.

Harry followed the strutting Head of Slytherin House with a smirk, congratulating himself once more on the wise decision to drop Divination. Wondering what lesson Snape had planned for him today he trailed behind the black-robed man as he left the castle and walked down the hill towards Hogsmeade.

"Where are we going?", Harry finally asked, unable to contain his curiosity any longer.

"We will Apparate," Snape answered curtly, obviously not ready to give Harry any further information.

Raising his eyebrow in a meanwhile perfect imitation of Snape's own gesture Harry decided to wait and see what Snape had up his sleeve this time. Soon they had passed through the big gates guarded by boars and stopped at the side of the road.

"Where to?" Harry asked as curtly as Snape seemed to prefer at present.

"We will do a side-along Apparation today."

Harry had only a moment to wonder why Snape wanted to Apparate both of them before a hard hand gripped his right upper-arm and pulled him into a swirl of colours and sounds. Staggering Harry landed on a cobbled street, realising immediately where Snape had taken him to.

"What the hell -"

Snape was already climbing the short stairs to the entrance door of the run-down house which had appeared out of nowhere.

"You better come in before you're causing a stir, Potter!" Snape called out before he disappeared inside.

Harry smothered a curse and followed the sneaky Slytherin into his own house at Grimmauld Place. The musty smell immediately hit his nostrils as he entered the dim entrance hall. Quietly he shut the door, careful not to wake the portrait of the old hag which one time had been Sirius' mother. Snape was already around the corner of the landing above Harry and disappeared in the room which they had prepared for Draco. Making a face he played with the thought of going down to the kitchen and using the fire-place to run the second time today, when Snape appeared once again, his stern face telling Harry that he would have to face dire consequences if he decided to turn around now.

"What kind of lesson shall that be?" Harry grumbled quietly.

Making sure to let Snape wait as long as possible he climbed the stairs, showing his reluctance with every single step. Holding the door open the Potions Master urged him inside with a a single look of his beady eyes. Scowling Harry entered the small bedroom, only to find Draco in the embrace of Pansy Parkinson. The girl was obviously half lying on top of his husband, in the same bed he had shared only last night with a boy who was not able to stand his touch. His heart began to beat faster as he noticed that not even a hair would have found space between the two bodies pressed against each other.

"It was wonderful with you, Draco."

Pansy's silken words seemed to burn through Harry's eardrums like acid.

"Exactly like in the good old days - just the two of us."

Only when the air left his lungs as if a giant had taken a seat on his chest he became aware of that he had held his breath since he had entered the room.

With an air of innocence Pansy let go of Draco and turned around.

"Oh, hello, Harry!" the girl smiled sweetly. "I just wanted to leave. Bye then!"

Harry stared after her as she swaggered out of the room.

"Harry," Draco breathed, hardly loud enough for Harry to hear him.

His heart was comsumed in a freezing fire raging in the very core of his being, as Harry directed his burning eyes at the one he loved. Draco's shy smile was almost convincing if he had not seen how close the two Slytherins had been only seconds ago. He could feel the smouldering resentment twist his features, betraying only too clearly what tempest of conflicting emotions was raging inside him. As Draco's lips started to tremble and his smile slowly disappeared Harry turned around and fled the room.

"Potter!" Snape hissed at him, only to be ignored by Harry.

With a yelp he crashed into Remus who still had his hand on the door knob, about to open the door and enter the room Harry had just decided to leave.

"Where to so fast, Harry?" the man asked slightly amused.

"Get out of my way!" Harry bellowed at Lupin, drawing his wand and directing it at the startled man.

"You will stop this nonsense this very second, Potter!" Snape ordered sharply. "Expelliarmus!"

The wand was torn out of his hand and flew high up in the air before it disappeared out of his sight. Harry turned around to furiously attack his mentor who was holding his own and Harry's wand with an air of innocence as if it was the most natural thing in the world to have a wand in each hand. White-hot fury shot through Harry, creating in him the ardent wish to show his mentor what damage he was able to do with his only his fists. Who needed magic when you could enjoy the feeling of somebody's nose breaking under your attack...

"You utter bastard!You tricked me into coming here! And for what reason?" Harry screamed at the sneering man, slowly walking back into the room and pointing an accusing finger at Draco. "Just to see this slut with another one of his acquaintances, while he acts the untouchable virgin at night? Is that the lesson you planned for me today? To teach me that my husband is missing Voldemort's touch so much that he's throwing himself at anybody who is willing to have him - or should I say anybody that he is not married to -"

"What are you saying, Harry - " Draco's voice was failing him as he rapidly turned as white as a ghost.

"Don't you dare -" Harry hissed venomously, only to be interrupted by an irate Remus Lupin.

"Enough already, Harry!" the man thundered, "Miss Parkinson brought Draco's homework and what you've said was completely uncalled for. You will apologise to Draco right now!"

"If you think you can order me around you are mistaken!" Harry mouthed back, "You are not my father!"

"Still you are like a son to me and as you seem to be in need of direction before -"

"It's a little late for that, Remus," Harry interrupted him, all of a sudden overwhelmed by the urge to hide in a dark corner and cry. "I managed very well without parental guidance ever since. After all I'm the boy who lived, the hero of the Wizarding world. I obviously never before needed any bloody guidance or love or care and I can very well live without all that bullshit for the rest of my life. I'm going!"

Harry already pushed the door open with enough force to hit it against the wall with a loud bang when Lupin's voice rang through the air, calm and cutting at the same time.

"You are right, Harry! Go! Draco anyway deserves someone who can appreciate what he has in him."

"Oh yes?" Harry hissed dangerously, turning around with a cruel smile. "You can have him, Remus! I'm sure you already got a taste while I was out of the house. Was he good?"

Harry had never seen Remus Lupin speechless. It was truly a pitiful sight.

"Perhaps your approach towards Mr. Potter's attitude problem should be a hint more...corporal, Lupin," Snape offered with a silky voice.

Surprised Harry stared at the Head of Slytherin House who looked as if he would enjoy himself immensely.

"Maybe you're right," Remus bit out.

Harry could feel the anger roll in his guts and spread out like wildfire, consuming the last traces of common sense left in his troubled mind as the only people he had still trusted were obviously turning against him in front of his eyes.

"Really, Remus, I'm the wrong person for your perverted games!" he sneered at the older man, indulging his need to break Lupin's steely composure. "If you want to spank someone Draco will happily volunteer. He enjoys being manhandled by old men. Don't you, Draco?"

"That's really enough now!" Lupin growled. With lightning speed he was by Harry's side and had him in an unrelenting grip strong enough to threaten to break the bone in his left arm. "I never thought it would come to this, but you're leaving me no choice!"

With all the strength of the werewolf hidden inside this worn-out looking man Lupin pushed Harry towards the bed Draco was seemingly trying to disappear in. Only when the man who had always made him feel understood and cared for forced him to bend over the foot of the bed and pulled down his trousers Harry realised that he had gone too far in his fit of jealousy.

"I don't know what has come over you, Harry, but it will stop right here right now!" Remus growled and tore down the blue boxer shorts Draco had given Harry as a gift just some days before their wedding as well.

Harry couldn't hold back the indignant yelp when Remus' callused hand met his exposed behind. He was torn between the hope that the man only wanted to deliver a playful warning and the incredible humiliation he was experiencing as he was spanked on his naked butt like a small boy, but as another volley of blows stung his behind even worse than the first one it became clear to him that Remus was serious.

"I'm the closest thing to parents which you have left and I can't allow you to go on like this. If necessary I will beat sense into you, if that is the only thing you can understand, Harry, no matter how much I hate to do this."

"Then why don't you simply stop it?" Harry called out, enraged and embarrassed at the same time as he tried in vain to free himself from the secure hold Lupin had on him.

Seeking help where there was none he looked beseechingly at Snape, who was smirking with satisfaction and watching Remus with - was that admiration? Harry continued his resistance with renewed vigor, intent on getting out of this shameful situation and out of this house as soon as possible. At the very moment he finally managed to push himself up, half slipping out from under Lupin's arm which lay over his back like a millstone, Harry froze. Looking down his body he could clearly see the hard-on jutting out proudly for everybody who cared to see. Only now he became aware of the throbbing pleasure shooting through him in the rhythm of the blows hitting his smarting butt-cheeks.

He could feel his face going bright red as he let himself fall back onto the bed, pressing his middle as hard against the mattress as possible. Gone was his wish to get up and out, replaced by the need to hide the way his own body was trying to put him to shame. Now that all he could do was to lie there and hope that his fatherly friend would soon decide that Harry had enough, the pain in his butt seemed to multiply by the second. Gritting his teeth he tensed every time Lupin's hand hit his backside and pushed him even harder into the mattress.

To his dismay Harry realised that humping the mattress didn't help his precarious state, as this was the very way some boys were using to find release in the dorm at night without attracting too much attention. He whimpered in despair as he could feel tiny drops wetting the cool linen the most sensitive part of his body was sliding over again and again. For the first time in his life Harry wished that somebody - anybody - would come and Crucio him. Trying to will his raging hard-on away he concentrated on the fire slowly consuming his backside.

"Your parents would be ashamed of your conduct, Harry. Draco loves you more than you obviously know and you are insulting and hurting him with your thoughtless actions and words. You will apologise to him right now if you know what is good for you."

Remus was obviously unaware of his predicament, and, misinterpreting Harry's silentness as stubbornness, increased the force behind his blows. Clawing his hands into the bedcover Harry yelped, painfully aware of the tears Remus had brought to his eyes with the merciless spanking.

"Ow, please, Remus, I'm sorry, please, stop!"

Abashed he looked at Draco, who looked as flustered as Harry felt, looking at him with big eyes and flushed face. When the blonde shifted uncomfortably Harry realised with surprise that he was trying to hide his obvious arousal under the bedcover. As weird as it was, Draco's reaction was putting Harry at ease with his own bodily reactions and from one second to the next Remus' hand smacking his blazing butt felt almost good.

"It's not enough to say sorry to me, Harry, you have to apologise to Draco," the man rebuked him, slightly out of breath.

Harry answered with a moan, only too aware of how closely Draco was watching him. Strangely enough the idea that the blonde must have noticed his state of arousal hightened his feelings, and the idea of Draco rubbing his own member to the sight of him being disciplined in such a way almost made him come right there and then.

"Draco, I'm, uh -"

He couldn't help the moans escaping him with every blow hitting his naked butt, but by now they were expressions of pleasure as well as pain. Hiding his face in the bedcover Harry opened himself to the feeling of being connected with Draco once again, sharing a secret pleasure only the two of them knew of. Rubbing his throbbing member with intent against the hard bed felt so much better, and he moaned loudly, almost unknowingly raising up his butt to beg for Remus to smack it even harder as he imagined how Draco was pleasuring himself while watching him closely, noticing each of his moans and whimpers and delighting in the way his body tensed and relaxed, covered in a sheen of sweat, humping the bed faster and harder and faster until...

"Harry! Apologise or I will make sure that you won't be able to sit down for some days!"

Startled by Remus' harsh words Harry looked up at Draco once again, taking in the shining beauty of his husband. Draco looked to him like an angel, taken to hell and broken by the devil. He was regretting now that instead of staying with Draco and patiently showing him that he loved him no matter what, he had behaved like a spoiled child and hurt his husband even more. It was his duty to be by his husband's side, just as Snape and Remus had tried to tell him. Shame and regret were choking Harry, and the lonely tear running down his cheek disappeared unseen into the folds of the soft bedcover, unwilling to disclose the secret of its cause.

"I'm sorry, Draco, so sorry!"

For a seemingly endless moment nobody was moving or talking. With bated breath Harry was watching Draco's face, his eyes, his mouth, searching for any sign that he had not messed things up for good, and finally the one he loved nodded almost imperceptibly. He hardly realised when the pressure of Lupin's hand against his back disappeared. Burying his hot face into the bedcover Harry grabbed his jeans with one hand, trying to pull them up to cover his exposed buttocks and persistent hardness, but the first contact persuaded him to let his searing hot and surely blistering behind cool down in the chilly air. There was no need for false shame, as there was nobody left in the house who had not witnessed his disgrace.

"I'm proud of you, Harry," Remus said with a soft voice, the same voice he had used so often when telling Harry stories about his parents.

There was nothing Harry could reply, as he himself felt anything but pride in the chaos of emotions whirling in his chest. The sound of footsteps and the closing of the door told him that the others had left the room, leaving him to lie on the bed, wallowing in his misery just as he had deserved. Now that he was alone he allowed himself to let out a pitiful whimper, betraying the pain he was in. His butt was stinging badly, causing him to be glad about the fact that the Dursleys had only neglected and locked him up instead of using such definitely more uncomfortable means of discipline.

"Harry -"

He froze as Draco addressed him hesitantly before the dipping mattress told him that the blonde had sat down beside him on the bed. Draco had not left the room, but stayed with him.

"Will you let me help you?"

Wondering why Draco would want to help him after all those nasty things he had said about him, Harry looked up. The blonde was smiling softly at him, looking afraid and hopeful at the same time. The pain he was in was forgotten when he perceived the anguish dulling the eyes of his love.

"I'm really sorry, Draco. I didn't - I think I was just jealous. I'm sorry," Harry whispered, hoping beyond hope that he would be able to make up for his transgressions. "I love you!"

For almost a minute Draco looked straight into his eyes, seemingly searching for something deep inside Harry's soul until he blinked and raised the bottle in his hand.

"I'm not Madam Pomfrey, but I know this stuff she brought for me is working really well on bruises."

The disappointment made Harry cringe and the pang in his heart was worse than the sudden burning pain as Draco softly rubbed the cool salve onto his maltreated skin. Draco had not reciprocated his oath of love. Hissing and moaning at the vicious pain his love's soft touch was causing Harry still savoured every moment, conscious that this was possibly the last time he would feel Draco's tender caress.

In his mind one sentence resounded again and again until it became a deafening echo drowning out the silence which had fallen between him and his husband.

_'I love you, Draco!'_

ooooooo

**I want to thank all my patient readers and supportive reviewers! A welcome again to the new ones!**

**Right now I'm writing again and the next chapter 'Shared Moments' will be posted soonest, so watch out for it!**

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	27. Shared Moments

When they all come crashing down, midflight,  
You know you're not the only one.  
When they're so alone they find a back door out of life.  
You know you're not the only one.

We're all grieving,  
Lost and bleeding.

All our lives,  
We've been waiting  
For someone to call our leader.  
All your lies,  
I'm not believing.  
Heaven shine a light down on me.

Don't look down,  
Don't look into the eyes of the world beneath you.  
Don't look down, you'll fall down,  
You'll become their sacrifice.

Right or wrong.  
Can't hold onto the fear that I'm lost without you.  
If I can't feel, I'm not mine,  
I'm not real.  
(present fav song: the only one/evanescence)

**A/N: **Alerts and messaging seem not to be working for about two weeks now, so if you sent me any message, I didn't get it, not sure if you got my replies to your reviews, and there are obviously no story-alerts. As I saw that some people on this site are searching for how to contact the admins, check the very first page when you go onto the site, there in those notes they write the email-address: support at _nameofthissiteyouknow_fanfiction dot com. But don't you worry, I already mailed, and there was no reaction, which made me send them another mail yesterday telling them that I have the disturbing image that they've all been turned into zombies, as nobody seems to be alive in their office. Oh well, I guess I've watched too many horror-movies. :))

Hope you'll enjoy the new chapter! ;) Explicit coming ahead! The whole chapter concentrates on Harry and Draco only. Still no confrontation between Harry and Remus in this chapter. If any of you decided that if Harry doesn't go and kill Remus in this chapter or spells a tutu on his naked butt you will stop reading this story, well...I can't stop you. Though the idea of a naked Remus in a tutu...Anybody out there who wants a naked Remus in tutu going over Harry's knees? And you're thinking that I'm the perv one:))

It was very surprising and interesting for me to see how strongly readers reacted to a certain detail in the last chapter. Anyway, Harry is 16 and behaved like a brat, so he was treated like one for a change. I don't condone child-abuse, but guys, you have to admit that some people deserve a spanking sometimes. Even adults. I don't want to go into details now on the effects of spanking, but Harry's reaction was rather normal, both physical and in behaviour. And no, it was no spanking orgy, Remus didn't see that Harry was aroused, Draco was aroused but did not wank, that was only Harry's dirty fantasy, and Harry did not come all over the place, and Snape, oh well, nobody knows what that Slytherin is doing under his robes. Sometimes I wonder what exactly you guys are imagining while reading innocent stories... :))

As it was asked again, Draco is almost 6 months along now. The baby should be born on May 25 (calculated for an average female pregnancy lasting 9 months), but, for some reasons you will only know if you continue reading, Draco will give birth earlier, so there are not even two complete months of pregnancy left.

**By the way, I would be very happy about some more reviews! ;)**

oooooo **Chapter 27 **oooooo

**Shared Moments**

_**Wednesday, February 14, 1997**_

Grinning nervously Harry stood before him, levitating a large something, covered in sparkling wrapping-paper which was emitting tiny hearts, fluttering around their heads with tiny wings before they exploded and rained to the floor as confetti. Raising his eyebrows Draco placed the Arithmancy book he had been studying on the small table in front of him and eyed whatever Harry had obviously brought for him as a present with wariness.

"Happy Valentine's day, Draco!"

Surprised Draco stared at Harry. Being locked up in the Dark Lord's hidy-hole, then in St. Mungo's and finally in this creepy house the fact that Valentine's Day even existed had escaped his memory. Since that most memorable spanking incident Harry had avoided him, as well as Lupin, like the pest, which made it even more remarkable that after his behaviour he had obviously prepared a big surprise for the occasion.

"Valentine -" Draco stammered helplessly. "I'm sorry, Harry, I didn't realize - I forgot -"

"Don't worry about it, Draco! You're still recovering and you gave me so much in the past. Now it's my turn," Harry smiled, slowly levitating the big parcel onto the coffee table in front of Draco.

With a wave of his wand Harry had removed the wrapping paper, revealing a stone basin filled with silvery vapor, swirling ceaselessly as if moved by an imperceptible breeze.

"A pensieve?" Draco asked, completely baffled at what his husband was finding romantic in such a present. "How...thoughtful."

"This," Harry emphasised, beaming like a little boy, "This is not just any pensieve. You have to read the engraving!"

The black-haired boy turned the pensieve until Draco could see the symbols carved into the slightly glittering stone, before he took his seat right beside him. The illegible symbols slowly morphed into squiggled letters until finally Draco could make out their meaning and read it aloud.

"Forgive the harm, forget the pain, share the burden, love will sustain."

Confused Draco met Harry's expectant look. Never before had he seen a pensieve with such inscription.

"This is a special pensieve, called 'well of shared sorrows'. Only people who love each other enough to be ready to carry the other one's burden can use it. You fill it, as you would a pensieve, with your memories, but this pensieve works its magic only when two people are using it together. It is supposed to be filled with your worst memories only. When somebody else is ready to relive them as you have before, the pensieve will relieve the emotional pain you are suffering and douse the memory like a candle at the end of a dark night until it is no more than a whisp of smoke in your mind." Obviously amused by the way Draco stared at him Harry chuckled, "That is at least what the man who sold this pensieve to me said."

Draco gave his husband a faint smile. The idea of sharing his darkest moments with anybody did not appeal to him. His head was filled with memories of humiliation and despair. How could he let anybody relive what he had experienced? How could he let anybody see what shame he was hiding deep inside? Too many bad things had happened to him since the Dark Lord had decided to impregnate him.

"I can't do this -" he protested weakly, regarding the pensieve with unease.

The disappointed look on Harry's face was immediately replaced with a mask of stone, sending a shiver down Draco's spine.

"I mean, I -" Frantically Draco tried to come up with any explanation which would be able to melt the icy smile slowly twisting Harry's lips and push his roaring fear to the back of his mind where it was always lurking. "I don't have a wand."

"Oh, I knew I've forgotten something," Harry smiled amicably and pulled a long piece of polished wood out of the back-pocket of his trousers. "For you. Your mother told me what your wand was made of so I could get a replacement. Yew, 12 inches, with a core of ashwinder ash."

Reluctantly Draco accepted the new wand from Harry's hand. The design was different from his old wand, but it felt good in his hand. Maybe the idea of having a wand once again wasn't half bad. Still he was loath to use the pensieve Harry was so enthusiastic about.

"Uhm, maybe I should go first then to try it out," Playing nervously with his wand, Harry broke the leaden silence. "We both have to dip our wands into the mist filling the pensieve at the same time. Are you ready?"

Draco nodded. A fine sheen of sweat had formed on Harry's forehead, betraying his anxiety as he touched the swirling mist with the tip of his wand. Draco followed suit, flinching as an uncomfortable tingling was flowing through his wand-arm and covering his whole body.

All of a sudden he was standing in an obviously long abandoned graveyard. Beside him in the darkness there was a tall boy, whose presence felt oddly comforting to him.

"Did you know that there'd be more to this task?" Cedric asked now. Draco wondered what he was doing with Cedric Diggory of all people in a graveyard, in the middle of the night, a dead Diggory mind you, until he realised that this had to be Harry's memory.

"No," Draco replied, slightly spooked at hearing Harry's voice coming out of his mouth. For a moment he was fighting with the unsettling realisation that this was how it had to feel like to be possessed. Looking around he added nervously, "Is this even supposed to be part of the task?"

"I don't know," Cedric answered in a low voice. "Wands out? What do you say, Harry?"

Draco felt relieved that the older boy was sharing his edginess. He wouldn't have wanted to look like a coward, no matter that they were seemingly stranded in the middle of an eerie old graveyard.

"Sounds like a good idea."

Clasping Harry's wand tightly in his sweating hand Draco tried to pierce the darkness with his eyes. He could feel that they were not alone out here, though whoever was watching them was still hidden in the shadows.

"Who's that," he whispered, observing the dark figure drawing nearer and nearer with dread.

The short person seemed to be carrying a bundle of clothes or, what was more likely, a baby, and Draco lowered his wand, exchanging curious glances with the Hufflepuff. Right in front of them, beside a towering gravestone hewn of marble, the figure stopped and looked at both Cedric and him. The next moment Draco crashed to the ground, writhing and grabbing his head as the most terrible pain he had ever felt was ripping through him, blinding him. He was lost in an eternity of agony.

"Kill the spare!"

The emotionless, high voice was hardly able to cut through the fog shrouding his tortured mind in.

"Avada Kedavra!"

Green light flashed through his eyelids and a thud marked that something heavy had fallen to the ground beside him. Draco started to retch as the pain radiating from the scar on his forehead escalated, and just when he was convinced that this was how he would end, the pain was dying down. He could feel the terror holding him in his grasp as he cautiously opened his burning eyes and looked straight into the slack face of Cedric Diggory. Shock was freezing his mind. Unable to believe what he was seeing Draco stared at the handsome face, the empty eyes, in which now only death was residing. Unrelenting hands grabbed his upper arms, shaking him, pulling him up, away from the dead boy lying there on the cold ground, staring at him with those accusing, grey eyes.

"Are you okay?"

Confused and disoriented Draco stared into Harry's grey eyes, wondering when they had managed to change colour, until he realised that they were green and had always been.

"Draco! Are you well? Do you hear me?" Harry insisted, shaking him once again.

Blinking at the black-haired boy Draco nodded slowly before he pushed Harry away.

"I'm fine. Fine. Really," he mumbled, still lost in the memory of Cedric Diggory's death, Harry's worst memory.

This was what Harry had cried about in the dead of night, this was what was causing the sense of guilt which was constantly eating away at the one he loved. Finally he was able to conceive that the boy who was expected to be a hero was nothing more than a boy who was frightened too, just like anybody else. No matter how he had tried to bring the black-haired boy into ridicule in past years, he had always been convinced that Harry was even overconfident. Harry had always been invulnerable and invincible to him, the very antithesis to himself, always ending up hurt, always failing.

"Was this what has happened during the Triwizard Tournament - how Cedric Diggory has died?" Draco asked quietly.

"Yes," Harry answered, frowning softly. "Yes, we had mastered the last task together and I wanted to share the Cup with Cedric, but I was unaware of that it was a Portkey. It took us to that graveyard where Voldemort has already been waiting -"

Astonished Harry looked at Draco.

"I can hardly remember it. It feels like something which has happened a hundred years ago, something which is not really important to me any longer."

Harry was softly rubbing his scar, staring into the pensieve as if the swirling mist was able to reveal the secrets of life to him.

"Cedric is dead - and Voldemort killed him. It was not my fault. It was Voldemort's."

Draco curiously watched Harry, wondering if this pensieve was really able to relieve people from their worst memories, erasing them as if they had never happened and putting their mind at ease.

"Are you sure you're okay, Draco? You were looking as if you'd been in pain," Harry asked him with a concerned glance.

"I'm okay, really," Draco answered, "It was just a memory."

They both smiled at his words. And truly, it seemed to Draco as if he himself had been there in the graveyard, but he was not suffering the misplaced guilt the other boy had burdened himself with for such a long time and the crucifying pain was no more than a memory. To him Harry's memory was just one more memory filled with pain and despair.

"Your turn, Draco."

Harry's exclamation startled him. The reluctance he had felt before was returning full force as he eyed the stone basin which looked so innocent and yet so foreboding.

"Come on, Draco, just one memory. Do me the favour and try it out," Harry begged him.

"I don't know - there are so many -"

The happy sparkle left Harry's eyes at his words. There was nothing Draco wanted more than to get up and leave the room. He didn't want to use a pensieve, he didn't want to think of the past. He just wanted to forget.

"Share your worst memory with me, Draco, please! Just give me one chance, one sodding chance to make up for not being there for you when you needed me most. I just want to help you -"

Draco couldn't meet Harry's eyes. He wanted to refuse his wish, to scream at him, to hit him, but not to share his darkest secrets with him. He wanted to sleep again in Harry's arms, enjoy the feeling of being one with his loved one, but fact was that nothing was as before. There was nothing to salvage, nothing could turn back time. Not even this pensieve.

"I don't know what has happened to you, Draco, but I know you are afraid of me. You are afraid of my touch. You are afraid of what I could do to you. I can see it in your eyes, in the way you behave, talk and tense every time I'm coming close to you. I know I've been stupid and I don't really know how to deal with it or help you, but at least let me try to understand. Please!"

The mirthless laughter stuck in Draco's throat like a bite of a poisoned apple. Fairytales were only that and even though hope was dying last, for him it had died a long time ago in a room filled with snakes. There was no knight in shining armour, only a black-haired boy with a scarred face. Even the ugly glasses which had been a part of the old, innocent Harry were gone. How could he? How could he ask for an explanation when he had been there? He had seen the terror in his eyes, he had enjoyed his pain. How could he not know why he was craving and fearing his touch at the same time?

Shaking his head Draco wound his arms around himself, gritting his teeth against the sorrow and loneliness which was suddenly pulsing through his body like icicles stabbing his heart again and again.

His head shot up as Harry overturned a side-table with a loud crash and stamped to the blind window to stare out of it onto the empty street. The weather out there was as dark as Harry's mood had become. Draco could feel the blood rushing through his veins, trying to start them bursting as his heart was slowly hammering its way out of his chest. Harry was angry, so angry. He could feel Harry's anger rolling against him, could feel his raging magic against his soul like the waves of a dark sea trying to pull him under. With shaking hands he gripped his wand tighter.

"I'll do it, Harry, please -" His innards turned into a clump of frozen tears and his voice was failing him as his heart wanted to stop with terror. "Please, don't hurt me -"

With wide eyes Harry turned around. Draco shrunk back as his husband approached him, his face looking pale and distorted. Holding his breath he watched closely how the black-haired boy slowly knelt down before him, taking his hand into his hands.

"I didn't mean to scare you, Draco, I'm sorry. I won't hurt you. Can't you - can't you give me a chance? I don't want to lose you now that I have you back. Please!"

Withdrawing his hand slowly, Draco nodded, gripping his wand with both hands now.

"I'll do it. Just don't be angry on me. Don't - don't hurt me again."

With an awkward look Harry sat down on the next couch, readying his own wand.

"If you're ready -" he pressed out, the unearthly light of the shining vapour reflecting in his green eyes making them look like glazed over with tears.

Draco's hands were trembling almost uncontrollably as he tried to calm his mind enough to concentrate on one memory to fill the pensieve with. Pictures of red eyes and laughing mouths filled his mind, long ago endured pain lanced through his body as his memories enveloped him, the shadows of the past slowly dimming the light in his eyes.

Aware of Harry's look of expectancy lingering on him he dipped the tip of his wand into the mist, desperately trying to hold onto any one memory. All of a sudden his mind seemed to explode with pictures and feelings, taking his breath away with the mind-blowing speed they whirled through him. For a moment he lost the feeling of his body, unable to tell if he was still sitting in the musty smelling room, surrounded by shelfs filled with half-rotten books, or soaring through time and space. Then -

He could see himself sitting in a small bed in a dark room, holding onto himself, rocking back and forth, whimpering and whispering in a mad frenzy. At the same time he saw Harry stiffening beside him. The hissing sounds of Parseltongue floated through his mind, and both Shadow-Draco and Harry looked up. His heart constricted as he saw the first tears running down Harry's suddenly relieved and happy looking face.

"No, no, please, not this -" Draco whispered terrified, aware of what was yet to come.

He had never wanted to show Harry this memory, had refused to tell anybody about it. It was like a festering wound he had been hiding from everybody, too ashamed of how he had received it to allow it healing.

Harry frowned at the same time as Shadow-Draco frowned at the unexpected advances Shadow-Harry was making. Draco tried one last time with the little power he had left in himself to fight against the spell of the pensieve - and lost, just as Shadow-Draco lost his struggle against the inevitable. He could feel the tears on his face, could remember the pain and misery Harry had to go through right now as Shadow-Harry breached him with force.

Unable to face it Draco tried to block out the look of pain and utter disbelief on Harry's face, the whimpers which were echoed in his own mind, the pictures he saw every night in his sleep, just as Shadow-Draco was turning his head to the side, unwilling to face that it was Harry, his Harry, who was raping him.

_'Don´t fool yourself, Draco. There is no way in hell that I want to have somebody like you by my side. Don't fool yourself...don't fool yourself...somebody like you...don't fool yourself...' _

Draco couldn't help the sobs tearing out of his chest with brute force, as Shadow-Harry's words resounded in his head long after they had been spoken. Soon it was over and Harry's heavy breathing seemed unnaturally loud in the quiet room. Hesitantly Draco looked up, his sight blurred with tears.

"Gods - so sick -" Harry choked out, staring at Draco with disgust written all over his face. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"I didn't want to-" Draco whispered, feeling how his mind went numb with shock as Harry ran out of the room before he could finish his sentence. "-show you."

Time seemed to stand still as his mind went blank. Out in the entrance hall a loud crash could be heard, followed by Mrs. Black's scathing screams which were answered by the sound of heavy feet on the stairs. Draco was unable to tell how long he had stared at the small heart someone had carved into the surface of the coffee-table, unable to think or feel anything at all, before he slowly got up.

Like a sleep-walker he went out into the entrance hall. He felt as if the floor had fallen out from under him, leaving him with the nightmarish impression that he was walking through a dream. He had to step over the remnants of a splintered chair the troll leg had smashed into and from behind a heavy, moth-eaten velvet-curtain the insane screams of a demented painting were reverberating in the whole house. From upstairs he could hear Remus Lupin knocking against a door again and again, calling out something.

Following the sounds without conscious thought of what he was doing Draco climbed the stairs. Lupin was standing in front of the door to the bathroom on the first floor, regarding Draco with a worried look.

"Are you okay, Draco?"

For a moment Draco had the feeling of being trapped in a time warp. Somebody had asked him the same question before, although it seemed to him as if it had happened in another life. He nodded, only with difficulty shifting his attention from the closed door to Lupin.

"Do you know what has happened to Harry? He's refusing to open the door or even talk to me," the man asked him, his voice hardly heard through the clamour.

Draco was unable to tell the man he had come to respect that it was his fault. How could he look into his caring and concerned eyes and tell him that he had been unable to control the pensieve. How could he tell Lupin that Harry now had first-hand experience of being raped by - Harry. How could he tell him about the hatred and disgust he had seen in Harry's face. How could he tell him that although the memory had faded, the shame was burning brighter than ever in his soul.

"I didn't mean to. I didn't want to - not this memory," Draco whispered brokenly, only too content with the fact that Lupin had surely not been able to hear his muddled words.

Blankly he met those warm, brown eyes, as the older man's compassionate gaze lingered on him. Finally Lupin resumed his attempt at knocking in the bathroom-door with his knuckles.

"Come on, Harry, open the door. Draco is out here," Lupin shouted over Mrs. Blacks hysterical screams.

Even the raving painting seemed to hold its breath as the door slowly swung open. Harry sat on the floor in front of the toilet, his arms wound around his knees, looking up at them with red-rimmed eyes. The stench of vomit was still lingering in the small bathroom, betraying what exactly had happened in here.

"I already thought I have to blast the door off its hinges," Lupin said with a smile, offering his hand to Harry. "Let me help you."

"Don't touch me!" Harry hissed, only to add in an almost inaudible whisper, "Just leave me alone."

"It's okay, Harry," the man said, withdrawing his hand. "I'm gonna fire-call Hogwarts. Madam Pomfrey needs to have a look at you, I reckon."

With a last hesitant look at both of them Lupin made his way down the stairs, a distinct weariness cutting even deeper lines into his face. Draco still observed Harry, frozen with fear of what he would surely do to him, yet unable to turn his back on the one he still loved with all his heart. There was no use in running, no place to hide. All he could do was yield up to his fate. After all he was just a breeding bitch, meant to be used, meant to be hurt. How could he have forgotten his place after all those painful lessons he had undergone? Lupin's footfalls had long faded away when Harry raised his eyes to meet Draco's unsteady gaze.

"No wonder you can't stand my touch," he whispered hoarsely."That was not me - I would never - I love you -"

Shaking his head in despair Harry was hiding his face in his hands.

"I promise I won't ever touch you again. Now that I know -"

Draco closed his eyes with a pained frown as it dawned on him what Harry was trying to tell him. He had never set foot in the room Draco had lost himself in. It had been just another mind-game, designated by the Dark Lord to break him, which he had fallen prey to. For some moments denial fought with realisation, trying to force his mind back into the safe shell of terrified torpor, as he understood that it had been his own weakness, his fear and mistrust that had broken the bond between him and his husband, condemning them both to be blinded by their loneliness, weakening them, grieving for what had been right in front of their eyes all this time. With regret Draco remembered how often he had pushed Harry away, hurting not only himself but also his husband. Harry's shaking shoulders and stifled sobs breaking through his words were betraying how much he had hurt him this time.

"I didn't know - I'll tear him into pieces before I kill him - I'll make him pay - I'll make him suffer the way - oh God -"

The stale stench of vomit reminded Draco of how often he himself had thrown up, how the mere thought of being touched once again by that red-eyed demon had made him physically sick. He wanted to weep out of pity for Harry, who was still cowering on the cold tile-floor, looking a picture of misery. A silent scream was exploding in his soul as he realised that he had unknowingly helped the Dark Lord to beat the only one strong enough to defeat him. Harry's memory of Cedric Diggory's death burning in his heart he realised with terror that the evil wizard had found out the only weakness Harry had. Harry could only be attacked through the people around him and he was Harry's greatest weakness, but maybe - maybe he could become his strength.

"It's only a memory, Harry, not real," Draco said softly, offering his trembling hand to Harry. "We're the only real thing."

Surprised green eyes opened wide and a clammy hand slipped into his. Looking into those deep green seas filled with so much love Draco asked himself how he could have ever believed that it had been Harry who had hurt him in the worst possible way. There had never been love in the Dark Lord's eyes, only the cold fire of cruel madness, while Harry's were shining with a soft light speaking of pride and care and never-ending bliss. Slowly Harry got up from the cold floor, holding onto Draco's hand as if it was his lifeline.

"Draco, I'm so sorry -" Harry whispered, looking bashfully to the ground.

With a smile breaking open the gates which had sealed shut his soul Draco embraced the crestfallen boy.

"Don't be! It was not you, not you -" Draco whispered into his ear, relishing in the feelings of relief and joy washing away all the gloomy thoughts he had held on to for such a long time.

"I love you," Harry breathed, almost timidly.

"I love you too, Harry," Draco answered firmly, enjoying the way Harry tightened his hold on him at his words.

"I've missed you, Draco," Harry whispered, placing a soft kiss on the side of Draco's neck. "So much. I've been so alone without you.'

Draco's breath sped up immediately. He tensed, feeling the fear turning his blood into molten lava.

"Sorry," Harry panted, freezing in place but obviously unwilling to let go of him.

Confused Draco listened to his madly beating heart, felt the heat flashing through his body, through his middle. He didn't want to be that close, he was not ready, he told himself, but then why did he feel the wish to press his body even closer to Harry's. Why did he feel like on fire instead of frozen with fear? With a moan he felt his body moving of its own accord against his husband's. He felt dazed and so alive at the same time. Slowly he moved his head, pressing his lips against Harry's who answered his kiss softly.

"Wait!" Draco panted, bowing his head to break the kiss.

His emotions were trying to overwhelm him, frightening him. He didn't want this and yet he craved it. His body told him to do what his mind denied him. Slowly he looked up to meet Harry's anxious eyes. He could see it in the way Harry was watching him and trying to keep his body completely motionless that he would do nothing, absolutely nothing his husband didn't want. Draco couldn't deny that he was hard, his desperate arousal was almost hurting, but the thought of being naked, vulnerable, at the mercy of somebody stronger than him...

"I can't -" he forced out, desperately trying to hold back tears as he hid his face in shame.

Harry's fingers found his chin, raising his head until Draco's eyes met his.

"Do you trust me?" the black-haired boy asked, his features betraying hope and anxiety.

Draco had to think for a moment only before he nodded. A smile flashed over Harry's face, lighting his eyes until Draco felt they would set his soul on fire if he stared too long into them. Letting go of Draco Harry grabbed his hand and pulled him into the bedroom they had shared only once, kicking the door shut behind them. Draco's breath faltered as he took in the large bed and what it implied. With big eyes he watched as Harry pulled his shirt over his head before he took him into his arms again.

"We'll go slow, Draco, and only as far as you want," Harry said with flushed cheeks, pulling Draco close once again for another short kiss. "We're the only real thing."

Draco tried to relax into Harry's kiss, feeling Harry's hand moving slowly down his back until it came to rest on the rounding of his bottom, pulling him closer until his crotch came to rub against Harry's thigh, as there was no way for their members to meet with Draco's swollen belly between them. Harry seemed almost desperate, and the faint taste of vomit on his tongue reminded Draco of what the other one had gone through only a short while ago. The black-haired boy seemed to need this, as if the feeling of his husband in his arms could extinguish the dolorous experience he had shared with reliving Dracos memory.

Slowly but steadily Harry pushed him back towards the bed, until the mattress was pressing into the back of Draco's knees. One leg still hanging over the edge of the bed Draco lay down, giving in to the seeking touches. Harry's hands seemed to create paths of fire on his skin, taking his breath away and making him writhe with pleasure. Only when his husband opened his trousers to close his warm hand around his straining member Draco tried to protest.

"Harry, please -"

Harry closed his mouth with a deep kiss, cutting off Draco's breathless plea. Whimpering Draco bucked into Harry's insistent hand, when the door opened, revealing a gaping nurse and a smirking werewolf.

"I think you're no longer needed here, Poppy. The boys seem to be doing very fine," Lupin grinned.

"Oh - oh, my goodness - I'm awfully sorry!" Madam Pomfrey stammered with scarlet face before she fled the scene of debauchery.

Winking at them the man shut the door, leaving two stupefied boys behind.

"Holy shit!" Harry exclamed, after he had obviously remembered how to draw breath again.

Draco snickered at the blush infusing his husband's cheeks, only too aware of the heat he was feeling on his own face.

"At least this time my butt was covered," Harry grumbled playfully, bringing Draco's answering bout of laughter to an abrupt end as he gripped his member tighter to stroke it with a mean little twist at the end of every up-motion.

"Was there anything funny about my butt?" Harry growled, softly biting the side of Draco's neck again.

"No, it was hot," Draco moaned, distracted by the pulsing pleasure shooting through his groin.

"Yeah, I saw how hot you found my butt," his husband scolded him. "Or was it something else which turned you on that way?"

Flustered Draco decided to pull his husband in for another searing kiss instead of answering. It was too weird to find it a turn-on to watch your own husband being spanked by another man to admit to it. Unable to resist the sudden urge Draco let his hands slip into the waistband of Harry's jeans, enjoying the sensation of soft skin under his fingertips. Harry moaned softly before giving him a lopsided grin, his hand stopping mid-stroke.

"What?" Draco asked, confused by the way his husband was staring at him with a knowing grin.

"It's still turning you on," Harry stated decidedly, causing Draco to blush once again.

"Can I see?" Draco asked finally, although he felt ready to die with shame.

"I knew it!" Snickering softly Harry unbuckled his belt to open his trousers.

Kicking his trousers and underwear off Harry lay himself prone on the bed, resting his head comfortably on his crossed forearms. Kneeling beside the black-haired boy Draco hesitantly reached out his hand. Gently he let his fingers glide over the rounded mounds, caressing the white skin which was mottled with tiny bruises.

"Does it hurt?" he asked in awe, withdrawing his hand.

"Oh yes, it still hurts a bit," Harry whined exaggerated, wiggling his behind invitingly. "Don't you want to kiss it better?"

Surprised Draco took in Harry's pout before he bent down with a mischievous smile to press his lips softly onto the biggest bruise. Harry's content moan shot straight into his dick, making it twitch. Kissing and licking his way towards Harry's cleft he gently pulled his buttocks apart to unveil the small hole he intended to attack with his tongue. It had been a long time since he had pleasured Harry this way, and Draco enjoyed every shudder, every moan he could elicit from the panting boy.

"Ugh - Draco - I want - want you to fuck me -" Harry gasped finally, moving his legs up until he was kneeling while his head was still buried in the pillow he was holding on to.

"Are you sure?" Draco asked, worried.

"Of course I am!" Harry answered, kneeling up fully to start unbuttoning Draco's shirt. "You better help me getting those clothes off you before I tear them off!"

Within moments Draco was in the same state of undress as Harry. The black-haired boy grunted with satisfaction before taking his position once again, raising up his butt high, offering it to his husband. Hesitantly Draco stroked his member, unsure of how well Harry would be able to handle being taken such a short time after having even thrown up because of the memory he had shared with him.

"For God's sake, Draco! What are you waiting for? Just fuck me!" Harry hissed impatiently, opening his legs wider.

Draco used a spell to lubricate Harry's anus before he slowly, carefully pushed in, only too aware of how the other one tensed around him. The friction was almost making him come. Only with difficulty he could hold it back, resting sheathed deep inside his love. Harry's laboured breathing was resounding in the room, weaving a cocoon of passion around them as it mixed with the sounds of his own breaths.

"Please, Draco -" Harry panted, pushing back against him to show that he was ready.

Draco slowly pulled out, grunting at the overwhelming sensation as he thrust again into Harry's tight opening. Pleasure was raging through him, making his heart beating faster and faster, as he built up a steady rhythm. Unable to hold back any longer he was gripping his husband's hips tighter, fucking him faster, deeper, harder, until he could feel himself exploding like a vulcano, erupting hot sperm. Panting with exertion he stayed deeply buried inside his husband for some moments, before he slowly pulled out. Harry rolled onto his side, looking up at him with a small scowl.

"I guess you were a bit too turned on -" he grumbled, taking his still raging arousal into his own hand. "I shouldn't have tried to wank you - or show you my sexy arse."

Smiling sheepishly Draco lay down beside him.

"I'm sorry, Harry," Pushing Harry's hand away he slowly stroked his husband, finally coming to a decision.

Taking his wand once again he lubricated Harry's member. Harry closed his eyes in pleasure, only to gape at Draco in surprise when he stopped massaging his dick and turned his back on him.

"Did I do anything wrong?" Harry asked taken aback.

Turning his head back to his love Draco gave him a nervous smile.

"No, you did nothing wrong, Harry. I just - you didn't come and -"

Turning his face away again he said, "I want you to take me, Harry!"

Burying his hot face in the pillow Draco brought the leg which lay on top of the other one up towards his chest, nervously waiting for Harry's touch. For a minute which seemed to him like hours nothing happened, then he felt Harry's hand softly caressing his side.

"I'll be gentle," Harry whispered, pressing his body against Draco's back.

Drawing a shuddering breath Draco bit his lip as he felt Harry's dick sliding into him. Gripping the pillow tighter he tried to relax against the uncomfortable sensation. Still it was nothing compared to the intense pain he had felt every time the Dark Lord had taken him without the care Harry was showing. Whispering soothing words Harry raised Draco's leg over his shoulder, before he closed his hand once again around his member, stroking it in time with his slow thrusts. Unable to resist the pleasure steadily building up, Draco threw back his head, closing his eyes as he let himself fall.

"That's it, Draco, just relax," Harry whispered into his ear. "I love you."

Gasping every time his husband thrust into him, Draco turned his head back and forth, moaning and whispering his approval.

"Oh - Harry - fuck me harder - please, harder -"

"I'm gonna make you mine again," Harry panted, increasing the power behind his thrusts.

"Yes!" Draco called out, almost going mad with sensation.

"You and the baby - mine only -" Harry hissed, letting go of Draco's member to place his hand on his swollen belly.

Draco could feel the baby moving and kicking within his womb, could feel his magic entwining with his own, putting him into a delirious haze, intoxicated with bliss.

"Yours -" Draco gasped, trembling all over with pleasure.

"Mine!" Harry grunted, causing Draco to scream with pleasure and pain as he pushed into him with all his force.

Draco could feel himself coming at the same time Harry started to twitch deep inside him. The energy of their joined orgasm pulsed through him, breaking down the last walls of his self, leaving his mind and soul shieldless. Magic flowed through him, tearing him apart and making him whole. He could sense Harry and the baby, their magic and their souls. For a single heartbeat lasting an eternity he and Harry were one, one mind, one magic, one soul, soaring into infinite heights, connected through an irradiant cord. They had completed their bonding.

But there was another cord, connecting to Harry before his eyes, winding around him like a poisonous snake, a shining darkness where Draco's cord was dazzling light. It was not supposed to happen, it was impossible, wrong, and yet it had happened - the baby had bound himself to Harry.

**oooooooo**

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	28. Friend or Foe

_**A/N:**_

_**Oopsie! I didn't realise that it was so long ago that I updated last. Almost a year. What a shame!**_

_**Guess what I have for you - an update!**_

_**If you could see how innocent I am trying to look right now.**_

_**I'm sorry for leaving you all hanging for so long - that is all I can say!**_

_**A big thank you to everybody who read and reviewed in the meantime.**_

_**I hope I can finally finish this story as planned and promised.**_

_**Oh, and to Dragonneva - you have my official permit! Thank you for your interest in this story!**_

_After the last chapter you may ask yourself, is it a good or a bad thing that Voldemort's son has bound his magic to Harry...Was it intention or was it fate...Is Harry still good or the baby really evil? Or is the question an entirely different one?_

_Can you remember this?_

_**"There is no good and evil, there is only power, and those too weak to seek it."**_

oooooo **Chapter 28 **oooooo

**Friend or Foe**

_Saturday, February 17, 1997_

Harry creased his forehead with concentration, balancing the thick tome on his knees while he tried to weave the complicated pattern which was illustrated in it with his hand into the air. For a moment the air around his hand was crackling and magic whispered over his skin like the faint touch of an invisible veil he had broken through. The promise of retribution was shining in his eyes as he shut the ancient book and caressed the cover with a dark smile, lost in the distinctive feeling of human skin under his hand.

A soft groan jolted him out of his reveries filled with screams and death. On the other side of the room his love was pushing away a large box of sweets before letting himself sink back into the plushy chair with a pained frown. The amused grin slipped from Harry's face as the blonde rapidly lost colour.

"You shouldn't overindulge yourself, Draco!" he scolded him softly, "You know that you have a weak stomach."

Harry dropped the heavy book on the table right beside the plundered box Pansy Parkinson had so graciously gifted to his husband. For a moment he accusingly glared at the colourful assortment, trying to suppress his hatred for the meddlesome girl, which was surging up within him at its mere sight, before he smoothed back golden strands sticking to a clammy forehead.

"I told you that you have to watch what you're eating, love. You don't want to make yourself sick like last time."

"I can't help that I have cravings. This baby is spoiling everything! I really loved those sweets before and now they don't even taste right in my mouth and they even turn my stomach!" Draco whined, burying his face into Harry's worn sweater to hide the tears which were coming only too easily. "I hate being pregnant! Nothing is as it was before. I'm becoming as fat as an erumpent and now this."

"Come on, it's not that bad. At least you are not blowing me up with your horn like erumpents do," Harry snickered, tenderly holding the blond boy close. "Shall I fire-call nurse Hops?"

"No! Don't disturb her! I'll be fine," Draco whined with a guilty blush, "Can you just throw them away, please? I don't ever want to see a Chocolate Frog or Fudge Flie again!"

"Pansy won't be happy that you're scorning her token of love," Harry said, shaking his head in feigned protest.

"As if I cared," Draco groaned.

A warm feeling of satisfaction twisted Harrys lips into a smug smile and quenched the fire of jealousy, which was secretly burning his heart with its acid kisses. Tenderly he urged the blond boy to settle back. Brushing the rounded belly with his lips, he moved his hand slowly, carefully over it in the hope to feel a tiny kick against his palm.

"How are you doing, little one?", he whispered, closing his eyes as he envisioned tendrils of magic leaving his hand in caressing search of the child growing in his husband's womb - their child. His son.

His hand still resting where he could sense the baby now snuggling against his palm Harry looked up with a happy smile, kissing Draco gently.

"I'll go and make tea for you. There's some left of the one the midwife prepared for you last time," Harry said. "Will you be okay for a while?"

"I think so," Draco breathed, still clinging to Harry, "but...hurry, please!"

"I will," Harry reassured him, squeezing the cold hand which had slipped into his own. "Call if it gets worse!"

Unable to quell his concern at Draco's weak nod, Harry raised his husband's legs up onto the large couch, anxious to make him feel as comfortable as possible. Vanishing the box of sweets with a resentful "_Evanesco_!" he hurried out of the room, shooting a last concerned glance at the ashen-faced boy.

The happy clang of pots and pans accompanied Harry's steps on the way down to the kitchen, echoing between the old stone walls in a comforting way. Hesitantly he observed Remus Lupin bending over the antiquated stove to crack eggs into a large pan, before he decided to continue his way to the cupboard which held the herbs the midwife had used only days ago to calm Draco's stomach upset. Frowning, Harry stared at the shades of crumbled green tumbling around in the small glass jar in his hand. The small handwritten label was saying nothing about the dosage.

"Need any help?"

Harry cringed at Remus' soft voice. He could feel his features hardening as he turned to face the worn-out looking man. Remus was slowly drying his hands with a checked kitchen towel, giving him a weary smile matching his tired eyes. His smile was as honest and caring as always, as if nothing bad had happened between them. Harry could feel the anger welling up in his stomach and unsettling his magic. His own eyes were piercing those warm, amber eyes with all the resentment and fury he still felt about the shaming treatment he had experienced at Remus' hands. Hands he would have gladly trusted his own life into - until they had pulled down his pants and -

"I don't need anything from you," Harry hissed before turning his back on Remus to hide the embarrassment, which was rapidly heating up his face.

Opening and shutting cabinet doors with the aimless fury of a horde of pixies on his search for the kettle he tried to suppress the wish to release his magic, to hurt Remus as he had hurt him. He could make him pay. What was a werewolf compared to somebody with his powers. He could fling Remus against the wall without moving a finger and hold him pinned there while knives and forks would shoot into the air and find their target like bludgers, uncaring of the damage they would do, merciless, powerful, cruel -

"Harry."

Baring his teeth he whirled around - only to see Remus offering a steaming kettle to him.

"We have to talk."

Staring at the kettle in Remus hand, Harry froze, and with him his magic which had been ready to lash out against the man who had so often given him a taste of how it would have been to have a father, to have somebody who was watching over him, believing in him, supporting him, telling him how proud he was, how proud his parents would have been. And that was the point - he was not his real father and would never be.

"I have no time to talk. Draco is unwell," he protested, unable to hold Remus' disconcertingly calm gaze.

All of a sudden he felt almost guilty for the uncontrollable darkness which was crawling under his skin, a darkness ready to devour everything and everybody around him. The werewolf's eyes seemed to be able to see right through him, seemed to look straight at the hatred blazing in the depths of his soul, and still, still they were holding the kindness and care which had always been shining in them.

Remus nodded quietly.

For some seconds, which were stretching out until they had wrapped around them like a bubble in time, Harry stared at the hand holding onto the hot kettle with the help of the checked kitchen towel. The reds and blues weaving through the cloth seemed to be pulsing with his heartbeat, contrasting with the pale, subtly wrinkled skin on the back of Remus' hand. Harry wondered if his mother's hand would have aged in the same way, if she was still alive. A sense of serenity wafted through the darkness lurking in his heart, as he imagined it to be her hand pouring a cup of tea for him.

"One heaped teaspoonfull on one cup."

Harry blinked at the softly spoken words, feeling as if he had been abruptely woken from a peaceful dream. Only now did he remember that he was still holding the glass jar with the herbs Draco needed. They worked quietly, preparing the tea within the blink of an eye. Harry suddenly wished that Remus would start the conversation again. This time, he decided, he would listen to Remus, he would accept his apologies. But the moment passed, taking with it the chance to set things right between them.

The man wordlessly offered him a plate with fried eggs, which Harry declined with an almost imperceptible shake of his head, his lips pressed into a tight line. The spark of disappointment ignited the well-known anger at Remus only with too much ease, twisting the corners of his mouth into a scornful scowl. Hell would freeze over before he would forgive the werewolf. He didn't need Lupin. He needed nobody. Silently reprimanding himself for his sentimental show of weakness Harry hurried back to his husband. Draco was still looking a picture of pouting misery, with his arms protectively wound around his belly, as his husband entered the room.

"I brought the tea for you, Draco," Harry said, placing the steaming cup on the table before he sat at the edge of the sofa on which his husband was resting. "Are you any better?"

Miserably the pregnant boy shook his head.

"I think I need to throw up," Draco moaned, huddling up against his husband. "Or not. Don't know. Just hold me, please."

Harry shifted back on the couch until the blond boy could lean back against his chest. A warm happiness flooded his troubled heart as he wrapped his arms around the one he loved. Nothing in the world felt as good as holding Draco tight, to feel his warm body against his, to feel his chest moving with every breath, to feel his heart beating, strong and steady. Burying his face into Draco's hair, breathing in the faint scent of shampoo still lingering in the golden strands, Harry enjoyed the simple fact that his love was alive and safe in his arms.

"Everything will be well. I'll take care of you. I promise," he whispered.

Draco rewarded him with a contented sigh, as he softly started to massage his swollen stomach. Harry wished that he could stop time and keep them captivated in this moment forever. All dark thoughts of war and revenge had disappeared, leaving behind the pure and innocent bliss of a family life Harry had wished for all his life. Draco was almost purring in his arms, whispering words of love he had missed for such a long time, and the salty skin on his love's temple was tasting heavenly under Harry's lips.

"Harry -"

"Yes, love?"

"Why did you break off your friendship with Hermione and Ron?"

Harry froze, feeling the smile melt from his face.

"Why are you asking?"

Draco's hands covered his hands, which were still lying on top of the prominent rounding. Slender fingers sneaked between his own, trying to restore the closeness which their silence was threatening to break.

"My mother told me that you are not talking to your friends any longer...and the Gryffindors are avoiding you, she said," Draco finally explained hesitantly, while his hands nervously seemed to open and close around his own.

"I have my reasons," Harry said defensively, hoping against hope that the Slytherin would cease his questioning.

"Which are?" Draco inquired, his suddenly almost painfully tight grip on Harry's hands betraying how important the answer was for him, and how much he feared it.

He could sense Draco coming through their bond, ghosting through his mind in the unconscious attempt to seek the truth. A truth Harry was not ready to reveal. Not yet. His mind was racing through a mental steeplechase in which he was trying to vanish all obstacles before the one following on his heels could catch sight of them. Secrets. Darkness. Changes. Things he had done. There were truths about himself which he could not admit to, answers he could not give anybody, not even himself. Slowly, cautiously he shut his mind, trusting that Draco wouldn't forcefully breech the wall of secrecy he had built around his true self.

"There. You can drink your tea now without burning yourself," Harry said, insistently pushing the hot cup into Draco's slightly trembling hands.

Gingerly the blond boy raised it to his lips to empty it with small, dutiful sips, before he returned the empty cup to Harry's hand. Draco's gaze tore into his heart like a blunt knife and left him breathless. There was a world of thoughts and emotions whirling behind stormy eyes, pain beyond what even the oldest wizard should hold in his soul. And beneath all this a small, scared child seemed to cry out for Harry. Shuddering he tried to block the wave of anguish he could sense from his husband, before Draco averted his eyes and started to speak, his voice reminiscent of a desperate sigh, reminding Harry of the voices of the dead he had heard from behind the veil, reminding him of Sirius...

"I just want to understand - why - I came back and - everything seems to have changed, as if I had been gone for a hundred years. Nothing is as it used to be. I feel lost, as if I didn't belong. Sometimes I'm thinking I have returned to the wrong world after a botched time travel. Sometimes - sometimes I'm thinking I'm still with - with _him_, and all this is just another one of his mind games. It's scaring me, Harry," Draco said quietly, shyly meeting Harry's seeking glance, just to cast down his eyes once again.

Harry could sense the words Draco had been afraid to say loud. 'You are scaring me.' Closing his eyes he lay his head on Draco's shoulder and embraced him tightly, afraid to let go, fighting the terrible feeling that he would lose his blond angel once he would let go of him. And he would lose himself. How could he survive without Draco? He and the baby were the only ones who kept him from slipping over the edge into the dark abyss waiting for him, calling for him. He knew that once the darkness would succeed in engulfing him, he himself would become darkness, a darkness more terrifying to him than Voldemort had ever been.

"I love you, Draco. My love for you hasn't changed. I will always love you," he whispered, choking on the fear which welled up in his chest and closed his throat.

He was not like Tom Riddle, he reassured himself, he was able to love. Whatever it took, he would make sure that they would become the happy family he so desperately wanted them to be. If only he could undo what Voldemort had done to Draco, but even if he used a time turner to stop the evil wizard before he had the chance to hurt the one he loved ... Draco would forever be lost to him. However, if he went back to their wedding day ... he would have to make sure that the Harry of that day understood how crucial it was to always watch over Draco, to never let him out of his eyes, to keep him away from all danger until they were able to find the traitor. Only now Draco's weary voice broke through his train of thoughts.

"I hate this house, Harry! I'll run mad in here! I've even started talking to Mrs. Black's portrait. She's not half bad if you're ready to chit-chat about purebloods," Draco's voice faded into the oppressive silence, accentuated by the constant ticking of the grandfather clock in the corner of the room. "I want to go to Hogwarts to talk to Hermione."

Harry's head shot up. "No!"

"But -"

"NO! I don't want you to leave this house!" Harry hissed, his voice making it clear that he admitted no contradiction.

Looking at him with disbelief his husband protested, "Does that mean you want to lock me up in here? You're no better than -"

Narrowing his eyes Harry asked sharply, "Than who? Say it! I'm no better than Voldemort?"

The words were hanging like shards of glass between them, forcing them to stop unless they wanted to be hurt, maybe too deep to ever heal.

Harry could feel his heart pumping with the ire flashing through his veins. How could Draco insinuate that he was treating him even remotely similar to how Voldemort had! It was only for his own good that he was keeping him here in this gloomy old house, which he himself hated. He wouldn't lose Draco again! Nobody would take Draco and the baby from him again! He was trying to protect them and not...he was not like Voldemort! Was he? Confused Harry ran his hand through his hair. It was so difficult to think when the darkness was whispering in his head.

Draco slowly sat up, holding onto the arm of the couch as if it was the only thing which could keep him from falling.

"I'm sorry," he said in a small voice, unable to meet Harry's burning eyes. "I shouldn't have said that."

With a sigh Harry pulled Draco, who was trying to hide his tears, close once again, capturing him in his embrace.

"I just want to keep you safe, Draco. I don't want to lose you again. The day Snape brought the polyjuiced corpse back, I thought I lost everything, and I - first I wanted to kill myself, but then I vowed to do anything to be able to destroy Voldemort. Anything! Hermione - I couldn't stand her questions, her accusations. They were all saying that going after Voldemort was too risky for me, they thought that keeping me safe was more important. They stopped me from searching for you! I can't forgive them for this! We don't need anybody, Draco! I'm strong enough now to keep both of us safe."

"But don't you miss your friends? The way you were laughing together, the way they stood by your side," Draco's forlorn eyes seemed to behold a life long lost, his voice sounding faint and far away. "I miss my friends, Harry. It hurts to feel so ... abandoned."

Harry was lost for words. He had decided to cling to Draco, concentrating on the love they shared to forget the emptiness he felt. In Draco he could trust, Draco would never leave him, never betray him! After all they were one - he, Draco and the baby. And nobody else he would ever trust again. He could barely suppress a snort at the ridiculous idea to cry after people who were ready to backstab you the moment you let them come too close.

"It is better that you got rid of them!" Harry said, a bit miffed at Draco's wish for company other than his own.

"My friends have never been like yours. Ron and Hermione really liked you, but mine - I guess no Slytherin ever really cared about me, except of Pansy. And that girl is a pest," Draco snickered softly, but then sadness overcast his face once again like a dark cloud. "I'm sure your friends still care about you, Harry. You should try to talk to them, or at least let me go and do it. You're pushing everybody away, Harry, but they are not your enemy! There might come a time when you'll be glad that you have friends. At least think about it. Please!"

Memories flashed through Harry's mind, memories of evenings spent in the Gryffindor common room, nightly trips under the cover of the Invisibility Cloak. But then he had been a child, then the evil of this world had not yet tainted his soul. He wasn't Harry any longer. He had turned into rage, ferocity, hatred. He was the war, until he had killed the last of his enemies. It was his destiny to kill, a destiny he had accepted. How could people like Ron and Hermione be friends with somebody like him? They were not ready to accept that the only way to battle fire was with fire. And he intended to be the brightest fire of all, as light as the sun. A slight smile pulled at one corner of his mouth. Yes, he would be like the sun, whose rising was the death of all darkness.

But maybe Draco was right. Maybe one day he would need friends.

"I'll think about it, Draco."

But the time had not come.

oooooooooooo

He felt restless.

Wondering if he had made the right decision to betray the one he loved, Draco tried to keep himself from fidgeting. Carefully he listened to his husband's slow and steady breath, which was tickling his neck every other second, while he was watching the shadows conquering their bedroom. Harry's body felt wonderfully warm against his back, warding off the chill wafting through the room despite the merrily flickering fire, and the heavy arm wrapping around his middle made him feel protected and owned at the same time. Draco enjoyed moments like this, moments in which he could envision them back in his dorm, sleeping the day away. Well, shagging and sleeping the day away, that is. Yet sleep was evading him, as he was impatiently waiting for his husband to fall into a deep slumber. Finally a soft snore resounded in the room. With a sentimental smile he caressed Harry's hand, before he tenderly raised his love's arm and wriggled out of bed.

"Wher'ya goin'?" asked Harry dozily behind him.

Startled, Draco turned around to give his husband a soothing smile. "I'm thirsty. Just want to get myself something to drink."

With a grunt Harry rubbed his bleary eyes. "I can bring it for you. What do you want?"

Fumbling with the belt of his dressing gown Draco mumbled, "No need for you to get up, Harry. I've got to go to the loo, too."

"Oh, okay then," Harry muttered into Draco's pillow, closing his eyes once again.

Draco made his way out of the room and closed the door behind him as quietly as possible, always making sure that the sleeve of his dressing gown would protect his trembling hand from those abhorrent snake-shaped door handles. The last daylight had died down long ago, leaving the hall lying in complete darkness in front of him. Draco's heart began to race as he lit the candles along his way with a wave of his wand. The possibility that he could be too late filled him with apprehension, but the idea what Harry would do to him if he detected his betrayal filled Draco with dread.

Pausing at the base of the stairs he listened for the sound of footfalls in the darkness. The house was filled with the sounds of night; a faint howling erupted from the back of the house, where the wind caught in the chimney, a squelch was followed by another squelch, and a creak of the wooden boards at the top of the stairs made him cringe with fear. Wide-eyed he peeked around the corner behind which he was hiding, expecting to catch sight of Harry's angry face. Instead, a mouse was hushing right in front of him through the flickering shadows and disappeared under a skirting board. Relieved, Draco let go of the breath he had been holding and hurried into the kitchen. In a flurry, he lit a fire and poured himself half a glass of pumpkinjuice, which he deposited on the large kitchen table right beside the open fireplace

"Where is it? Where did you put it?" Draco mumbled, as he rummaged through shelve after shelve, pushing aside cups and bowls on his search for the Floo powder.

His heart was hammering in a mad frenzy when his hand closed around the oldfashioned sugar box. Inside the innocent looking porcelain container lay hidden what he had been searching for, his connection to the outside world, sparkling and shining in its promise to end this nightmare he was captured in. Once again Draco looked towards the stairs, hoping that Harry had not followed him, then he took a pinch of Floo powder and placed the box back on its seat on the shelf. Taking another deep breath Draco stepped to the hearth and threw the powder into the flames. The sparkling dust turned them green, opening for him a gate to the Floo Network. Carefully Draco knelt before the flames, and with a whispered destination on his lips pushed his head into the warm fire.

The world was turning around him, while he felt his hands clawing into the rough stone beneath his body to keep himself from falling into the hearth, in a place miles from his head. The spinning and whirling caused him to feel dizzy and nauseated. For a moment he wondered what would happen if he threw up travelling the Floo. Perhaps his vomit would splatter out of all fireplaces on his way or it might arrive before him at his destination, a vile herald for an equally vile deed. Then the terrible spinning sensation stopped and a room tinted in green light appeared before his eyes. Draco looked around the large room, looking for the one person he was hoping to find in this godforsaken place.

"Draco?" Hermione stared at him as if he was the latest addition to the ghosts dwelling in Hogwarts.

"Hello," he replied somewhat sheepishly.

Now that he had made it this far Draco couldn't help the fear crescending in his chest. Maybe what he was seeking from the girl was something she could not give at all. Maybe talking to her was not worth the risk he was taking with it, but then...she was here, sitting over her books like every Friday evening, while all other students were preparing for the weekend. The same swot as ever. The same little Miss Know-It-All.

"Oh my God, it's really you!"

Hermione got up so hastily that she almost tipped her chair over. Crouching in front of the fireplace she looked at Draco with excitement shining in her eyes.

"I heard that you are alive. I'm so happy everything turned out so well, I mean, you are back and alive and...where've you been at all this time? Why did you not come back to Hogwarts?"

"I'm not well enough for it. Harry is taking care of me." The half-truth left his lips with the bitter aftertaste of a lie.

Hermione narrowed her eyes. "I'm sorry to hear that you are not fine. So, why are you fire-calling me, Draco?"

With her brilliant mind and her old-maidish sobriety Hermione Granger had always stood out from all the madness infesting the Wizarding world. What he had disliked in her for so many years was now his only hope.

Taking a deep breath Draco asked, "What happened between you and Harry?"

"Why don't you ask Harry?" Waiting for an answer which didn't come, Hermione added, "You did."

"Please, Hermione, I need to know! You've been friends for such a long time, and you always stood by each other's side -"

"Well, times change. People change," Hermione replied, almost dismissive.

Obviously the girl was unwilling to elaborate. Desperately Draco tried to collect his thoughts. Had he not come here to find out what had happened to the boy he had fallen in love with? He wanted Hermione to tell him that it was still his Harry, the Harry who loved him, the Harry who was sometimes reckless, but always kindhearted. He wanted to hear that it was the same Harry he could trust unconditionally, that he just went through another of his phases, that he would soon be back to the old Harry who had always instilled a sense of security into him instead of fear. One look into her suddenly cold eyes told him that the words he wanted to hear would not pass Hermione's lips.

"I...I know Harry has changed. He was very upset because he thought me dead. And he is still angry about some things which have happened in the past. But that is not his fault, is it?" Draco said, trying to get the girl to fall in with his line of defence for the one he loved.

Together they would be able to appease his fears. Hermione always found reasonable explanations for everything, and if necessary a way to put things right again. She would rummage through book after book until she would find the one holding the reassurement that everything was okay with Harry Potter, the hero of the Wizarding world, _his _hero.

"Our good Harry is dabbling in the Dark arts, Draco!" Hermione hissed in a low voice, bursting his bubble of hope. "And Professor Snape is secretly tutoring him! Nobody here wants to come close to him any longer, because he is cursing anybody whosoever looks at him in a way he doesn't like. The Harry we were friends with is long gone, Draco!"

Slowly Draco shook his head. Thoughts were flying around in his head like a a swarm of hornets, filling it with deafening buzzing, their poisonous sting hurting and shocking him beyond imagination.

With a shaky smile he addressed the girl once again. "You are exaggerating, Hermione! Harry is not evil. He has changed alot and sometimes he is scary, but he is...he is still Harry! He is more powerful now and people are envious, that's all. Maybe it was a mistake to talk to you. I should have listened to Harry!"

A hurt look appeared on Hermione's face. "Draco, you don't really believe what you are saying!"

"I don't know what to believe any longer. All I know is that I love him. I have to go, sorry."

Without waiting for a good-bye, Draco pulled back his head, welcoming the dizzying spinning and twirling which pulled him back into the dark house at Grimauld Place, back to Harry. He knew he was running, running from what else Granger could tell him, running from what he knew to be true, no matter how he wanted to reject it. Harry had become a Dark wizard.

With a whimper he let himself fall back onto the kitchen floor, his body shaking with pants which painfully forced their way through his slowly constricting throat. The pressure in his chest intensified until it tore out of him like a flood. Burying his face in his hands he let out a suppressed scream, which was echoing in his head for a long time, while all which could be heard in the dark of the night was the whimper of a child afraid that the monster would step out of his wardrobe. Once again his tears tried to wash away his fears, but all they could accomplish was that he felt even more helpless and desperate.

There had been no noise warning him of his presence, neither a creaking of a floorboard nor a clacking on the stone. Yet Harry stood there, motionless, watching him with an unreadable expression. The blood in Draco's veins ran cold, leaving him trembling as he tried to determine how long the other boy had already been standing at the base of the stairs. Had it been long enough to see his head emerging from the magical flames? With bated breath Draco was trying to find the answer in the deep green eyes which met his. Was it the flickering flame in the hearth which was reflected in Harry's stormy eyes, or was it ire burning in those dark pools? It is said that the eyes are the windows to the soul. Draco shuddered at the fires of hell, which seemed to be lurking behind Harry's.

"Harry -"

Draco's voice gave out in anticipation of what was to come, and he was sure that, had he been standing, his knees would have chosen to do the same. A hint of a smile pulled at one side of Harry's beautiful lips, before he slowly stepped closer. Hanging his head Draco gave in to his fate. He didn't want to look into Harry's face at the moment he would raise his hand. He didn't want to remember the face of his loved one contorted with mad violence. Closing his eyes he prayed that it would soon be over.

"You have soot on your face, baby," Harry said, slowly wiping his thumb over Draco's tearstreaked cheek.

Draco shuddered as white-hot fear shot through his middle. Protectively he wrapped his arms around himself and the unborn child slumbering within him.

"Let's go to bed." With a firm grip Harry pulled him into his arms. "Everything's gonna be alright."

The tension, which had dug its steel claws into his muscles, slowly let go of Draco. There was no pain, only warmth and care to be found in his husband's embrace. Slightly ashamed and very relieved he dug his fingers into Harry's sweater and snuggled closer. He didn't need anybody else to tell him what he should have known all along. Dark arts or no, there was no need to be afraid of Harry Potter.

oooooooooooo

_Monday, February 26, 1997_

"I hate children," Severus Snape remarked with palpable disgust, as he put the last scroll for the day aside, yet another piece of parchment wasted on the blunt intellect of a Hufflepuff.

Narcissa stepped behind his chair to lay her forearms over his shoulders and crossed her delicate hands over his heart. Her lips touched his cheek as light as a feather before she pressed them close enough to his left ear to let him feel her warm, wet breath.

"Oh, I can remember a certain somebody," she said with a smile, "who was paying us a visit every day after Draco was born, just to be able to hold him and play with him. I can assure you that this certain somebody was miserably failing in his attempt to deny that he was doting on a child."

"That is no valid comparison, Narcissa. Draco has always been special to me. He is your child after all. The wayward Wizarding offspring crowding my Potions classroom however is far from being adorable. In fact those children are insufferable, ignorant and insolent. Every minute I -"

Soft lips covered his and made him forget what he had just wanted to say.

"Come to bed, Severus," Narcissa breathed demandingly.

Playfully she pulled him up from his chair. Her alluring smile made him wonder once again if the blond woman had Veila blood flowing through her veins. Clasping her slender waist Severus lifted her up to sit on the desk. He could feel himself hardening, as he parted her legs and pressed his body between her thighs.

"Why bother with a bed. We can do it right here," he mumbled as he covered the side of her neck with urgent kisses.

Unresisting she allowed him to push her to lie down on the hard surface, supported by his hand in the small of her back as she arched her body lasciviously. Raising up her skirts he bared her beauty with insistent hands, relishing her throaty moan as he pulled down her silk underpants hard enough to tear them.

"Oh, Severus, I love it when you're so savage," Narcissa panted with passion glistening in her heavenly eyes.

And, Merlin, he could feel the beast raging within, urging him to ravish this angelic creature writhing so wantonly beneath him. With a low growl he freed his straining shaft of its confinement, gasping out her name at the exquisite pleasure as he forced his way into her willing flesh. Narcissa cried out, her hand seeking for something to hold on sweeping the neat stack of scrolls off the desk, as her whole body was rocked with the ruthless thrusts with which he sheathed himself as deep inside her as he could go. Severus groaned at the stimulating sensation, filling him with a primitive lust, which made his heart pound with the same ferocity with which his member was pounding the woman he loved.

"Oh God!"

"Oh yes!"

"Severus!"

With every thrust the fragile woman cried out, every exclamation of her passion encouraging him to go faster, harder, deeper. Narcissa's head had fallen back, leaving her throat vulnerable to the assault of his lips, his tongue, his teeth. Desiring more of that pale, smooth skin, Severus sharply pulled her dress over her shoulders, baring her breasts. His hand encircled a soft mound, small enough to fit into his hand, before his fingers found the already hard nipple and gave it a pinching twist. Narcissa's hiss shot right into his loins.

"Oh, Severus, careful there! The nipples of a pregnant woman are very sensitive," she uttered between heavy breaths.

It took him another thrust before he froze.

"What did you just say?"

His tongue seemed to be unwilling to form the words.

"I asked you to be careful," Narcissa said, looking at him with eyes clouded with lust and yet shining with something else, a deep happiness he had not realised before.

"No...no, there was something else...something about pregnant women...and nipples...the nipples of...," Severus spluttered, all of a sudden fearing that he had misheard her words, as Narcissa observed him with raised eyebrows and a spark of amusement playing around the corners of her mouth.

"Yes?" she asked, her flushed face a mask of feigned innocence overlaying carnal desire.

"Sensitive -" Severus said dumbfounded, swallowing heavily as his voice threatened to fail him. "Does that mean you are - with child?"

A vibrant smile flashed over her face. All of a sudden Narcissa was radiating an unearthly beauty, which almost took his breath away.

Severus' eyes were flitting to her almost too slender waist.

"Are you sure?" he asked hesitantly.

"Yes," Narcissa smiled. "Poppy confirmed it this very morning."

The implications hit him like a Stupefy, bringing about a disconcerting surge of conflicting emotions. For a moment pride and reluctance, happiness and fear balanced each other, until the face of his own father appeared before his inner eye and terror overwhelmed him. Severus could still remember the wild joy he had felt at watching his father die a painful death, caused by poison his mother, a gifted Potions brewer, had concocted to free them from the dirty Muggle. What if he became like his father, a brutal, cold, heartless tyrant? But then the warm memory of holding a tiny bundle in his arms chased away his fears and brought a smile to his lips.

"Merlin, I'm going to be a father," Severus whispered with awe, staring into Narcissa's sparkling, blue eyes.

Never had he dared to think of the possibility to have children, profoundly convicted that he was very fortunate not to call any of those boisterous brats his own. But it had been a lie, like so many things in his life. He did not want to be alone, and he longed for the chance to prove that he was nothing like his father. And now this woman was giving him the greatest gift of all, a chance at a life he had never expected to have. His heart was overflowing with a healing warmth which was pouring from his chest into the furthest regions of his body, banishing the ever-present pain and fatigue he was suffering since the Dark Lord had cursed him.

"I love you!" he said, his words a vow as much as an expression of gratitude.

His kiss was fervent and tender, and her response was in kind, reminding him of the position they were in, sprawled over his desk, mid-fuck. His movements were slow and careful for his fear of hurting the unborn child, as Severus resumed their love-making. The ruthless rutting which had shaken the heavy table beneath them just minutes ago was unthinkable now that he knew what sweet secret the fragile woman beneath him was nurturing under her heart. Obviously she was of dissenting opinion, trying to pull Severus closer, winding her arms and legs around him.

"Severus ... harder! I'm not made of glass!" Narcissa gasped out, her hands on his naked buttocks incentive enough to comply with her wish.

A fine sheen of sweat appeared between her bared breasts as his relentless thrusts were taking her higher and higher, until she finally cried out. Severus' dwindling self-control broke as her fingernails were clawing his back and marring it with lasting signs of her ecstasy. Waves of ecstasy rolled through his body and gushed out of him with the force of a bursting dam. His own heartbeat was still thundering in his ears as his body slackened in blissful exhaustion.

Severus Snape had never before in his life felt so utterly happy and carefree, until an aristocratic face framed with blond hair appeared before his inner eye. He could see a cruel sneer forming on tight lips, enhancing his formerly best and only friend's cold arrogance, before a wand was raised, pointing straight at his heart.

"Merlin, Lucius is going to kill me!"

Severus felt a bout of fear shooting with overwhelming heat through his chest, as if the unsettling figment of his imagination had truly sent an _Adava Kedavra _against him. With utmost reluctance Severus Snape had to concede that for some minutes full of bliss it had escaped him that he had impregnated Lucius Malfoy's wife, a little detail he decided would be best kept secret as long as possible.

oooooooooooo

_Wednesday, March 14, 1997_

"You've made a mistake there, Draco darling. In the Laureanic method T has the value of 8, not 9."

Draco frowned as Pansy bent over him to vanish the whole Arithmancy calculation he had so painstakingly noted on his last piece of parchment. Staring at the once again empty scroll he tried to neglect the unsettling feeling of her soft breast against his upper arm and the nauseating scent of her too sweet perfume. His disgruntled state did nothing to help the vicious headache he had developed within the last thirty minutes.

"Come on, sweetheart, I'm sure you can do it right this time!"

For a moment Draco stared at her mouth, the way her too red lips were curled up in a too cheery smile for such a drab afternoon, then he heaved a weary sigh and threw his quill onto the table.

"I quit!" Rubbing his forehead he scowled at the accusingly empty scroll lying in front of him. "I can't do it! My head is killing me!"

"Oh my poor darling!"

Eagerly the Slytherin girl jumped up and pushed his own hand away to lay her cool hands onto his temples. Draco closed his eyes to fight the dizziness the circling motions of her fingers were causing him. Pansy's prattle was echoing in his hammering head until he couldn't tell if it was only one girl who was talking his ears off, or two.

"This pregnancy is too hard on you. I'm all the time telling the others how strong and brave you are. It's a shame how this baby is making you suffer. You don't deserve such a fate! Take another swig of the elderberry juice I've brought for you! It might help you if you drank more."

The mere thought of sustenance entering his stomach made the same roil, and the restless movements of the child in his womb did their own to trigger another bout of nausea. With a grunt Draco swallowed the bile back and opened his eyes.

"No! No, really, it's of no use, Pansy. I'm sorry. I guess it will be for the best if you returned to Hogwarts now. I'll lie down and try to sleep it off." With an apologetic smile he grabbed her hands and pulled them away from his pounding head. "Thanks, Panse. I'll see you to the Floo."

Her smile wavered for a moment, then she shushed him with a sugary laugh. "I cannot leave you all alone, Draco! There is nobody else in the house! What if something happened to you? Harry would never forgive me!"

"Nothing will happen to me. I promise! And Harry will be back in less than an hour." Decidedly he stood up and went to lean on the open door leading to the entrance hall. "Thanks for coming, Pansy. I really appreciate your help. If you wouldn't take the time to help me I'd never be able to catch up. You are really the best friend I've ever had."

Flustered, the girl put her books into her satchel and strutted past him. "Sure you should know how to value a girl of class like me, honey!"

"I do, Panse," Draco huffed as he followed her.

The Slytherin girl froze in her tracks and turned around to face him. "Draco - if not for Harry - would you like me?"

Draco met her hopeful gaze with unease. "I _do _like you, Panse."

He hoped that this was not what he thought it to be. The last thing he needed right now was drama. He already felt like vomiting right onto the girl's 60 galleons shoes. All he wanted was for her to step into that sodding fireplace so he could lie down. Migraines and an upset stomach seemed to have become part of his life, a part no potion nor spell was able to allay. With a trembling hand he wiped the first droplets of sweat from his forehead.

"That was not what I meant, Draco," she said in a low voice.

Slowly she stepped closer and placed her hand on his chest, right over his heart, as if she wanted to sense for whom it was beating. The usually so tough girl suddenly looked vulnerable as she stood there in front of him, chewing on her lower lip.

"You know I'm married." Draco almost felt guilty about stating that fact. "I bet lots of boys would like to be with you, Pansy."

Her eyes seemed to glaze over with something akin to pain, before she turned away. "Sure! Lots of boys are crazy about me! Half of Slytherin and even some of the more decent Ravenclaws!"

Swallowing down a relieved sigh tasting of bitter bile, Draco nodded. Even though his mind was dulled by the nauseating pain tearing through his brain he could sense trouble ahead. Harry would blow up in Pansy's face if he ever found out that the girl had truly fallen for him. Jealous accusations were one thing, but Draco was not sure he wanted to see Harry's reaction if Pansy made a pass at his husband right in front of his eyes. The chill the mere idea gave him settled in the pit of his stomach like an unwanted guest and made him feel shivery.

"Uhm, I don't feel well for some time already, Pansy. Maybe it would be better if I took a break. I'll send you an owl when I'm up to tutoring again."

Her blue eyes pierced him with tear-veiled fervour, making him feel ill at ease.

"I understand," she finally choked out.

Wondering if he had done the right thing, Draco nodded and made his way to the stairs leading down to the kitchen. Pansy followed his lead in silence. He was torn between the wish to comfort her and the need to have her out of the house. The awkward silence between them seemed to amplify the echo of their steps on the stairs. It was in the middle of the bend of the same that his feet met with a seemingly invisible obstacle and he tripped. With a yelp Draco tried to find something to hold on to, but the dank bricks slipped away under his hand as he fell. The world was spinning around him in a numbing blur of edges and hard stone, until he realised that he was lying at the foot of the stairs, dazed and gasping. Confused his eyes followed the girl who was slowly approaching him from within the fog wafting in front of his eyes, wand in hand. Pansy was crouching down beside him, her eyes searchingly gliding over his body.

"I fell -" Draco breathed in bewilderment, his face contorting with pain.

"Trip jinx. The simplest things can often be the most useful ones," Pansy explained as cool as ice. "You really should have given the snail venom time to work, darling. I hate to improvise!"

Confused, Draco looked up at her. His wavering senses made him insecure of what he had heard and his mind was unable to proceed more than the fact that he was lying on very hard and cold stone tiles, aching all over. He winced as the girl prodded his rounded belly in a decidedly ungentle manner.

"Look at you! Nothing is working as it should! What does someone have to do to get rid of such monstrosity?" Tapping her lips with her wand Pansy looked at him with a pensive face. "If you had given me some more weeks time I could have let the poison work, sweetums, but now something else will have to do. I'm afraid this way it will be more uncomfortable for you."

With sparkling eyes and cheeks tinted with excitement Pansy pressed the tip of her wand against his side. Draco wanted to wind his arms around his belly to protect his child, but his body refused to comply with his need to move, his limbs feeling heavy as lead. With disbelieve he heard Pansy hissing the word he had come to fear in the Death Eater's lair.

"_Crucio_!"

Agony raced through his body like wildfire, burning him from the inside out. Draco cried out as his muscles cramped, causing his body to convulse and distort in unbearable ways. Convinced that his worst fear had come true and the days he had spent with Harry in Grimauld Place were nothing more than another mind game the Dark Lord had played with him, Draco squeezed his eyes shut. He didn't want to see the insanity reaching out for him from those red eyes. Just as the tempting darkness opened its arms in welcome, the pain faded into a dull ache, leaving him gasping for air, sweating and shaking all over. Scared, Draco flinched away from the cool hand which wiped away the perspiration that was beading on his forehead. His whimpers turned into sobs as he became aware of the shameful tears mixing with the cold sweat clinging to his skin.

"Hush! Hush, my darling! I know it hurts, but you gave me no choice."

Realising that it was not the Dark Lord's voice he was hearing, he hesitantly opened his eyes.

"Pansy, please- " Draco whimpered, searching for her face in the shadows which were eagerly waiting to close in on him.

He did not know what to expect from the girl who so lovingly caressed his face, while her wand was still securely clasped in her other hand.

"Why?" he asked her miserably.

"Why? You still don't know it? I love you, Draco!"

Aghast Draco stared at the girl, who was readying her wand again.

"I've always loved you! _Crucio_!"

The curse hit his swollen belly once more, making him fear for the child he had so dismally failed to protect. Seconds turned into eternity as a white hot iron pierced his middle and stirred his entrails with ardor. He knew that his bowels had exploded and covered everything in blood. Everything was red. He was choking on his own blood, his child's blood; it filled his throat, tried to suffocate him. Coughing and gagging Draco regained his senses. Vomit was filling his mouth and slowly dropping from his face into his hair. He felt weak and sick beyond imagination. Only with great difficulty did he manage to turn his head enough to spit out the offending mixture of elderberry juice, beef and porridge.

"Look at the mess you've made of yourself, darling. Don't worry, I'll take care of it," Pansy cooed over him. "_Tergeo_! _Scourgify_! There, clean again!"

Draco was searching in vain for signs of heartfelt empathy in the girl's face. Shaking with sobs, he came to realise how much Pansy had to hate him to generate a torture curse rivalling that of any Death Eater of Lord Voldemort's inner circle. Even worse, he could sense that she was not done yet. The only comfort amidst all this mayhem was the prominent rounding he could still feel under his left hand, and the tiny feet pressing against his trembling hand, filling him with hope. His wand was unreachable for him, buried under his body where he could feel it pressing uncomfortably against his right kidney, but maybe he could, maybe, if only he could make her talk...

"Why, Pansy, why do you hate me so much?"

Laying all his hurt into his wavering voice, Draco was trying to reach out for the girl's heart. Pansy had run after him like a pesky puppy from the day she had learned to walk. Somewhere deep inside that mental bedlam there had to be the Pansy Parkinson as he knew her.

"But I told you, I don't hate you, I love you!" Pansy cooed once more, looking for everything in the world as if she meant it.

"Why do you want to kill me then?"

"Kill you? Oh no, I don't want to kill _you_! Why do you think I decided to use snail venom instead of any fast working agent? I've laced all those chocolates and cakes and juices I brought for you with doses small enough not to harm you seriously, but strong enough to kill that -" With a disgusted scowl she pointed her wand at his baby belly. "That _thing_!"

"You want to kill the baby?" His thoughts were racing as her intention became clear to him. "But...this child is Lord Voldemort's heir, Pansy! You wouldn't go against your Lord! You cannot do this! He would kill you for it!"

Pansy's smile turned cold as ice.

"You wouldn't blab on me, would you? He doesn't need to find out that it was me who killed his bastard! And he will not, will he, Draco darling?"

"Of course not, Pansy. I wouldn't reveal to him...I don't want anything bad to happen to you." Draco stammered. "You know I care for you. Very much so. I...I liked you, too, for a very long time already. If I had known...I mean...why don't you simply let me give birth to him, just to keep us safe, and then..."

"Hush! I'll help you to get rid of it. You don't have to have this monstrosity in your body for much longer. You'll be free to come back to me. I'm doing this for us, Draco. We'll be happy, I promise!"

Her cold smile had turned dreamy, but it did nothing to soothe Draco's fears, as the girl pointed her wand at him.

"No, please! I promise...I will do anything you want...just don't hurt my child!" Draco begged, but his pleading earned him nothing more than a look of disbelief shot at him from narrow eyes.

"I don't know how you came to care about this thing, but you will soon be over it. I guess we will have to try something different-" The tip of Pansy's wand once again came to rest on his belly. "_Impedimenta_!"

An invisible hand smashed into Draco's belly and threw him back against the wall. Gasping for air he tried to focus his eyes on his wand, which was now swimming in a sea of red in front of his eyes. Slowly he reached out his shaking hand, ready to fight against the last of his friends. Trying to ignore the pain racing through his body he concentrated on moving his arm, his hand, his fingers. He could already feel the smooth, cool wood under his fingertips when Pansy picked up his wand with a shake of her head.

"Tsk, tsk, tsk, you don't really want to do that! _Impedimenta_!"

Another time the blast of the curse centered on his middle, taking his breath away to replace it with pain.

"Harry!"

Draco's strangled cry seemed to echo in the room. He had not realised that he had cried out for Harry, until he became aware of his whispered pleas for his love to come and save them. With everything he had he longed for his husband. Harry had promised to protect him and the baby!

"Harry, Harry, always _Harry_!" Pansy screamed at him, making him wince with fear.

For a moment she stared at him, revealing the spark of madness dancing in the depth of her eyes. Then she suddenly turned away and started to pace, back and forth, muttering under her breath. Her face was a horrid mask of despair and amusement as she turned her attention back to Draco.

"It's not right, it's simply not right! You are supposed to be with _me_, not with him! If not for the bastard you are carrying, Potter would never have taken you into consideration. All these years I was there by your side, caring for you, loving you, and then you go and marry this Gryffindor!"

"I'm sorry, please-" Draco whispered, unable to take his eyes from the wand rolling and dancing in the girl's hand.

"Harry doesn't love you, Draco, can't you see, he only wants you for the baby!" Pansy implored, her pleading eyes boring into Draco's as she knelt down in front of him. "Harry Potter is mad! Everybody knows that. That boy is dangerous! You have to believe me! He _killed Blaise_! Nobody wants to believe me, but I know it, I just _know it_! That saviour of the wizarding world is nothing more than a homicidal maniac!"

"You are lying! The only one mad is you!" Draco hissed at her, his love and anger fueling his courage.

Pansy's laughter was mirthless. She looked almost pitiful as she let her head hang and lowered her wand hand onto her lap. Draco watched her with bated breath, hoping that this horrific episode was over. Pansy had to understand that he belonged to Harry. He would never ever love somebody else.

"He'll be your ruin, Draco," Pansy said in a low voice, her eyes still directed at the wand in her hand. "I can't let that happen. I love you too much to let that happen to you."

Draco released the breath he had been holding, when the Slytherin got up and stepped away from him. Relief turned into shock when she spinned around and once more pointed her wand at him like an accusatory finger.

"One day you'll realise who really loves you, and you will come to me out of free will! _Obliviate_!"

The impact of the curse never came. Instead there was a whoosh from the fireplace and Pansy was knocked back, while her and Draco's wands were flying into Harry's outstretched hand. Like an avenging angel his husband had come to his rescue, Draco thought in wonder. The black-haired boy was exuding a powerful rage, from which Pansy backed away, stammering plea after plea.

"_Crucio_!" Harry hissed at the cowering girl, his face as dark as the stormiest night.

Pansy collapsed with a gurgling scream. Draco could sense her agony as if it was his own. It was not long ago that he had been the one writhing and screaming, just like her right now. With large eyes he watched her face contort with pain as the forbidden curse took its toll, a curse Harry was executing masterly. Draco looked at his husband, silently pleading with him that he would lift the curse. For a moment Harry seemed frozen in place, watching the suffering girl with an odd expression on his face, before he knelt down beside Draco.

"Are you okay?" Harry asked him, worry shining in his eyes, which were dark with emotion, so dark that they almost seemed black. "Can you get up?"

"No," Draco wailed, clinging to him for dear life. "Harry, she gave me poison. Don't leave me, please! She wants to kill the baby so you'll leave me! Please, don't leave me!"

"I won't leave you, Draco, I promised!" Harry whispered soothingly.

Draco's mind was in uproar. The fear of losing the baby was crippling, but worse than that, Pansy's words had stirred something up in the darkest corner of his mind. What would he be without Harry and the baby? They were his life, his future, the only thing keeping him alive. He moaned when Harry's searching hand was gliding over a painful spot on his maltreated belly, which looked on the best way to become black and blue all over.

Behind Harry Pansy's screams had merged into pain-filled gasps and moans. With difficulty she dragged herself along the floor, away from Harry's anger. Bracing herself against the kitchen cabinet she stood up, only to freeze when Harry slowly stood up as well, his calm demeanour not fitting to the storm raging behind his narrowed eyelids.

"I warned you often enough, Pansy. That was very stupid of you. Draco and the baby are mine!"

The girl whimpered, looking at Draco for help, when Harry raised his wand.

"Avada"

With disbelief Draco perceived the lethal green starting to glow at the tip of Harry's wand.

"Ke-"

"NO!" Draco cried out. Pansy surely deserved a lot of things, but not to die. "No, please, Harry, get rid of her in a...a nice way!"

Harry took a deep breath, then he nodded and gave the shaking Pansy Parkinson a scornful smile.

"Yeah, you are right. She doesn't deserve such an easy death."

Her face became as white as chalk, as Harry directed his wand against her forehead. Draco tried in vain to rise. His body was too battered and weak to allow him to intervene. He couldn't let his husband become a murdered, heading straight to Azkaban!

"Harry -" Draco pleaded breathlessly, afraid of what the other boy was ready to do.

"_Confundo_!"

It was no more than a whispered word, but the blast coming out of Harry's wand tip caused Pansy to stumble across the room before she fell against the wall beside the fireplace. Disoriented she blinked at them, her face as slack as a doll's.

"You may go," Harry said with a sparkle in his eyes which clearly betrayed his real wish for her.

"My wand?" Pansy asked, stretching out an uncertain hand towards where he had dropped her wand beside Draco on the ground.

"No. No, that is not your wand. Here," Harry said with a sneer, offering the open Floo powder bowl to her. "This is what you need. Grab a handful and step into the fireplace."

Confused, the girl stared at the glittering dust, before she did as Harry said. Once in the fireplace she looked around with a frown.

"Uh...where did I want to go to?"

"Siberia. You forgot something there," Harry said, helpfully.

"Oh! Ohhh, yes, now I can remember. Siberia!" Pansy said with a grateful smile, while letting the Floo powder fall.

The confounded girl disappeared in a shower of sparks, leaving behind a very relieved blonde and his sour looking husband.

"Thank you!" Draco breathed, closing his eyes.

Now that the danger was over, he suddenly felt very faint. Within the blink of an eye Harry was at his side.

"Draco? Are you still with me?"

"Yeah," he groaned, blinking tiredly at the black-haired boy. "How did you know that I needed you?"

"I felt it," Harry explained. "I had this urge to check on you."

"Maybe it was the bond," mumbled Draco, closing his eyes once again.

He could feel Harry lifting him into his arms, careful not to aggravate any possible injuries. Draco gratefully let his head fall against his husband's shoulder, wondering how he could manage it so well to carry him up all those stairs without pausing once.

"I'm sorry," Draco whispered as Harry placed him on their bed.

"What are you sorry for?"

Green eyes looked at him questioningly. Draco's mind refused to wrap around the fact that another time he had been betrayed. Harry had just wanted to protect him when he had forbidden him from leaving the house, and he had been right about warning him about friends.

"I was a fool. You just wanted to protect me. I'm so sorry, Harry. You were right all the time," Draco sniffed, too tired to fight the tears.

"It's okay, Draco. Let me have another look, before I call Poppy or the midwife," Hands, strong and soft at the soft time, were removing his clothes, gliding over his body, sending healing magic into his maltreated body. "What has she given to you?"

Draco needed some moments to grasp what Harry wanted to know. "Snail venom. All the time she put snail venom into those sweets and juices she brought for me. And there I thought it was the baby's fault that I always threw them up."

Harry cursed under his breath. "And why are you black and blue then?"

"Fell down the stairs. Trip jinx...and some curses," Draco said quietly.

His mind was wondering back to the girl who had done this to him in the cloak of love. How could she love him and hurt him at the same time, with curses and words...

"The things Pansy said...she said you killed Blaise."

Running his fingers through Draco's silken hair Harry softly smiled at him.

"Blaise got what he deserved, nothing more and nothing less. Sleep now, my love! You need to rest."

"You, you killed Blaise? Then Pansy said the truth-"

Draco stared at his husband, unable to fight back the apprehension which was sneaking back into his heart. How much of what Pansy had told him was true? What had Harry done? What was the one he loved ready to do, apart from using a casual Unforgivable Curse?

With regret Harry saw the first signs of fear returning to shine in those beautiful grey eyes. Shaking his head he gave Draco a reassuring smile.

"I said... _sleep_!" he whispered firmly, sending out his magic.

Draco's eyelids fluttered like the wings of a captured bird before his eyes closed and his body slackened in his husband's embrace. Lovingly Harry looked down at his blond angel, brushing his forehead with his lips before he tenderly ran his fingertips along his cheek, following his brow, until his hand came to rest on the temple of the sleeping boy.

"_Obliviate!_"

He wouldn't lose Draco again.

oooooooooooo


	29. From Bad To Worse

_**A/N:**_

_LOL, you know, I thought I wrote Harry rather nice in the last chapter! I mean he did none of the nasty things I had planned for Pansy. He was rather well-behaved in my opinion. Yet you think him mad and scary? Hmm, why would that be? Maybe in fact you want him to be more mad and scary! Is that a hint? Hehehe!_

_Thanks everybody for the reviews! Uhm, to answer some other comments. _

_I am not living and never lived in an English speaking country, and it is not my mother tongue. I know that my conversations are lacking the "real life"-touch. I would love to improve that, but I have no beta reader as well. Maybe anybody of that age (about 17) would be willing to correct my drama conversations. ;)_

_I don't care about that flame on mpregs, as it is a copy and paste thing I saw years ago already. So, have fun, whoever anonymous!_

_Oh, and the way I use exclamation marks, obviously too much for an English reader's liking, is due to the fact that in German they are used that way, without meaning that somebody shouts. Is that really that way in English? Exclamation mark always means shouting? I'd be grateful if anybody could tell me how exactly those are used._

_Okay, and now on to the story. Enjoy reading and remember me and that review button at the end of the chapter, will you?_

oooooo **Chapter 29 **oooooo

**From Bad to Worse**

_Wednesday, March 28, 1997_

The boredom in this cranky old house was unimaginable, Draco pondered, while he was listening with half an ear to Mrs. Black's deliberations on how much better the Wizarding World would have been off, if only Grindelwald had won the war. There was nothing else to do for him. Harry was brooding over his books and scrolls as usual, Remus was spying for the order, and since Pansy had decided to take a wrong turn in the Floo network and ended up in Irkutsk, he had not seen her. She still seemed to be afflicted with a very obstinate case of chilblains, which had reportedly made her look like somebody who had had a run-in with a porcupine. Not that Draco believed it would make a scrap of difference to Pansy Parkinson's looks. Draco sighed surrepticiously. He was missing that annoying girl. After all, he prefered being showered with sweets and sweet-talk to being buttonholed with racist arguments by a chatty portrait.

"Gellert Grindelwald was a man of vision! Never he would have allowed such vermin to enter the halls of Hogwarts," Mrs. Black's highpitched whine rang through the house. "Wizarding education should be restricted to purebred wizards and witches only!"

Draco nodded half-heartedly, a protective hand sneaking over his protruding belly. His parents were Purebloods, of course, but all the others he had come to respect and love were nothing but Mudbloods. He was not convinced any longer, that Purebloods were really as superior as he had been brought up to believe.

"How can they teach children of Muggles, _Muggles_, all our secrets, our knowledge we have protected since time immemorial from _them_? Dumbledore must have lost his mind! That Muggle-loving fool! And there he once was best friends with Grindelwald. To be quite candid with you, those boys have always been in a huddle, if you know what I mean. It was even rumoured that those two were, well, like you and that _Mudblood _who calls himself owner of this _my _house!"

Draco was raising his eyebrows, unsure of if he understood correctly what the batty old lady's portrait was trying to hint at. Dumbledore and Grindelwald as lovers? How ridiculous was that idea! After all, Dumbledore had become a war hero for killing Grindelwald.

"That seems unlikely to me, Mrs. Black. A dark and a light wizard?"

"As unlikely as a Slytherin and a Gryffindor? A Pureblood and a Mudblood? A Malfoy and a Potter?" The portrait's smug smile grew to fantastic measures. "Oh, the things people do for love - they even change sides!"

Draco was left speechless, but not so Mrs. Black.

"Not that I condone love. Disgusting concept for weaklings, that! You'd think that Dumbledore would have learned his lesson! Vermin polluting our world, Muggles infiltrating Hogwarts! Disgusting filth everywhere!"

"But the founders wanted the school opened to everybody with magic," Draco interjected, wondering how he had come to defend Dumbledore of all people. "Only Salazar Slytherin insisted on purity of heritage as selection criterion for students."

"And that is why we are Slytherins, aren't we?" Mrs. Black said with a proud and content gleam hushing over her portrait.

From downstairs Draco could hear the whoosh of the fireplace, hopefully announcing the arrival of his godfather. Severus had promised to bring him his homework for today, plus some Hogwarts-house-elf-made goodies, which Draco missed immensely. Lupin was a rather good cook, but he was crap as a pastry cook, and all Harry could prepare was breakfast.

"Yes, of course, that is why we are Slytherin's," Draco affirmed through his teeth, all of a sudden feeling impatient to end the discussion with Mrs. Black's portrait. "If you will excuse me now, I believe we have a guest."

"I hope you didn't let more of those Mudbloods and blood traitors into my house, young Malfoy!"

"Of course not," Draco said, putting on his perfectly blasé Malfoy face.

Secretly he wondered which of the people going in and out of this house were not qualifying as either Mudblood or blood traitor. The Black estate was nowadays not exactly a stronghold of the Dark side, was it?

Mrs. Black regarded with him favour. "Cissa will be so proud of you! A Black to the core!"

Draco was relieved when the moth-eaten curtain closed in front of Mrs. Black's complacent face and he could drop his upper-class Pureblood Wizard mask. Mrs. Black's last remark was still echoing in his mind with a persistent sting. He doubted, that his mother was proud of him. Even though she had absolutely no obligations whatsoever to meet, now that she was living at Hogwarts with her new lover, she hardly ever showed her face at Grimmauld Place. Narcissa Malfoy had never been an affectionate mother, but as long as they had shared the same living space at least she had been present.

With a sigh Draco made his way down towards the kitchen, an odd sense of déjà vu gnawing at his insides. He couldn't remember the fall, but he could clearly remember that he had hurt for days. Especially his head had felt as if he had cracked it open. Luckily the baby had not been harmed, but he had come very close to giving birth too early, as the midwife had ascertained with very reproving look. Draco did not even want to think about the process of giving birth. The mere idea made his stomach twitch and turn with apprehension.

A nervous shiver ran through Draco when he remembered nurse Hops' warning to take perfect care of himself and the baby for the rest of his pregnancy, if he didn't want to end up tied to the bed during the last weeks. Dutifully, he tried to get a glimpse of where he was putting his feet on the steps, although that had become an almost impossible task, thanks to the bulging paunch which had once been his flat and muscled belly. He couldn't risk another fall, if only to escape too much contact with the atrocity beneath his feet. The stone steps were now covered with a wildly patterned carpet, courtesy of Remus Lupin's taste in easy to clean and hard to wear down furnishings. Harry had shrugged his shoulders at Draco's complaints, telling him that it was "just a carpet" and he should "suck it up!". Draco had the sneaking suspicion, that Harry would happily accept the Shrieking Shack as their living quarters, as long as he had a place in it to study his tomes and to train his magic.

The kitchen was empty. There was no black-haired boy nor man to be seen. Instead a small, brown, innocuously looking paper bag greeted him, seated on the large oak table, right beside a book and a piece of parchment. He opened the bag to find it much wider inside than out, holding a large silver tray, heaped with pie and tart, trifle and doughnuts, and everything else gracing the tables at a Hogwarts feast with its deliciously sweet presence. With a contented smile Draco grabbed a chocolate éclair and stuffed it into his watering mouth, uncaring that he must have looked like Crabbe's twin. The taste was heavenly, so very different from what Pansy had always brought for him. Even the baby seemed to kick his delight in agreement. This was _per-fect_!

"Oh Merlin, yes!" Draco moaned, once again feeling the wish to return to Hogwarts, to his dank room in the dungeon, the boring classes with stupid students and the wonderful meals in the Great Hall.

Draco was licking the remnants of the delectable treat from his fingers in a very plebeian manner, when he heard the voice of the boy he loved. It was rising up to him from the basement, where Severus sometimes trained protection spells with Harry. Only now did the pregnant boy see, that the door leading to this dark and scary place he was strictly forbidden to enter, was slightly ajar. Harry was arguing once again with Severus, like so many times during the last days, as it seemed. They had tried to hide it from him, leaving him puzzling over snippets of conversations, which stopped once he entered the room, and glimpses shared between his godfather and his husband. Curious, Draco guarded his steps, enjoying his very Slytherin demeanour, as he sneaked into the underbelly of 12 Grimmauld Place.

"I doubt that you're doing him any good with this. The truth will always prevail."

"And that from your mouth, Sev?" Harry's soft laughter sounded amused and derisive at the same time. "He still didn't get it out of his system, that you laid his mother while his father is rotting away in Azkaban! Do you honestly think he will be happy to hear that you did even more than that? You did so much more than that. Maybe you are right and I should tell Draco -"

Draco pulled a face. This was nasty! He had never heard Harry addressing anybody else in such a derogatory way. Apart from Lupin, that is.

"Stop this, Harry!"

Harry's snicker rolled back from the barrel vault, sounding like the evil merriment of a horde of demons.

"You're playing a dangerous game! Take this ridiculous spell off me, right now!" Severus's tone was cutting.

Draco was not sure if he wanted to take the last steps down to see what exactly was going on. Maybe it would be better for him to pretend that he had never spied on them. Quietly he turned around and tiptoed up the stairs, now even more conscious of the slightest noise he could make.

"I don't do games, Sev! Only children play games."

"Then learn to control yourself instead of controlling him! You're treating him like a child while you think yourself an adult!"

"Don't make this about how I'm treating him! You know that he's weak and emotionally unstable right now! It's simply not the right time to tell him!"

Weak and emotionally unstable? That was what Harry was thinking about him? Draco narrowed his eyes in annoyance and decided to stay. He wanted to hear what more Harry had to say about him, but what came next he had never expected.

"Draco should be aware of that we had sex," Severus gnarled. "It wasn't planned, but it happened, and it is his right to know before the rest of the Wizarding world gets to know!"

His legs suddenly threatened to give out under him. Placing his hand on the damp wall for support, Draco froze in place, struggling to draw in another breath, to force his heart to resume its work. When it did it hammered in his ears, like a drum roll announcing the end of the world.

"You can't tell him! At least not now, just wait a bit longer, Sev! He is too fragile to be able to stomach this righ now!"

"How long should I wait? Until the child is born? Since Narcissa found out, she is eager to tell him. How shall I keep her much longer from telling him? The secret's already out. Half of Hogwarts knows! I don't think it would be better if he heard it from someone else. We have to tell him!"

"Just give me a bit more time. I'll prepare him for the news."

Silence permeated the basement and sneaked like tendrils of shadow towards Draco's hiding-place. The silence seemed to engulf him and pull him closer to the two men. He needed to see what was happening, to hear anything, to know more! Only with difficulty he could stop himself from taking another step down the stairs, and another...

Finally Severus Snapes rough voice, leaden with anger and restrained emotion, broke the silence.

"As you wish."

Hurried steps, accompanied by an ominous swishing sound, were telling of Severus Snape's approach. Before Draco could retreat, his godfather had reached him. The black-haired man stopped short when he became aware of his presence. With the hint of a grim smile he nodded in greeting.

"Draco."

Harry's surprised face appeared right behind his godfather, staring up at him.

"Draco? I told you not to come down here! It's dangerous. You could be hit by any stray spell!"

Draco couldn't hold Harry's scrutinizing gaze. It felt like his husband was trying to force a probe through his eyes into his by now pounding head. He fled, unable to stand Harry's presence any longer. He wanted to get out of here, out of this miserable chaos his life had turned out to be!

"Draco?" Harry called out behind him, but the pregnant boy was already panting his way out of the basement and turned towards the stairs leading to the Entrance Hall. "Bugger! Draco, wait!"

He didn't need to turn around to see that Harry was coming after him. There were heavy footfalls on the stairs behind him, spurring him on to force his waddling feet to move faster. Mrs. Black had woken up to cry murder, insulting Harry for all she was worth, while Draco tore the entrance door open. A harsh blast of air coming from inside the house threw it shut again, and even though Draco did his best to open it, it did not budge. With a growl he turned around, just to be faced with his slowly approaching husband.

"Draco, please, let us talk," Harry begged him.

"Step away from me, Harry!" Draco panted, as the frowning boy stopped in front of him, entirely too close for his comfort.

He could feel the anger and hurt brewing in his chest. His emotions felt like living beings moving within him, parasites in his soul, winding around his heart and lungs, squeezing until he felt like screaming with the emotional pain he felt, if only he had enough breath for it. How could Harry do this to him? How could he hurt him this much? How could he cheat on him, and with Severus Snape of all people? They had spent so much time together, and now Draco knew why, for what reason. He swallowed back the bile as his stomach turned at the pictures of naked skin and grinding bodies his fantasy provided him with. All the love he had felt for his husband seemed forgotten, as hatred on that black-haired bastard surged in his heart. All he wanted was to get out of here and file for divorce! Blinking away tears, he bared his teeth. He would not give the great Harry Potter the satisfaction to cry in front of him. That prick had called him weak and emotionally unstable! Once again he tried to open the door, but even a hostile "Alohomora!" showed no result.

"Open the frigging door!" Draco screamed at his still-husband, shoving his wand threateningly right into his face.

"Draco, please -" Harry opened his arms wide, willing to embrace the shaking blonde.

"Get away from me, you bloody wanker!" Draco almost screeched, backing away until he bumped into the door. "You will never touch me again!"

"Draco, please, calm down! I'm sure you must have gotten something wrong," his godfather made himself known now from the back of the hall.

"Oh no, I heard everything pretty fine, thank you!" Draco replied with shaking voice, feeling the tears burning in his eyes once again; furiously he blinked them away, before he added in a whisper, "I heard more than I ever cared to hear."

Something seemed to change in Harry's eyes - a sparkle seemed to have come alive. Draco stared into those green pools, transfixed by the black swirls which seemed to pull him deeper and deeper, until he felt his trembling hand slowly moving down and his fingers growing numb, until he heard the wooden clacking of his wand, as it was falling onto the stone tiles.

"Don't -" Draco breathed, rebelling with all his might against the hold he started to feel on him.

He could feel it in every fiber of his body. It was pulsing through his veins. It was making him lightheaded. All he had to do was to reach out for it and use it. Accept it. Yield to it. The baby did not move at all, but he knew, somehow he knew that it was wide awake and aware. Waiting. It was okay to use it. Harry had betrayed and abandoned him. Abandoned them. And now he was trying to control him, but he could not allow this!

"Don't go, I need you," Harry whispered beseechingly, stepping closer once again. "I love you, Draco!"

Never before had he managed to break the Imperius curse, not when Professor Moody had used it on him in fourth year to embarrass him in front of the whole class, nor when his father had put it on him to teach him how to break it. He had been weak and afraid, always too weak and afraid. Even Harry thought him weak. Harry, his wonderful husband, that bloody bugger! Just as Mrs. Black had said - only weaklings loved! He would teach Harry how weak he was! Draco briefly closed his eyes, allowing it to take over, nourished by his hatred. He could feel the hold Harry had on him relent and finally disappear, as magic was sweeping through his body. His mind was humming with power like a kettle shortly before exploding. Suddenly they were one, joining their magic as they had done before. A deep rumble ran through the house and made the crystals on the chandeliers clink and sway. His godfather called out to them in alarm, obviously unsure of what was going on, but it was too late.

"I hate you!" Draco hissed, concentrating all his magic on the other boy, the very moment Harry's fingers made contact with his arms.

The release felt like when a rubber band had been pulled too tight and finally snapped - and he was the rubber band. He could not control the outcome, and he did not even want to. All he wanted was to hurt Harry as much as he had hurt him. He wanted the bastard to get the hell away from him and to never touch him again. Harry was hurtled through the air and slammed against the far wall, from which he slid down like a rag doll. A chair and a vase smashed into the wall beside his godfather, who had put a protective shield around himself, quit-witted as ever. The house gave another groan before everything became quiet.

Harry was still lying on the ground, deathly pale and unmoving. Blood was trickling from beneath his black shock of hair, slowly pooling on the ground beneath him. Draco could not even discern if the boy was still breathing or not. For a moment the burning hatred he had felt abated. Staggering guilt and confusion took his breath away as he became aware of what he had done, but then Severus hurried to Harry's side, cooing and fussing over him. With a groan Draco shook his head. While his mind told him that it was perfectly fine for his godfather to check on Harry, his heart was screaming at him with jealousy. The everything consuming hatred flared up again, just to turn into a despair so blank that it left Draco shaking and clutching onto the doorknob to keep himself steady. The knob turned under his white knuckled grip, and the door opened up for him.

It was like a sign for him, a sign that fate was leading him onto a new path, leaving behind the now groaning and coughing boy he had sworn to spend the rest of his life with, and the man who had watched over him from early childhood on. A last time his eyes met with Harry's dazed green, as he tore off the necklace, which the boy had given to him mere days ago. He let it slide out of his fingers and onto the ground, watching as it pivotted for some seconds before it gave in to its fate to be abandoned, just as its owner. Draco knew that there was a charm on it which would have allowed Harry to find him no matter where. But he did not want to be found.

On wobbly legs he left the house, picking up his wand on his way out. The sun was coming through the clouds, letting the dismally dreary Grimmauld Place shine in new splendour. It was as if she would welcome him into freedom. Slowly looking up and down the street Draco tried to decide which direction to take. He had no place to go to, and hardly any money on him. He knew that it was a rash action to leave this way, but at the same time he felt at ease like never before.

"Draco! Come back inside and let's talk this out!" Severus called to him from the open doorway. "You might regret it if you go now."

Draco smiled at him sadly. There was nothing he could regret more than all the things which had already been said and done.

Spinning around he shouted "Apparate!"

Severus Snape's hand grasping for him was the last thing Draco saw before he twirled away through space and lights.

oOo

_Uhm, yep, that is a cliffhanger again. You know, somehow I felt I am writing too long chapters. I don't want to bore you. That is why I decided to bugger my wonderfully worked out table of contents and post more but shorter chapters to get this almost dead story moving again._

_I hope you enjoyed this chapter! Leave me a review, my lovelies! I will be oh so grateful and happy! ;) And maybe it motivates me to post another chapter this very weekend already..._


	30. Owls And Other Birds

_**A/N:**_

_I wanted to post another chapter until this time, but that is all I have for you right now. I hope you will still enjoy it. If everything goes well I will update twice a week from now on, if you are satisfied with shorter chapters. If not, please gimme a note._

_**The world seems not the same,  
Though I know nothing has changed.  
It's all my state of mind,  
I can't leave it all behind.  
Have to stand up to be stronger.  
**_

(part of Pale lyrics by Within Temptation)

oooooo **Chapter 30 **oooooo

**Owls And Other Birds**

_On wobbly legs he left the house, picking up his wand on his way out. The sun was coming through the clouds, letting the dismally dreary Grimmauld Place shine in new splendour. It was as if she would welcome him into freedom. Slowly looking up and down the street Draco tried to decide which direction to take. He had no place to go to, and hardly any money on him. He knew that it was a rash action to leave this way, but at the same time he felt at ease like never before._

_"Draco! Come back inside and let's talk this out!" Severus called to him from the open doorway. "You might regret it if you go now."_

_Draco smiled at him sadly. There was nothing he could regret more than all the things which had already been said and done._

_Spinning around he shouted "Apparate!"_

_Severus Snape's hand grasping for him was the last thing Draco saw before he twirled away through space and lights._

_still Wednesday, March 28, 1997_

Draco was sucked through a vortex of swirling colors and sounds, right onto the lively market place of Hogsmeade. Well, scratch that. Lively was not the right word for the muddy street beneath his feet. For a moment he slipped and stumbled, afraid that he would end up with his nose in the mud. There were a few stray wizards and witches sloshing through the mud with pinched lips and gloomy faces, but none of them was giving him more than a hasty glance. But more importantly, there was no man with black hair and beady eyes hanging onto his arm like a cheap prostitute from Knockturn Alley, a fact which charmed a relieved smile out of the pregnant boy. He knew that the only way Severus, or anybody else for that matter, would have been able to follow him was bodily contact during the Apparition.

Stowing his wand away he looked around. Whereas it had been sunny and welcoming in London, there were dark rain clouds hanging threateningly low over him here in Scotland. He shivered as a gust of wind reminded him of his rash departure in nothing but the clothes he had worn inside the house. An insufficient warming spell later, he trudged over to the owl office, a rather large thatched cottage opposite Honeyduke's. Draco entered with a mumbled "Good afternoon!", greeted only by the winking and blinking of the sleepy owls. They were lined up in differently coloured shelfs, according to the speed they could carry mail with. The place was reeking from owl droppings, but at least it was warm. The blond boy relaxed as he looked around. The post office was empty save for the old clerk who was busy tying a small package to an even smaller owl. Furtively the blond boy took out the coins he was carrying with him to count his possessions.

"Uhm, how much for the smallest express owl to Hogwarts?...And I would need an envelope and writing paper, too," Draco addressed the grey-haired clerk.

"3 sickles 7 knuts," the man grumbled without looking at him.

Draco nodded with relief and counted out the money before placing it on the counter. To say his funds were limited would have been an understatement. He was as broke as a Weasley. His money pouch had not been filled up since last summer, since before...before he had come to Hogwarts. With a scowl Draco realised how self-confident he had always felt with plenty of his father's money in his pocket, and how deficient and worthless he was feeling now. The owl office clerk would never have dared to treat him with such blunt disregard, if the Malfoys hadn't lost their fortune.

The clerk opened a small window and sent the little owl on its way, before he hobbled to a shelf behind the counter. It seemed to take forever until he produced a plain white envelope and a piece of paper. With a huff he dropped them in front of the disgraced Malfoy and swept the few coins into a drawer as if he were removing dirt from his work surface.

"Writing things're there," he said, pointing over his shoulder to a battered quill and an almost empty pot of ink at the end of the counter.

The disrespectful stare the old wizard gave his rounded belly was more than embarrassing.

"Thanks," Draco replied with a half-sneer, folding his arms over his middle.

With his back to the still staring clerk he dipped the battered quill into the dark blue ink, pushing his anger at the hostile treatment to the back of his mind. He had more important things to worry about, than the reactions of narrow-minded wizards to his now very visible pregnancy. Maybe it had not been his wisest decision to come to Hogsmeade, but it was too late to reconsider his poorly conceived plan. He needed to make contact with his mother, and traipsing through Hogwarts castle in his search for her was not his favorite option. He was feeling a bit lost as he was pondering over what he should write to her.

_Dear mother,_

_I hope this letter finds you well._

Yes, that was a good start, Draco thought. Lost in thought he was scratching his nose with the end of the old quill. How could he tell her that he had broken up with Harry and ended up on the street? Obviously she had decided to forgive her lover, otherwise Severus wouldn't be able to keep his own mother away from him. Would she think him childish and rash for making this decision? What if she refused to help him and told him to go back to Harry? With an indignant growl Draco put the tip of the quill back onto the paper. He refused to think of that possibility! Now it was all about him and the baby. He didn't need Harry Potter to take care of them! He was very well able to assure their well-being all alone! He was a Malfoy, after all! He would not stand by and smile while that ogle eyed prick was cheating on him with Severus Snape and Merlin only knew whom else! Biting his lower lip Draco furiously completed his scribble.

_I'm in dire need of your assistance. Right now I'm in Hogsmeade. Please, do not tell Harry or even Severus of my whereabouts. I will wait for you at Madam Puddifoot's._

_Your son,_

_Draco_

For a moment he contemplated adding a _Hurry, please!, _but his pride won out. He did not want to portrait his situation as desperate as he felt right now. The glue tasted oddly sweet on his tongue, as he was sealing the envelope. It reminded him of the chocolate éclair he had eaten no more than thirty minutes ago. Then his life had still been...well, what had his life been? Good was not the right word. It had been a confusing ride on a rollercoaster of love and fear, love and fear, but one thing it had always had in common. He had always been under the influence of somebody else, always trying to fulfill somebody's expectations, always longing to be loved.

He had been a stuck-up prig and a bully most of his life, because nothing more and nothing less his father had expected from him. He had always craved to be loved, first by his father and then by Harry, certain that without their love he would be worthless, that he would not even have the right to exist. He had not only outside become a pitiful caricature of a girl, but also inside. But then, maybe he had always been weak, an abject coward. Draco straightened his posture. From now on he would take responsibility for himself, himself and his child! Determined, Draco handed the letter to the clerk.

"I need to be sure of that the owl won't deliver it to anybody else's hands," Draco said insistently.

"You said it, the bird'll do it," the man replied morosely.

Draco scowled. He did not trust the old wizard with his sneaky eyes and his grim visage. The owl which the post office clerk chose reminded him of Harry with its ruffled black feathers and the big sad eyes. That was how the boy had looked like the last time he had seen him. Draco mentally kicked himself. He did not want to feel pity for Harry. Harry had only gotten what he had deserved! The moment the black owl made its way to Narcissa Malfoy, Draco left the owl office without a greeting.

The clerk watched the pregnant boy for a moment with hungry eyes through the window, quietly mumbling to himself. He knew what he had to do. With hurried steps he fetched the _Closed _sign and hung it on a crooked nail on the outside of the door before closing the owl office early for the day. There were more pressing matters to attend to than owl droppings. He had a duty to fulfill towards his Lord.

Draco had only walked a few paces when the rain clouds above him made good on their threat. Within seconds the downpour had him soaked to the skin.

"Bugger!" the blond boy swore. "That's just what I need."

Even though the cold rain was slowly chilling him to the bone, it was a surprisingly good feeling to walk in it. He felt daring, as he slowly continued on his way to Madam Puddifoot's. Daring and alive! Harry would never have allowed him to go in the rain without any kind of protection, hell, Harry would never have allowed him to go anywhere at all! Draco chuckled in delight and stuck out his tongue to catch the raindrops.

Behind him a giant eagle owl slipped out of the window of the owl office and disappeared in the dark clouds. While its talons were empty, there was a hungry gleam in its eyes.

oooOooo

Harry tried to blink away the haze in front of his eyes. The whole room seemed to spin around him, as he felt himself heaved onto something soft and springy. A sallow face framed with black hair wavered in and out of his vision, a face he could only guess was that of Severus Snape.

"Sev?" He whimpered miserably.

Gods, it hurt to speak. It hurt to breath. It hurt to think!

"Lie still!" A muffled voice came from far away, while rough hands tore at his clothes and sent spikes of pain through his ailing body.

What had happened? He could remember Draco, and the rumbling house, and then...nothing. Had the house collapsed and buried them alive?

"Draco?" Harry gasped out. "Whe-"

Desperately he turned his head to catch a glimpse of the blonde, but the mere attempt had him whimpering and grabbing at his head, which was pulsing with the worst headache he had ever had since those terrible visions. Swallowing back bitter bile he opened his eyes once again. Please, oh God, please! Where was Draco? He knew that Draco was not with him, he could feel it! A hand was sneaking around his shoulders and neck to tilt his head up while something cool and smooth was pressed against his lips.

"Shhh, drink this first," the voice said once again, deep and comforting, even though it sounded impatient and worried.

Obediently Harry swallowed the bitter concoction, gasping again with pain when his head was placed onto a small pillow once again. A soothing warmth developed in his stomach, before it turned into molten fire and spread from bone to bone, until Harry thought to be ablaze. The hands were there again, trying to keep his writhing body still. Just as he thought himself unable to keep in the screams which were trying to force past his clenched teeth, the searing pain was ebbing down to a warm healing glow. Harry took several deep ragged breaths, now no longer hindered by the feeling of poisoned barbed wire wound around his ribcage, and opened his eyes. The world swam into focus and revealed a very pale Severus Snape. The man quietly regarded Harry with a scrutinizing gaze, which the shaking boy answered with his own confused and questioning look.

"Accelerated Skele-Gro," Severus said, "Seems to be improvable. Perhaps it needs a hint more wormwood...and two drops of salamander blood...yes, that will do."

Accelerated Skele-Gro? This was beyond improvable! Hell, it had felt like someone had doused him with fuel and set him on fire, Harry thought,very peeved.

"How're you feeling, Harry?" the Potions Master asked him with concern.

'Not so sure about your concoction now, huh?', Harry wanted to ask him, but all he could get out was a groan. He hated to play the guinea pig for Sev's medical salves and potions. If he had not felt that out of it, the man would never have been able to trick him into swallowing his vile brew!

"M'good," Harry croaked out, pushing himself up from the old couch, only to fall against Severus Snape's ready arms, as his vision turned dark at the edges. "Ugh! Bugger!"

"Not so fast!" The Potions Master scolded him, holding another vial ready in his hand. "You still have to take this. It will help against your concussion."

Harry was shrinking back, eyeing the vial with distrust.

"Can't make me!" he hissed in protest, albeit it was a very weak protest.

Slimy old bastard! He would swallow no more of Sev's concoctions! Drawing in breath after shaky breath to keep himself from passing out, he once again looked around. He was still in Sirius' house at Grimmauld Place. Obviously it had not tumbled down. But where was Draco? Alarmed Harry looked at Severus too pale face.

"Where's he?" Harry asked, unable to keep the tremor out of his voice.

Severus raised a curious eyebrow.

"You can't remember?"

Harry tried to make his dastardly aching brain spit out the information he needed, as he sagged back against fluffy pillows. Was he supposed to know where Draco was? He had had a discussion with Sev once again. Draco had been there, although he was forbidden to! Why had he been so foolish not to lock off the basement? If any stray spell had hit the pregnant boy he would never have been able to forgive himself!

"He heard us talking," Harry bit out, desperately trying to hold the bile in which his rolling stomach wanted to expulse.

"Obviously he took it the wrong way." Severus said sourly. "A very unfortunate coincidence, which could also mean the end of my relationship!"

Harry moaned loudly and covered his face. "He ran," he forced out, his words muffled behind his trembling hands.

Severus did not confirm his fear, but the pictures which were forcing their way into Harry's aching head were telling enough. The anger, the hateful words, Draco's face as he had tried to open the door. His attempt at convincing Draco to stay. The sudden feeling of having made contact with a power line, when he had touched Draco...

"Why didn't you stop him?" Harry mumbled accusingly, knowing only too well, that it would have been close to impossible for anybody to stop Draco when he was angry.

"I tried to," Severus bit out. "He was surprisingly fast for waddling like a duck."

"Don't talk 'bout him like that! We have to find-" Harry grunted, as he pushed himself off the couch, "-find him before they will."

"Where are you going?" Severus protested, as the black-haired boy took his first staggering step.

"Have ta find-"

The floor was moving under Harry's feet like the deck of a ship in a storm.

"You are in no condition to!"

"-find-"

Severus' hands were there again, trying to push him back onto the sodding couch as if he were an invalid.

"You will go nowhere!"

"-Draco!"

As if to prove Severus Snape's words right, the world turned and tilted in front of Harry's eyes before it became dark.

oooOooo

"_Calidus_!"

Warmth shot at Draco's body from the tip of his wand. Gritting his teeth he willed them to stop chattering, in vain. Miserable, he looked over to the neighbour table, where a very lovestruck young witch was sipping hot chocolate whenever she was not busy giggling at the whispered words of her cavalier. Only with sheer willpower Draco could force his eyes away. He was cold, hungry and tired. Such large, delicious cup of hot chocolate would have been great right now, or a steaming mug of butterbeer, but he did not have enough money left for such. Once again he checked the menu, sighing at the prices listed on it.

"What can I do for you?"

Surprised and a bit miffed Draco looked up at the very stout woman, whose hair was up in a shiny, tight bun. Some things were never changing.

"Uh...I...I want a cup of tea," Draco stuttered, feeling a slight blush creeping over his damp face. Droplets of rainwater were still making their way out of his hair to tickle his face.

"Very well," Madam Puddifoot said in a honeyed voice. "Sugar and cream?"

"Yes, both please!"

"A piece of cherry trifle or a slice of chocolate gateau perhaps to it?" she asked him with a sweet smile.

Both had been his favorites in the past, but Draco just shook his head. He couldn't rely on that his mother would show up, and being caught with a bill he couldn't pay was a disgrace he could do without.

The witch scuttled away, just to come back with a large, steaming cup of tea, a sugar bowl and a mug filled to the brim with cream. With a happy sigh Draco clamped his freezing fingers around the hot cup. For a minute he let the almost unbearable heat soak into his hands, before he added an ample amount of sugar and cream to his tea. Carefully he tasted the hot brew and smiled. Never before had cheap tea tasted so heavenly to him. The warmth was slowly spreading from his stomach and fingers to other regions. Only his feet stubbornly resisted to become as comfortably warm as the rest of his body.

Draco could still not shake the feeling of having turned into a daring adventurer. How could it have come to that point, that a simple visit to Madam Puddifoot's Tea Shop felt like an adventure to him? Was this how somebody having been released from Azkaban felt? Draco scowled. It might have been more of 'somebody who had _escaped _from Azkaban'. He was tired of being locked up, but the prospect of running and hiding was also not a tempting one. If only his mother would be able to provide him with the proper funds, he could leave the country and raise his child in peace, far away from the Dark Lord and his minions. And from Harry.

A deep sadness creeped into Draco's heart. Once again his eyes were drawn to the neighbour table. The lovestruck witch was now holding hands with the dark-haired wizard opposite her, who remotely looked liked Harry. Oh darn, maybe he did not look one bit like Harry, except of being male and being dark-haired, but Draco couldn't help the envy which was slowly starting to bring burning tears to his eyes. There had been a time when he had been sitting here, holding hands with Harry. Only once. Nothing else had existed for him than Harry's eyes, Harry's smile, Harry's words. He had been as lovestruck as this little witch over there.

With a sigh he took another sip of the overly sweet tea. Feeling miserable and very lonely Draco glanced around the tea shop. The place was overflowing with pink and red flowers on every table. Red and pink, the colors of love. He wondered what had made him choose exactly this place as a meeting point. It was full of happy memories, memories he did not want to be reminded of right now. But then, were not all places in and around Hogwarts holding such memories? With a resigned sigh Draco poured the remaining cream into his cup and added another spoon of sugar. He was too hungry to think about the past, the present or even his future.

oooOooo

Harwood Blackbird had never before come face to face with the Dark Lord, but what he could glimpse of him before he was falling onto his knees to press his forehead against the ground in reverence to his Lord, had been nothing but awe-inspiring.

"Wormtail! What i_s_ it?" the monstrous leader of the dark side drawled. "Why are you di_s_turbing a meeting?"

"My Lord," the rodent-like creep, who had led him into the inner sanctum of the Death Eater's lair, whimpered, "This man claims to bring news on - on - Draco Malfoy."

For a moment there was silence. Tendrils of magic seemed to wind around Blackbird, sending shudders of fear down his spine.

"Get up," his Lord ordered.

With a slight weakness in his knees, Blackbird straightened, only too aware of the crimson eyes which were watching him intently.

"Now tell me!"

"My- my lord and master," Harwood Blackbird stuttered, as he was caught in the Dark Lord's hypnotic stare. "Harwood Blackbird at your service! I'm a clerk at the owl office in Hogsmeade. I- I had to hurry here to tell you of what I saw!"

With a wicked smile the Dark Lord slithered closer, inclining his head as he regarded Blackbird with interest.

"Hog_s_meade." Silent laughter seemed to echo in his Lord's words. "Do tell me what you _s_aw in - Hog_s_meade!"

"Draco Malfoy, my Lord! He paid me to send an express owl to his mother. Afterwards, he entered Madam Puddifoot's."

A slight stir went through the assembled Death Eaters. Low whispers suddenly floated around the sparely lit room.

"Wa_s_ anybody with him?" The Dark Lord demanded to know.

"No, the boy was all alone, and he - he was looking - rather - round," Blackbird said, gleeful, as he moved his hands in front of his belly, as if he would stroke an invisible rounding. He could still not believe that the rumors had obviously been true.

"Your _s_ervice was well re_c_eived, Harwood Blackbird," The Dark Lord said with narrowed eyes. "You can go now!"

The owl office clerk bowed again and again, as he left the room backwards. When the heavy iron door closed in front of him, the man heaved a relieved sigh. He was almost feeling pity now for the Malfoy brat.

Slowly Lord Voldemort turned around to face the six masked men, which were looking at him expectantly. For some moments he seemed lost in thought.

"_S_o it i_s_ true," He finally said with a sneer, which was pulling his lipless mouth taut. "The bird e_s_caped it_s_ gilded cage...and it flew to Hog_s_meade."

oooOooo

_After 150 people having read the chapter, but only 1 review:_

_Oh come on, guys! Don't make me regret, that I posted this, please! You mark this as fav story and put story alerts, but at the same time don't review? If you find this chapter so shitty, then tell me why! _


	31. Never Say Never

_**A/N:**_

_Hey, so many reviews! More than I expected, not that I would complain. I was already worried, that I'm taking the story to a horrible early death with the rubbish I'm writing. And sorry, I was really stressed and then I got the flu, and yep, I admit, I got this chappie finished later than planned. I still got the flu, but I wanted to finish and post, so, I hope it is not too bad._

_Well, and here we go again..._

oooooo **Chapter 31 **oooooo

**Never Say Never**

The sound of the rain against the window panes was making him sleepy. Slowly he moved the tea spoon through the dreg at the bottom of his long emptied cup. He wondered where the other boy was, and if he was well. Was he listening to the rain and thinking of him right now, just like he did?

"Are those slippers I see on your feet, darling?"

Startled, Draco let the spoon fall from his fingers and looked up to meet cerulean eyes. Narcissa Malfoy subtly raised an eyebrow, as she gave him a motherly once-over. Embarrassed, Draco pulled his stretched out feet beneath him to hide his muddy house shoes from her scrutinizing look, and got up to greet his mother.

"You're looking lovely, mother," Draco said, as Narcissa planted a peck in the air beside his cheek.

The svelte woman seemed to have put on weight, but to Draco's surprise it was becoming her. She looked healthier and happier than ever before. Her radiant smile was so very opposing what he felt inside, and frighteningly enough it reminded him of the weasel's mother.

"Thank you!" she beamed at him, as she took her seat and stowed her umbrella away. "And you're looking...well."

A grooming spell later, Draco's hair was impeccable.

"Mother!" the pregnant boy yelped indignantly, mussing his hair up once again.

He must have been six or seven years old, when his mother had last used this spell on him. What was possessing that woman to treat him like a small child in public!

"Being pregnant does not mean that you can go around unkempt," the blonde woman scolded him softly. "You must never neglect yourself. Especially married people tend to forget how important it is to keep their appearance well-groomed. You don't want your husband to go astray, do you? By the way, where's Harry got to?"

Draco's mood darkened in a twinkling. So he was fat and sloppy. But was that any reason for Harry to cheat on him with Severus Snape of all people? Severus was not exactly an attractive person as well! Once again he wondered how his mother could have dropped somebody like Lucius Malfoy for a shady Potions teacher, a Potions teacher who was shagging his own student before slipping into his mother's bed.

All of a sudden Draco was not hungry any longer, shaking his head, when his mother offered to order for him. They both kept silent, until Madam Puddifoot had placed a cup of coffee and a piece of cake in front of Narcissa Malfoy. Draco stared out the window, while his mother was quietly sipping on her brew, her arms propped up on the table in a very relaxed manner, something else he had never seen her doing before. She had changed alot. But then, they had all changed alot during the last months.

"So where is Harry? Don't tell me that he left you here without protection," his mother said with accusatory undertones, watching him intently over her cup.

The rain was still coming down in torrents. For a moment Draco had to fight the urge to jump up and escape into the rain. All the words said and still unsaid were swirling around in his head, making him jittery with discontent.

"I'm able to fend for myself, mother," Draco grumbled.

"Oh, I know that, Draco!" she placated him, as she placed her cup on the small table between them. "But it is really not safe for you to run around all alone! So what do you need my help for? Do you want to buy something for Harry? A romantic surprise perhaps?"

Draco swallowed, regarding his fingernails with great interest. One of them actually had a bit dirt under it.

"Draco?" his mother asked, gently laying her hand over his. "What happened?"

Swallowing down the lump blocking his throat, he looked up.

"I left Harry," he breathed, blinking back tears.

Bugger, he was such a crybaby, he thought angry with himself. The blond woman looked around, before casting a mumbled "_Muffliato_!"

"I don't understand," Narcissa said, aghast. "You are married for some months only. What happened?"

Draco gave his mother a blank look.

"I thought...I thought you already knew, that he was cheating on me," he choked out, cringing at the shame he suddenly felt.

"He did _what_?" the blond woman hissed, her rosy cheeks slowly catching a red tint. "Oh, I'll strangle that boy when I get my hands on him!"

Confused Draco was rubbing the spot on his forehead behind which a splitting headache seemed to hatch. Why did she pretend not to know about it? It made no sense, as he had clearly heard them talking about it. He was no fool! They had all tried to keep it from him! Yet his mother was looking sincerely scandalised.

"But...Severus said, he had to keep you from telling me...What was it then that you wanted to tell me?"

Her face once again lit up with a beautiful smile. For a moment he suspected that it was pity, that she was trying to cheer him up, but then he realised that her eyes were gleaming with true joy. In view of his own misery, his mother's happiness was short of untoward, Draco thought, slightly miffed.

"Oh yes, I wanted to tell you for some time already, but we were not sure how you'd take it... You have to promise me not to get upset!"

Expectantly the blond woman looked at him. Her slender hands were shifting her cup to and fro, betraying her nervousness. Was this still about the affair Severus and Harry had had? Or was it even worse than he was thinking? Then why did she look as if she was happy about whatever it was? Oh Merlin, please, don't let her say she wants to marry Severus, Draco thought, clenching his teeth together. He had come here to ask her for help, not to be showered with more terrible revelations. He was not ready to hear it, whatever it was.

"Just tell me. I can take it," Draco said against his better judgement, schooling his face into a mask of stone.

For a moment his mother looked at him with doubt, then she gave a curt nod.

"Well, Severus and I, we, that means I- "

A loud bang from the street interrupted her. With a frown she turned around in her chair, before she faced Draco once again.

"What I wanted to say was...I'm expec- "

The detonation came as a shock. Plaster was fluttering down on them like snow, when the first scream arose in front of the small tea shop. A smell of burning was filling Draco's nostrils, convincing him for a hopeful moment, that it was only lightning, which had been striking. His chest seemed to constrict, when he saw dark figures moving through the rain, leaving him gasping for breath. A table was crashing to the ground, knocked over by a young wizard with a ridiculous hat, who landed right next to it, just to disappear in the onrush of fleeing wizards and witches, whose squeales were reminding Draco of pigs on their way to the slaughterhouse, as they tried to push and shove their way out of the cramped tea shop.

"Death Eaters! We have to take flight!" his mother called out over the deafening chaos of screams and bangs, as she jumped up.

Draco could not help the awkward sensation of being caught in a very bizarre and terrible dream. His legs seemed to be made of jelly, and his arms were hardly obeying his will, as he pulled his wand out of its pocket. Panic was roaring in the back of his mind, rapidly taking over. He had to get away from here. Right now! Raising his wand, he pointed it at himself.

"_Appa_- "

"Don't!" his mother screamed at him. "You'll splinch yourself! There are anti-Apparition wards on every shop, Draco! We have to reach the street first!"

Staring at his wand, he let it slowly sink. The idea to end up with his body parts strewn over the floor of a doily-infested tea shop sent a shiver down his spine. With big eyes he took in the chaos around him. Bugger, where was Harry when he needed him? But then his husband's words came to his mind. ..._He's weak and emotionally unstable_... Angrily Draco shook his head, gritting his teeth, as he tried to slow his heartbeat with deep breaths. He could do this! He would prove that he was anything but the whimpering coward Harry thought him to be! On shaky legs he stepped over to his mother, who seemed ready to blast a hole into the mass of tangled limbs blocking the front door, and grabbed her arm to pull her deeper into the small tea shop.

"Mom, let's take to the back and over the hills!"

His mother nodded her approval and threw open the door to the kitchen. They both froze at the sight of a wand pointed straight at them. With a sigh of relief Madam Puddifoot let her shaking hand fall to her side, as if she had been holding up a too heavy weight.

"Oh Merlin, I thought it's _them_!" she wheezed, before taking a generous swig from an open bottle of Irish Mist, which she had been holding in her other hand.

"Is there a backdoor?" Narcissa Malfoy asked impatiently.

"Of course! But you cannot go out there!" The woman cried hysterically. "They are everywhere! They'll kill us all! Each and everyone of us!"

The words reminded Draco of the stories he had heard about Professor Trelawney's notorious prophecies. Even though he knew Madam Puddifoot's warnings to be no more than the voiced fears of a scared woman, they made his skin crawl with a sense of foreboding. His mother had already rushed ahead through the kitchen and a large, dark storage room filled with shelves full of cakes and bags of tea, into a narrow passage lined with a single window and three doors, one of them leading to the back of the house.

"Hurry up!" Narcissa Malfoy called over her shoulder, before she unhinged the door with a blast of her wand and rushed outside.

Draco knew that something was amiss, when his mother froze in her tracks, her eyes unblinking in the pouring rain.

"Look at whom we have here! The traitor's whore!" a deep voice hissed maliciously.

"Avery," Narcissa Malfoy said almost pleadingly, as she slowly brought up her wand.

"Where is your brood?" the man bit out harshly.

The blond woman stepped back, slowly shaking her head. "I don't know what-"

"_Crucio_!"

Narcissa's own curse died on her lips, as she was engulfed by the cruel force of the torture curse. With a suppressed scream she fell to the ground, her face a mask of agony. For an endless moment Draco could do nothing but watch the proud woman writhing on the muddy ground, as panic-stricken fear of once again ending up in the clutches of the Dark Lord rendered him paralysed. Then he tore himself out of his torpor, swallowing back fear tasting of bile, and stepped into the rain, his wand gripped tightly in his trembling hand.

"_Reducto_!"

Draco's curse caught the bulldog-faced man off guard and hit him head on, making him explode like an over-ripe watermelon. Taking in big gulps of air, Draco tried to suppress the urge to throw up - or to faint - whatever would come first. He should have used another curse, he thought, running a shaky hand through his sodden hair. Obviously the Reductor Curse was not supposed to be used on humans. But then he had never been in combat. Nothing had ever prepared him for the everything devouring fear which was erasing all conscious thought, leaving him with nothing but instinct and scattered remnants of long ago memorized spells and curses. The sight of the bloodied Death Eater was not for a faint-hearted, weak-stomached pregnant boy like him. Turning away from the ghastly sight Draco offered a shaky hand to his mud-covered mother.

With a groan Narcissa Malfoy struggled onto her feet, just when a man in dark robes came dashing around the corner of the house. He was skidding to a halt as he became aware of Draco and his mother, who were both aiming at his blotched face. The wizard's eyes widened, as he noticed Avery's remains on the ground, then they swivelled back to regard the two blondes with horror. Narcissa let her wand sink with an uptight "Goodday, Mr. Flume!" while Draco still contemplated, if the black-clad owner of Honeydukes was not in fact a Death Eater in disguise.

A nerv twitched beside the wizard's left eye, as he very slowly raised his wand, cautious not to trigger any reaction from the trembling blond boy...and Apparated. For a moment Draco thought that the flash in the sky was a sign that the heavy rain had turned into a thunderstorm. But then sparks fell to the ground, leaving behind a head with gaping eyes right where the hapless wizard had stood a mere second ago, and a body, which was slowly sitting up in a patch of primroses. Draco shuddered, only too aware of that he had twice escaped the wizard's fate only narrowly.

Narcissa Malfoy pushed her son back into the house, swearing very unladylike.

"They're searching for you," she whispered, her fingernails digging deep into Draco's upper arms. "And we cannot Apparate out. They must have put an anti-Apparition ward on the whole village! Only the Dark Lord himself could work such complex magic within this short time."

Water was slowly dripping from the tip of Draco's nose, as he met his mother's anxious gaze. But all he saw was a dark room filled with snakes. He would rather die than go back! Never again the Dark Lord's touch would make his skin crawl! The baby was kicking in his womb, reminding him of that he had sworn to raise his child far from all this madness. Draco placed his hand on his belly, wishing that he would be able to keep his promise. His son should not grow up in that dark place, his mind poisoned by the inhuman insanity of his creator!

Suddenly the blond woman struggled out of her robes and held them out for him. "Put these on!"

"What? Nuh! Why?" Draco stuttered, staring with consternation at the proffered robes.

"We need to make you unrecognisable. Now be a good boy and stretch out your arm," she commanded adamantly.

Growling his displeasure, Draco slipped his right arm into a dripping sleeve. Not only were they purple and soiled with mud and dashes of Avery's blood, the wet robes were also clinging uncomfortably to his body, making the simple task of putting them on an arduous one. He was still pulling at the hems of the too short sleeves to force them to cover his longer arms, when his mother's wand took aim at his head. His scalp immediately started to tickle in an alarming way. Draco's eyes observed with dread, as his blond hair rapidly gained length and changed color, until it lay around his shoulders in a curly dark mane.

"You made me a girl!" he protested, unhappily pulling at a strand of hair until it sprang back into a perfect corkscrew curl. "A girly girl! I'm looking like Pansy when she was five!"

Draco did not like the entranced look his mother gave him. Her smile was by far too rapt.

"You know, I've always wanted a girl," she said smugly, before she cautiously peeked out of the door. "They are everywhere...I doubt we can make it far enough. We have to split up. They will expect us to be together."

"I cannot let you go alone, mom! Two wands are better than one," Draco insisted, unsure himself, if it was his need to protect her or his fear of being left alone in this pandemonium of screaming people, flying curses and burning houses, which was speaking out of him.

"Draco, you have to think of your child! We are only two against maybe twenty Death Eaters. If you fight they might hurt or even kill you," The blond woman paused for some seconds to listen to the voices which were coming closer, while she nervously twirled her wand between her fingers. "It will be for the best if you stay hidden."

Madam Puddifoot's shrill cry resounded in the house, before it was cut off by a shouted curse. The Death Eaters were in the kitchen now. They were searching...searching for him. Decidedly Draco gripped his wand tighter.

"I won't hide like a coward, pregnant or not!" Draco hissed at her, even though his heart was hammering in his throat.

"I know, Draco. You've become too much of a Gryffindor," his mother said with a sad, little smile. "_Stupefy_!"

His world exploded in a flash of red light, before it turned into black nothingness.

There was nobody to witness Narcissa Malfoy, as she levitated the limp body of her pregnant son into the pouring rain and dropped him unceremoniously in the mud, face down, before she hurried away.

ooOoo

Harry woke up with a start. He had had a weird dream of Draco and him fighting in the middle of a thunderstorm. The frail blonde had taken him apart, but in the end it had not been him but Draco lying in the mud. Even now he could still feel the slowly fading phantom pain of the injuries he had sustained in his nightmare. With a soft groan he reached to the other side of the bed, but where he expected to find warm skin under his seeking hands there was nothing but cold linen and empty air mocking him.

"Draco?"

Disoriented he sat up, looking around the dimly lit room while he held his aching head. Rain was lashing against the high windows, blurring his view on the green hills around Hogwarts. What was he doing in the hospital wing? He gasped, when his memory of the past events came back, churning in his guts like lava. Why the hell had Sev brought him here instead of patching him up? He could vaguely remember telling the Potions master that he had to search for Draco, but the rest was only a big blank.

"Bastard, slimy bastard, dropping me off in the hospital wing, as if I had done more than banging my head, when he knows I have to find Draco," Harry swore quietly, as he slowly slid off the bed.

On shaky legs he staggered to the next bed, where his wand was sitting atop his clothes, which somebody had deposited there in a neatly folded pile. They had left him only with his underwear and socks, dressing him in one of these ridiculous hospital gowns.

"Already up and about again I see," Poppy remarked, as she bustled out of her office with a tray in her hands. "Right on time for a light supper."

"I have to go," Harry panted, fighting a sudden bout of vertigo as he stepped into his jeans. "Where's Snape?"

"Professor Snape is not here," the nurse replied with a frown, "Narcissa went to Hogsmeade after receiving an urgent owl this afternoon. He followed her right after we brought you here. But I'm sure he'll be back soonest. Until then you will lie down and eat your supper. You have a severe concussion, plus a series of fractured ribs and a cracked skull to boot. The fractures all mended well, but for some time I feared that you had sustained a cerebral hemorrhage. This is not something to be taken lightly. It needs monitoring."

Harry snorted and buttoned his jeans. Poppy was exaggerating, as always. Granted, he was still feeling rather weak and sore, but a headache was no reason for keeping him in the hospital wing. Nothing could hold him here any longer when Draco was out there alone and defenseless, not even a glaring nurse.

"Mr. Potter!" Madam Pomfrey said sternly. "Nobody leaves the hospital wing before I discharge them."

"How long ago did Snape leave?" asked Harry, as he reached for his longsleeve, blatantly ignoring the nurse's threatening stance.

The nurse sighed and put down the tray with Harry's supper.

"He left about twenty minutes ago, but you are in no condition to do the same, young man, unless you want to risk fainting at the most inopportune moment. Concussions are a wicked thing not even magic can heal within a minute. You need to rest."

No rest for the wicked, Harry thought with grim amusement. He needed a map to work the tracking charm he had secretly put on Draco. The dim memory of a fuming blonde tearing off the necklace he had given him last week was tying his stomach into an intricate pattern of knots. He gave a damn on hormons! Draco had been over-emotional, foolish, rash, ugh! Why did the prat have to put on his drama-queen act exactly then, taking the possibility from him to simply use the portkey he had created to take him to his twin? But there was always a plan B. Harry started, when the great double doors flew open, revealing a red-faced Ronald Weasley.

"Hogsmeade is under attack! Professor Dumbledore wants you to get ready for any patients which might be brought to Hogwarts," the freckled boy panted forth, while he darted a hostile look at Harry.

"Oh my goodness, oh my goodness!" the matron called out and bustled back into her office, from which the clinking and clanking of medicine bottles could be heard shortly afterwards.

For a moment Harry met Ron's hostile stare, frozen in a weird position, half in and half out of his navy sweater. His thoughts were running a hundred miles per hour. Narcissa and Severus were in Hogsmeade. Why would she throw all caution to the winds and go to Hogsmeade all alone? With a pained grunt Harry pulled the sweater over his head, his hands suddenly shaking uncontrollably. Narcissa had received a letter ... someone had sent her an urgent message ... someone ...

"Shitshitshit," swore Harry, struggling to put on his shoes without falling over. He was only too sure of why the village was under attack. "Ron, I need your broom!"

Ron just narrowed his eyes, before turning around to leave the infirmary. Hurriedly Harry grabbed his wand and pushed it into his back pocket.

"Ron!" he called out, rushing after the tall red-head to place a halting hand on his shoulder. "Please, Ron, I need to borrow your broom."

Harry could not believe his own ears. He could simply curse the ruddy moron and accio any broom he wanted. Ron froze, staring at Harry's hand as if it was a cockroach, before he shook it off his shoulder.

"Why would the great Harry Potter need my broom? Can't conjure one? Must suck to be a Dark wizard," Ron sneered, his blue eyes sparkling with contempt.

Suppressing the urge to crucio the arrogant ass in front of him, Harry mumbled, "Draco's in Hogsmeade."

Ron's angry eyes bore into Harry's for long seconds, then they softened to the baby blue the boy hero knew so well.

"But make sure to bring it back in one piece!" Ron grumbled.

"I'll try to," Harry promised with a sly smile, as he followed the red-head.

They were making their way quickly and quietly down to the Quidditch Pitch, with a quick side-trip for Ron to retrieve two jackets for them. By the time they had reached the broom shed, the steady downpour was slowing down to a soft rain. Once again Harry wondered, why he had not simply come here alone to 'borrow' the fastest broom. Why could he not shake the feeling that he needed to do this the right way if he wanted to get Draco back? Nervously he observed the Dark Mark floating in the gloomy sky above where the village had to be. He clenched his hands at his sides to stop them from trembling, while Ron unlocked the broomshed and brought out his Cleansweep Eleven. Hesitantly the red-head looked at his broom, then at Harry, and again at his broom, before he handed it to Harry.

"Nought to seventy in ten seconds," Ron said with pride in his voice. "You better hold on well."

"Thanks, Ron," Harry said quietly, cherishing the feeling of the smooth oaken handle under his fingers.

There was no reason to point out that his own Firebolt, which was stowed away in his closet at Grimmauld's, was accelerating with 150mph, Harry thought, as he was swinging his leg over the Cleansweep's handle. After all, the red-head had just handed him his most valuable possession, the racing broom he had gotten for being made a Prefect.

"I really appreciate this, mate."

The words were feeling awkward and good at the same time as they were rolling over Harry's tongue. Ron smiled sheepishly and shoved his large hands into his trouser pockets.

"Take care, mate."

Ron's mumbled words were almost too low for Harry to hear, who had already taken off into the darkening sky.

The lake was a blur beneath him, as he sped across it on his way to the village. Snape was nowhere to be seen, having Harry confident that the man had already reached Hogsmeade. He hoped that the former Death Eater had found not only Narcissa, but also Draco on time. Harry infinitely trusted in the man's abilities to fend off a whole swarm of Death Eaters, if need be, but the closer Hogsmeade drew, the more he got a sinking feeling. The attack was over, the Death Eaters gone, replaced by Aurors.

With his left arm Harry wiped those damnable raindrops away, which were burning in his eyes, as he circled over the devastated village. Smoke columns were rising from several houses, but the fires had been doused by the rain. Curses had blasted holes into walls and shattered doors. Debris was caking the muddy street, which was haunted by wizards and witches who made the impression of Inferi. And inbetween all this there were bodies lying in the dirt. Harry's heart was hammering in his chest, as he finally made out a tall, haggard figure which was checking fallen body after fallen body. His knees threatened to give out under him when he landed. Severus Snape was right in front of him, his black robes billowing in the wind as he came towards Harry at a brisk pace.

"I have to find Narcissa. She has to be here!"

Severus' voice was rough and breathless, and his eyes were mirroring the emotions Harry was trying to hold at bay. Afraid to lose the little control he still had over the panic raging within, Harry gripped Ron's broom tighter.

"Did you see Draco?"

"Draco?" the man asked, preoccupied. "Here?"

Sev's eyes were already straying to a chubby woman in a dotted dress who was just sitting up with a bewildered face, before they moved on with a spark of disappointment. Harry did not need to see the man shaking his head to know that his question was pointless.

"I suppose he was the one who has sent the owl," Harry said, abruptely turning around to make his way down the main street. "Let's search for Narcissa."

He could not stand to look into Sev's face any longer, a white mask of barely veiled anxiety. There was no use in standing around either. They had to find Narcissa ... and Draco.

"Why did you take me to the infirmary?" Harry snapped at the much taller man.

Anything to distract him from the guilt and fear, which were churning in his bowels. Too late. They had taken Draco. The trembling in his hands spread to his belly muscles, his legs...yet he walked even faster, when Severus catched up with him.

"You did not regain consciousness," Severus replied, his eyes roaming over the place. "I feared that you were severely hurt."

Harry would have liked nothing better than to shout at the Potions Master, to blame him for letting Draco go, for wasting precious time. He refused to believe that he could be punished like that for one lapse. He refused to believe in Karma and there was no God! He had done nothing wrong for which he needed to pay. He and Sev had shagged only once, and then he thought Draco ... no, he wouldn't even think that word. Even though Draco had gotten something right by getting something wrong, this was not fair! They were going to be a family, just like Sev and Narcissa and their child ... Please, God, please ...

"Harry?"

A bout of hope was shooting through Harry as he turned around, even though he knew that the voice, which had called out his name, didn't sound like Draco's. An Auror with pink hair stomped through the mud, almost stumbling over a piece of wood.

"Tonks!" he called out with a small smile.

His heart dropped into his gut, when he realised the expression on her face. Snape was shuddering beside him.

"Professor Snape!" she greeted the Potions Master.

Tonks seemed to struggle for words, then she simply stretched out her hand and pointed towards the side street, where a crying woman with black curls was rocking the lifeless body of a petite woman. Harry could recognize none of them, as mud-covered as both of them were.

"Over there," Tonks said haltingly.

Harry had never before seen the Potions Master running. Slowly he stepped closer, afraid to interfere as the man reached out a shaking hand to sweep sodden hair aside before he pulled out a handkerchief and started to clean the woman's face. He had obviously found Narcissa, Harry thought. A cold shiver ran down his back. There was a pool of blood merging under her with the grubby water standing in small puddles on the street.

"She's still alive," Harry heard Sev whispering, then his voice gained volume, "She's alive!"

The trembling man was ablaze with relief, pushing his arms under the unconscious woman's petite body ... and froze.

"Draco?" he asked with disbelief.

The dark-haired woman raised her tear-stained face. Harry's heart missed a heartbeat when grey eyes locked with his, then the moment was gone and the girl let her head fall.

"She stunned me ... I couldn't do a thing."

It was Draco's voice, Draco's hands holding onto his mother's body, Draco's pale face.

"That is what I should have done to you too, foolish boy!" Severus barked, as he raised the petite woman with a grunt into his arms and stood up. "I'm taking her to St. Mungo's!"

A popping sound later Severus and Narcissa had disappeared into thin air, leaving Draco and Harry behind. They both seemed frozen, unsure how to react after their quarrel. Draco's sobs had subsided, but now the pregnant boy was swaying on the spot.

Harry wanted to ask if he was okay, but to his horror he heard the honest but very unfortunate words "You're a beautiful girl," coming out of his mouth instead.

Draco shot him a murderous glance, then he looked away again. Slowly the pregnant boy pushed himself off the ground, uncaring that his hands were sinking deep into the mud. He looked angry and lost and close to fainting, and Harry wanted nothing more than to lock him in his arms.

"I have to know if she's okay," Draco whispered, more to himself than to Harry.

"Draco-"

Harry pulled back his hand, cringing at the coldness in Draco's eyes. He wanted to insist that Draco would Apparate along his side. The boy simply looked too shaken and weak not to splinch himself. But it was as plain as the nose on his face that Draco didn't want anything to do with him right now. Resigned he watched as Draco Apparated, thankfully leaving no body parts behind.

"Tough times, huh?" Tonks said, clapping his shoulder.

"Yeah," Harry sighed, "Tough times."

oooOooo

...level four, spell damage...

Since a grave looking nurse had uttered these words, they were running around in Draco's head in a never ending circle, like background music to his gloomy thoughts.

...level four, spell damage...

That is where they had taken his mother to.

...level four, spell damage...

That is where he was standing now. Far away from the others. Waiting for news. Waiting for the others to blame him openly.

...level four, spell damage...

Severus was pacing like a madman, refusing to even look his way, while Harry was staring at him whenever he thought he wouldn't notice it.

...level four, spell damage...

Draco couldn't take his eyes off the sign beside the entrance to the staircase, reading the same cruel words. The words were ringing in his head, getting shriller and shriller.

...level four, spell damage...

"Are you well?"

Confused Draco looked at the elderly nurse, who was regarding him with furrowed brows.

"Maybe you'd want to sit down," she suggested, already pushing him into a visitor chair. "How long do you have still?"

"What?"

"When is the baby due?"

"Oh...almost two more months, I s'pose," Draco mumbled.

"You're rather big already. Expecting twins?"

Horrified, Draco shook his head.

"Did someone have a look at you already?"

"Me? No. I'm just waiting here. My mother- "

"You've been in the Hogsmeade attack, didn't you?"

Draco nodded, his shaking hand rubbing over a stain on his robes, his mother's robes. Mud and blood. He was dirty all over.

Out of the corner of his eye he could see Harry hovering in the background, observing them closely.

"Not been hit with anything, have you?" the nurse inquired again.

"No, I'm fine, really," Draco assured, wishing that she would leave him alone.

"You should grab a bite to eat, perhaps. You're pale as death," she went on. "Pregnant women shouldn't skip meals, and I bet you didn't eat supper."

Harry was stepping closer, then stopping abruptly with an awkward jolt, as if he had run against a wall.

"I'll bring something for him - her, I mean."

The nurse looked at Harry, as if she had seen him for the first time, then she turned back to Draco with a curious smile.

"Well then, you're in good hands, I see," she said, before she hustled down the passage.

"So - what should I bring for you?" Harry asked.

"I don't want anything," Draco said, grumpily.

"Don't be ridiculous! You've heard the nurse. You have to eat," Harry replied, even more grumpy.

Draco folded his arms and turned his head aside, refusing to meet Harry's angry stare. An exaggerated huff later, hurried footfalls told him that Harry was on his way to the visitor's tearoom nonetheless. Draco's rolling eyes came to rest on the shining brass plate once again.

LEVEL FOUR - SPELL DAMAGE

For a moment or two the words on it were performing a mocking dance. Warily Draco rubbed his eyes. The worry about how badly his mother was 'damaged' was eating at his insides. When he had woken up with his face in the mud, unscathed as luck would have it this time, all danger had been past. His mother's scheme to keep him safe had worked, but he was feeling more of a useless sissy than ever. Tiredly Draco shook his head. He was so frigging tired. Tired of being Draco, tired of being pregnant, tired of being weak. With his father backing him up, he had always felt strong, almost invincible. Then only Harry had been able to beat him, but now...now he was hiding in the guise of a woman and was married to the one who had always gotten the better of him. He had become a helpless, pathetic, despicable creature. Even Severus despised him now. He had seen it in his black eyes. Surrepticiously Draco studied the pacing Potions Master. If, as the nurse had said, he was looking pale as death, then Severus himself looked like death. His face had a greyish tinge to it, and his cheekbones had never before been this prominent. Within an hour he had acquired the look of someone who had spent years of his life in Azkaban. The man looked positively sick and ailing.

"Cucumber, chicken or tuna and apple?" Harry's voice tore him out of his musings.

A slightly tanned hand holding three wrapped sandwiches appeared in front of his face.

"M'not hungry," Draco mumbled and turned his head away; the thought of eating was turning his stomach.

"Severus?" Harry asked, holding out the sandwiches to the tense wizard.

"No, thanks," Severus said, and continued his pacing. His dark, haunted eyes stood in stark contrast to his pinched face, reminding Draco in a horrible way of Lord Voldemort's head, resembling a skull.

"Okay, please yourself," Harry groused.

He threw the sandwiches on the small table beside Draco and let himself fall into the chair next to it. Then he levitated the three paper cups, which were floating in the air beside him, onto the table as well. Draco could smell that they were containing coffee. Hesitantly he reached out for one, scowling at the pleased look Harry gave him as he took his first sip.

Time seemed to stand still, as the passage emptied, until only the three of them were left waiting. They all looked worse for wear, as the day had long turned into night. Even Severus had stopped pacing, and was now leaning against the wall, his head drooping as if he had fallen asleep standing.

"I don't understand why it takes this long," Harry mumbled. "Won't they at least tell us what's going on?"

As if on cue, a door not far from them opened, revealing a nurse with tightly tied back hair, carrying a tray with vials. Eagerly, three pairs of eyes were following her every step, until she disappeared behind another door down the passage. Draco had just sunken back into his stupor of weariness and dark thoughts, when the door was opening once again. A plump man with friendly, red face stepped towards them. With his light green robes and white hair, which was sticking out in all directions, he looked like an overgrown daisy.

"Elias Tew," he introduced himself. "I'm the healer-in-charge of the Anwell Deere ward. You are here for Mrs. Malfoy?"

Harry had jumped up, before Draco could push himself out of his chair. He was feeling as if a Troll was sitting on top of his stomach.

"How's Narcissa?" Severus asked, unable to hide how wrecked he was with tension. "Can we see her?"

"In a moment. First you have to know that her condition is grave. There is evidence that she was exposed to the Cruciatus Curse for a prolonged time. Coupled with several other curses, which had caused lacerations and fractures all over her body ... the strain on her body was immense. We did all we could, but we couldn't save the baby."

"She has lost the child?" Severus asked, sounding as if he was choking.

"I'm afraid so," the healer said. "During the first three months of pregnancy spontaneous abortions are rather common, and in such cases as Mrs. Malfoy's it is almost unavoidable. Nevertheless, we have to concentrate on Mrs. Malfoy's recovery right now. She's not out of the woods yet. I do not wish to decry it, but if she doesn't wake up within the week we will have to face the fact that she might never do so."

"Mom was pregnant?" Draco breathed, his eyes shifting from the healer to Severus, who looked paler and paler by the second.

Severus' words rang loud and clear through his head, as if he was speaking the words which had caused all this once again.

_"How long should I wait? Until the child is born? Since Narcissa found out she is eager to tell him. How shall I keep her much longer from telling him? I don't think it would be better if he heard it from somebody else. We have to tell him!"_

Draco shook his head in denial.

_"Draco should be aware of that we had sex. It was not planned, but it happened and it is his right to know -"_

It had not been about Harry, it had never been about Harry. Draco's legs threatened to give out, and he stumbled against Harry, holding onto him for support.

_Until the child is born..._

He had not only to answer for his mother's condition, but also for the death of his stepbrother or -sister. He had never meant to ... all he had wanted ...

"Draco! Calm down! You're hyperventilating!"

_Foolish boy ... She has lost the child ... Foolish boy ..._

Harry's voice was only a faint rumble amidst the thunder of Severus' accusatory words echoing in his mind.

"What have I done?" Draco whimpered, his wheezing breath overly loud in his ears.

While Draco allowed Harry's arms to keep him save, to hide his pain and shame from the world, a dull thud resounded in the passage.

Severus Snape had fainted.

ooOoo

**For a long time now I didn't reply to reviews or listed my dear reviewers at the end of the chapters. Sorry for that! I guess it's time to make up for it. I hope I didn't forget anybody...**

**Thanks everybody for your interest and for reading, and a special thanks to those who took the time to review the last chapters and made me keep on writing!**

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